Life Lately...

Hey, friends and family!  Hope you're having a delightful weekend so far. ❤

This = me and Kristin walking toward each other from opposite sides of The Station on Wednesday. lol

It felt like a dramatic movie moment.  Their parking lot is so full (thanks to the pool being open this month) that we had to park on opposite sides of the lake.  Once we met in the middle, we had a lovely Wednesday walk and talk! =)

This = Tman heading into Holly's apartment for part two of his time in Colorado.  I came back home so I wouldn't miss too many workdays, but he stayed at her place (while she was in Vegas from Monday to Thursday) and explored more of Colorado.  He was able to meet with two of the mentors from Holly's company, another engineer friend of hers, and his favorite former teacher from CHA (who moved to CO a couple years back).  He also got to explore Breckenridge, brainstorm new business ideas, take the train to Boulder, walk around Cherry Creek, buy some groceries at Trader Joe's, and experience being in the apartment on his own for a few days.  I picked him up at the airport on Thursday night, and it was uplifting to hear how well things had gone for him!

The Mini Miss K is making this awesome gift for her best friend, Ellery!

I love her creativity and attention to detail, and the thoughtful effort she's putting in for her friend!

A screen background that made me happy when my computer rebooted.  I love this whole office room, honestly!  A cozy home workspace I don't wanna be forced to leave any time soon. lol

AFD and JW - all of her wedding planning posts are fun to read lately!

K-Faith is the best. lol  Huzzah for winning this trivia game... Dad was watching Jace play basketball, so only Mom and I played.  We both knew most of the answers, but I was faster to click the right button on my phone. lol

The KiwiCo gift subscription I got Tate for his 8th bday was a solid choice... this is the archery kit he built - Karli said it's been a hit with both kids, so I'm thrilled to hear that!  And on the right is preshface Parker being adorable with her mermaid Barbie.  (The Petite Princess subscription I got for her has been less than stellar so far - I need them to step it up and be more timely, as the thought of her running to the mailbox excited then coming back emptyhanded is the very saddest!)

Yay, new flowers (planted by Bobby) in my mini-flowerbed!

Speaking of flowers, in a surprising move, Rachael planted some flowers in her front yard her very own self, then she had an entertaining convo with ChattyG (as she calls it) about how they were doing.  This screenshot made Triston and I pretty happy! lolol  (And yes, I acknowledge it's a little creepy that it's telling her it "feels invested" and asking for more pics and saying they'll get through it together if the flowers die - the degree to which it is trained to act as a friend/therapist is pretty fascinating.)

Precious Tom Holland... playing the oldest brother in The Impossible (the tsunami movie), then today.  He and Glen Powell are my top two actors at the moment - I find Tom incredibly endearing.  His podcast interview with Amy Poehler was great... he talked about being severely dyslexic and having never hosted SNL because he tends to freeze when he has to read something aloud and worries about how he would handle the cue cards.  He always tries to memorize his lines for script read-throughs.  It just made me like him even more (as if Spider-Man and this epic performance weren't enough).

In other news, I hosted the Heal Out Loud women's LifeGroup for the second time yesterday.  We had an in-depth discussion of Psalm 139, then Katie shared her story with us.  Here's me, Haley, Natalie and Walker, Ashley, Josie, and Katie - thankful for this group and for the opportunity to host and lead this summer - it's been good for me in lots of ways!

Yesterday was also Mom and Dad's 45th Anniversary!!
Pics = her cooking and him washing dishes at a recent family dinner - (the only candid I threw in, but I'm grateful for their kindness and hospitality and they way they help/serve each other), 2013 anniversary dinner, after Grandad's graveside service 2019, their wedding day 1981, family dinner for T's graduation celebration, Mom's 70th birthday, their 40th Anniversary at Charleston's, Thanksgiving dinner at Justin's, and the ferry ride on our NYC trip!

❤

A CCU friend who is turning 30 this month had a dramatically-themed party that included cookies mourning her youth and a scavenger hunt at a real local cemetery (where I sincerely hope they planned the timing extra carefully).

*This is one of the most playful people I know, so I'm certain it was well-intended and a joyful time with her friends, and I sincerely hope her decade milestone bday ahead is fantastic!!

...Maybe it's because I've experienced intense grief along with genuine suicidality several years back, but I typically cannot get on board with jokes about death - even the skull memes and "I died" laughing trend is *not* a fit for me.  I have learned that our words have a spiritual and physical impact, "the power of life and death" as God put it -  and we can choose to speak life and hope and renewal, trusting that we can embody youthful energy, be kind to our inner child, and create fun memories with the people we love right up until God takes us to Heaven, where those things will literally never die again!!

On a related note, when I finish this blog, I will be writing a card for Kristen's parents, as the one-year anniversary of her death is fast approaching.  The front of the card is this verse:  "There are in the end three things that last: faith, hope, and love, and the greatest of these is love." ~1 Cor. 13:13
I am very grateful that Christ-centered faith, hope, and love never die. ❤

The fam (+ Ellery) after our dinner at BJ's last night! ❤

My Biscoff pizookie - shared with Mom and Rach and it was still unfinished, but yum!

I've watched a couple of the MasterClass videos from Shade Zahrai lately (pronounced Shaw-day, and writing it that way just made me think of Usher. lol)  She authored the Big Trust book on overcoming self-doubt that I loved.  In one of her classes, she talked about how she wasn't sure getting her PhD was worth the effort, and how there is great value in "the applied practitioner approach" (distilling complex academic research and presenting the information in a way that helps laypeople understand the core concepts and learn something valuable).  Mel Robbins, Brene Brown, Vanessa Van Edwards, and Beth Moore all do this well, and in every case, that is soooo much closer to what I want for my future than writing and publishing textbooks or rigorous academic papers full of terms most people would not understand or connect with.  I'm after heart connection that leads to Kingdom impact!

So I'm very grateful to Allen Levi for his rules of writing that sparked a lot of this thought process, and to Shade for that insight that allowed me to put clear language to something I've been feeling/thinking for a while now.  It's all starting to come together internally, and I've created a plan to write a solid book draft (not a memoir, but an accessible book that will incorporate pieces of my story along with Biblical truth and evidence-based research on learned helplessness, personal agency, and post-traumatic growth - yes, puh-lease!) I have a working title and clear chapter ideas and everything - yay!!  More on that as I move forward.  (I could absolutely sift through the research and write this book right now, but there is a sincere question/curiosity in my mind about whether the LPC and PhD would make my writing feel more credible here, so I may set up a meeting with Dr. Burkhart to discuss all of the above now that I'm beginning to see the end-goal and my desired reading audience more clearly, which all feels exciting and hopeful.)

Okay then!  Happy Sunday, Happy Flag Day, and Happy Bday to JMM! lol #neverforget  I hope it's a wonderful day and week ahead for you!!

❤ ❤ ❤

Colorado, Round 7

My 7th trip to Colorado was a long weekend with my oldest nephew.  The goal was to help him with the apartment search and learn some details on his future job, so mission accomplished!

This = T and I on a hike at the Chautauqua Park this morning!  (It's out of order, but I wanted it to be the cover pic for this post.)

Friday was the 10-hour drive from 9am Central to 6ish Mountain Time.  We had a nice chat for the first 4+ hours, then T took a nap while I listened to The Curiosity Shop podcast, a new favorite for me.  We checked in at the DoubleTree in Cherry Creek then headed over to the 16th Street Mall for a fun Mexican dinner on the patio at 3 Margaritas, followed by a 30-minute walk around that area then seeing the Masters of the Universe movie at 9:15! 

Pic from our walk =)

Saturday started off with breakfast and coffee for T at the Steam Espresso Bar, a cool coffee shop at a restored firehouse in the Lower Highlands (LoHi) area of Denver.

Then we toured seven apartments with a brief stop for lunch at In-N-Out somewhere in there.  We did a self-guided tour at the Cirrus (meh).  It was a quick no on the guided tour of the High Line Pointe apartments.  We were able to sneak the Elevon Apartments in between two scheduled tours, and they were the top contender at that point (they were in the Union Station area)!

After lunch, we toured the 4040 Fox Apartments with Giovanni, a newer complex that had some nice amenities!

We rushed through the (undesirable) older Waterford apartment complex in Cherry Creek.  And finally, we saw the Amli Golden Triangle apartments, a brand new complex that was super nice, as was our tour guide!  It was T's number one contender and the closest to the downtown Denver area!

Furnished model unit

Balcony view of downtown Denver (better seen in person, of course)

And after all of that, we met Holly Dei for a tour of her apartment (rooftop pic here)

We took an Uber to dinner at Satchel's on 6th, then took a leisurely walk back to her apartment, stopping for ice cream and to chat with an engineer friend of hers on the way back.

It was a pleasant outdoor walk that included a difficult-but-important conversation.

Based on that, our plans for day two shifted a bit.  We drove to Boulder, CO (a first for both of us), where we took a short hike with a major incline (which felt worse with the altitude adjustment) at Chautauqua Park!  But yay for these pics - made me think of the 2014 convo with JEM - the pics do make *light* hiking worth it!

The lady walking in front of us pointed to several buildings with red rooftops and told her friends that was the CU Boulder campus.  Whaaat?  We hadn't realized we were four minutes away, but we stopped by their bookstore and grabbed some merch for Triston's future college campus!

Then we took a stroll through the Pearl Street Mall and grabbed lunch at the Organic Sandwich Company.  We had a really good talk where T made some wise observations about how a lot of life comes down to being able to pivot and find a new path forward when life doesn't go according to plan.

After lunch, we listened to Michael Jackson whilst Tman bravely drove us through the freaking windy mountains to the Brainard Lake Recreation Area, another spot recommended by ChatGPT on a last-minute search Saturday night... (I also bought myself this new hat at the CU Boulder Bookstore.)  

Scary drive; scenic mountain views!

In the end, the road to Brainard Lake was closed -- they close it for winter but usually reopen it mid-May -- you could take a four-mile walk to go see it, but we had a tour scheduled and didn't have the extra time for that.  So we drove 45 minutes out of our way and then walked over a mile through a field swarming with gnats to see this far smaller and less exciting Red Rock Lake, which honestly felt like a fitting metaphor on this trip.

HOWEVER, we met a fantastic older couple who have lived in Boulder 40 years.  They were out hiking, and we walked back to our car with them.  Triston talked to the man, a retired doctor and Army veteran who had good advice for him about living in the Boulder area... and I walked and talked with his wife, who told me about growing up in Seattle, some good things to see in Alaska, and their coming trip to New Zealand to celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary.  They were a gem, and the genuine connection was a treat!

Phillip and Tman (walking back up to the Road Closed sign that blocked us from getting to see the bigger lake)!

We did one final apartment tour at The Russell, then we stopped for Sam-n-Ella's style pizza at BeauJo's on our way back!

I dropped Tman off at Holly's apartment (four minutes from our hotel).  He is staying there the next four nights while she is on a Vegas vacation, then flying home Thursday night - I hope he has a great time getting to explore a bit more of Colorado.  Then I ended the night with some familiar friends (the Barden Bellas and the Oceans 13 crew) whilst snacking on a DoubleTree cookie and writing these blogs - and now I have an audiobook-filled drive ahead of me tomorrow - fun times!! ❤

Hope you've had a great weekend, friends!  And here's a friendly reminder that a lot of life is about the ability to pivot well and find a new path forward when things do not go according to plan!

❤ ❤ ❤

Six Seven

I'm writing this one from the DoubleTree Hotel in Cherry Creek, Colorado!

June 7th has been a memorable day for me over the past six years:

2021 ~ A fun-filled day with IHOP breakfast, the Escape Room, Chicken foot lunch, etc.  My first time watching the niece and nephews on my own!

2022 ~ Vegas, baby!  Mon Ami Gabi breakfast + M&M store and Bellagio fountains + the State Farm convention that included a full concert by GARTH BROOKS at the Allegiant Stadium - yes, please!!

2023 ~ A road trip from Edmond, OK to Lakewood, CO with Michelle + In-N-Out and settling into our dorm room for Residency 2 in our Master's program (preparing for the counseling internships ahead).  That was the trip where I really fell in love with CCU!

2024 ~ Surgery Day!  I was in the middle of Mel Robbins' inspiring final Launch course (where her "project sprint" was writing The Let Them Theory)... and after an important talk with Chet on 5-18, I booked the safe-sleeve surgery at Blossom in Vegas for 6-7, (and I was patient #7 that day, which mattered to me).

2025 ~ The first residency for the CCU PhD program... (the day before this, I received the final embryo adoption email match while in Colorado, and I remember not loving that it came on 6-6) -- anyway, this day was great and memorable - meeting up with my mentees from 2024, a fun dinner with the girls on our final night at CCU, and seeing a Marvel movie with Alicia and Terri! ❤ 

2026 ~ And that brings us to today... a short hike at the Chautauqua Park trail in Boulder, CO followed by a trip to the CU Bookstore, lunch at the Pearl Street Mall, a side trip to the Brainard Lake area, a final apartment tour, and dinner at BeauJo's!

So there you have it... it's random but kinda fun that five out of the past six years, I've spent June 7th in Colorado or Vegas!  I'm voting to make it six out of seven and hit Vegas next summer!!

More on this Colorado trip soon.

Thanks for stopping by!

❤ ❤ ❤

On Claustrophobia & Anxious Attachment

Back in 2011, my parents had a catastrophic car wreck.

On a lonely highway in the middle of the Nevada desert, the truck in front of them swerved quickly to avoid hitting a stalled van, then Dad was unable to swerve fast enough to miss it.  Their 80mph wreck hit the passenger side hardest, and Mom was medi-flighted back to the Vegas hospital for several days with internal bleeding, a gash on her forehead, and a knee injury that required multiple debridement procedures.

Rachael and I had flown home, and we were very concerned and anxious to have them back with us... then Mom's hospital stay was extended due to internal bleeding.  I was looking at flights back to Vegas, but she was released to come home the next day.  They made special accommodations for her flight and someone brought her out in a wheelchair.  Rach drove the Mustang to pick her up, as it was a lower car that would be easier for Mom to get into with her bruised-up knee.

It's a 2-door car with a verrrry small backseat, and on our way to the airport, I was obviously up front.  Rach was driving... we moved the passenger seat forward for me to get into the tiny back seat... then they spent a few minutes getting Mom all seated and situated.  

......

Never in my life have I felt as irrationally panicked as I did that entire drive home.  It hit me as they were putting mom in and getting her all settled that she was injured and fragile and could not possibly get out quickly if there was any need to do so, and I was in trapped in the small seat behind her with no car door I could open and no other way to climb out.  My parents had just had a horrific wreck, so that was in my mind.  Rach was also a little nervous and on edge about driving that car as safely as possible, Mom was nervous and still in pain, and I was taking deep breaths, trying to close my eyes and stay quiet, and internally berating myself for not being able to focus more clearly on Mom and what she needed in that moment.  It was claustrophobia like I have never experienced before or since, and it didn't get much better until I was out of the car.

.......

Rach and I had a memorable conversation on that topic last night.

She had a similar experience on a ride at Frontier City.  She initially got on it to help Kyndal feel brave enough to try it, then when she tried to bend down to pick something up, the shoulder-bar caught her and held her very still, and the feeling of being unable to move washed over her with an irrational panic.  So much so that they let her (and Kyndal Faith) off the ride before it started.  She has done rides like that several times before, and it wasn't the crazy loops or anything about the ride itself that caused the fear, but the sensation of being trapped...

And I told her I absolutely knew the feeling she was talking about.  I had only experienced it once, but it was pretty memorable for me, too.  Just a sense of panic and feeling out-of-control that you know is irrational, but you cannot easily calm down.  

This = Nate Bargatze discussing a very similar experience (and just after this, he tells a story about being in the back of a car and making everyone get out). lol

I'm thankful that for myself and Rachael (and Nate), this is a rare and sporadic experience.  But it does give me some context to explain the way I feel sometimes as a person with anxious attachment.  I have become more secure through the years, but the roots of rejection are powerful, and there are times when something minor can set off what part of me knows to be an irrational sense of panic that a relationship is ending, that all is not well, that I need to do damage control.  Then I'll try to calm myself down and step back and give the other person space, but I rarely last more than 48 hours before a real internal spiral hits.

I've seen a lot of both sides on this.... and metaphorically, bringing up any emotions with a dismissive avoidant (someone with an insecure attachment style that rages and pushes hard away from anyone trying to move closer to them or ask for vulnerability) feels like starting up the ride when you're already in full panic mode.  There is just zero ability to think straight for a while.  Whereas talking to someone who is securely attached and caring feels like the bar that was "trapping you" in this irrational panic/anxiety being lifted, and you can breathe normally and see clearly again.  (You still feel a little awkward and embarrassed that you couldn't freaking calm down enough to not need that reassurance, but gracious, it's a thousand times better when you can have one healthy conversation and everything just feels back on track.  That is never the case with the anxious/avoidant pairing - never.)

I'm deeply thankful for personal growth!!  And I am thankful for friends who are secure enough to navigate the occasional bouts of irrational-relational-anxiety that pop up for me in a way that's kind and rational and caring without tangible resentment and irritation, which multiplies the inner panic 100-fold.  When you're in an unhealthy place, that anxiety becomes familiar, and you can mistake the intensity of that dynamic for a really strong connection, but healthy connections don't keep your nervous system constantly on edge and frayed.  I know what to look for now, and I will not put myself through that dynamic in any relationship ever again.  I will seek peace and pursue it, hard conversations included.

So that's my fun educational metaphor for today.  There are good therapeutic tools available, but sometimes (with legit claustrophobia or relational anxiety), we genuinely need prayer and healthy relationships to help calm the fear and restore our God-given power, love, and sound mind.

No one can do everything on their own, and that is okay.

The end.

❤ ❤ ❤

P.S.  Happy Global Running Day!

The Niece and Nephews

Happy Wednesday!  Hearing June 3rd brings two things to mind: Gilmore Girls (Lorelai and Luke's non-wedding day, and Rory's sentencing day in court, which brought me joy).  And more importantly, it makes me think of my friend, Tiffany Joanne, for whom this date is a grief anniversary.  Today marks one decade since the earthly death of her dad.  Praying for God's presence to bring peace, anchored hope, and comfort in the midst of this painful season of grief for her. ❤

I'm in my Zoom courtroom 25 minutes early and figured I'd use this time to get some blogging in before another exciting day of OCC work! ;-)

Here's a couple professional photos of Triston Michael at the Graduation ceremony! 

Side note: Mom had his robe professionally cleaned/steamed so it would be wrinkle-free.  He wore it to the final practice the morning of graduation (where I'm sure it looked pristine), then he stuffed it into the plastic bag for safekeeping (he's holding it in the picture below after practice that very morning). lol  If only they'd had photographers there for the practice run!  But whatever, definitely unintended and accidental on his part, and it's kinda funny to me now!

A professional pic of Carter Lee steer wrestling in the Oklahoma High School Rodeo Finals (where I believe he placed 2nd)! ❤

Jace Michael celebrating the Spurs victory with me last week! ❤

And the mini-Miss Kyndal Faith FaceTiming to show me her colorful summer hair!

Here's a throwback pic of her five years ago when she made this lovely sign to encourage Grandpa when he came home from the hospital! ❤

A good reminder...

More good reminders that were worth printing out!  I am feeling freshly inspired after reading these Big Trust and Theo of Golden and several of Allen Levi's blog posts!!

And finally, here's a fun video of J&K playing basketball last night after our Rib Crib family dinner!  They're just so much FUN right now... Miss K with her 3-pointers and entertaining MJ victory dance, and Jaceman sinking three half-court shots over the past week - so happy I caught the last one on video!! ❤

Thanks for stopping by, and hope you have a wonderful day ahead!

❤ ❤ ❤