Finishing Strong

One more post here tonight, and then one final November Blog Challenge post tomorrow!! ❤

They've posted some of the Route 66 official race photos (all available free, which is sooo appreciated)!  Ironically, they haven't posted any pics of Chet with Evan, Mark, or Daniel yet, and only a couple with Jeff - so hopefully they'll keep adding those in, but I was very happy to see these today.  If someone had to be first, I volunteer as tribute. lol  YAY for Finish Line pics with Chettles!!

This was like two seconds into my relay leg (by Tulsa University).  We posed it up for the photographer stationed there, then as we got closer, Chet was like, "Oh, hey Ben!"   Of course he would know the photographer! lol

This = Chet posing it up and me being fully oblivious to this photographer! lol

JEM and Chet nearing the relay exchange zone (I think).

Moving toward the Finish Line, me taking pics of Daniel and Lisa cheering for Chet!

We ❤ running! lol  False.  But we will smile for photos!!

Done!!

At Friendsgiving (later that night), Kantrell asked about how we all got into running or signing up for races, and I had a very immediate answer of Tara from The Biggest Loser!  Back in 2008-2009, she ran a Half-Marathon on the show, and it inspired me and gave me the courage to sign up at Fitness Together and train for the Route 66 Half that year.  In 2010, at least 7 other DDLG friends ran it and we all got a fun pic together afterwards.  Anyway, not all of what I learned from that show was helpful, but I'm grateful for the positive motivation to try signing up for a race... that's been a fun and productive hobby off and on over the last 16 years!

In other news, the wonderful Wilsons joined me today at the final home game for OSU!  Here's our windblown pic on the walk in - Vivian did not approve!

Even with the cold weather, the shirtless guys were going strong, and the inflatable shark in the midst of them brought me joy! lol

We sat inside and snacked and chatted through the first half, then ventured out for the 3rd quarter and one final round with Garth for this season! =)  Thanks again to Dad for the club tickets!!

Happy Saturday, friends and fam!  It's been a delightful and productive Thanksgiving week, and I very much enjoyed the break from work and school!!  Now I'm gearing up to finish strong for the final two weeks of the CCU research courses and the calendar year 2025 and my season of working at the Cleveland County Courthouse!

❤ ❤ ❤

Qualities

Day 13:  What’s a personal quality you’re proud of that others often notice?

(This question feels oddly phrased.)

Mind - I'm proud of cultivating a growth mindset where I always learn new things, and it's nice when others know me well enough to compliment that

Body - I'm proud of and deeply grateful for my smile (after experiencing facial paralysis with Bells Palsy, the ability to smile means a great deal to me, and I'm happy any time I hear compliments on that)

Soul - I am proud that I prioritize quality relationships and genuinely care about people; hopefully they notice and feel that, as well

Spirit - Pride isn't the right word, but I'm thankful that I'm willing to be brutally honest in confessing sin and repenting and pursuing peace with God 

Overall - Resilience and sincerity

Shifting gears, how great is this video?  I really love seeing their friendship, and I love and miss James Corden!!  He. is. precious!

"Oh, I hope in time we both will find peace of mind.
Sometimes the road less traveled is the road best left behind.
Well, I hope I learn to get over myself,
And stop trying to be somebody else..."

Happy Thursday, friends and fam!

❤ ❤ ❤

Brave & Beautiful Life

Day 12 - What song best captures your personality or current season of life - and why?

You can be amazing; you can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug.  You can be the outcast or be the backlash of somebody's lack of love.  Or you can start speaking up.  Nothing's gonna hurt you the way that words do when they settle 'neath your skin, kept on the inside and no sunlight, sometimes the shadow wins.  But I wonder what would happen if you say what you wanna say and let the words fall out.  Honestly, I wanna see you be brave with what you want to say...

Everybody's been there, everybody's been stared down by the enemy.  Falling for the fear and learn to disappear and bow down to the mighty.  But don't run.  Stop holding your tongue.  Maybe there's a way out of the cage where you live.  Maybe one of these days you can let the light in, and show me how big your brave is.  Say what you wanna say, and let the words fall out.  Honestly, I wanna see you be brave!

And since your history of silence won't do you any good - did you think it would?  Let your words be anything but empty.  Why don't you tell them the truth!?

Say what you wanna say, and let the words fall out.
Honestly, I wanna see you be brave!

There's a verrry long list of songs I love and relate to, but I'm going with Brave as the song best representing my personality and current season.

I'm getting better and better at speaking up, telling the truth, and being brave with what I want to say, gradually overcoming my history of silence or reactive sharp words or being the quiet outcast.  No more disappearing, no more falling for fear or giving in to the enemy or feeling caged.  More letting the light in and speaking truth in love!

I deeply love and respect moms and have often imagined myself being a good mom... but the closer I came to it, the more I felt trapped and panicked and gradually realized that single motherhood is really not my dream, then it was a ridiculous struggle for me to say that out loud and change course.  Throughout my entire adult life, writing has helped me sift through my thoughts and become braver with my words over time!  I'm grateful. ❤

Second place goes to the clean version of Eldest Daughter by T-Swift, as I really love the bridge to that song - so much so that I bought this t-shirt with those lyrics on it!  :-)  It's about reclaiming childhood joy and rest and renewing your hope for things you once said were dumb because you were projecting a false strength and you thought that you'd never find that "beautiful, beautiful life that shimmers that innocent light back like when we were young."  That resonates right now too, and I freaking love it. ❤

In other news, Happy Birthday to JoBug today!! ❤

Fun throwback to me getting to ride Tiana's Bayou Adventure (formerly Splash Mountain) twice on this day last year!!  To think, they were going to skip this gem! lol

Finally, here's the fam at Jace's first 7th grade basketball game last night!

(He was in no mood for photos after they lost.)

Looking forward to seeing them again at family dinner tonight!

❤ ❤ ❤

Courtroom Lessons

Day 6:  What has court reporting taught you about people and human nature?

I don't wanna go into case-by-case details here, but you see a lot and learn a lot in 21 years.  As a quiet observer who loves studying people, I am grateful for all court reporting has taught me.

As I thought about this prompt earlier, this verse came to mind...

I think one of the big things court reporting has taught me is to be more "shrewd."  Not cynical or fear-based or always assuming the worst, but less naive and gullible and easily-targeted. Viewing the world with more cautious discretion and wisdom, being a sharper judge of character, and being more prepared and alert to real evil and danger.  (The Bible teaches that, as well - to be on our guard because our spiritual enemy prowls around seeking someone to devour.)  Sexual predators do the same, and so many parents seem unaware of the threat.  So I am more vigilant, less likely to fall for sob stories or quickly trust people who have a lot to gain by lying, and more likely to want to hear both sides of a story and pay attention to real evidence over passionately-spoken words.  Still, I don't always get it right, and I do always sincerely hope people will turn a corner and change for the better!

Other quick thoughts:

Family court is rough, and I do not envy the judges who have to make custody decisions.

I see a lot of systemic brokenness in the juvenile system, and I am consistently frustrated by the way DHS operates.  

I believe people always have a choice when they screw up or hit rock bottom - 85%+ seem to choose victim-thinking and staying stuck in old patterns, but 15% find the inner grit to put in the messy hard work and change their future path for the better.  I love to see that!

(The above holds true for criminals and non-criminals alike, and I want to be in the smaller group who chooses active transformation over self-pity!)

There is real evil and violence and pain and trauma in the world.  We see a lot of people in their most stressful season, which is true for counseling profession, as well.  Prayer matters, character matters, kindness matters, and anchoring yourself in eternal hope matters.  We all have the opportunity to be a light shining in a dark world!

Speaking of lights that shine in darkness, here's our family pic with the harvest moon/supermoon last night!  Unsurprisingly, the selfie in night-mode failed to really capture it well, but still, yay for God's creativity, and yay for family dinners!!

Our jury trial ended with a not guilty verdict yesterday, and our second trial for this week settled - huzzah!  So today was light and breezy, and I met my cousin, Ashley, for lunch at La Baguette in Norman!  It had been a while, and it was really good to catch up with her!

And their bakery is legit.

Mel's podcast on how to combat overwhelm included some fantastic, counterintuitive advice.  This = my key takeaways, but it's worth listening to (HERE).

And that's all I have for today!

See y'all tomorrow!! =)

❤ ❤ ❤

Worldview

Day 5:  Write about a season when your faith or worldview guided you through something challenging.

Truly, that would apply in all the difficult seasons of my life.

But for today, I'll go with pressing through obstacles to earn my Master's degree!  It's an accomplishment and a memory that encourages me now as I pursue my doctorate.

You have to "do your own work" when you pursue a counseling degree -- which means processing your own ambiguous grief, trauma, anger, fear, confusion, etc. to be as healed as possible in your work with others.  Most of us are intentional about facing those things head-on, but if you are not, things in the program are likely to confront you and naturally bring up the things you've been avoiding.  

I would say the two defining components of my worldview come from Eldredge's "Hope in the Coming Kingdom" and Miller's "Hero on a Mission."  When my mind falls into comparison or jealousy, it helps me tremendously to remember that what EVERY PERSON experiences here on earth is partial and incomplete, so that I do not set my expectations too high for anything I am pursuing here, and I remember to anchor my heart in the hope of Heaven!  

It also really helps me to keep a forward-thinking, action-oriented, purposeful mindset where I always have meaningful goals that will benefit me and others that I am working toward!  (Hero on a Mission.)  In times of sadness or grief, it is easier to fall into self-pity, but I'm doing my best to avoid a victim mindset.  I am not helpless, and I am not apathetic.  I want to keep a proper perspective, to meet with trustworthy guides, and to remember my God-given power and agency to choose how I move forward!!

Current top 3 goals:*

1. Earn my PhD (so that I can become a CCU professor)
2. Establish a consistent workout routine and lead with protein (to reach goal weight of 155)
3. Spend 12-15 minutes a day meditating on God's love for me (until I have done it for 30 days solid)

Okay, that was helpful for me to think through.  Adoption/motherhood had been at the top of that list for so long that I hadn't really bothered to set a new relational goal until now.  I've heard multiple podcasts lately with themes around how mindfulness and meditation positively change our brains... along with the value of deeply understanding God's love for us, and I can feel myself being stubbornly resistant to all of it, so I'm going with that as my core relational goal for right now, which will help me choose the next one.

*Donald Miller recommends that we always have 3 goals that are personally meaningful to us -- no more, no less -- and to always add a new one when you reach or change one of your goals.  I love that framework - it gives you a consistent sense of purpose, but does not set any one thing too high!  Obviously, authoring a book will be on my list post-graduation, but not quite yet.

That's all for today.
Happy Wednesday, friends and fam!! =)
❤ ❤ ❤

November Blog Challenge

1.  Write about a moment that changed the way you see yourself or the world.

2.  What is one misconception about mental health you feel called to correct?

3.  Describe a small, seemingly ordinary moment in your life that turned out to be a defining scene in your story.

4.  You’re stranded on an island and can bring three items—what are they and why?

5.  Write about a season when your faith or worldview guided you through something challenging?

6.  What has court reporting taught you about people and human nature?

7.  What lesson keeps resurfacing - and why might God be repeating it in your life?

8.  If you could visit any moment in history—or your own past—for one day, when and where would you go?

9.  What’s a story from your life most people haven’t heard but reveals something important about who you are?

10.  Describe a time you stepped outside your comfort zone and what you learned.

11.  If your life were a metaphor (e.g., a race, a garden, a song, a book), what would it be and why?

12.  What song best captures your personality or current season of life, and why?

13.  What’s a personal quality you’re proud of that others often notice?

14.  In an alternate universe, what does your life look like?

15.  What dreams or goals are stirring in your heart for 2026 and beyond?

16.  What has counseling taught you about people’s resilience and inner strength?

17.  If you could rewrite one scene from your life, what would you change - or would you keep it exactly as it is?

18.  You can invite three people (living or dead) to dinner. Who are they, and what would you serve?

19.  What is one truth or principle God is teaching you right now?

20.  What are five small things that never fail to make you smile or brighten your day?

21.  If your life were made into a movie, what is the title and genre, and who would play you?

22.  Who are three people who have had the greatest impact on your character?

23.  What is one quote or verse that has deeply shaped how you live or think?

24.  Which TV or film character’s journey reminds you of your walk with God, and why?

25.  If you could wake up with one superpower (serious or silly), what would it be and how would you use it?

26.  What movie or show do you return to again and again, and what comfort or truth does it offer you each time?

27.  Write a prayer of thanks for this year’s blessings, challenges, and lessons.

28.  What’s something you’re surprisingly good at that most people wouldn’t guess about you?

29.  What activity, place, or experience makes you feel most like yourself?

30.  Reflect on this year’s spiritual theme — what word or lesson has shaped your journey?

*Writing prompts courtesy of my close personal friend, ChatGPT. lol

❤ ❤ ❤

Safety Nets and Wet Paint

Y’all know I love a good metaphor.  (I say “y’all” even though this blog is still private.  I know I’ll make it public again soon.)

Lately, two metaphors keep coming to mind.  The first is a trapeze artist who takes a brave leap but misses the catch and falls into a waiting safety net below.  To play that out fully, her timing was off, they miss the connection, and she’s suddenly free-falling, her carefully-planned routine unraveling.  She feels the weight of watching eyes and the pressure to land as gracefully as possible.  Sooner than expected, she hits the safety net and feels dizzy from the fall as the net bounces then steadies and holds firm.  She's a little shaken and embarrassed, but mostly relieved and grateful.  She is safe.  Supported.  Not where she expected to be, but she is okay.  That leap wasn’t right for her this time, and that’s okay.  She will gather her courage and try something new when she is ready...

Okay, shifting gears... way back in 2011, my favorite guys in all the world joined me and a couple girlfriends on a road trip to help Malori Riah paint her first home... this picture still brings me lots of joy!!

JEM was full of good quotes and entertaining stories that day, including the classic tale about how he accidentally painted himself into a corner while redoing his own garage floor, having to cross over a lot of wet paint to get out.  I’ve thought about that story a lot lately.  It’s part of why I shut down the blog for a bit.  Without meaning to, I felt like I had written myself into a corner, trapped by the sincere hopes and clearly-documented life plans made by a past version of me.  I’ve had to remind myself often that I am allowed to change course and dream new dreams!!

For years, I talked and wrote about becoming a single mom until it became hard to admit that I might want something different now.  In addition to all the roadblocks I encountered, my desire itself had begun to shift.  It’s not that I don’t ever want kids or don't believe I would be a good mom, but the “doing it alone” part began to feel more daunting and isolating than empowering and connecting.

Following Jeff's paint story all the way through was oddly helpful for me... because he isn’t still stuck in that corner today.  It was messy, and it required some repair and cleanup, but often the only way out is through!  Jeffrey was single at the time, and he didn't have to tell any of us about that.  No one would have known if he had not mentioned it, and the same is pretty true in my story right now.  A comforting thought on some level.  But truthfully, no lasting harm was done, and 14 years later, that entertaining story helped me see my own way out.  (Here's hoping my story can do the same for someone else someday.)

So here I am.  My plans have changed, I'm calming down from a dizzying fall, and I've landed in a very supportive safety net of kind friends and family and a very faithful God.  Over the past month, I have written a letter of closure to the placing parent, cancelled the Dallas surgery, worked with the adoption agency, ended my time at ITS, and transitioned all my counseling clients.  Wet paint everywhere, but it's going to be okay.  I'm going to be okay.  I am beginning to look forward, while reminding myself not to rush into anything.  To be still and breathe for a bit.  This part is messy and hard, but it's also freeing and right.

Life is moving quickly and my thoughts are still settling, but I wanted to write this out today.  If you feel trapped or pressured in any area of life, I hope this imagery encourages you!

Do the hard thing you KNOW is right.
God will strengthen the safety net.
The fall will not kill you.
❤ ❤ ❤

Septembers I Remember

As a past-oriented Ennegram 9 (something interesting I learned about in Suzanne's book this month), I like to look for patterns.  

In spite of my genuine love for football season, Fair food, and Fall fun with friends and family, September has historically been a bit of a sad month for me...

2001 – My Senior year at CHA, crystalized memories of watching the national news in Mrs. Young’s office on September 11th

2002 – Trying to find my footing as a new college student at OBU; unsure of my major and not loving the bug-filled dorm room; very much missing my family and CHA friends

2010 – Frustrated with single life and shifting relationships; wrote my first blog post contemplating single motherhood (15th)

2012 – Struggling through a difficult Statistics class at SNU-Tulsa

2013 – Got my printed SNU diploma the same day Malori confirmed our friendship was over (9-6); Lots of grief over that ending + lots of time with newborn Kyndal Faith

2014 – Came off of the antidepressant medication; Walked out of a crazy “prayer ministry” cult (9-19)

2015 – Received a maddening rejection email from SNU’s master’s degree program (reason still unknown) on the day of Sarah’s monkey bread fiasco (9-25)

2016 – Gradually reconnected with a newly-married friend after not speaking for seven months

2019 – Handwriting thank-you notes with Mom after Grandad’s funeral

2020 – Malori announced her family was moving back to OKC, which ironically meant increasing tension and disconnection in our friendship

2021 – Car wreck in Ruby Claire just before my first home study with Shay at 522; (also finished my first adoption profile book)

2022 – Touring my nearly-complete new construction Taber home; lab work and IUI appointments at OU Reproductive; processing some negative pregnancy tests on my own

2023 – Adjusting to the busier schedule with my internship at Restore; Babah’s rapid decline, hospice, death, and memorial service

(The FB memory that got me thinking about this pattern today.  I so love these pics of the Wilson fam!)

2024 – A jarring, friendship-altering conversation on the 3rd; my video interview for a CCU professor job (never heard back); the death of Maggie Smith

2025 – More vulnerable and emotionally-painful Dallas IVF appointments; feeling overwhelmed and under-motivated in multiple areas of life; paused my candidacy hours; briefly researched surrogacy; finally closed the embryo adoption chapter

Even in my current state of mild exhaustion, I feel deeply aware that God's grace has been consistent in every melancholy element and painful season of my life, and I'm grateful He has blessed me with dependable friends and family!

I'm also very grateful that we get to start fresh with a new month tomorrow!!

❤ ❤ ❤

Compassionate Confrontation

“Honest, direct confrontation is a true expression of compassion. As Christians, we are in the world without being of it. It is precisely this position that renders confrontation both possible and necessary... We cannot suffer with the poor when we are unwilling to confront those persons and systems that cause poverty. We cannot set the captives free when we do not want to confront those who carry the keys. We cannot profess our solidarity with those who are oppressed when we are unwilling to confront the oppressor. Compassion without confrontation fades quickly into fruitless sentimental commiseration.”

~Henri Nouwen

Oof, this hit me hard today - what a fantastic quote!

He's not wrong.  I feel very experienced with "fruitless sentimental commiseration." lol  And while I believe there is some real value in empathetic connection and reminding people they are not alone, I want to grow in honest, direct confrontation.  Real compassion requires action.  Addressing what is wrong.  Speaking up for those who cannot speak for themselves.  Walking with assertive confidence and Godly authority.  Confronting evil rather than lamenting it or numbing myself to it while feigning powerlessness and remaining quiet.

Confrontation is not my strong suit,

but we can do hard things!

#growthmindset

Fun Fact: I finished the OKC Memorial Marathon five months ago, and I will cross the finish line with Chet Lee in the Route 66 Marathon (full for him; relay for me) less than two months from now! #getexcited

Hope it's been a lovely weekend for you.

I'll see you here tomorrow!

❤ ❤ ❤