Colorado, Round 7

My 7th trip to Colorado was a long weekend with my oldest nephew.  The goal was to help him with the apartment search and learn some details on his future job, so mission accomplished!

This = T and I on a hike at the Chautauqua Park this morning!  (It's out of order, but I wanted it to be the cover pic for this post.)

Friday was the 10-hour drive from 9am Central to 6ish Mountain Time.  We had a nice chat for the first 4+ hours, then T took a nap while I listened to The Curiosity Shop podcast, a new favorite for me.  We checked in at the DoubleTree in Cherry Creek then headed over to the 16th Street Mall for a fun Mexican dinner on the patio at 3 Margaritas, followed by a 30-minute walk around that area then seeing the Masters of the Universe movie at 9:15! 

Pic from our walk =)

Saturday started off with breakfast and coffee for T at the Steam Espresso Bar, a cool coffee shop at a restored firehouse in the Lower Highlands (LoHi) area of Denver.

Then we toured seven apartments with a brief stop for lunch at In-N-Out somewhere in there.  We did a self-guided tour at the Cirrus (meh).  It was a quick no on the guided tour of the High Line Pointe apartments.  We were able to sneak the Elevon Apartments in between two scheduled tours, and they were the top contender at that point (they were in the Union Station area)!

After lunch, we toured the 4040 Fox Apartments with Giovanni, a newer complex that had some nice amenities!

We rushed through the (undesirable) older Waterford apartment complex in Cherry Creek.  And finally, we saw the Amli Golden Triangle apartments, a brand new complex that was super nice, as was our tour guide!  It was T's number one contender and the closest to the downtown Denver area!

Furnished model unit

Balcony view of downtown Denver (better seen in person, of course)

And after all of that, we met Holly Dei for a tour of her apartment (rooftop pic here)

We took an Uber to dinner at Satchel's on 6th, then took a leisurely walk back to her apartment, stopping for ice cream and to chat with an engineer friend of hers on the way back.

It was a pleasant outdoor walk that included a difficult-but-important conversation.

Based on that, our plans for day two shifted a bit.  We drove to Boulder, CO (a first for both of us), where we took a short hike with a major incline (which felt worse with the altitude adjustment) at Chautauqua Park!  But yay for these pics - made me think of the 2014 convo with JEM - the pics do make *light* hiking worth it!

The lady walking in front of us pointed to several buildings with red rooftops and told her friends that was the CU Boulder campus.  Whaaat?  We hadn't realized we were four minutes away, but we stopped by their bookstore and grabbed some merch for Triston's future college campus!

Then we took a stroll through the Pearl Street Mall and grabbed lunch at the Organic Sandwich Company.  We had a really good talk where T made some wise observations about how a lot of life comes down to being able to pivot and find a new path forward when life doesn't go according to plan.

After lunch, we listened to Michael Jackson whilst Tman bravely drove us through the freaking windy mountains to the Brainard Lake Recreation Area, another spot recommended by ChatGPT on a last-minute search Saturday night... (I also myself this new hat at the CU bookstore.)  

Scary drive; scenic mountain views!

In the end, the road to Brainard Lake was closed -- they close it for winter but usually reopen it mid-May -- you could take a four-mile walk to go see it, but we had a tour scheduled and didn't have the extra time for that.  So we drove 45 minutes out of our way and then walked over a mile through a field swarming with gnats to see this far smaller and less exciting Red Rock Lake, which felt like a fitting metaphor on this trip.

HOWEVER, we met a fantastic older couple who have lived in Boulder 40 years.  They were out hiking, and we walked back to our car with them.  Triston talked to the man, a retired doctor and Army veteran who had good advice for him about the area... and I walked with his wife, who told me about growing up in Seattle, some good things to see in Alaska, and their coming trip to New Zealand to celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary.  They were a gem, and the genuine connection was a treat!

Phillip and Tman (walking back up to the Road Closed sign that blocked us from getting to the lake)!

We did one final apartment tour at The Russell, then we stopped for Sam-n-Ella's style pizza at BeauJo's on our way back!

I dropped Tman off at Holly's apartment (four minutes from our hotel).  He is staying there the next four nights while she is on a Vegas vacation, then flying home Thursday night - I hope he has a great time getting to explore a bit more of Colorado.  Then I ended the night with some familiar friends (the Barden Bellas and the Oceans 13 crew) whilst snacking on a DoubleTree cookie and writing these blogs - and now I have an audiobook-filled drive ahead of me tomorrow - fun times!! ❤

Hope you've had a great weekend, friends!  And here's a friendly reminder that a lot of life is about the ability to pivot well and find a new path forward when things do not go according to plan!

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Six Seven

I'm writing this one from the DoubleTree Hotel in Cherry Creek, Colorado!

June 7th has been a memorable day for me over the past six years:

2021 ~ A fun-filled day with IHOP breakfast, the Escape Room, Chicken foot lunch, etc.  My first time watching the niece and nephews on my own!

2022 ~ Vegas, baby!  Mon Ami Gabi breakfast + M&M store and Bellagio fountains + the State Farm convention that included a full concert by GARTH BROOKS at the Allegiant Stadium - yes, please!!

2023 ~ A road trip from Edmond, OK to Lakewood, CO with Michelle + In-N-Out and settling into our dorm room for Residency 2 in our Master's program (preparing for the counseling internships ahead).  That was the trip where I really fell in love with CCU!

2024 ~ Surgery Day!  I was in the middle of Mel Robbins' inspiring final Launch course (where her "project sprint" was writing The Let Them Theory)... and after an important talk with Chet on 5-18, I booked the safe-sleeve surgery at Blossom in Vegas for 6-7, (and I was patient #7 that day, which mattered to me).

2025 ~ The first residency for the CCU PhD program... (the day before this, I received the final embryo adoption email match while in Colorado, and I remember not loving that it came on 6-6) -- anyway, this day was great and memorable - meeting up with my mentees from 2024, a fun dinner with the girls on our final night at CCU, and seeing a Marvel movie with Alicia and Terri! ❤ 

2026 ~ And that brings us to today... a short hike at the Chautauqua Park trail in Boulder, CO followed by a trip to the CU Bookstore, lunch at the Pearl Street Mall, a side trip to the Brainard Lake area, a final apartment tour, and dinner at BeauJo's!

So there you have it... it's random but kinda fun that five out of the past six years, I've spent June 7th in Colorado or Vegas!  I'm voting to make it six out of seven and hit Vegas next summer!!

More on this Colorado trip soon.

Thanks for stopping by!

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On Claustrophobia & Anxious Attachment

Back in 2011, my parents had a catastrophic car wreck.

On a lonely highway in the middle of the Nevada desert, the truck in front of them swerved quickly to avoid hitting a stalled van, then Dad was unable to swerve fast enough to miss it.  Their 80mph wreck hit the passenger side hardest, and Mom was medi-flighted back to the Vegas hospital for several days with internal bleeding, a gash on her forehead, and a knee injury that required multiple debridement procedures.

Rachael and I had flown home, and we were very concerned and anxious to have them back with us... then Mom's hospital stay was extended due to internal bleeding.  I was looking at flights back to Vegas, but she was released to come home the next day.  They made special accommodations for her flight and someone brought her out in a wheelchair.  Rach drove the Mustang to pick her up, as it was a lower car that would be easier for Mom to get into with her bruised-up knee.

It's a 2-door car with a verrrry small backseat, and on our way to the airport, I was obviously up front.  Rach was driving... we moved the passenger seat forward for me to get into the tiny back seat... then they spent a few minutes getting Mom all seated and situated.  

......

Never in my life have I felt as irrationally panicked as I did that entire drive home.  It hit me as they were putting mom in and getting her all settled that she was injured and fragile and could not possibly get out quickly if there was any need to do so, and I was in trapped in the small seat behind her with no car door I could open and no other way to climb out.  My parents had just had a horrific wreck, so that was in my mind.  Rach was also a little nervous and on edge about driving that car as safely as possible, Mom was nervous and still in pain, and I was taking deep breaths, trying to close my eyes and stay quiet, and internally berating myself for not being able to focus more clearly on Mom and what she needed in that moment.  It was claustrophobia like I have never experienced before or since, and it didn't get much better until I was out of the car.

.......

Rach and I had a memorable conversation on that topic last night.

She had a similar experience on a ride at Frontier City.  She initially got on it to help Kyndal feel brave enough to try it, then when she tried to bend down to pick something up, the shoulder-bar caught her and held her very still, and the feeling of being unable to move washed over her with an irrational panic.  So much so that they let her (and Kyndal Faith) off the ride before it started.  She has done rides like that several times before, and it wasn't the crazy loops or anything about the ride itself that caused the fear, but the sensation of being trapped...

And I told her I absolutely knew the feeling she was talking about.  I had only experienced it once, but it was pretty memorable for me, too.  Just a sense of panic and feeling out-of-control that you know is irrational, but you cannot easily calm down.  

This = Nate Bargatze discussing a very similar experience (and just after this, he tells a story about being in the back of a car and making everyone get out). lol

I'm thankful that for myself and Rachael (and Nate), this is a rare and sporadic experience.  But it does give me some context to explain the way I feel sometimes as a person with anxious attachment.  I have become more secure through the years, but the roots of rejection are powerful, and there are times when something minor can set off what part of me knows to be an irrational sense of panic that a relationship is ending, that all is not well, that I need to do damage control.  Then I'll try to calm myself down and step back and give the other person space, but I rarely last more than 48 hours before a real internal spiral hits.

I've seen a lot of both sides on this.... and metaphorically, bringing up any emotions with a dismissive avoidant (someone with an insecure attachment style that rages and pushes hard away from anyone trying to move closer to them or ask for vulnerability) feels like starting up the ride when you're already in full panic mode.  There is just zero ability to think straight for a while.  Whereas talking to someone who is securely attached and caring feels like the bar that was "trapping you" in this irrational panic/anxiety being lifted, and you can breathe normally and see clearly again.  (You still feel a little awkward and embarrassed that you couldn't freaking calm down enough to not need that reassurance, but gracious, it's a thousand times better when you can have one healthy conversation and everything just feels back on track.  That is never the case with the anxious/avoidant pairing - never.)

I'm deeply thankful for personal growth!!  And I am thankful for friends who are secure enough to navigate the occasional bouts of irrational-relational-anxiety that pop up for me in a way that's kind and rational and caring without tangible resentment and irritation, which multiplies the inner panic 100-fold.  When you're in an unhealthy place, that anxiety becomes familiar, and you can mistake the intensity of that dynamic for a really strong connection, but healthy connections don't keep your nervous system constantly on edge and frayed.  I know what to look for now, and I will not put myself through that dynamic in any relationship ever again.  I will seek peace and pursue it, hard conversations included.

So that's my fun educational metaphor for today.  There are good therapeutic tools available, but sometimes (with legit claustrophobia or relational anxiety), we genuinely need prayer and healthy relationships to help calm the fear and restore our God-given power, love, and sound mind.

No one can do everything on their own, and that is okay.

The end.

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P.S.  Happy Global Running Day!

The Niece and Nephews

Happy Wednesday!  Hearing June 3rd brings two things to mind: Gilmore Girls (Lorelai and Luke's non-wedding day, and Rory's sentencing day in court, which brought me joy).  And more importantly, it makes me think of my friend, Tiffany Joanne, for whom this date is a grief anniversary.  Today marks one decade since the earthly death of her dad.  Praying for God's presence to bring peace, anchored hope, and comfort in the midst of this painful season of grief for her. ❤

I'm in my Zoom courtroom 25 minutes early and figured I'd use this time to get some blogging in before another exciting day of OCC work! ;-)

Here's a couple professional photos of Triston Michael at the Graduation ceremony! 

Side note: Mom had his robe professionally cleaned/steamed so it would be wrinkle-free.  He wore it to the final practice the morning of graduation (where I'm sure it looked pristine), then he stuffed it into the plastic bag for safekeeping (he's holding it in the picture below after practice that very morning). lol  If only they'd had photographers there for the practice run!  But whatever, definitely unintended and accidental on his part, and it's kinda funny to me now!

A professional pic of Carter Lee steer wrestling in the Oklahoma High School Rodeo Finals (where I believe he placed 2nd)! ❤

Jace Michael celebrating the Spurs victory with me last week! ❤

And the mini-Miss Kyndal Faith FaceTiming to show me her colorful summer hair!

Here's a throwback pic of her five years ago when she made this lovely sign to encourage Grandpa when he came home from the hospital! ❤

A good reminder...

More good reminders that were worth printing out!  I am feeling freshly inspired after reading these Big Trust and Theo of Golden and several of Allen Levi's blog posts!!

And finally, here's a fun video of J&K playing basketball last night after our Rib Crib family dinner!  They're just so much FUN right now... Miss K with her 3-pointers and entertaining MJ victory dance, and Jaceman sinking three half-court shots over the past week - so happy I caught the last one on video!! ❤

Thanks for stopping by, and hope you have a wonderful day ahead!

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Timelines and Testimonies

Happy last day of May!!

We had a pizza party at Mom and Dad's to watch Game 7 of the Playoffs last night... a sad loss for the Thunder, but at least the Jaceman was happy!!

Watching the game, Paris (Bill & Jill's dog - Jill used to live in San Antonio), and the Spurs with their trophy!

GIF of Jace high-fiving Wemby at the beginning of Game 5 (the white hand closest to the camera on the left).  It made his day!

Sour Patch Kids' marketing team is the best... the "first they're sour, then they're sweet" commercials are the cutest, and seeing this nonsense brought me instant joy (in spite of it being fake news in my personal life at times). lol

Speaking of cuteness, here's Katie and Kaden after his Kindergarten graduation - little kids in caps and gowns is so adorable to me!!

Nana with Carter and Emberlee as he was competing in the high school rodeo finals this past week!

Cousin pics from 18 years ago this week... 2008 sincerely does not seem that far back to me!!

Also in that Shutterfly stack was this gem when we were grabbing a few things from 9121 for my move to 522 in the summer of 2007... Dad, Grandad, Babah, Rach, and Emily.

And this gem - my last-ever photo with JMM from June of '07 - (I never loved it as he'd just gotten a buzz cut and didn't look like the version of himself I was accustomed to, and I was wearing vertical stripes, which are almost always a mistake without a sweater or overshirt to change up the angle).  It's crazy to think that Triston is now the age Josh was here... and wearing his own Harvard shirt from the Senior trip to Boston!

Mini Miss K and her friends playing cards at Mom and Dad's... she opted not to swim that day because "Well, I just got my hair done, and it looks really good!" lol  She's not wrong.

I hosted, led, and shared my testimony and the condensed version of my life story with my women's LifeGroup on Saturday.  I'm thankful to say it went well, and we had a memorable discussion about Psalm 23 and Psalm 34.  It had a strengthening effect on me to really think through the whole timeline of my story again, to consider new ways I can see God's hand in it, and to specifically speak the gospel part of it out loud this time as I recounted the story of Mom leading me to Christ!!

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We're doing "Psalms and Stories" this summer - reading through and discussing Psalms then getting into our personal stories and walks with God.  I wrote mine out before sharing to help myself mentally organize it, and the themes I saw paired well with Christine Caine's email today:  "He's not distant or disinterested.  He's not too busy or too important.  He misses you when you drift.  He's calling you to come back, to come close, to come home.  God's heart is revealed throughout Scripture.  He wants relationship with you."

Hosting also inspired me to fully clean my house for the first time in a minute, so I had to snap some photos of everything looking put together!

The final portion of what I shared yesterday...

My favorite things about Jesus:

• His fiercely protective strength on behalf of His people
• His delight in the details of our lives

Looking back, I see a few themes in my story:  I am very relational, and I've spent a lot of my life looking for belonging in close relationships.  All while God has continually reminded me that my deepest belonging is found in Jesus - I belong to Him and I belong with Him.

I've learned to hold on to Kingdom hope and remember that we rarely understand the full picture while we're living through it.  One of my favorite verses says: “Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely."  ~I Corinthians 13:12

And finally, God is far more attentive, personal, and involved than I once believed.  I don’t always understand what He is up to even now, but I will know it completely in Heaven (if not before).  And I know with confidence today that He loves me deeply, He cares about every detail of my life, and He deserves the highest place of honor in my heart!

Okay, friends... 5 months down, 7 to go... here's my 1SE video for 2026 so far!

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