Welcome Back + Prayer Plan

If my friends or family members happen to check in here, hello and welcome back!! =)  I hope your 2026 is off to a good start!

Writing is a healthy outlet for me, and I care about documenting the details... the blogging has been a bit more sporadic in 2026, but with or without a reading audience, I am likely to continue to blog for the foreseeable future!  I am giving myself the grace to be human and unfinished and imperfect, so I've decided to go ahead and make this public again... while still wrestling with some inner conflict over global events and personal goals and decisions ahead!

Seeing The Great Awakening on Easter weekend really inspired me to seek God more actively and to implement a new daily prayer for God-given wisdom and guidance in my decisions every morning.  I've also been convicted about turning to AI too often for relational guidance (more on that HERE), and I'm becoming more and more determined to pursue the REAL, God-given intimacy, wisdom, health, and inner power over any quicker-fix counterfeits.  Super challenging, and that is why I need to be serious in my daily prayer habit to help renew my mind and heart!!

"The longer I live, the more convincing proofs I see of this truth: that God governs in the affairs of men.  And if a sparrow cannot fall to the ground without His notice, is it probable that an empire can rise without His aid?  We have been assured, sir, in the Sacred Writings that "except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it."  I firmly believe this.  And I also believe that without His concurring aid, we shall succeed in this political building no better than the Builders of Babel... I therefore beg leave to move that henceforth prayers imploring the assistance of Heaven and its blessings on our deliberations be held in this assembly every morning before we proceed to business..."

~Ben Franklin to the Constitutional Convention❤

So there's that.  Again, welcome back, and Happy Monday!

And so that this post will have a photo, here's a throwback to our 1993 Glamour Shots pic I used for National Sibling Day 2026! ❤

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Distorted Reality

MINDSET SHIFT TIME!  I'm reminding myself of this lately:

There's a lot of truth to that.  I have "practiced noticing" all the best things about my favorite people and all the worst things about people who tend to annoy me.  I've practiced noticing God's goodness, but also practiced noticing what is wrong in the church.  Most recently, I have practiced noticing what makes the counseling profession difficult, but have not been actively seeking what makes it valuable and rewarding.  I've practiced noticing how difficult the first part of dating is (the online search, the small talk, the buildup, the potential rejection anxiety)... but haven't practiced thinking about all that could go right, and my low expectations of men (NOT low standards, but the educated belief that most men will fail to live up to them) sometimes become a self-fulfilling prophecy.  

So I want to practice noticing what is good and pure and lovely and uplifting, Philippians 4:8 style!!

I've been in kind of a rough headspace lately, feeling shame and wanting to disappear and hide, but this is helping me. I was practicing noticing my own faults and failings and struggle to find purpose, rather than practicing noticing all the opportunities to do meaningful things in the life I have right now.  I need to give my heart some space to grieve for the life I wish I had in this season - and then I need to pull it together and move forward.  It's the major themes versus the minor themes John Eldredge often talks about.

To be dramatic but honest, my heart has felt like a wilderness or desert... dry, barren, empty, parched, hidden, weary.... (not a mom, not a wife, not a counselor, not an author)... desolate, unchosen, unfruitful.  And the verse I read today about God bringing abundant flowers and singing and joy into the desert (Isaiah 35:1-2) was really a refreshing breath of fresh air for my soul and spirit!

I am believing Him for that kind of redemptive beauty in my life story!! ❤  Lather, rinse, repeat.

And that's all for this post.

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Marching On!!

While still working and prioritizing people I care about, I gave myself grace to take a legit break from a few things in January and February.  And now that March has arrived, I am embracing the natural growth and vibrant new life that comes with Springtime!!

The 1st day of March included signing up for a year of eHarmony and making an appointment to discuss Zepbound medication.  And here on day 15, I have officially started the lowest dose of Zepbound, texted with an eHarmony match, reconnected with CCU friends and joined a extracurricular group project with Amy and Faith, spoken with my Student Services Advisor about potentially resuming PhD classes in October, helped plan a baby shower for my favorite fam, welcomed my newest niece, reconnected with several old friends, learned about potential job changes at the OCC this fall, jumped back into the Peloton "HardCore" workout calendar, and signed up for a bungee fitness class in Moore!  Yay, Spring! lol

I've pushed myself to be busier and more productive on transcripts and other life goals lately.

I have not, however, felt very connected with God...

My soul thirsts for God, the living God, in a dry and weary land where there is no water.

That's been my phone screensaver for a bit, and it's a true story.

I think I am feeling a little forgotten/abandoned/hurt/disoriented about where to find purpose and whether anything I pursue and care about really makes a difference or even matters to God - whether He is invested in my story or kinda checked out and leaving me to fend for myself -- and I really, really need to take those thoughts captive, separate the light from the darkness, and draw near to Him.  I can feel myself being resistant lately, focusing on TV and friendships and busywork more than what matters most.  All other ground is sinking sand - and I'm reminding myself of that right now.  I will start my Renewal Write the Word prayer journal tomorrow morning, and I will make a new Power Thoughts list and video for this season.  I'm committing to that right now.

Shifting gears, here are some fun pics from a family dinner and game night earlier this month!  (Jace is trying to get us to guess the word "synagogue" by putting a styrofoam bowl on his head to play the Rabbi Simeon role from their 4th grade play! lol)

Yes to this.  Move on, learn, and adjust!

We got to catch up with Kate during Kyndal's Texas VB tournament - she's training for the Bike MS race in May, and I admire her resilient spirit and heart for Jesus! ❤

It's always fun to watch them!

Checking out the after-Christmas sales at Decorator's Warehouse (Texas's largest Christmas store) with Mom!

We had dinner with Kate and Evelyn on Friday, then her whole fam came to watch Kyndal play on Saturday! =)

Girls pic just before our drive back to Oklahoma!

Embracing the Peloton bike and app... this was Cody's 20-minute Guardians of the Galaxy ride (with music from that movie and Disney ride) - fun times!

While the bike workouts are great (and far more challenging now with the real Peloton bike), I really love being outside more often this year with my more relaxed remote schedule!!

This = a fun FaceTime catchup with Chettles and Sarah (at her AirBNB in Tahlequah) a couple days before baby Paige arrived... more on that in my next post!

Here's to Springtime and moving forward and March-ing on.

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Finishing Strong

One more post here tonight, and then one final November Blog Challenge post tomorrow!! ❤

They've posted some of the Route 66 official race photos (all available free, which is sooo appreciated)!  Ironically, they haven't posted any pics of Chet with Evan, Mark, or Daniel yet, and only a couple with Jeff - so hopefully they'll keep adding those in, but I was very happy to see these today.  If someone had to be first, I volunteer as tribute. lol  YAY for Finish Line pics with Chettles!!

This was like two seconds into my relay leg (by Tulsa University).  We posed it up for the photographer stationed there, then as we got closer, Chet was like, "Oh, hey Ben!"   Of course he would know the photographer! lol

This = Chet posing it up and me being fully oblivious to this photographer! lol

JEM and Chet nearing the relay exchange zone (I think).

Moving toward the Finish Line, me taking pics of Daniel and Lisa cheering for Chet!

We ❤ running! lol  False.  But we will smile for photos!!

Done!!

At Friendsgiving (later that night), Kantrell asked about how we all got into running or signing up for races, and I had a very immediate answer of Tara from The Biggest Loser!  Back in 2008-2009, she ran a Half-Marathon on the show, and it inspired me and gave me the courage to sign up at Fitness Together and train for the Route 66 Half that year.  In 2010, at least 7 other DDLG friends ran it and we all got a fun pic together afterwards.  Anyway, not all of what I learned from that show was helpful, but I'm grateful for the positive motivation to try signing up for a race... that's been a fun and productive hobby off and on over the last 16 years!

In other news, the wonderful Wilsons joined me today at the final home game for OSU!  Here's our windblown pic on the walk in - Vivian did not approve!

Even with the cold weather, the shirtless guys were going strong, and the inflatable shark in the midst of them brought me joy! lol

We sat inside and snacked and chatted through the first half, then ventured out for the 3rd quarter and one final round with Garth for this season! =)  Thanks again to Dad for the club tickets!!

Happy Saturday, friends and fam!  It's been a delightful and productive Thanksgiving week, and I very much enjoyed the break from work and school!!  Now I'm gearing up to finish strong for the final two weeks of the CCU research courses and the calendar year 2025 and my season of working at the Cleveland County Courthouse!

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Qualities

Day 13:  What’s a personal quality you’re proud of that others often notice?

(This question feels oddly phrased.)

Mind - I'm proud of cultivating a growth mindset where I always learn new things, and it's nice when others know me well enough to compliment that

Body - I'm proud of and deeply grateful for my smile (after experiencing facial paralysis with Bells Palsy, the ability to smile means a great deal to me, and I'm happy any time I hear compliments on that)

Soul - I am proud that I prioritize quality relationships and genuinely care about people; hopefully they notice and feel that, as well

Spirit - Pride isn't the right word, but I'm thankful that I'm willing to be brutally honest in confessing sin and repenting and pursuing peace with God 

Overall - Resilience and sincerity

Shifting gears, how great is this video?  I really love seeing their friendship, and I love and miss James Corden!!  He. is. precious!

"Oh, I hope in time we both will find peace of mind.
Sometimes the road less traveled is the road best left behind.
Well, I hope I learn to get over myself,
And stop trying to be somebody else..."

Happy Thursday, friends and fam!

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Brave & Beautiful Life

Day 12 - What song best captures your personality or current season of life - and why?

You can be amazing; you can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug.  You can be the outcast or be the backlash of somebody's lack of love.  Or you can start speaking up.  Nothing's gonna hurt you the way that words do when they settle 'neath your skin, kept on the inside and no sunlight, sometimes the shadow wins.  But I wonder what would happen if you say what you wanna say and let the words fall out.  Honestly, I wanna see you be brave with what you want to say...

Everybody's been there, everybody's been stared down by the enemy.  Falling for the fear and learn to disappear and bow down to the mighty.  But don't run.  Stop holding your tongue.  Maybe there's a way out of the cage where you live.  Maybe one of these days you can let the light in, and show me how big your brave is.  Say what you wanna say, and let the words fall out.  Honestly, I wanna see you be brave!

And since your history of silence won't do you any good - did you think it would?  Let your words be anything but empty.  Why don't you tell them the truth!?

Say what you wanna say, and let the words fall out.
Honestly, I wanna see you be brave!

There's a verrry long list of songs I love and relate to, but I'm going with Brave as the song best representing my personality and current season.

I'm getting better and better at speaking up, telling the truth, and being brave with what I want to say, gradually overcoming my history of silence or reactive sharp words or being the quiet outcast.  No more disappearing, no more falling for fear or giving in to the enemy or feeling caged.  More letting the light in and speaking truth in love!

I deeply love and respect moms and have often imagined myself being a good mom... but the closer I came to it, the more I felt trapped and panicked and gradually realized that single motherhood is really not my dream, then it was a ridiculous struggle for me to say that out loud and change course.  Throughout my entire adult life, writing has helped me sift through my thoughts and become braver with my words over time!  I'm grateful. ❤

Second place goes to the clean version of Eldest Daughter by T-Swift, as I really love the bridge to that song - so much so that I bought this t-shirt with those lyrics on it!  :-)  It's about reclaiming childhood joy and rest and renewing your hope for things you once said were dumb because you were projecting a false strength and you thought that you'd never find that "beautiful, beautiful life that shimmers that innocent light back like when we were young."  That resonates right now too, and I freaking love it. ❤

In other news, Happy Birthday to JoBug today!! ❤

Fun throwback to me getting to ride Tiana's Bayou Adventure (formerly Splash Mountain) twice on this day last year!!  To think, they were going to skip this gem! lol

Finally, here's the fam at Jace's first 7th grade basketball game last night!

(He was in no mood for photos after they lost.)

Looking forward to seeing them again at family dinner tonight!

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Courtroom Lessons

Day 6:  What has court reporting taught you about people and human nature?

I don't wanna go into case-by-case details here, but you see a lot and learn a lot in 21 years.  As a quiet observer who loves studying people, I am grateful for all court reporting has taught me.

As I thought about this prompt earlier, this verse came to mind...

I think one of the big things court reporting has taught me is to be more "shrewd."  Not cynical or fear-based or always assuming the worst, but less naive and gullible and easily-targeted. Viewing the world with more cautious discretion and wisdom, being a sharper judge of character, and being more prepared and alert to real evil and danger.  (The Bible teaches that, as well - to be on our guard because our spiritual enemy prowls around seeking someone to devour.)  Sexual predators do the same, and so many parents seem unaware of the threat.  So I am more vigilant, less likely to fall for sob stories or quickly trust people who have a lot to gain by lying, and more likely to want to hear both sides of a story and pay attention to real evidence over passionately-spoken words.  Still, I don't always get it right, and I do always sincerely hope people will turn a corner and change for the better!

Other quick thoughts:

Family court is rough, and I do not envy the judges who have to make custody decisions.

I see a lot of systemic brokenness in the juvenile system, and I am consistently frustrated by the way DHS operates.  

I believe people always have a choice when they screw up or hit rock bottom - 85%+ seem to choose victim-thinking and staying stuck in old patterns, but 15% find the inner grit to put in the messy hard work and change their future path for the better.  I love to see that!

(The above holds true for criminals and non-criminals alike, and I want to be in the smaller group who chooses active transformation over self-pity!)

There is real evil and violence and pain and trauma in the world.  We see a lot of people in their most stressful season, which is true for counseling profession, as well.  Prayer matters, character matters, kindness matters, and anchoring yourself in eternal hope matters.  We all have the opportunity to be a light shining in a dark world!

Speaking of lights that shine in darkness, here's our family pic with the harvest moon/supermoon last night!  Unsurprisingly, the selfie in night-mode failed to really capture it well, but still, yay for God's creativity, and yay for family dinners!!

Our jury trial ended with a not guilty verdict yesterday, and our second trial for this week settled - huzzah!  So today was light and breezy, and I met my cousin, Ashley, for lunch at La Baguette in Norman!  It had been a while, and it was really good to catch up with her!

And their bakery is legit.

Mel's podcast on how to combat overwhelm included some fantastic, counterintuitive advice.  This = my key takeaways, but it's worth listening to (HERE).

And that's all I have for today!

See y'all tomorrow!! =)

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Worldview

Day 5:  Write about a season when your faith or worldview guided you through something challenging.

Truly, that would apply in all the difficult seasons of my life.

But for today, I'll go with pressing through obstacles to earn my Master's degree!  It's an accomplishment and a memory that encourages me now as I pursue my doctorate.

You have to "do your own work" when you pursue a counseling degree -- which means processing your own ambiguous grief, trauma, anger, fear, confusion, etc. to be as healed as possible in your work with others.  Most of us are intentional about facing those things head-on, but if you are not, things in the program are likely to confront you and naturally bring up the things you've been avoiding.  

I would say the two defining components of my worldview come from Eldredge's "Hope in the Coming Kingdom" and Miller's "Hero on a Mission."  When my mind falls into comparison or jealousy, it helps me tremendously to remember that what EVERY PERSON experiences here on earth is partial and incomplete, so that I do not set my expectations too high for anything I am pursuing here, and I remember to anchor my heart in the hope of Heaven!  

It also really helps me to keep a forward-thinking, action-oriented, purposeful mindset where I always have meaningful goals that will benefit me and others that I am working toward!  (Hero on a Mission.)  In times of sadness or grief, it is easier to fall into self-pity, but I'm doing my best to avoid a victim mindset.  I am not helpless, and I am not apathetic.  I want to keep a proper perspective, to meet with trustworthy guides, and to remember my God-given power and agency to choose how I move forward!!

Current top 3 goals:*

1. Earn my PhD (so that I can become a CCU professor)
2. Establish a consistent workout routine and lead with protein (to reach goal weight of 155)
3. Spend 12-15 minutes a day meditating on God's love for me (until I have done it for 30 days solid)

Okay, that was helpful for me to think through.  Adoption/motherhood had been at the top of that list for so long that I hadn't really bothered to set a new relational goal until now.  I've heard multiple podcasts lately with themes around how mindfulness and meditation positively change our brains... along with the value of deeply understanding God's love for us, and I can feel myself being stubbornly resistant to all of it, so I'm going with that as my core relational goal for right now, which will help me choose the next one.

*Donald Miller recommends that we always have 3 goals that are personally meaningful to us -- no more, no less -- and to always add a new one when you reach or change one of your goals.  I love that framework - it gives you a consistent sense of purpose, but does not set any one thing too high!  Obviously, authoring a book will be on my list post-graduation, but not quite yet.

That's all for today.
Happy Wednesday, friends and fam!! =)
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November Blog Challenge

1.  Write about a moment that changed the way you see yourself or the world.

2.  What is one misconception about mental health you feel called to correct?

3.  Describe a small, seemingly ordinary moment in your life that turned out to be a defining scene in your story.

4.  You’re stranded on an island and can bring three items—what are they and why?

5.  Write about a season when your faith or worldview guided you through something challenging?

6.  What has court reporting taught you about people and human nature?

7.  What lesson keeps resurfacing - and why might God be repeating it in your life?

8.  If you could visit any moment in history—or your own past—for one day, when and where would you go?

9.  What’s a story from your life most people haven’t heard but reveals something important about who you are?

10.  Describe a time you stepped outside your comfort zone and what you learned.

11.  If your life were a metaphor (e.g., a race, a garden, a song, a book), what would it be and why?

12.  What song best captures your personality or current season of life, and why?

13.  What’s a personal quality you’re proud of that others often notice?

14.  In an alternate universe, what does your life look like?

15.  What dreams or goals are stirring in your heart for 2026 and beyond?

16.  What has counseling taught you about people’s resilience and inner strength?

17.  If you could rewrite one scene from your life, what would you change - or would you keep it exactly as it is?

18.  You can invite three people (living or dead) to dinner. Who are they, and what would you serve?

19.  What is one truth or principle God is teaching you right now?

20.  What are five small things that never fail to make you smile or brighten your day?

21.  If your life were made into a movie, what is the title and genre, and who would play you?

22.  Who are three people who have had the greatest impact on your character?

23.  What is one quote or verse that has deeply shaped how you live or think?

24.  Which TV or film character’s journey reminds you of your walk with God, and why?

25.  If you could wake up with one superpower (serious or silly), what would it be and how would you use it?

26.  What movie or show do you return to again and again, and what comfort or truth does it offer you each time?

27.  Write a prayer of thanks for this year’s blessings, challenges, and lessons.

28.  What’s something you’re surprisingly good at that most people wouldn’t guess about you?

29.  What activity, place, or experience makes you feel most like yourself?

30.  Reflect on this year’s spiritual theme — what word or lesson has shaped your journey?

*Writing prompts courtesy of my close personal friend, ChatGPT. lol

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