Peaches, Princesses, and a Pilgrimage

Hey, friends!  I'm about to head to Mom and Dad's to watch the last half of the NBA World Championship basketball game... GO THUNDER!!  At the moment, I'm eating a Pioneer Woman peach dumpling (YUM) and writing this lovely blog. =)

So without further ado, here's a recap of recent photos and events... starting with this throwback to hanging out with Sarah and Chettles (and Nancy and puppy Shiloh and other LG friends and cute kids and firemen) at the Eugene Field cookout SIXTEEN years ago!!  

The Walmart bakery did a rough job writing on this one, but yay for Rach being a Certified Professional Coder!  Here's hoping she can find a great remote job that starts in early fall!

Jeffrey Edward took a very hot walk from the Wynn to the Bellagio to send an awesomesauce Vegas fountains video last week... it was Celine singing My Heart Will Go On, so that's my favorite place, favorite singer, and favorite movie all at once!!  He's there for another work event this week, planning a Mon Ami trip, and it's all inspiring me to go to Vegas again (when it's a little cooler outside there).

Speaking of inspiring, this is Ali, one of my CCU classmates during last year's internship course...

She recently went on a 10-day, 110-mile oceanside backpacking pilgrimage/hike from Portugal to Spain... Google says "the Camino de Santiago, also known as the Way of St. James, is a network of pilgrimage routes leading to the shrine of the apostle Saint James in the Cathedral of Santiago de Compostela in Galicia, Spain."  She had read something about that being a pilgrimage to honor your ancestors, so she made a video every night talking about their day's journey and highlighting one of her parents/grandparents/great-grandparents with a few facts, memories, and stories about their lives.  She did this for her 50th birthday... they arrived today, and she dedicated the final video to her children and grandchildren.  I've been so inspired watching her videos - I absolutely love it - and now I wanna do this too, so who wants to join me!?   You have 8.75 years to decide. lolol  I'm adding it to my Life List, for real!

Happy 12th Anniversary to Chet Lee and Karli Marie today!!

From their fav third-wheely single fran! lol

I adore and admire them, and I'm grateful for their friendship and loads of fun memories together!

Shifting gears, I got a box of peaches from the Peach Truck on Friday!  Nom nom for us, David!

I spent Friday night washing all of my fake hair, which turned out to be a more intense and time-consuming project than I'd imagined. lolol It's a blond and dirty blond set of clip-in Cashmere extensions (as seen on Shark Tank) + the red Halo Couture extensions.  Now they're all fresh and ready to go! =)

Saturday morning was an 11am Princess Tea Birthday for Katherine Claire!! 

So much cuteness!

Kate wanted donuts instead of cake, and that was a hit and a little easier for serving!

Chet humming the song on Sarah's shirt made me laugh - an old school favorite of his for sure!

The Fulton fam... this turned out really cute!

Karli and Tate were at another birthday party that same morning.  I joined Teresa and Parker and Chet for ice cream at the Sand Springs Braums... literally all of us were planning on twist fro-yo, but their machine was broken.  #lamesauce

Group pic!

I randomly decided on the Tulsa outlet mall for my afternoon 5k walk... huzzah for ApplePay and pretzel nuggets and shade and air-conditioned stores I could pop in and out of!!

After that, Laura Allison and I had dinner at Cava and a 5-hour chat catching up on all of life!!

Today I met Kristin for lunch at Hideaway, then did a neighborhood walk 5k, then the Whitaker fam stopped by and Frankie got rid of the dirt dobber nest inside my garage!  "And then a hero comes along..." lol  I'd love for the family of bunnies to stick around, but I'm very happy the stinging insects are gone now!

The aforementioned peach dumplings... really good!  (Recipe HERE)

And now I'm ready to Thunder Up one last time this season... let's freaking go!! #maximumeffort

(Also, new AE jean shorts - yay!)

Okay, friends!  I love you and believe in you, and I hope the feeling is mutual! =)

❤ ❤ ❤

Christ-Regulated Attachment

 Three years ago, I read a fantastic book on Attachment theory (recap HERE).

For various reasons (some that I understand well and some that are likely subconscious), I developed an Anxious Attachment style... I can see it clearly in several relationships and past interactions, and I've worked hard over the past few years to become more Securely attached.  What helps me in that more than anything is being in healthy relationships with people who create a sense of safety and security.  Friends or family members who understand my story pretty well and intentionally reach out to reassure me if things feel off because I'm wrestling with insecurity/relational anxiety.  What triggers nearly-intolerable anxiety levels in me is relationships with people who are more avoidant/detached, who deliberately distance themselves when any relationship begins to feel too close, who lash out with vitriol and anger when I seek clarification or reassurance.  Knowing that about myself has been immensely helpful in choosing and prioritizing safe relationships.

In this week's session of Beth's summer Bible study, she talked about how our spiritual enemy tends to derail our relationships through detachment or entanglement.  And how the cure for that is to press into "Christ-regulated attachment," finding security and emotional stability in Jesus as we learn to have healthier relationships with others.

I loved that illustration!  It simplifies it all and aligns perfectly with Attachment Theory psychology - therapy and theology always align well at their core.  The closer we are to Jesus, the more likely we are to live from a place of secure attachment, knowing and trusting that we are loved and worthy of love.  And yes, the enemy will try to get us to pendulum swing from one extreme to the other, from feeling entangled in unhealthy dynamics - insecure and anxious and needy with low confidence... to detaching from people and being avoidant and overconfident in our ability to do life alone.

On the Detachment <--------> Entanglement spectrum, I typically lean toward Entanglement (over-striving to keep harmony; feeling emotionally wrung out and stressed over any disconnection or relational conflict).  That means I often naturally click with people who fall on the opposite side of that spectrum, and the clash of unmet needs was intense and catastrophic at times.  However, over time, I've moved closer and closer to the central mark of security in Christ, stepping away from entanglement toward deeper stability and loving others well... and part of that is due to having friends who are on the same page, stepping away from hyper-independence/detachment and into intentional love and care.

Every bit of progress we make matters.

And stepping closer to Jesus is key.

“So not only do people with a secure attachment style fare better in relationships, they also create a buffering effect, somehow managing to raise their insecure partner’s relationship satisfaction and functioning to their own high level. This is a very important finding. It means that if you're with someone secure, they nurture you into a more secure stance.”  ~Attached

The more mature and secure we become, the more we can help our friends/family members avoid the extreme ends of this spectrum.  It's a hopeful thought!  "Christ-regulated attachment" is really the perfect way to describe what every Christian should be seeking.  None of us will do things perfectly in any relationship, and we don't need to make other flawed people our standard.  Jesus is with us and for us to help regulate our messy emotions and attachment styles, case by case.  He knows the unique needs of each person and loves everyone perfectly, and growing closer to Him will naturally serve to make us more secure people with more genuine and balanced love for others!!

❤ ❤ ❤

Therapy Takeaways

“Shame derives its power from being unspeakable.  That’s why it loves perfectionists—it’s so easy to keep us quiet.  If we cultivate enough awareness about shame to name it and speak to it, we’ve basically cut it off at the knees.  Shame hates having words wrapped around it.  If we speak shame, it begins to wither.  Just the way exposure to light was deadly for the gremlins, language and story bring light to shame and destroy it.”  ~Brene Brown, Daring Greatly

Or as Mister Rogers says, "Anything mentionable is manageable."

My year of therapy work with Emily was largely about seeing myself in a new light—creating a safe place to say the hard things and begin untangling from shame.  I think I’m just starting to feel the ripple effects of that work.

Yesterday was our last regularly-scheduled session, and we're moving to an as-needed basis now.  We've had virtual sessions every other week throughout the past year.  It's the longest I've worked with any counselor, and thus the most deeply I've trusted any counselor and the most progress I've made in any one-year period of life.  (She's a PsyD technically working as a life coach, but she's very well trained, and we dove into past, present, and future topics, so I view her as a counselor/therapist.)

Among other things, we've explored:

• Separating physical hunger cues from visual/mental/emotional food cravings
• Post-surgery hormone fluctuations and early emotional panic and overwhelm
• Shame and trauma around weight, food, and past labels
• Healthy ways to handle new attention and potential unsolicited feedback
• How to discuss nutrition and surgery with others on my terms
• Body image issues and concerns that feel shallow to me but still matter
• The restrict/binge cycle and what holistic health really looks like
• Doubting myself as a clinician, especially while working with younger kids at Restore
• Marathon training; the toxic parts of diet culture and how that has affected me
• Reframing my mindset and language to center on "taking good care of myself"
• Online dating, the burned haystack dating method, necessary boundaries
• Paying attention to my intuition, paying less attention to what everyone else wants, rebuilding self-trust!!
• Tracing where I lost self-trust; discussing the effects of toxic positivity
• Marriage and motherhood, embryo adoption, grieving past efforts that have failed there
• The doctoral program, writing a memoir book, and other meaningful life goals
• Unconventional paths to success; being willing to reassess and redefine it
• Setting good boundaries, dealing with relational conflict
• Navigating a major change in a close friendship
• The value of friendships where I truly feel safe
• Anxiety around travel, politics, relationships, and feeling uninteresting
• Changing family dynamics, ambiguous grief, future transitions
• Letting go of the idea that I have to stay in counseling forever, even if I don't enjoy it
• Freeing myself from ignorant and hurtful comments that caused shame and self-doubt
• Past and present grief, the fullness of my past rejection stories, Bells Palsy, and my heart for families dealing with medical challenges
• Speaking out loud the major shame comments that stuck in my mind (and decreasing their power over me)
• What I learned from the Mel Robbins Launch course and Let Them theory
• My core values, growing spiritually, growing as a leader, crazy church group stories and how that affects my view of IFS, challenging myself to join a new small group
• Book recommendations, potential dissertation topics, and APA vs. CACREP PhDs
• Considering the advice my 90-year-old self would give me
• Making decisions with the lens of what I would regret walking away from

Gracious, a lot happens in any given year, and the past year was particularly pivotal and transformational in my life!  I am beyond grateful for Emily's validation, gentleness, empathy, support, example, and wisdom!  Feeling seen and heard matters, and even if we only discussed some of the above one time, it's made a difference for me.  Our session yesterday was fantastic -- I shared my news about the doctoral residency trip and details of the embryo adoption match -- we celebrated all of that together and processed the new ways God is working in my heart and life.  Then we briefly discussed her dissertation topic (on finding meaning and purpose after you reach the acceptance stage of deep grief, based on Victor Frankl's book and logotherapy, which is what inspired Donald Miller's Hero on a Mission, so we talked about that too!)...  Then we went 30 minutes over time going over our original therapy goals (5) and discussing takeaways and areas where we see growth and improvement.  She said she is cheering me on and praying for me, and reminded me that I should let myself celebrate and feel joy and trust that I can handle it if things do not work out the way I'm hoping.  I'm going to collect my thoughts and write an email thanking her for helping me through the past year.  We've built a solid foundation now, and I will absolutely call her and set up a session when the next season calls for extra support or discernment.

Emily (left) with Amy and Lynda from Oak Haven

All our sessions have been virtual, but I hope to get a photo with Emily next time I have an opportunity!  Either way, I'm grateful for all the ways our therapeutic relationship has added value to my life... not the least of which was providing a solid example for me as I prepare to begin working with clients again soon!! ❤

Block Party Summer!

Saturday was Chet's 6th annual Block Party, an early summer Client Appreciation Event that grows and improves year after year!!

Here's me and Parker E. in our matching pink t-shirts - YAY!!  The shirts were such a fun addition for this year's festivities - the Wilsons made them one by one using the Cricut and a heat press machine! ❤

Chet Lee also hired a great photographer named Ashton Marie this year, which is why there are lots more photos in this post than usual! The right middle pic of the Evergreen crew makes me happy - Hope's teacher + Elizabeth, Jess, and Kristin!

Always a fun way to start the summer!

It was a really great turnout, and lots of people stayed longer than they did in years past!

The face painting lady (Karen) and the balloon artist stayed busy all afternoon!!

Henry Edward blowing me a kiss! ❤

(Right middle pic is on our way to Andy's after the party!)

Wonderful Wilson Fam!

Love the backyard swing pic of Jeffrey and Henry!  Kate with her butterfly balloon, pre-catastrophic fall!  Kate excited to see Donetta, who was in Tulsa with Ava this week!  And the Moss family with their balloons and bouquet!

The kettle corn and Loco Lemon truck were also very popular, along with Chet's new yard signs!

Parker was first in line for the face painting (and chose a unicorn, obviously), and Tate was the last one to ask for a balloon animal (penguin, one of my favs)!

Chet and his neighbor accidentally twinning, fun Wilson family photos, and Chet with Debbie, the co-sponsor for this party!!

Karli Marie's flower bar was a big hit, as well!

Love the trio pics from 2024 and 2025, and I'm proud of our health progress!

Side Note:  I followed the latest trend and asked ChatGPT what we'd look like as dogs - was not expecting this anthropomorphic animated response, but it definitely made me laugh!!  (Full post with random ChatGPT commentary coming soon - always entertaining!)

So much summery cuteness and fun, and yay for seeing Cody and Yolanda again!

Quick throwback to the first block party in 2020, because planning and hosting a community-building event for family and neighbors and friends is exactly how my fav extrovert responds to a global pandemic - that feels very on brand! lol
Shane and his friend wearing masks in an already-hot popcorn truck... woof, baby Tate offering me popcorn (him asking to open it so we could "see what's inside" still makes me laugh), Karli's bday sign (that one fell on her actual bday, and please note the original bricks on their house that year), Sarah and I by the pool for Karli's Qdoba bday dinner, and the Wilsons and Fuldas!

2021: Baby Parker's first party - I was already smitten, Chet with the Rise Home team, Tate feeding GiGi popcorn, Moss fam party of 3, and the Gas Petal Flower Truck! (This was the year I left a bit early as Dad was hospitalized.)

2022:  The only year I've missed it - won't happen again if I can help it - I believe Holly Dei was in town.  The pics of Parker and Jemma help date it for me.

2023: Their neighbor Steve served as a photographer that year - this event was about a month before Jon's heart attack, and I think about that when I see the pic of me with him and Kristin.  They did a raffle drawing for Allison's Tulsa cityscape painting, I came early and popped in and out while attending a CCU group seminar in their upstairs loft room, and this Popcorn King pic was my profile pic for Chet's calls for quite a while. lol

2024:  The year of the H-Tea-O truck and the first time they did their own flower bar, which went really well!

Okay, back to 2025... so many details in bringing all of this together - Chet and Karli go all out and do an amazing job planning and hosting this every year!  It is never lost on me what a privilege it is to be in their close circle.  After cleanup and sampling Karli's cannoli cake from Carrabba's (yum), I joined this crew for the Whataburger and Andy's custard afterparty!  Parker was hangry and emotionally distraught before dinner, but she cheered right back up when the cheeseburger arrived.  Best.  =)  Also, us repping the full rainbow of color here makes me pretty happy!! =)

*Post title courtesy of Nick-at-Nite, circa 1997!  ;-)
Aww, childhood summer memories!!

❤ ❤ ❤

Movin' On Up!

Today marks Jace Michael's final day of elementary school, and last night was his long-awaited Sixth Grade Graduation ceremony!!  Purple suit for the win!

Pre-ceremony pic with Megan Elizabeth, there to see her niece, Afton, graduating!

Processional -- Pic with Grandpa -- Diploma moment -- Pic with his Mom!

Destiny and Gideon did a great job as their class speakers, and Josh Bullard gave a great mini-message on "Obedience brings liberty; disobedience brings bondage!"

Happy and proud of himself - yay!

Pics with Aunt Lindsey and the proud grandparents!

They had a long greeting line for everyone to congratulate all the kids... I was ready to capture a sweet moment, but here's the Miss K with a classic fakeout handshake! lol  #siblings

Pics with a few of his former teachers: Mrs. Champion, Mrs. Garner, Mrs. Gentry, and Mrs. Orr!

Pic with Josh and Emily, fist bump with Mr. Harpole, the Lorg family, and Mrs. Tinker and Mrs. Garcia.  The Jaceman is a social one!!

Pic with Sheriff Johnson (TJ's dad); pic with Marshall and Stonewall, his fav upperclassmen!

The boys! ❤

Baby pic cuteness; Jace and Gideon!

Parking lot pic with Mamaw!

We liked this lighting better! lol

Believing Jace doesn't care deeply for long, sentimental letters, I kept this one short and to the point! lol


Yesteryear:  There was no official ceremony due to Covid, but here's my post from our Sixth Grade Graduation Party for Triston... This summer of 2020 pic with the women and children of our fam tells me A LOT has changed over the past five years!!  P.S.  I love Kyndal's baby tooth smile and her feet not yet touching the ground here. lol

By the next summer, Rach and the kids were five months into a high-conflict divorce/custody battle, and Dad was in the hospital recovering from a potentially-fatal bout with septic pneumonia... I'm thankful the rest of us made it to CHA for the ceremony for Carter's Sixth Grade Graduation!  In God's kindness, we had no idea how dramatically things would shift that summer - by August, he was living with the Deppen family and no longer a regular part of our lives.  We love and miss him - we've all settled into a new normal at this point, but that awkward and gradual loss is another good example of ambiguous grief, to be honest.  I'm grateful for lots of good memories and some level of continuing connection, and I'm praying for God's hand of protection and blessing over my niece and all three of my nephews!! ❤

Speaking of yesteryear, here's a real throwback to me and Rach on our Sixth Grade Graduation day... me and Jenny Womble 1996, Rach and Megan Smith 1997!

Congrats again to Jace Michael - now a teenager moving into Junior High School!  May he continue to grow in maturity and move through life with contagious joy and confidence!! ❤

That's three down, one to go - I'm sure the elementary side will miss Rachael's awesome decorating help and teacher gifts when next year comes to a close!  This year, we had me and Jaceman graduating... and next year, we will have Kyndal Faith's Sixth Grade Graduation and Triston Michael's CHA Senior Graduation - get excited!!

❤ ❤ ❤