On Finishing Strong

"Come let us rejoice in who He is...
Our lives are in His hands,
and He keeps our feet from stumbling."
~Psalm 66:9

As I head into this final week before my race, I can’t help but reflect on how this marathon journey mirrors the bigger road I've been on for over a decade...

I first considered running a full marathon back in 2009.  I signed up for the OKC race in 2011, but I didn’t train well and eventually backed out.  Got into the Nike Women’s Marathon in 2012, then talked myself right out of those crazy San Francisco hills!  Now, 13 years and five Half-Marathons later, I have finally done the work to train and prepare, and I have a strong desire and determination to finish this race!

Much like the marathon, living out my calling in counseling has been a long and winding road.  I started pursuing this dream back in 2012 with night classes at SNU, only to be rejected by multiple grad schools afterwards.  Around the same time, I was grieving the loss of a fractured friendship.  So I settled back into court reporting, a great career where I felt secure and tucked away—but I could never quite shake the sense of God’s call on my life.

In 2022, I took the leap and started graduate school.  Now, 13 years after stepping into my first counseling class, I'm preparing to step out of my cocoon of career safety and familiarity — to actually live out the calling God planted in my heart so long ago!  I think people tend to assume joy and excitement are my main emotions here... 

But it’s scary.  It’s vulnerable.  It’s slow.
A marathon, not a sprint.

I am moving from something comfortable where I am at the top of my field into something new where I’m at the bottom of the ladder -- still experimenting, exploring, "paying my dues," wrestling through my own insecurities to figure out where I fit and how God has uniquely gifted me.  I’ve learned a lot over the past three years, but there’s still so much I don’t know.  And the best way to learn is through hands-on practice, critique and constructive feedback, actively embracing change and choosing a growth mindset, repeatedly showing up and being seen!  That level of scrutiny feels very disorienting after 20 years in a cozy background observer role.

I have to remind myself often: I am not alone.  God is with me.  God is for me.

This candidacy job search has stretched me more than I expected. Since December, I’ve submitted over 15 applications and completed at least eight job interviews—with places like CREOKS Broken Arrow, CRS-Tulsa, FCS-Tulsa, Charlie Health (virtual), Red Rock OKC, and Moore Counseling Center.  (That doesn't include the work of applying and interviewing for the PhD program - it's been a lot).  Fear/the enemy keeps whispering: You don’t belong here.  You’re not enough.  This is all too hard.  You’ll never find your place.  I have seriously considered pursuing a Federal CR job for the stability and great salary.  But deep down, I know God didn’t bring me this far to quit now - I believe there are real lives I am called to impact, and I cannot give in to greed or cowardice or the craving for comfort.

I do recognize that I’m a prime target for spiritual warfare in this in-between season.  Thankfully, God keeps dropping little pearls of wisdom and encouragement just when I need them—through friends and family, podcasts and books, etc.  I recently heard John Eldredge talk about how we are needed here on earth — how each of us is called to uniquely reflect God’s love and light to those around us, how the character of Christ is being formed within us, and how we are "in training for reigning" as we move toward our future in Heaven.  I love that!

You know I love a good illustration, and I’ve been thinking about that final scene in The Patriot.  The soldiers are retreating in fear, divided and overwhelmed.  Then Mel Gibson runs through all the chaos, waving their flag and shouting, “No retreat—HOLD—hold the line!”  A repeated line from that movie is “stay the course.”  Even now, it encourages me to remember what I’m fighting for, why it matters, and not to give up when the path feels far harder, longer, and more costly than I'd expected.

As real change draws near, I have felt more overwhelmed and inadequate than excited.  But these are all normal emotions at this stage, and I want to build a life marked by courage and bold faith!  I want to try new things and find my best lane in counseling.  I want to finish what I’ve started, which means stepping fully into this new identity and leaving comfort and hiding behind.  I am determined and called to make a Kingdom impact with my life and my work.  And I'm confident that God will lead, guide, and provide for me as I keep moving forward!

Okay, speaking of long journeys and forward momentum, my adoption story is at another pivotal point.  This is my third year of working with Snowflakes.  After two surgeries that made me healthier for a potential pregnancy — and two difficult setbacks with the previous matches — Shay completed my final home study update over Easter weekend.  This week, I am restarting the matching process, working with OU Reproductive instead of Dallas IVF this time.  I feel hopeful and cautiously optimistic, ready and willing to make major shifts and sacrifices if God chooses to fulfill this desire!

(For the record, if this third attempt doesn’t work, I will let go of this specific path to motherhood.  Not releasing the desire entirely, but believing this particular doorway is closed.)  Still, I am planning, preparing, and praying that the third time’s a charm — for my embryo adoption journey and for finishing the marathon this weekend!

In my hopes for adoption, my career calling, my health journey, and this long-standing marathon dream, I have encountered surprise plot twists, detours, rejections, loss, fear, and long seasons of waiting.  However, my soul is anchored in Kingdom hope, and I am decidedly stronger than I used to be.  I like being someone who dreams big and lives with purpose, but I don’t want to be the girl who never finishes anything.  (And I don’t believe God wants that identity for me either.)  So I am resisting the enemy’s lies and breaking those old agreements.

We can do hard things, and it's worth the effort!  Whenever it happens, physically crossing the Finish Line will feel so symbolic and hopeful for me.  I’m praying and believing for 2025 to be a year of courage and victorious follow-through.  A year of finishing strong.  I am grateful to know I am not facing these challenges alone.  And I’m trusting our faithful God, who finishes every good thing He starts!!

"Since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the particular race God has set before us... Let God train you, for He is doing what any loving father does for His children... So take a new grip with your tired hands, stand firm on your shaky legs, and mark out a straight, smooth path for your feet so that those who follow you, though weak and lame, will not fall and hurt themselves but become strong." ~Hebrews 12:1-13

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Sophie Kinsella

I listened to this audiobook on my drive to Tulsa yesterday.  I was fully caught up on podcasts and Audible books, so I did a search for available books on Libby and figured I'd give this a try.  And in spite of knowing Sophie's writing style pretty well, I was entirely caught off guard by this one!!

Sophie's books are known for their bright and cheery covers, usually lighthearted chick lit stories with happy endings.  The main character is almost always a single woman, and the plots are fairly predictable/frivolous, but fun and sweet.  I read several of them back in my young adult years, 2005-2012ish...

(This = Madeleine Sophie Wickham, but she writes under the name Sophie Kinsella.)

The leading lady in this book is a happily married mother of five kids, a successful author who decided to write about what she knew, starting with a main character who had a mild shopping addiction.  I suspected at that point that this book was going to be autobiographical, then a little ways in, Eve (the main character) wakes up after surgery to remove a brain tumor.  She wrote in detail about stage four glioblastoma, an incurable brain cancer that typically comes back, and about how Eve and her awesome, supportive husband and their five children were dealing with it.  There were some poignant reflections on death and grief and loss and feeling gratitude and love in the midst of all that.  The entire thing was 2 hours, and the book ends somewhat abruptly but on a hopeful note, with the main character doing well and hoping for continued health and healing.

Then she narrates the Author's Note, where she clearly explains that this is her story, that she has a wonderful husband and five children, and she was diagnosed with this rare cancer and had a surgery that (temporarily) affected her memory and ability to walk, etc.

She said something like "my attentive readers will notice a shift from my usual tone..." Umm, massive understatement!  I was nearly crying as I made my way onto the Creek Turnpike.  But I'm thankful I found this one, and I'm praying for her and her family!  It was a deep reminder of the value of being a light by choosing love and joy and hope, even in seasons that are dark and heavy.

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Marathon Monday #19!

Happy Monday, friends and fam!!  I hope you had a lovely Easter weekend, and I hope this week is off to a good start so far.  However temporary, I am currently caught up at work, so brace yourself for a barrage of blog posts today! =)

We've made it to the final week of marathon training season... for recovery reasons, the past week has mostly been filled with short bike rides and a few strength exercises and stretches for me.  My foot is feeling much better, though, so I'm entirely grateful for that progress!  And I'm planning to go to a chiropractor and try the KT tape before the race, as suggested by Chet Lee.  Also planning to do an extra-short walk and dinner with Kristin on Wednesday.  All in all, I would appreciate your prayers for endurance and stamina on race day - and for good weather!!

In pretty characteristic fashion, I didn't bother to look at all the fine-print details until the week before, so I learned yesterday that this race will begin at 6:30am... and that there are two spots I must reach by a certain time (Mile 7.5 by 8:45am, and Mile 20 by 12:00pm).  Verrrry good to know... not impossible, but not easy either.  It will require me to push myself and pay closer attention to my time as I go.  The idea of being shuttled to the Finish after reaching Mile 20 is painful, so barring a foot injury flare-up, I will not allow that to happen!

I also looked at the course map for the first time... I'm not going to overthink the distance, but I love that they've listed the times when they will reopen the streets for each mile marker - helpful to know!  And there are so many water stops, bathrooms, and medical aid stations, which makes me feel more confident!

Something I'm grateful for is the Mile by Mile thing on the FB page where they post a daily video covering one full mile of the course track.  So far, there are big hills I'm glad to be aware of at Mile 2 and Mile 9, and several notable landmarks (Botanical Gardens, OU Reproductive Medicine, the State Capitol, Gorilla Hill, Classen Curve shopping center, Nichols Hills neighborhood, Lake Hefner, etc.) that we'll pass along the way...

I sincerely hope my next Marathon Monday will be a victory post after Finishing Strong!

Despite this "slight singultus" with the minor injury, I'm feeling proud and well-prepared.  After years of talking myself out of trying, I have finally pushed through my own inner drama and fear and trained hard.  I'm almost there now, which feels surreal and a little scary, but also exciting!  As it goes with most things in life, I cannot control everything, but I am determined to give it my absolute best effort!!

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Marathon Monday #16

Four weeks to the Finish Line!!  I jogged 16 miles Saturday morning, and I felt good and strong while I was out there!  Due to a bit of hip pain that may have caused me excessive concern, I toned it down and took Thursday and Friday as complete rest days, then Sunday was also rest and recovery, stretching and sitting with the heating pad.  I was sore post-run, but nothing out of the ordinary, and I feel better and ready for some light hills and strength training today.  My feet are getting tougher in a good way, and my mental resilience is growing stronger now too!  I want to use wisdom and avoid pushing myself too hard, but by the end of Friday night, I felt tired of my own excuses and determined and ready to get out there on Saturday morning, and that was good for me to press through my own fear and inner drama... I'm in the home stretch, and it's exciting!!

I'm super grateful for Central Park at The Station in Moore - it's been the perfect training ground for me in so many ways... a lovely lake/pond with ducks and geese and turtles, a 1.27-mile clean and open trail where loads of people come to train or to walk their cute dogs, the ability to stop by my car regularly for water or energy chews as needed, and easy access to a clean bathroom and filtered water at The Station - YAY!!  This = a turtle fam getting some sun this weekend.  They're much braver when they have crowd support.  One turtle by itself would've popped right back into the water when I stopped for a pic, as I know from lots of experience. lol

Once again, I stopped for a bathroom break and changed my socks at mile 9... I think that helps my mind to feel like it's a fresh start and it helps prevent terrible blisters (or so I tell myself), so I'm planning to pack a bag with extra running socks, body glide, etc. for Mom to have ready on Marathon day so I can stop and change into fresh dry socks once or twice. lol

I was out there for around 4 hours - I remembered sunscreen this time, but should have reapplied midway through.  This round, I spent the entire jog listening to an Apple Music playlist of 2000s hits, which was a fun dose of variety and familiar memories!  I had one slow interval set where I walked an extra 3 minutes because my heart felt like it was racing, but outside of that, I was very steady in my walk/jog intervals, so I'm confident that's the winning formula for race day!!

Yay for the redbud (should be purple-bud) trees!  Boo for the wasp duo that I dramatically changed course to avoid! lol

Four weeks from now, I'll have reached this long-anticipated goal, and I'll be recovering and feeling proud and grateful for this journey.  And shifting my focus to new meaningful goals for the road ahead of me.  I still feel confused and disenchanted sometimes, but the lack of purpose I felt for most of my 20s and 30s has vanished.  There is so much I want to do and accomplish, and I'm more concerned that there isn't enough time for all of it (but whatevs, we have eternal life ahead of us - what a gift!!)  Anyway, happy last day of March, friends and fam!!  I'm confident that you're finishing strong in this first quarter of 2025!  (*Friendly reminder that tomorrow is April Fool's Day.)

Steadfast Sunday

Happy Sunday, friends and fam!!  I jogged 21 freaking miles today, so I had to start off with that, but I'll cover it in more detail tomorrow. =)

Here's me and Kristin on our Wednesday walk (on my 15,000th day).  We had a good talk, and I hope they're having a fun family trip to Fort Worth this weekend!

Get excited - the cap and gown arrived this week!! ❤

'Twas another victorious volleyball weekend, with Kyndal Faith and her team actually winning gold in the entire tournament!!  This = them celebrating after Kyndal's final serve that got them to 25!

They beat 5 teams (some took 3 games, as it's always best 2 out of 3, but they won them all in the end, and I'm proud of them for fighting so hard!!)

K-Faith and her friends from the 17s Charge team... and a family pic with the medal winner!  (Side note: the 17s team was sitting behind our fam, and several of those girls are big fans of Grey's Anatomy, and I was tempted to jump into their intense discussion about it! lol)

We stopped by JoBug's to meet Miss Karsten Blaire and see Asher Kenneth for a bit!  JoBug's grandma name is "Sassy," and that makes me happy!

Dabbing to match their volleyball leprechaun shirts for St. Patrick's Day! lol

The Peak gym had an entire side for beach volleyball.  Did I roll up my jeans and hop in the sand for a while?  Yes, definitely!  Did the grains of sand stay with me longer than I'd hoped?  Also yes. lol But #noragrets.

Yay, Mini Miss K and the Charge 11s team... Silver medals last weekend, and gold this weekend!!

I listened to Margaret Beck's The Way of Integrity this weekend (finished it during today's long run).  She mentioned the Drama Triangle, so I looked it up to learn more... which led to learning about the Empowerment Dynamic, which is the better side of the Drama Triangle.  ❤

There is a great deal of unresolved tension in my life lately, and it's become harder to tolerate, and I was quite literally planning to write a post tomorrow about letting go of the motherhood dream and walking away from online dating for now... and then I watched this short video while randomly researching the above triangles this morning.  Her rubber band illustration is simple but profound... or perhaps it's just that the timing was perfectly aligned for me in this moment.  I am beyond tired of the "dynamic tension" and anxiety of unmet dreams and deferred hopes, BUT I don't want to be in victim mode and shrink/lower my own dreams in order to resolve it.  So my only other choice is to be prayerful and get brutally honest about what I really want most, and stay intentional about taking action to move my current reality closer to my dreams and vision for my future.  In whatever unmet goals you may be facing, I hope this encourages you today too!  (I set it to start at the part that helped me, but feel free to start from the beginning.)

Okay, that's all for today.  God is with us and for us, and He is at work behind the scenes, even and maybe especially when we feel very tempted to give up.  His power is real; His love is steadfast; I'm praying that my resolve will be stronger and more steadfast, as well.

Song of the Week = "Precious Love" by James Morrison, courtesy of Schitt's Creek ❤

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Fifteen Thousand

The Queen of Random Information here, letting you all know today is my 15,000th day on earth, which just popped up on the calendar reminder I set for myself a few years ago. lol  Hooray for Day 15,000!! ❤

I actually wrote a post for Day 10,000 (HERE) back in 2011.  It fell right in between our OKC road trip to celebrate Malori's birthday and me being the Maid of Honor at Rachael's wedding.  Needless to say, a lot has changed over time, and every season God gives us is a gift!  I appreciate that this falls on a relatively ordinary day, and I like the reminder that our days are numbered and Every Second Counts.  I could go on and on about it, but I'll spare you that.  I am very grateful for the people who have stayed the course with me, and I'm grateful for the daily grace of God, and I'm praying for a renewed sense of God-given hope, clarity, and purpose as I continue to move forward!!

"I figure life's a gift,
and I don't intend on wasting it.
You never know what hand you're gonna get dealt next.
You learn to take life as it comes at you,
to make each day count."
-Jack Dawson (Rest in Peace)

 

 Cheers! lol

45 days from now, I will run the OKC Memorial Marathon.  I'm pushing myself harder for these final 7 weeks of training - already feeling sore from that, but I'm excited about putting more heart into it!  I hope the same holds true for you in whatever goal you are pursuing in this season!!

Okay then, that's really all for this post.
I love you and believe in you, and Jesus does too!!

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Weekend Update

It's been a good weekend... here's a quick recap.  Yesterday was a Tulsa trip for the Mini Miss K's volleyball tournament (The Kaizen Invitational at the Cox Business Center downtown).  Dad and I drove separately and met Rach and Kyndal there (they stayed Friday to Sunday).  

High fives with the club coaches and parents! =)

She aced 7 jump-serves in a row in two of the afternoon games I watched - go Kyndal Faith!!

Without getting into all the details, they shifted some things around and changed up her position, which was a big disappointment initially... but she's showing a lot of resilience and heart and determination, and I'm super proud of her for that!!

LOVE her and always enjoy cheering for her team! ❤

Grandpa and Kyndal + the awesome hair ribbons Rach made for the team!

Front and center in the Tulsa sign pic after winning two games in a row!

Just Jace being Jace and making himself a snow beard on one of the below-freezing days last week! lol

YAY for my new diploma frame - get excited! =)

Parker E. hid to be funny when she saw that I was taking a pic... then I said, "Oh, Tate's smiling back there..." and she popped right up to do what Tate was doing! lol #siblingrivalry #alwaysfunnytome

After the volleyball tournament, I had a 2.5-hour tea time chat with Kristin Renee at Parea Coffee... then we met the Wilsons and the rest of the Foster fam for an early dinner at the Broken Arrow Chick-Fil-A!!

The kids table was the cutest and reminded me of me, Rach, Clint, and Ty back in the day!!

My fav quote from our convo:

Me (explaining my 75-Soft plan):  "Yeah, I'm throwing myself into online dating in this season.  Sooo the men of the world have 75 days, and then..." (I was pausing trying to think how to phrase adoption/embryo adoption/focusing on motherhood)

Chettles:  "Nunnery!!" lolol

I randomly thought about that and laughed out loud a couple times today!!

Group pic before we left - love this group!!  And yay for a kind CFA worker offering to take the pic!

I walked 12 miles tonight... both before and after, my feet are in rough shape, and I just didn't feel up to running, but I'm proud that I got the miles in anyway!  I listened to Harry Potter book 3 (and laughed and cried along the way - gracious, those books bring out all the emotions for me - so freaking good).  I enjoyed the sunshine -- it was t-shirt weather for 90% of the walk, but the top layer of the lake was still mostly frozen and the geese were just standing on the ice. lol  In other news, check out my cute new Sketchers shoes!!  Fun!

Mmkay that's all for today.

Hope you've had a lovely weekend and hope it's a great week ahead for you!

❤ ❤ ❤

Life in All its Fullness (41)

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.

I have come that they may have LIFE,

and have it in all its fullness."

~Jesus, John 10:10

Happy 41st Birthday to Me! ❤

This = my wonderful Tulsa friend group celebrating with me at Los Cabos last night!! ❤

An awesome, sparkly new mug from JEM and Kelly!!  (And a "Birthday Girl" tiara Chet bought for Mom's 70th bday but forgot, so I claimed it for my party!)  =)

Jeffrey and Henry Edward! =)

My mini-BFF, Parker Elizabeth!! ❤

Harvey Lane and Tate Haywood! =)

So much cuteness!!

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Hey, Wilson fam.... for real for real, THANK YOU.  For the key role you've played in my life, obviously, but more specifically today, for the role you've played in making my birthdays special over the past decade+.  Hosting a few of my parties, planning two surprise parties in OKC, baking or buying the cake repeatedly, making fun birthday banners, Cricut cake toppers, great gifts and cards, Swiftie-themed party decor, a surprise snow-day visit, video songs from the kids, a random birthday bonfire (at my request), and more... really just coming through every year in big and small ways - it is much appreciated!!  (The second-from-right pic on the bottom row = Chet adding peanut butter chips to the Ludger's cake for extra decoration, and it brings me joy that that even occurred to him. lol)

I made this for my friend, Kristen, in January.  And today, I am believing for myself that the best is yet to come in my story... God has a better idea of what that means than I do, but I AM TRUSTING HIM.

Hooray for this well-timed holiday!!  

(I would very much welcome a courthouse closing tomorrow, as well.)

I slept in this morning, then Kristin and the boys treated me to lunch!  Our original plan was Neighborhood Jam, but that was everyone else's plan too. lol  To avoid the 45-minute wait, we went to BJ's, where we all enjoyed lunch and mini-pizookies!! ❤

The boys also brought me flowers and candy and a sparkly pink card they picked out for me themselves with a set of stick-on nails! lol  Could not love it more - thanks again, Whitakers!! ❤

* * * * * * *

We have a spiritual enemy whose actual stated goal is to steal, kill, and destroy the good things God is doing in our lives -- I have sensed that more than usual lately.  We also have a caring and powerful God who wants to give us LIFE in all its beauty and fullness -- so I am leaning into that abundant energy and hope today!  There is life and hope and healing in Jesus, and His goodness and mercy and wisdom and love are with me today.

“Christianity is not a promise to enjoy a life without pain, nor to be given a shortcut through it. It is a promise that pain, sorrow, sin – ours and others – will not swallow us, destroy us, define us, or have the final word. Jesus has won the victory. And in Him, so have we!” 

~Stasi Eldredge

So in spite of this dreadfully cold weather and feeling a little blue and off-kilter last week, February remains my favorite month, and this has been a really fantastic birthday weekend!!  And now I'm off to meet the fam for a late birthday dinner at Ted's (after Kyndal's vball practice). ❤

Thanks so much for stopping by.

I love you and believe in you, friends and fam,

and I hope you've had a great day on my 41st birthday!!

❤ ❤ ❤