Qualities

Day 13:  What’s a personal quality you’re proud of that others often notice?

(This question feels oddly phrased.)

Mind - I'm proud of cultivating a growth mindset where I always learn new things, and it's nice when others know me well enough to compliment that

Body - I'm proud of and deeply grateful for my smile (after experiencing facial paralysis with Bells Palsy, the ability to smile means a great deal to me, and I'm happy any time I hear compliments on that)

Soul - I am proud that I prioritize quality relationships and genuinely care about people; hopefully they notice and feel that, as well

Spirit - Pride isn't the right word, but I'm thankful that I'm willing to be brutally honest in confessing sin and repenting and pursuing peace with God 

Overall - Resilience and sincerity

Shifting gears, how great is this video?  I really love seeing their friendship, and I love and miss James Corden!!  He. is. precious!

"Oh, I hope in time we both will find peace of mind.
Sometimes the road less traveled is the road best left behind.
Well, I hope I learn to get over myself,
And stop trying to be somebody else..."

Happy Thursday, friends and fam!

❤ ❤ ❤

Brave & Beautiful Life

Day 12 - What song best captures your personality or current season of life - and why?

You can be amazing; you can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug.  You can be the outcast or be the backlash of somebody's lack of love.  Or you can start speaking up.  Nothing's gonna hurt you the way that words do when they settle 'neath your skin, kept on the inside and no sunlight, sometimes the shadow wins.  But I wonder what would happen if you say what you wanna say and let the words fall out.  Honestly, I wanna see you be brave with what you want to say...

Everybody's been there, everybody's been stared down by the enemy.  Falling for the fear and learn to disappear and bow down to the mighty.  But don't run.  Stop holding your tongue.  Maybe there's a way out of the cage where you live.  Maybe one of these days you can let the light in, and show me how big your brave is.  Say what you wanna say, and let the words fall out.  Honestly, I wanna see you be brave!

And since your history of silence won't do you any good - did you think it would?  Let your words be anything but empty.  Why don't you tell them the truth!?

Say what you wanna say, and let the words fall out.
Honestly, I wanna see you be brave!

There's a verrry long list of songs I love and relate to, but I'm going with Brave as the song best representing my personality and current season.

I'm getting better and better at speaking up, telling the truth, and being brave with what I want to say, gradually overcoming my history of silence or reactive sharp words or being the quiet outcast.  No more disappearing, no more falling for fear or giving in to the enemy or feeling caged.  More letting the light in and speaking truth in love!

I deeply love and respect moms and have often imagined myself being a good mom... but the closer I came to it, the more I felt trapped and panicked and gradually realized that single motherhood is really not my dream, then it was a ridiculous struggle for me to say that out loud and change course.  Throughout my entire adult life, writing has helped me sift through my thoughts and become braver with my words over time!  I'm grateful. ❤

Second place goes to the clean version of Eldest Daughter by T-Swift, as I really love the bridge to that song - so much so that I bought this t-shirt with those lyrics on it!  :-)  It's about reclaiming childhood joy and rest and renewing your hope for things you once said were dumb because you were projecting a false strength and you thought that you'd never find that "beautiful, beautiful life that shimmers that innocent light back like when we were young."  That resonates right now too, and I freaking love it. ❤

In other news, Happy Birthday to JoBug today!! ❤

Fun throwback to me getting to ride Tiana's Bayou Adventure (formerly Splash Mountain) twice on this day last year!!  To think, they were going to skip this gem! lol

Finally, here's the fam at Jace's first 7th grade basketball game last night!

(He was in no mood for photos after they lost.)

Looking forward to seeing them again at family dinner tonight!

❤ ❤ ❤

Dancing Through the Lightning Strikes

"This is a temporary speed bump,

But failure brings you freedom,

And I can bring you love!

Don't you sweat it, baby, 

It's all right!  

You were dancing through the lightning strikes!

Sleepless in the onyx night,

But now the sky is opalite!

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh my Lord,

Never met no one like you before.

You had to make your own sunshine,

But now the sky is opalite!"

❤❤❤

So I say, "Thank you for the lovely bouquet!

I'm married to hustle,

And now I know the life of a showgirl, babe

And I'll never know another!

Pain hidden by the lipstick and lace.

Sequins are forever, 

And now I know the life of a showgirl, babe.

Wouldn't have it any other waaaaaaay!"

~Taylor Alison Swift

For real, though. =)

Bejeweled jeans and boots + friendship bracelets + orange cardigan + white cherry icee = movie ready! lol Let's freaking go! ❤

October 3rd is also known as "Mean Girls Day," so the Kelce bros recreated this meme from that movie, and it brings me so. much. joy!! lol

After my FB post, Tiffany texted saying she loved that I wore an orange cardigan for the movie.  I told her thanks for noticing because I bought it just because of this movie and felt slightly ridiculous. lol  She said she did the same thing, along with a mint-green shirt and matching earrings. lolol  Swifties understood the assignment!!

"It's a good thing I like my friends cancelled.

I salute you if you're much too much to handle!

...Now they've broken you like they've broken me,

But a shattered glass is a lot more sharp,

And now you know exactly who your friends are.

(You know who we are)

We're the ones with matching scars."

Enough of this tortured poet nonsense.

Welcome back, vibrant and happy T-Swift! lol

Your long-time fans had missed you!! 

❤✌

Did I enjoy the Release Party in a theater full of Swifties who clapped after every song!?

YES, on Friday then again on Saturday! lol  There were several adorable little girls in my theater, so I was grateful she went with the non-explicit, kid-friendly version of all the songs for the movie!  It's basically the equivalent of MTV's Making the Video (aww memories), a behind the scenes look at her Fate of Ophelia music video, then simple lyric videos with her talking briefly about how she wrote the other 11 songs.  Yet it made $33 million and took the #1 spot during the one weekend it was in theaters. lol  Love that journey for her! #marketinggenius

Do I love every song on this new album (TS12 - her 12th album with 12 new tracks)?  

No.  Personally, I could really do without Father Figure and Wood, and I agree with Laura that it's cringe and unnecessarily crass in those places. But I took those two off of my playlist and grabbed the clean version of everything else, and I'm loving it!  I immediately adored the title track, Opalite, Actually Romantic, and Cancelled... and Eldest Daughter, Wish List, and The Fate of Ophelia are all growing on me!  I'm already excited for her 13th album, as that is historically her favorite number and will be the first one made while she's been engaged and/or married.  It promises to be interesting - I'd love to see her dive back into country music, just for fun!

Do I feel genuine love and an interesting sense of loyalty toward Taylor Alison Swift?

Absolutely!  I am cheering for her and happy for every bit of joy and success she gets in life, and I'm very glad this album is a more joyful, uplifting, cheesy-fun-pop vibe than the last few.  It's been a good album to jog to as I'm getting back into that!!

It's a fun season for Swifties.  Among other record-breaking events, Taylor currently has:

• The biggest first-week sales for an album in US history
• The biggest single-day song streams in Spotify history
• The only artist this century to simultaneously top the song, album, and movie charts in the US in the same week
• Only album in history to debut all its tracks in the top 20 on US Apple Music
• Only album in history to occupy the entire top 12 on US Apple Music for multiple days

Song of the Week = The Life of a Showgirl by Taylor Swift, featuring Sabrina Carpenter

❤ ❤ ❤

Monday Musings

Grateful for a sunset prayer walk this weekend.

The fall weather was perfect, and being by the water is always good for my soul.  I put on some classical music and talked to God, doing my best to listen for His voice... I eventually turned the music off altogether hoping to feel more focused.  

Tuning into God's voice feels more difficult than usual in the midst of big decisions.  The memes I've saved lately reflect the inner conflict I've been feeling... decidedly unhelpful when you see them all together. lol

I've had a couple of helpful talks with Mom and Chet lately, and I had a 7:30am Zoom meeting with Dr. Ku today.  Getting his perspective and some extra information was helpful and more encouraging than I had expected.  He compared the fibroid to an iceberg, which is an analogy I understood well, and he said my odds of success are 60% if I have the surgery and then move forward.  I don't have perfect clarity or any sort of guarantee of motherhood, but I feel a peace from God that He will be with me and I will be okay if pregnancy does not happen for me.  On some level, I think that's what I was missing before - imagining myself alone receiving that news as crushing and devastating.  I am reminding myself even now that God's grace is with us moment to moment -- it is not there for our imagined future fears or losses - so our pre-grief can feel sharper and more painful, but in any real and present loss, His grace is sufficient to meet our daily needs.  So I am leaning into that with more faith that He has a good and hopeful plan for my future.  No firm decision yet, but processing all of this with more peace.

I think we all want clarity on God's will - as Erwin McManus put it, "We want a detailed road map, but we are handed a compass."  I want to honor God and do what is best for my future, but I am also very motivated to avoid/escape pain, whereas God is very motivated to transform me through it.

"WE DON’T KNOW what God wants us to pray for.  But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words.  And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers IN HARMONY WITH GOD’S OWN WILL.  And we know that God causes EVERYTHING to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.”  ~Romans 8:26-28

These verses feel helpful right now.  I hear Romans 8:28 on its own so often that I had forgotten this comes right before it - the Holy Spirit is praying for me in harmony with God's will - what a comforting  and powerful thought!  The members of the trinity are working together on my behalf, so I can feel the dark stress cloud lifting even before I make this decision.

Okay, back to fun photos:  An adorable pic of the Lock/Whitaker cousins!

Charlene, Al, and Hilary went to the OSU game on Friday while Kristin and Frankie kept Amelia and Clara!  This picture made me happy!

Here's Perry and Caroline Shankle + Ellie Faye in her cute new pom uniform + Lindsay and her kids on Phoenix's birthday!  (Happy Birthday in Heaven to Sharon today!!) ❤

A beautiful pic of AFD -- her Instagram stories this weekend included a fantastic mini-sermon reminding us of the intensifying spiritual warfare surrounding us, to pray the armor of God and pray for our spiritual leaders!

Fun fact: 13 years ago today, Chettles closed on his first home!!  Lots of fun memories from that day.

Spent most of the weekend lounging in my Let Them hoodie and the Yale PJ pants I bought at Yale in 2005!  They were a little small for me back then, and I'm grateful they fit now.  I had a pretty healthy weekend, and I'm planning to continue that streak this week!

After finishing allllll the homework last night, I watched Tower Heist.  It holds a special place in my heart since it was being filmed while we were in NYC in 2010!  I remember several streets being shut down, and we asked around and someone told us they were filming a movie with Ben Stiller and Eddie Murphy, then this came out in 2011!

Okay, I'm not devoting a full post to it, but Friends in Low Places, Two Pina Coladas, Much Too Young, Callin' Baton Rouge, Standing Outside the Fire, Rodeo, The Thunder Rolls, Beer Run, The Dance, and The River... it's a travesty in my book that so many people will never hear these great songs because Garth is over-protective and won't embrace Apple Music or YouTube.  I have seen him in concert twice now (Tulsa and Vegas), and both were fantastic!

"Now I gotta say that the wind and the waves 

and the moon winkin' down at me*

Eases my mind by leaving behind

The heartaches love often brings.

Now I've got a smile that goes on for miles

With no inclination to roam,

And I gotta say that I thank God I stayed,

'Cause this is feelin' more and more like home!"

*The five-syllable "me" at the end of that first sentence just floors me - it brings me so much joy the way he sings it, and the "smile that goes on for miles" line feels fitting! lol  Also, apparently the real lyric is "I think I've gotta stay," but I've always heard it as "I thank God I stayed," so I'm sticking with my version!  Leave it to me to spiritualize the joy he feels being in a bar. lol  Love Garth.  Really need him to come to the 2000s and hop on Apple Music!

Okay, that's all for this Monday morning.

Thanks for stopping by, and hope you have a wonderful week ahead!

❤ ❤ ❤

Ready to Face Whatever's Awaiting Me in NYC

"Look around, look around at how lucky we are to be alive right now!!"

"Plannin' for the future, see him now as he stands 

On the bow of a ship, headed for a new land:

In New York, you can be a new man!"

"Lookin' at the rolling fields, 

I can't believe that we are free!

Ready to face whatever's awaiting me in NYC!"

"These New York City streets get colder; I shoulder

Every burden, every disadvantage I have learned to manage...
When you're livin' on your knees, you RISE UP!"

"Like I said, you're free to go, but look around, look around:

The Revolution's happening in New York!"

"History is happening in Manhattan, and we just happen to be

In the greatest city in the world...

THE GREATEST CITY IN THE WORRRLD!"

"After the war, I went back to New York.

A-After the war, I went back to New York!"

"I am the one thing in life I can control.

I am inimitable; I am an original.

I'm not falling behind or running late.

I'm not standing still; I am lying in wait..."

"I just got home, and now I'm headed up to New York...

Headed to New York, headed to New York!"

"Can I show you what I'm proudest of?

I established the private orphanage in New York City."

"I'm the oldest and the wittiest,

and the gossip in New York City is insidious...."

"He's very attractive in the north, New Yorkers like his chances!"

Okaaay, now for the real trip recap, complete with loads of examples of God's kindness, which I'll count as I go...

Judge randomly gave Doris and I the afternoon off on Friday (1), so I was able to pack and head out in time to beat the 5 o'clock traffic.  I made the drive straight from Moore to the Doubletree by the DFW airport with no issues or major traffic problems (2).  Every reservation I made went smoothly, and they gave me 2 water bottles and 2 DoubleTree cookies as I checked in (3).  I was reminded via FB that Ed Sheeran's new album came out that day (4), which I listened to whilst riding a real Peloton bike for the very first time in the hotel's fitness center (5).  FUN!!  Ed is seriously the best... he did a live show in NYC on the 13th to celebrate the album release, so I'm happy we were there at the same time. lol  Anyway, I spent the remainder of that Friday night in Dallas enjoying my Chipotle dinner whilst watching Pitch Perfect and Harry Potter in my hotel room.  All in all, a very good day!

Didn't sleep well due to trip anxiety (I'm always afraid I won't wake up when the alarm is set at 4am), but I woke up in time to look cute before taking their free shuttle (6) to the airport at 5am.  I've always enjoyed airports, and they are especially delightful when you are traveling with only a purse and wearing slip-on tennis shoes (7).  Garth was my soundtrack at the DFW airport (he gets his own post soon bc I freaking love him), then I read and slept on the non-turbulent, very on-time flight to NYC (8).  (Months ago, the original flight time was delayed by 2 hours, so I knew I would be cutting it scary close - arriving at the airport just under one hour before the play began - and I could not afford another delay.). Thank you, Lord, that it was not a problem!

Lyft was cheaper, so I used them for my two 40-minute car rides... my first driver was deaf and the second spoke Spanish and was on the phone with a friend the whole time.  Everything was smooth and on time, and I felt safe and relaxed and not pressured to make conversation on those trips, so I'm grateful God worked all the details of that out (9).  I talked to Mom and texted with Chet on the drive (10), and we drove through some cute NYC-area neighborhoods that reminded me of The Intern and/or You've Got Mail. (11)

I arrived at 12:42 for the 1pm show... I'll take it (12)!!  This trip kinda snuck up on me, and it all felt surreal until I saw the theater and felt the full JOY of this moment! #letsfreakinggo #noragrets

The line for the restrooms were too long to bother, but there was a surprisingly short line at the merch table, so I grabbed a new zip-up HamilTEN hoodie - YAY (13)!  Then I headed up this cute little winding staircase to my box seat... it's a box for 3 people, and I assumed I would be seated with a couple, but it was a mom and daughter who were fully invested and animated and singing along to all of it, so I had a lot of fun sitting with them (14).

Start to finish, the play was everything I could've hoped for!  The crowd cheered for a solid 2 minutes when Leslie Odom Jr. stepped out to start it all off... and again after Wait for It and The Room Where It Happens.  The guy playing Hamilton (Trey Curtis, pictured left) was phenomenal - the best and strongest lead I have seen.  Same for Tamar Greene (center) who played George Washington, and of course, Leslie (right) who played Aaron Burr!  A truly excellent cast, as you would expect on Broadway, and a fantastic atmosphere in the Richard Rodgers theater - it lived up to my high expectations (15)!!  All the NYC-specific lyrics make it feel extra-special to be there!

After the play, I stood in the line hoping for a cameo for about 15 minutes, then decided I couldn't waste any more time there.  I noticed another line that had formed outside of the new-to-me Anita Gelato place, so I promptly headed over there and enjoyed some salted caramel and cookieman gelato!  It's typically impossible to find a table in any crowded NYC restaurant, but someone left just as I got my food (16), so I was able to sit down and savor it whilst reminiscing as I looked across the street at the Minskoff Theater! lol

The new hoodie I bought didn't smell great, so I popped into Sephora and remedied that by sampling their perfumes. lol  This = randomly seeing several brides gathered together... Tiffany said it's Fashion week, so it was probably related to that.  Fun!

My good friend, Travis! =)

Pink trees will always catch my eye, and when it's my favorite spot in Central Park (Bow Bridge), I had to grab it! =)

I did some Times Square shopping around, including the M&M store for cute new socks and PJ pants, and Junior's bakery for an early dinner and an oreo cheesecake to go - (to be honest, it was disappointing, and I'd go with another flavor next time)!

I found a cute little table outside and watched the crowds of Times Square whilst eating my mac and cheese and pondering how much my heart toward this city has changed through the years.  Where I would've once seen only danger and aggressive crowds, I now see so much beauty and courage.  You find what you look for, I guess, and I'm thankful my eyes and ears are more tuned to catch the goodness around me than they were back in 1998 or 2010 when I just wanted to go home.  NYC and Vegas are both overstimulating to many introverts, but I've grown to love them - I don't want to move there or anything, but it feels like I am able to find the quiet center in it all, to spot random acts of kindness and connection and zone into the faint background noise of Alicia Keys singing New York and hear that soundtrack above any chaos... and I'm grateful for that (17)!

After dining al fresco and buying my fun painting from a random street artist, I ordered the Uber to head back to the airport!  While there, I recharged my phone and edited some NYC through-the-years collages which I'll share in my next post.  Again, my flight was on time and smooth, and the pilot announced that he made record time leaving NYC, so we arrived back in Dallas 20 minutes early (18).  I slept soooo much better last night and got to sleep in till 10:45ish (19).  Then I grabbed a ShakeShack cheeseburger, checked out the Titanic Exhibit thanks to a well-placed FB ad (20), stopped by Jeni's Ice Cream and then the Stonebriar Mall for old times sake, checked into my amazing Embassy Suites room in Frisco, met with my CCU discussion group via Zoom, texted with the Shoemakers, grabbed Maggianos to-go for dinner, talked to Mom, and spent the rest of the day finishing up loads of homework just in time (21)... and now, I'm blogging whilst finishing my Maggiano's cheesecake (which made up for the Juniors one) (22) and halfway-watching Modern Family!  I rarely finish a meal in one sitting at this point... it's the desserts that I'll need to rein in when I get back home, but yay for being in vacation mode here!

My other new purchases = the HamilTEN hoodie (obvi), a cute Texas t-shirt from the DFW airport, and my NYC M&M pajama pants!!  Some fun items to commemorate this solo adventure to Dallas and NYC!  I'm proud of myself for booking this trip, for driving through Dallas repeatedly and feeling more confident and less fearful about that, 

That's all for tonight.  For the record, I'm still in the Dallas area because I have an appointment with Dallas IVF tomorrow afternoon to finally get the saline infusion sonogram that will determine whether I need another surgery.  Whatever happens tomorrow, I wanted to capture the best parts of this trip before that appointment!  I'm feeling very aware of and grateful for God's kindness right now, for my friends and family, for good food and good music and good movies and good memories, and for my ability to genuinely have fun and enjoy my own company... or better stated, the ever-present, protective, powerful, and kind company of Jesus!

"Look around, look around at how lucky we are to be alive right now!"

❤ ❤ ❤