Best of Both Worlds!

This makes me very happy.  Me with my feet in the pool + J&K swimming, and it shows the view of the Tinker Air Force Base fireworks show from my parents' backyard -- there's a perfect clearing between the trees, and their 250th-year fireworks show lasted around 20 minutes!!

So in the end, I'm thankful for the 4th of July storm - for starters, it made my evening at the Wilsons' more memorable, and same for J&K's time with their Dad in Mustang... then we all got to come together, along with my Aunt Charlene, for the postponed TAFB fireworks show last night!  I would very much appreciate this always being a two-day event so that I can celebrate with both friends and family! =)

These are my new Nike Alphafly running shoes... very cushioned and lightweight and recommended by my online running coach, and they felt great on my test run! =)  Excited to train for the Route 66 Half ahead... I'll be printing my official training plan later today!

Last night also included a belated birthday dinner for Kristin at The Ranch in Norman!  It was a last-minute change of plans after we learned Gaberino's closes on Sunday, and it did not disappoint.  We spent a couple hours catching up on everything - (yay for her and Rach both joining me in the 40s club now)!  I had their beef medallions, and she got the scallops, then we shared the fried okra, au gratin potatoes, bananas foster, and cinnamon roll bread pudding desserts!  "Nom nom for us, David!" =)

Saw the Young Washington with Mom and Dad yesterday afternoon... it's the part of George Washington's life I knew very little about, so it was interesting to learn what shaped him and how he became the respected first leader of our nation... I had assumed with the Independence Day weekend release that it would be at least a little focused on the Revolutionary War period and the building of America, and it really was not at all.  Bottom right pic = catching up on life over dessert post-fireworks!

Dad and Charlene behind me on one side, Mom and Rach on the other, my feet in the pool, and a really great fireworks show!

K-Faith beginning a very long and detailed account of their weekend + Jace re-enacting part of it for us! lol

❤ Happy 250th Birthday to America! ❤

And happy 5th of July from all of us! lol

Charlene had just gotten back from her Alaska cruise with Dana and the Myricks, so it was good to get some details about all of that as I prep for mine 22 days from now!!  Yay for the possibility of seeing eagles and whales - I'm so looking forward to a restful and refreshing week there!

Just a friendly reminder that God is with you and for you, having good plans for your future!

I'm feeling this one lately.
If I had to sum it up in a word, it'd be RENEWAL. ❤

  I've been off of GLP-1s for a couple months now.  And yes, my appetite for food has gradually increased... but so has my appetite/energy/zest for LIFE - for trying new things, seeing new possibilities, setting new goals, etc.  Bible reading, leading lifegroup, run training, Club Pilates, book writing, public speaking, all coming off of mute in the background.  Staying healthy will be more challenging (the protein goal is decidedly helpful there), but it's important to me not to numb my desires or emotions or hopes for reward moving forward!  #chooselife  I want to live a full and expansive life, not to settle for a low-energy imitation/sensation of fullness.  Lots of complex thoughts about that topic, but I'll save them for the book!

Hope you had a lovely weekend, and I hope your week is off to a great start!

❤ ❤ ❤

Life Lately...

Hey, friends and family!  Hope you're having a delightful weekend so far. ❤

This = me and Kristin walking toward each other from opposite sides of The Station on Wednesday. lol

It felt like a dramatic movie moment.  Their parking lot is so full (thanks to the pool being open this month) that we had to park on opposite sides of the lake.  Once we met in the middle, we had a lovely Wednesday walk and talk! =)

This = Tman heading into Holly's apartment for part two of his time in Colorado.  I came back home so I wouldn't miss too many workdays, but he stayed at her place (while she was in Vegas from Monday to Thursday) and explored more of Colorado.  He was able to meet with two of the mentors from Holly's company, another engineer friend of hers, and his favorite former teacher from CHA (who moved to CO a couple years back).  He also got to explore Breckenridge, brainstorm new business ideas, take the train to Boulder, walk around Cherry Creek, buy some groceries at Trader Joe's, and experience being in the apartment on his own for a few days.  I picked him up at the airport on Thursday night, and it was uplifting to hear how well things had gone for him!

The Mini Miss K is making this awesome gift for her best friend, Ellery!

I love her creativity and attention to detail, and the thoughtful effort she's putting in for her friend!

A screen background that made me happy when my computer rebooted.  I love this whole office room, honestly!  A cozy home workspace I don't wanna be forced to leave any time soon. lol

AFD and JW - all of her wedding planning posts are fun to read lately!

K-Faith is the best. lol  Huzzah for winning this trivia game... Dad was watching Jace play basketball, so only Mom and I played.  We both knew most of the answers, but I was faster to click the right button on my phone. lol

The KiwiCo gift subscription I got Tate for his 8th bday was a solid choice... this is the archery kit he built - Karli said it's been a hit with both kids, so I'm thrilled to hear that!  And on the right is preshface Parker being adorable with her mermaid Barbie.  (The Petite Princess subscription I got for her has been less than stellar so far - I need them to step it up and be more timely, as the thought of her running to the mailbox excited then coming back emptyhanded is the very saddest!)

Yay, new flowers (planted by Bobby) in my mini-flowerbed!

Speaking of flowers, in a surprising move, Rachael planted some flowers in her front yard her very own self, then she had an entertaining convo with ChattyG (as she calls it) about how they were doing.  This screenshot made Triston and I pretty happy! lolol  (And yes, I acknowledge it's a little creepy that it's telling her it "feels invested" and asking for more pics and saying they'll get through it together if the flowers die - the degree to which it is trained to act as a friend/therapist is pretty fascinating.)

Precious Tom Holland... playing the oldest brother in The Impossible (the tsunami movie), then today.  He and Glen Powell are my top two actors at the moment - I find Tom incredibly endearing.  His podcast interview with Amy Poehler was great... he talked about being severely dyslexic and having never hosted SNL because he tends to freeze when he has to read something aloud and worries about how he would handle the cue cards.  He always tries to memorize his lines for script read-throughs.  It just made me like him even more (as if Spider-Man and this epic performance weren't enough).

In other news, I hosted the Heal Out Loud women's LifeGroup for the second time yesterday.  We had an in-depth discussion of Psalm 139, then Katie shared her story with us.  Here's me, Haley, Natalie and Walker, Ashley, Josie, and Katie - thankful for this group and for the opportunity to host and lead this summer - it's been good for me in lots of ways!

Yesterday was also Mom and Dad's 45th Anniversary!!
Pics = her cooking and him washing dishes at a recent family dinner - (the only candid I threw in, but I'm grateful for their kindness and hospitality and they way they help/serve each other), 2013 anniversary dinner, after Grandad's graveside service 2019, their wedding day 1981, family dinner for T's graduation celebration, Mom's 70th birthday, their 40th Anniversary at Charleston's, Thanksgiving dinner at Justin's, and the ferry ride on our NYC trip!

❤

A CCU friend who is turning 30 this month had a dramatically-themed party that included cookies mourning her youth and a scavenger hunt at a real local cemetery (where I sincerely hope they planned the timing extra carefully).

*This is one of the most playful people I know, so I'm certain it was well-intended and a joyful time with her friends, and I sincerely hope her decade milestone bday ahead is fantastic!!

...Maybe it's because I've experienced intense grief along with genuine suicidality several years back, but I typically cannot get on board with jokes about death - even the skull memes and "I died" laughing trend is *not* a fit for me.  I have learned that our words have a spiritual and physical impact, "the power of life and death" as God put it -  and we can choose to speak life and hope and renewal, trusting that we can embody youthful energy, be kind to our inner child, and create fun memories with the people we love right up until God takes us to Heaven, where those things will literally never die again!!

On a related note, when I finish this blog, I will be writing a card for Kristen's parents, as the one-year anniversary of her death is fast approaching.  The front of the card is this verse:  "There are in the end three things that last: faith, hope, and love, and the greatest of these is love." ~1 Cor. 13:13
I am very grateful that Christ-centered faith, hope, and love never die. ❤

The fam (+ Ellery) after our dinner at BJ's last night! ❤

My Biscoff pizookie - shared with Mom and Rach and it was still unfinished, but yum!

I've watched a couple of the MasterClass videos from Shade Zahrai lately (pronounced Shaw-day, and writing it that way just made me think of Usher. lol)  She authored the Big Trust book on overcoming self-doubt that I loved.  In one of her classes, she talked about how she wasn't sure getting her PhD was worth the effort, and how there is great value in "the applied practitioner approach" (distilling complex academic research and presenting the information in a way that helps laypeople understand the core concepts and learn something valuable).  Mel Robbins, Brene Brown, Vanessa Van Edwards, and Beth Moore all do this well, and in every case, that is soooo much closer to what I want for my future than writing and publishing textbooks or rigorous academic papers full of terms most people would not understand or connect with.  I'm after heart connection that leads to Kingdom impact!

So I'm very grateful to Allen Levi for his rules of writing that sparked a lot of this thought process, and to Shade for that insight that allowed me to put clear language to something I've been feeling/thinking for a while now.  It's all starting to come together internally, and I've created a plan to write a solid book draft (not a memoir, but an accessible book that will incorporate pieces of my story along with Biblical truth and evidence-based research on learned helplessness, personal agency, and post-traumatic growth - yes, puh-lease!) I have a working title and clear chapter ideas and everything - yay!!  More on that as I move forward.  (I could absolutely sift through the research and write this book right now, but there is a sincere question/curiosity in my mind about whether the LPC and PhD would make my writing feel more credible here, so I may set up a meeting with Dr. Burkhart to discuss all of the above now that I'm beginning to see the end-goal and my desired reading audience more clearly, which all feels exciting and hopeful.)

Okay then!  Happy Sunday, Happy Flag Day, and Happy Bday to JMM! lol #neverforget  I hope it's a wonderful day and week ahead for you!!

❤ ❤ ❤

Timelines and Testimonies

Happy last day of May!!

We had a pizza party at Mom and Dad's to watch Game 7 of the Playoffs last night... a sad loss for the Thunder, but at least the Jaceman was happy!!

Watching the game, Paris (Bill & Jill's dog - Jill used to live in San Antonio), and the Spurs with their trophy!

GIF of Jace high-fiving Wemby at the beginning of Game 5 (the white hand closest to the camera on the left).  It made his day!

Sour Patch Kids' marketing team is the best... the "first they're sour, then they're sweet" commercials are the cutest, and seeing this nonsense brought me instant joy (in spite of it being fake news in my personal life at times). lol

Speaking of cuteness, here's Katie and Kaden after his Kindergarten graduation - little kids in caps and gowns is so adorable to me!!

Nana with Carter and Emberlee as he was competing in the high school rodeo finals this past week!

Cousin pics from 18 years ago this week... 2008 sincerely does not seem that far back to me!!

Also in that Shutterfly stack was this gem when we were grabbing a few things from 9121 for my move to 522 in the summer of 2007... Dad, Grandad, Babah, Rach, and Emily.

And this gem - my last-ever photo with JMM from June of '07 - (I never loved it as he'd just gotten a buzz cut and didn't look like the version of himself I was accustomed to, and I was wearing vertical stripes, which are almost always a mistake without a sweater or overshirt to change up the angle).  It's crazy to think that Triston is now the age Josh was here... and wearing his own Harvard shirt from the Senior trip to Boston!

Mini Miss K and her friends playing cards at Mom and Dad's... she opted not to swim that day because "Well, I just got my hair done, and it looks really good!" lol  She's not wrong.

I hosted, led, and shared my testimony and the condensed version of my life story with my women's LifeGroup on Saturday.  I'm thankful to say it went well, and we had a memorable discussion about Psalm 23 and Psalm 34.  It had a strengthening effect on me to really think through the whole timeline of my story again, to consider new ways I can see God's hand in it, and to specifically speak the gospel part of it out loud this time as I recounted the story of Mom leading me to Christ!!

❤

We're doing "Psalms and Stories" this summer - reading through and discussing Psalms then getting into our personal stories and walks with God.  I wrote mine out before sharing to help myself mentally organize it, and the themes I saw paired well with Christine Caine's email today:  "He's not distant or disinterested.  He's not too busy or too important.  He misses you when you drift.  He's calling you to come back, to come close, to come home.  God's heart is revealed throughout Scripture.  He wants relationship with you."

Hosting also inspired me to fully clean my house for the first time in a minute, so I had to snap some photos of everything looking put together!

The final portion of what I shared yesterday...

My favorite things about Jesus:

• His fiercely protective strength on behalf of His people
• His delight in the details of our lives

Looking back, I see a few themes in my story:  I am very relational, and I've spent a lot of my life looking for belonging in close relationships.  All while God has continually reminded me that my deepest belonging is found in Jesus - I belong to Him and I belong with Him.

I've learned to hold on to Kingdom hope and remember that we rarely understand the full picture while we're living through it.  One of my favorite verses says: “Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely."  ~I Corinthians 13:12

And finally, God is far more attentive, personal, and involved than I once believed.  I don’t always understand what He is up to even now, but I will know it completely in Heaven (if not before).  And I know with confidence today that He loves me deeply, He cares about every detail of my life, and He deserves the highest place of honor in my heart!

Okay, friends... 5 months down, 7 to go... here's my 1SE video for 2026 so far!

 ❤ ❤ ❤

The Storm of Self-Doubt

This book was a timely revelation and practically-helpful tool for me on the topic of self-doubt.  I listened to most of it during my drive home from seeing Annie and Eddie in Texas.  I had talked with Chet earlier that afternoon about how adrift I was feeling without the clear end goal of adoption.  He talked from his perspective about seeing all the doors God had opened for me with CCU, and it was a good (slightly jarring) reminder that it hasn't ALL been roadblocks and hurdles on the counseling journey...

It paired really well with the content of this book, and God used all of the above to inspire hope in me that this may not be the dead end I've been imagining.  Having some time to really think about my story and how much has shifted over the past two years was also helpful.  And in my own defense, there has been A LOT of change and loss to process, and I can see how I got here.  Somewhere between the weight loss surgery and recovery, the extra attention and inner/outer pressure to maintain a certain physical appearance whilst navigating hair loss and hormonal changes that would be difficult for any woman, the intense season of marathon training, trying and struggling to view myself as a "finisher" - someone who commits and finishes what she starts, the end of the master's program, the unexpected difficulty of finding a good counseling job, the hard situations and imposter syndrome in some of those early roles, the desire to bow out and disappear, getting into the PhD program, the high expectation and pressure to perform well while not feeling sure I really want to move forward there, facing the physical realities of aging and fibroids and repeated roadblocks head-on, letting go of my long-held adoption dream, quietly grieving that massive loss with precious little acknowledgement while trying to hold onto other dreams that were kind of rooted in that one, realizing how many of my dreams were tied to the idea of being a mom, pursuing the hope of dating whilst zero men are pursuing me, consistently trying to push back against the sense of feeling rejected/unworthy while also being uninspired by the pool of mediocre/passive men, navigating multiple dating apps and driving to another state for a date and staying open to friend set-ups while knowing there will always be others who believe I'm just not trying hard enough, getting raises and cushier job offers in court reporting while everyone keeps asking how my new counseling career is going, ambiguous grief and feeling unheard in certain family situations, and navigating a major friendship conflict and sharply critical/painful conversations there... it has all spiraled me into fairly crippling inner storm of shame and self-doubt, with an amped-up desire to numb out from the gnawing sense that nothing I do is ever quite enough.

Woof.  This book really opened my eyes to all of that, and now I believe God will help me rebuild my sense of identity and God-given power and authority!  I've always loved the verses that talk about Jesus teaching "with real authority, quite unlike their teachers of religious law."  I love and have always been drawn to people who speak with authority, who believe in themselves, lead well, and exude a genuine security and confidence that puts others at ease.  God is opening a few new doors, and I have some ideas brewing on what I want to pursue.  Whatever else I do with the remainder of my life, I know I want to pursue and live from that inner trust and confidence that is rooted in Christ!!

Big Trust Quotes:

• "You're not questioning just your skills or knowledge, but yourself.  Your value, your place, your right to take up space.  You doubt your very sense of who you are, and that's why self-doubt sticks.  Because we mistake it for who we are rather than something we've learned or internalized.
• Your brain's response to feeling not enough is often to overcompensate.  You tell yourself that the next achievement, promotion, or milestone will be the one, the moment you finally feel like you belong.  But the finish line keeps moving.  You take on more, chase perfection, and tie your worth to your output.  No matter how much you achieve, you still end the day thinking: Was it enough?
• The more visible you become, the more pressure you imagine is on you.  More eyes, more expectations, more chances to disappoint.  So you procrastinate, you hesitate, and you convince yourself you're fine where you are.  But you're not; you're just scared...  Safety feels better than growth, but staying small isn't safe.  It's self-sabotage.
• These patterns (overworking, people-pleasing, shrinking, or finding comfort in others' failures) all stem from the same belief: I'm not enough.  Every behavior is an attempt to avoid that discomfort, but until you face it head-on and call it out for the lie it is, you'll stay stuck.
• There will always be others who seem better equipped, more qualified, sharper, shinier, something.  The real difference between people who do the hard things and the ones who don't isn't talent, and it isn't usually skill.  It's BELIEF.  It's the ability to come back to an unshakable trust in your own unique individual strengths even when self-doubt is doing its best to derail you.
• Most of us are far more competent, stronger, wiser, and more capable than we give ourselves credit for. You don't need to pretend you know it all.  Trust the part of you that's always been willing to learn and brave enough to ask.  When you trust your skills and your ability to figure things out, challenges don't feel insurmountable.  When you connect to your inner authority, self-doubt quiets and self-trust begins to take its place.
• Self-trust grows faster in good company.  Surround yourself with people who believe in you, even when you don't.  These are the folks who hold you accountable, cheer you on, and remind you of who you are when doubt gets loud... one supportive person can make a world of difference! #truestory
• Don't just do this for you.  Be the leader who uplifts others, the parent who inspires, the friend who brings light, the human who makes the world better just by being more of who they are.  That's what big trust unlocks - not just inner trust, but outer impact!
• No matter where you are in life, YOUR FUTURE IS STILL YOURS TO SHAPE!  ...Self-trust isn't built in one grand moment.  It's built in every small moment where you decide:  I'm not shrinking.  I'm not hiding.  I'm not doubting - not this time.  Now, go re-write your story!"

God is with me.

God is for me.

He renews my strength 

and guides my steps,
and He will complete the good things

HE has started.

❤ ❤ ❤

Everything Else!

"Aggressively control your inputs."

This is my current focus, thanks to the Wild at Heart podcast.  This phrase definitely caught my attention as they talked about the foundational importance of being attentive and intentional about what we allow ourselves to take in (the daily content we consume on social media, podcasts, TV, news, etc.).  Physically and spiritually, we reap what we sow, and our physical, mental, and spiritual health (for the great most part) reflects our choices.  I want to be more intentional about choosing to take in and dwell on things that will bring me closer to God's joy, love, peace, and hope!!

Just a meme that made me laugh. =)

My cousin, Michael, with his fam - a hilarious AI portrait to mirror the "floating head" portrait trend of our parents' generation! lol

I need all the advice, please!

Parker E being a spinning star at her Spring ballet and tap recital... ❤❤ I missed this one in person, but Chettles was kind enough to send videos!! =)

A collage to celebrate Mom (also known as Mamaw) on Mother's Day!!

Parker E was upset but "trying to make herself smile" for this pic with Karli outside FBC... the closeup is so entertaining to me!  Preshface. lol  She's the best at bringing the drama of all the big emotions at once!!

Balcony seats at the MWC Warren for a nearly sold-out viewing of Michael on Mother's Day (round 4 for me, round one for everyone else - they all loved it - YAY!) -- followed by cookiecake and hanging out at Mom and Dad's!

Meet Libby, my new copper RX, an unexpectedly early gift from my Dad, and I love it!!!

Her full name is Liberty Belle bc that name combo made me laugh, and I chose Liberty for the Statue of Liberty, which was once this beautiful, vibrant copper color (and I'd so love to see it that way!!).  

Anyway, thanks for stopping by the blog!  This is a busy season, but I always feel better when I take some time to write things down, so I'm going to try to do it more often!

Make it a great day ahead!

❤ ❤ ❤