The Will to Live

I hosted LifeGroup this afternoon... it was me, Natalie, and Josie, and we had a pretty in-depth talk that lasted almost three hours!  I also made these, a classic summer treat in my book. =)

Whilst I was enjoying Chet's party in Tulsa yesterday, my parents were being awesome and getting my porch and flower bed company-ready (unprompted and unexpected - but I'm very grateful)!  Pics are thanks to the doorbell camera. =)

Just a meme that made me laugh!

I'm a fan of Matt Damon (forever Jason Bourne in my book), Anne Hathaway, and especially Tom Holland, but I still did *not* love The Odyssey.  I'd write more on that, but it feels like a waste of energy.

Another meme I saved that caught my attention.

Okay, diving deeper.  One year ago yesterday, I officially signed the contract as the adoptive mother to two frozen-embryo babies.  

(I have a screenshot of the paperwork, but there are too many personal details there to share it publicly.)

I'll acknowledge that all of my emotions are heightened and a little extra-sensitive at this time of the month, but I am feeling real grief today and trying to be gentle with myself.  It's hard for me to look back at the blog posts from July of 2025 - I had just started the PhD program, I had opened a website and I was counseling several new clients at ITS, I had an appointment with Dallas IVF where I was (mistakenly) cleared for the embryo transfer, and I was so full of hope and joy and nervous excitement for all the great things ahead.  I feel deeply aware of all the potential imagined futures that I will not get to live out, and that feels hard right now.  

It honestly makes it hard to set new goals and get my hopes up today... and I know this isn't the first time I've written about that here, but I'm still processing some of it (and that's okay).  It's normal to feel fresh waves of grief at the one-year mark.  And I'm working through that, doing my best to trust that God was working things out for my good and His glory back then and now, and I can keep moving forward with hope and confidence in His goodness, believing He is leading me toward a hope and a bright future with Him.  

Ironically, that is much, much easier for me to believe in the overarching perfected Kingdom of Heaven sense than the messy-here-on-earth sense.  It's a good and rare thing to have that ultimate hope so centered in my heart, but I need a bit more grounded hope for my life HERE and now - that is sketchy at the moment.

Between reading through Job recently, praying for Nancy's situation, hearing Josie's story today, and the recent news on Tina's husband, I've been thinking a lot about long roads to recovery, the will to live, and the sovereignty of God.

"You can make many plans,
but the Lord's purpose will prevail." 
~Proverbs 19:21

I believe that is meant to be comforting, not threatening or ominous, but it is undoubtedly hard when our hopes, efforts, and plans come to nothing.  Still, I am also working on remembering who I am, what I value most, and what I hope to be known for in the end.  As well as praying about how to better align my heart with God's higher purpose for me and the world at large.

Also reminding myself that there are people I deeply respect who sincerely believe in me and see something real that God put inside me to help others... a PROFOUNDLY encouraging thought right now.

It is genuinely okay if motherhood and marriage are not a part of God's best plan for me.

(It would be okay if counseling and/or getting a doctorate and/or publishing a book are not either.)

But I desperately want to live a life that matters in an eternal sense,
that is fruitful and God-honoring and relationally rich.

And I'm excited to have some quiet time to really connect with God and lean into seeking Him over the next couple weeks.  I'm throwing out the mental to-do list and putting that front and center during the Alaska cruise ahead.  It feels like such good timing.  (Prayers appreciated).

Okay, friends.  I love you and believe in you.  I am cheering for you, and I'm thankful that our God is kind and gentle with us when we are hurting.  I believe there is a great cloud of witnesses who are cheering us on -- some in Heaven and some on earth -- so take courage, and keep moving forward.  Our emotions can distort the truth, so don't let them rule you.  God is with us and for us day by day, with good plans in mind for each of us, both when we meet Him in Heaven and right here on earth!!

"Let us press on to know Him."

❤ ❤ ❤

Chet Lee (38)

Yesterday was also the 38th Birthday of Chet Lee Wilson,
aka Chettles, aka "Your Favorite Realtor!"

Above = him leaving Lifetime Fitness that morning after doing 38 reps on all his exercises! lol

This = the FB collage I made for that:  Mockey & The Boys (Mockey Little Christmas #8 at Mom and Dad's last December), Chet's 7th Annual Summer Block Party, Sarah's 38th Bday Brunch, me with double-Chets at the Bougie Charcuterie Board Christmas Party, Route 66 Marathon photo op! lol, Post-race pic at the Disney Marathon, my fav Disney Marathon day pic of him, Pool Party last summer, Paige Evelyn's second day of life, and our finisher pic when we had a relay support team for his Tulsa Marathon!


Balloon garland, decor, and banners by Karli Marie!


Ice cream bar + kids being excited for that 

Happy Birthday, Dear Chettles, Happy Birthday to You!

(This = his Keto-ice cream, and I sincerely applaud him for staying true to his goals!)

On a related note, I teared up when I read this post Chet shared yesterday.  He already does this better than anyone I know, lifting others up in the process - myself included.

Shocking no one, it was quite the crowd for this party!!  Bill & Melissa, Teresa, Michael & Baylee + Lincoln and Finn, Jeffrey & Kelly + Ellie, Henry, and Holly, Jon & Kristin + Miles and Hope, Jessica & Evan + the twins and Sophia, Steve & Sarah + Katherine, Kyle & Sarah + Zealand and Lachlan, me, and the Wilson fam: Chet & Karli + Tate, Parker, and Paige!  (18 adults and 16 kids + one on the way)

Stephen Todd and Tate Haywood having a backyard chat! =)

Another fun banner by Karli!

Chaotic pool party fun!!  For a tiny minute, I sat in that chair by Kristin Foster... then she mentioned seeing a black widow spider, and I promptly went back indoors. lol

Looking out the window a bit later to see Chet fanning himself with three fans at once brought me back out for this photo op! lol  Also, please note the Whataburger swim trunks (to go along with his t-shirts, hat, and Christmas sweater). lol

Indeed, that was our dinner destination for those who stayed all day... here's Sophia and Parker proudly posing it up when I asked for a pic! =)

One of the older kids thought Paige deserved a sticker.  Preshface!

Kate was proud of this tower and distraught when one of the boys knocked it down - (then comforted by the fact that I had a photo).  Aunt Lindsey's camera to the rescue. lol

Impromptu dance party with the kids in the parking lot... I told Karli we've come a long way from the Caravan days! lol

Group pic by Chet (standing in the booth to get the best angle for us)! lol

HBD, Chet Lee, and I hope it's a phenomenal 39th year of life ahead!  In spite of not swimming at either party (lamesauce), it was a very fun day celebrating with lots of people I love!!

❤ ❤ ❤

Diesel (12)

Diesel Eugene turned 12 yesterday, celebrated by family and friends at a pool party at Mom and Dad's house!

This is the collage I made for a FB post - pics = me holding him at the hospital on 7-18-14 (one of very few kids I can say I've known since the day he was born!!), us at his 6th grade graduation, him high-fiving me just before the marathon finish line, and our OKC Zoo trip this spring!

Frankie blowing up one of many inner tubes for the pool party!

Me and Kristin Michelle!

Heather and one of the moms... (the outdoor furniture is covered with trash bags after getting soaked in a thunderstorm the day before).  We've had a lot of those lately!

Presents!  Guess which ones Mom wrapped. lol  (She got one for all three boys!)

Fun in the pool!

Birthday boy - chillin out, maxin', relaxin' all cool! lol

Lunch time!  Charlene and Georgia went to pick up the pizza and most of the kids ate with their feet in the pool! =)

His cousin, Clara, in her adorable sunglasses!

Alan:  "Happy Birthday, Sneeze Sneeze??" lol

Frankie and Raphael (another dad) joined in the swimming fun!

Cake time - a marbled chocolate-and-white cake from Sam's... it did not disappoint!

Present time - (Mom got them Lego cars and a basketball, football, and soccer ball; I went with a gift card for a fun family day at Urban Air).  The party started at 9am - I left just after noon to head to Chet's party in Tulsa - Kristin said Diesel had a great birthday and that the boys were all exhausted when they got home - swimming on hot summer days will really zap your energy sometimes!!

Fun times, though, and I'm so glad he had a great 12th b-day!

❤❤❤

Photo Friday!

Happy Friday, friends and fam - I hope it's a lovely weekend ahead for you!!

Here's me returning from my delightful lunch-hour jog around the neighborhood on Thursday.  I was in my 7-minute cooldown walk at the end, about half a block away from my house when the smallest raindrops started.  That became a downpour in about five seconds, and I was DRENCHED - clothes and shoes soaked through, makeup had to be redone, and hair had to be re-blow-dried before our Tulsa protest hearing started back (via Zoom) at 1:30.  Ridic. lol  Perhaps I'll go with a Peloton ride next time!

Ted's dinner with the fam + Bill and Jill last week, followed by a Starbucks hangout with Triston! ❤

Mamaw with J&K

Me with T-man and K-Faith (J was getting a pic with Bill & Jill)

Jill brought Jaceman a Wemby card, and this is him trying on their Spurs Championship replica ring (that all the fans were given during the season opener game in 2014).  Jill used to live in San Antonio, so she and Jace had a lot to say about Spurs basketball! =)

❤ So glad Bill is making progress!

Nancy is in better spirits lately, feeling thankful that God protected them!  It's a long road to recovery ahead with some big decisions still looming, so please continue to pray for Sarah and her family!

Wise advice - Enneagram 9s really struggle with this (knowing what we actually want for ourselves outside of how it affects everyone else), so I'm trying to test things this way moving forward.  Well, this and prayer. lol

Happy Birthday-Eve to Chettles, who had some early celebrations today over coffee with Tyler and Debbie, then Burn Co. BBQ lunch with the guys!!

Seeing the four of them together always makes me happy... it also makes me miss Mark Anthony, but I'm thankful the Shoemakers are loving being near their families back in Texas!

Kudos to Carter Lee, who is currently leading the Steer Wrestling competition

Fun Flashback Friday pic of Pastor Craig and Chet Lee, circa 2011! lol

This hit me, you guys... the degree to which I sometimes struggle to tell which one I am in is absurd.  It's the difference in positive and negative stress - are we being productive and working toward something meaningful or just spinning our wheels on a project that is going nowhere?  Running a difficult hill in the race God marked out for us, or heading toward a dead end?  I am tired of dead ends, and I want to be moving in the path of life and building something beautiful with God's help.

On a not-altogether-unrelated note...
Dear Solid Christian Single Men,
You have one year!

By all means, step up your game.

❤ Lindsey Claire ;-)

It's a Saturday and everything -- the actual perfect wedding date, albeit a full 20 years and 10 days later than the 7-7-07 Saturday wedding I once planned! lol

Gracious.  Honestly, I do feel genuinely tired at the moment, and I need a friend to speak life over my heart in all of this right now...

I have built a life that I love,
and I still have things that I want.

❤
God has heard you every time you pray.
It is in His heart to give you the life story
that brings Him the most glory
and brings you a lot of joy
and moves the gospel forward!

God has ENOUGH GOOD THINGS for all of us.  Not one of my friends has married the man I'm supposed to be with.  And no one is birthing a child I was meant to birth.  No matter what, you are not going to miss God's best plan for you if you are pursuing God's best plan for you, and if you say to Him: I want in my life what You have for me!  

 The person you can trust the most to handle your pain the best is God.  I feel so lucky that I can process every moment of every relationship with God.  I'm not alone; He's right there with me.  I have learned very profoundly that Jesus is the primary relationship of my life!   

Your words have the power of life and death.  Speak life over yourself:  I'm available to relationship.  I am working on my mental and emotional and spiritual and physical health, and that is going to make me better in relationship than I would have been yesterday.  I am open to meeting someone new.  I am available for relationship.  I am not married yet, but I hope to be.  I do not have kids yet, but I hope to.  

Using that life-giving language affects the world you live in.

God, You are kind.
God, You are good.
God, You are for me.
God, You are working everything out according to Your will.
God, You care about every detail of my life.  

Friends, God loves you.
And God sees you.
And you are going to be okay.

I promise in the long run, you are going to be okay.  There is not one story in my life in any area where I have not been able to look back on when it was done and say, that was God, and that was His kindness.  Even if I lost a relationship or a person or in tragedy, He still is God, and He is still kind!"

❤ Annie F. Downs
TSF Q&A: Singleness Podcast, 8-18-21

Happy Friday!

❤ ❤ ❤

Thankful Thursday #239

"Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us."  -Philippians 3:13-14

Today, I am thankful for:

1.  Bill gradually making progress toward healing - it was good to see him and Jill again for the first time in about three months on Tuesday - he had a week-long hospital stay for pancreatitis in April, followed by months of esophageal stricture (where his esophagus becomes as narrow as a straw - scary - and they have to puree all foods).  Thankful for their long-time friendship, and praying he continues to heal and return to a normal life where he can feel like himself again!

2.  Kyndal Faith creating fun games for our family dinner nights - and the ironic fact that I won the Who Knows Jace Best trivia!  I intend to make a trivia game with fun facts about me, Mom, Rach, and Dad for J&K to play soon. =)

3.  The Bible Recap plan on the Bible App (which I still call YouVersion).  I am enjoying it and especially appreciate the book overview videos!

4.  In spite of the extra-muddy arena, Carter is doing really well in the rodeo nationals (still ongoing)! 

5.  This reminder, which feels very true.  I'm thankful for the times I have chosen courage, and for good friends who are willing to have hard conversations!

6.  Jaceman's energy and excitement over basketball for the past couple months!

7.  The confident hope that God has good things in store and will never give up on me! 

That's all for today.  I love you and believe in you, and I believe God is with you and for you, continuing every good thing He has begun in your life!!

❤ ❤ ❤