Thankful Thursday #226!

"Show us Your steadfast love, O Lord, and grant us Your salvation.  I listen carefully to what God the Lord is saying, for He speaks peace to His faithful people.  But let them not return to their foolish ways.  Surely He is ready to save those who honor Him, and His saving presence will remain in our land."  ~Psalm 85:7-9

Today, I am thanking God for:

1.  Rach passing her CPC (Certified Professional Coder) exam yesterday morning!!  She took amazing notes and studied hard for this one, and I was super happy to hear that she passed it on the first try!  

2.  Kristin's friendship and life example, and that her parents know she is in Heaven with Jesus now (she died early this morning).  Praying for her family and close circle as they process all of this.

3.  This meme from Chettles that made me laugh out loud. lol  (Also, I'm genuinely thankful for the way my identity and life dreams have grown and changed over time.)

4.  This truth.

5.  Squirrels - they're adorable and mischievous and funny. lol  But being this close to so many of them would've freaked me out!  (Dad took this pic on his park walk this morning.)

6.  Alicia!!  A California girl turned proud Texan, a graduate of Dallas Theological Seminary, and a fellow PhD student at CCU.  She celebrated her 29th birthday yesterday, so she'll have her PhD by the time she's 33!  I'm just beginning to get to know her, but I really love her vibrant energy and joy!  She has a list of 186 questions on her phone (she continually adds to it as she finds new ones), but during several of our dinners at Residency, each person would choose a number then we'd all go around answering that question - some deep, some funny, some incredibly random.  She had good book recommendations and solid Biblical wisdom during some of our group conversations, and my breakfast coffee convo with her on day one was also really encouraging - she asked me about my adoption hopes and dating history, and we had a good talk about Christian singleness and holding onto hope for marriage while moving forward with other dreams.  We lamented about how much the process of becoming an LPC varies from state to state, then she said, "What's cool is that with this degree we're getting, we'll be in a better position to lead and speak up and create change!"  And that was such an awesome reframe - to look at frustrating problems from the perspective of: How can I be a part of the solution?  Anyway, big fan of her already, and I hope she's having an awesome birth-week!

7.  Afternoon walks... sadly, I've been feeling a bit less safe and more aware of potential danger lately - hoping that subsides because I love being able to take a work-break and go for a walk around Main Street!  My last summer workday 5k included a cool-off stop midway for a small gelato at Apple Tree Chocolate! lol #yum  (My first time using ApplePay - glad to know how it works now.)

8.  Childhood videos... Rach had our old Beta and VHS videos converted to a digital format and played a few for us earlier this week... this was from our 1990 San Antonio trip with the Wallace fam!

9.  The Mini Miss K's creativity and love of games - after fam dinner on Tuesday, she made a "guess the celebrity" game for us on her phone, then screen-mirrored it to the TV! lol

10.  This reminder that life is big and wide and long, and God will open the right doors and close the wrong ones as we move forward!

Bonus:  Things that make me laugh while driving... like this pickup carrying Tiltawhirl cups on my drive to Colorado! lol

Happy Thursday, and Happy Juneteenth - (a Federal holiday, but not a State one, so we still had to work today - lame).  I love you and believe in you, and Jesus does too!!

❤❤❤

Thunder Up, Part 2!!

Dad decided to spring for 4 tickets for last night's Thunder game (Jace and Mom were uninterested or they'd have been welcome to join us)!  Ticketmaster did their best to make it difficult, but eventually Rach succeeded in ordering four tickets at the edge of the row!  ...They had half white and half blue t-shirts for this game, and we were happy to be in a blue section!

We parked at Harkins again - not a bad walk from there!

This guy was playing Rockin' Robin, a song that makes me happy as it makes me think of You've Got Mail!

Miss K is a big fan of Jalen Williams (#8)... apparently there are two players with that same name - crazy!  Anyway, I told her to pose with him when I noticed the sign above her, and she went all out! lol

So fun!!  Congrats to the Thunder for being in the Finals for the first time (I think)... one more win and we're national champions - go Oklahoma!!

False - thank God. lol  The game was nearly 3 hours long in total, and while we did plenty of enthusiastic cheering, I'm grateful we did not stand up the entire time!

The blue light effect was kinda fun!

After me shrugging the first ten times Kyndal asked me to explain what just happened, she learned to ask Grandpa! lol  (She'd made fun of Rach for cheering so intensely, so Rach and Dad switched seats! lol)

Sitting by Kyndal Faith and hearing her commentary was super fun!  We enjoyed watching some of the crazier fans near us - and she was focused and kept me up to speed on what was happening in the game. lol

Yay for this pic, and yay for free refills on the popcorn!

Me and the Miss K (with her Dippin Dots)!

Rach being extra just to annoy Kyndal every so often. lol

It was a loud, passionate, perfectly-energized crowd, and so fun being there for their 3rd win against the Pacers!!  Thanks again, Dad!

This summer has been delightfully light where court reporting work is concerned... I took a 30-minute hearing at the juvenile center this morning, then got to hang out at home for a bit before heading to the courthouse (where we have nothing set, but I'll take a 5k walk and try to finish up my supervision paperwork).  For now, I'm blogging from home... my new Macbook cover arrived today, and I love it! ❤

I guess that's all for now.
Happy Tuesday!

❤ ❤ ❤

Weekend Update!

Happy Sunday, and Happy Father's Day to my Dad and to all the great dads I know, love, respect, and value (including but not limited to the five friends pictured below)!! ❤

I completed my video reflection for Residency this afternoon... so that means 1 credit hour down, 59 to go!! lol  I am still in the surreal first mile of this new PhD "marathon," but the start line energy and community are strong, and I'm visualizing the finish line already! ;-)

Okay, catching up on photos now... Thursday, the Fulton fam came to OKC for Sarah to get her badge for clinical rounds at the VA hospitals.  I joined them for lunch at The Collective, a food hall downtown (a first for all of us, and the food was pretty good - I had BBQ and they had fried tacos and split a Hawaiian plate)!

In spite of the brief rain, we all enjoyed the outdoor courtyard with big umbrellas over the tables... here's Kate's dancing it up to Imagine Dragons whilst I chatted with Steve and Sarah (and took pictures, clearly)! =)

Sadly, Sarah fell and had an ankle injury on Tuesday of this past week, which means she was unable to start her clinicals at the planned time in Tahlequah.  She has a follow-up surgery consult this coming Thursday, so praying for good news and answers for her there!  In the meantime, at least Kate is enjoying the scooter! lol

A good reminder for everyone who feels like they're in limbo or making painfully-slow progress...

Yay, Pom energy!! lol

Rach had dental surgery on 3 teeth this Thursday, so I sent her a couple dentist gifs. =)

She's recovering well for the most part, although we're both mildly disturbed by the idea of the cadaver-bone graft... definitely some entertaining commentary there.  Here's the ladies' side of the table at Bricktown Brewery on Friday the 13th for Mom and Dad's 44th Anniversary!!

Terrible lighting on both of these, but here's the guys - Bill, Dad, and Jace Michael!

Bill and Jill just returned from an Arizona trip where she got some great pictures while they were hiking; Mom has been busy decorating and cleaning Neal's apartment with Aisa's help while he's been in Houston over the past week; Jace is focused on his fish and watching Transformers and keeping up with his summer workouts; Miss K is in the summer volleyball league and busy planning an epic birthday party and photo shoot; Rach is recovering and enjoying the summer off (they all got season passes to Frontier City and Hurricane Harbor, formerly known as White Water) and studying for her medical coding test this coming Wednesday; and Dad is walking outside and working at SF and looking into getting tickets for one of the final Thunder games ahead!  Yay for sunshine illuminating us for this summery group pic!!  (And sad that, once again, Dad is hidden where you can't fully see him in the photo.)

We met again on Saturday for an early Father's Day dinner at BJs... this = the front of Rach's Father's Day card! lol

She also brought cookies for everyone - I had part of mine whilst watching How to Train Your Dragon after dinner! =)

I did a double-take when I saw this on Instagram - Ashley's oldest son, Corbett, got married last month!  Craziness... I've followed her blog since they were all toddlers.  Love their family and love that Chris officiated this wedding - congrats to the Campbells! ❤

My new lifegroup had our second meeting yesterday.  God keeps showing up in new ways lately!  Two new women joined us - one is in the midst of a hard medical season needing extra prayer and friend support, and the other is a trauma therapist who moved here from Texas and is interviewing with Integrated Therapy Solutions this week!!  I'm enjoying those new connections and learning new things with Jesus and being outside more this summer... on that note, I've decided to give myself one day off each week on my daily 5k goal, which puts me right on track as we start this third week of June, so YAY!! ❤

I plan to complete my supervision paperwork and get started with my candidacy hours in the week ahead!!  Now I'm off to watch Abbott Elementary, and that concludes my life update for today!  

I love you and believe the best is yet to come, and I'm confident that God will complete the good things He has begun in us and through us and for us!

❤ ❤ ❤

Therapy Takeaways

“Shame derives its power from being unspeakable.  That’s why it loves perfectionists—it’s so easy to keep us quiet.  If we cultivate enough awareness about shame to name it and speak to it, we’ve basically cut it off at the knees.  Shame hates having words wrapped around it.  If we speak shame, it begins to wither.  Just the way exposure to light was deadly for the gremlins, language and story bring light to shame and destroy it.”  ~Brene Brown, Daring Greatly

Or as Mister Rogers says, "Anything mentionable is manageable."

My year of therapy work with Emily was largely about seeing myself in a new light—creating a safe place to say the hard things and begin untangling from shame.  I think I’m just starting to feel the ripple effects of that work.

Yesterday was our last regularly-scheduled session, and we're moving to an as-needed basis now.  We've had virtual sessions every other week throughout the past year.  It's the longest I've worked with any counselor, and thus the most deeply I've trusted any counselor and the most progress I've made in any one-year period of life.  (She's a PsyD technically working as a life coach, but she's very well trained, and we dove into past, present, and future topics, so I view her as a counselor/therapist.)

Among other things, we've explored:

• Separating physical hunger cues from visual/mental/emotional food cravings
• Post-surgery hormone fluctuations and early emotional panic and overwhelm
• Shame and trauma around weight, food, and past labels
• Healthy ways to handle new attention and potential unsolicited feedback
• How to discuss nutrition and surgery with others on my terms
• Body image issues and concerns that feel shallow to me but still matter
• The restrict/binge cycle and what holistic health really looks like
• Doubting myself as a clinician, especially while working with younger kids at Restore
• Marathon training; the toxic parts of diet culture and how that has affected me
• Reframing my mindset and language to center on "taking good care of myself"
• Online dating, the burned haystack dating method, necessary boundaries
• Paying attention to my intuition, paying less attention to what everyone else wants, rebuilding self-trust!!
• Tracing where I lost self-trust; discussing the effects of toxic positivity
• Marriage and motherhood, embryo adoption, grieving past efforts that have failed there
• The doctoral program, writing a memoir book, and other meaningful life goals
• Unconventional paths to success; being willing to reassess and redefine it
• Setting good boundaries, dealing with relational conflict
• Navigating a major change in a close friendship
• The value of friendships where I truly feel safe
• Anxiety around travel, politics, relationships, and feeling uninteresting
• Changing family dynamics, ambiguous grief, future transitions
• Letting go of the idea that I have to stay in counseling forever, even if I don't enjoy it
• Freeing myself from ignorant and hurtful comments that caused shame and self-doubt
• Past and present grief, the fullness of my past rejection stories, Bells Palsy, and my heart for families dealing with medical challenges
• Speaking out loud the major shame comments that stuck in my mind (and decreasing their power over me)
• What I learned from the Mel Robbins Launch course and Let Them theory
• My core values, growing spiritually, growing as a leader, crazy church group stories and how that affects my view of IFS, challenging myself to join a new small group
• Book recommendations, potential dissertation topics, and APA vs. CACREP PhDs
• Considering the advice my 90-year-old self would give me
• Making decisions with the lens of what I would regret walking away from

Gracious, a lot happens in any given year, and the past year was particularly pivotal and transformational in my life!  I am beyond grateful for Emily's validation, gentleness, empathy, support, example, and wisdom!  Feeling seen and heard matters, and even if we only discussed some of the above one time, it's made a difference for me.  Our session yesterday was fantastic -- I shared my news about the doctoral residency trip and details of the embryo adoption match -- we celebrated all of that together and processed the new ways God is working in my heart and life.  Then we briefly discussed her dissertation topic (on finding meaning and purpose after you reach the acceptance stage of deep grief, based on Victor Frankl's book and logotherapy, which is what inspired Donald Miller's Hero on a Mission, so we talked about that too!)...  Then we went 30 minutes over time going over our original therapy goals (5) and discussing takeaways and areas where we see growth and improvement.  She said she is cheering me on and praying for me, and reminded me that I should let myself celebrate and feel joy and trust that I can handle it if things do not work out the way I'm hoping.  I'm going to collect my thoughts and write an email thanking her for helping me through the past year.  We've built a solid foundation now, and I will absolutely call her and set up a session when the next season calls for extra support or discernment.

Emily (left) with Amy and Lynda from Oak Haven

All our sessions have been virtual, but I hope to get a photo with Emily next time I have an opportunity!  Either way, I'm grateful for all the ways our therapeutic relationship has added value to my life... not the least of which was providing a solid example for me as I prepare to begin working with clients again soon!! ❤

Love and Leadership

I’m currently going through Beth Moore’s summer Bible study, Becoming Who We Are: Losing the Imposter, Finding What’s Real.  (She's offering it free on YouTube, starting HERE.)  Her top goal is for the women participating in this study "To know so deeply who we are in Christ that we are unshaken no matter who denies, doubts, diminishes, or mocks it."  Love that, and the first two videos have been refreshing!  I feel like God brought this into my life at just the right time as He’s calling me into a new level of vision and leadership...

Beth says, “Everything about becoming who we are hinges on absorbing how we are loved by God,” backing that up with abundant Scriptural reminders that we were chosen in Him before the creation of the world, remarkably and wondrously made, that every day of our lives was recorded in His book before one came to pass.  We are carried by the God who appoints our time in history and the boundaries of where we live.  We are created for good works He prepared in advance, and nothing can separate us from His faithful love. ❤

She invited us to reflect on how people behave in relationships when they know they are loved versus when they feel unsure about that.  I’ve experienced both sides of that spectrum very personally.  When I feel confident in someone's love, I am more whole, secure, peaceful, confident, and able to give and love others well.  But in relationships that spark doubt or insecurity, I’ve found myself feeling more broken, emotional, desperate, anxious, and needy (that's based on my attachment style - others might have a more fiercely independent reaction).  The rejection I've endured means it usually takes me a whiiiiile to really trust people and be vulnerable with them, and when I finally get there, not everyone has handled it well.  I’m so very thankful for the people in my life who have loved me well -- not perfectly, but consistently.  Their love and faithfulness have helped deepen my sense of security, grow my trust and discernment, and strengthen my character and personal growth!  More importantly, they have been a tangible picture of God's love and His refusal to give up on me - it's why loving others well is so important to Jesus.

My time at CCU was full of leaders I highly respect challenging me and my peers to begin viewing ourselves as leaders and practice stepping into Christian leadership more often in big and small ways.  (Like rather than complaining about the counseling board's decisions and lamenting about how messy and divided the regulations are from state to state, plan to join those boards and be an active part of creating change - Alicia and I talked about that at the coffee shop that first morning, and it was a great reframe for me.  I always used to roll my eyes as I listened to Judges complaining about the way things were running, knowing they were in a position to actually fix it if they tried -- so I'm gradually moving into more of a leadership role, and I have to shift the way I see myself and be ready to act with courage and character.)  Ironically - aka a total God thing - my call with Chet on the way to Colorado was a good precursor to all of that, about embracing new dynamics and viewing it as a compliment when God entrusts me with more responsibility!  I love when God sends a lot of things that align to create a really clear message for us - I need that level of confirmation in my life. lol  

Being loved well and having a deeper understanding of God's love will always strengthen us in our calling.  Jesus KNEW exactly where He came from and who He was - He had a strong sense of protective support and beloved/chosen identity.  And He led well and accomplished everything God set out for Him to do because He understood what He was here for (earthly passion and purpose) and where He was going (firmly-anchored eternal hope and love for God)!  In this season, I am drawn to the intersection of Godly leadership and understanding God's love.  I want to grow in integrity and humility as I gradually and imperfectly start to step up and speak up more often.  I also want to practice fully believing and receiving the love of God — to live from a deeply secure and healed place of being LOVED, VALUED, SEEN, and CHOSEN.  Beth's study is helping me with that!

"Lord, You are my portion and my cup of blessing;

You hold my future.

The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;

Indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance."

~Psalm 16:5-6

"Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine;

Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine...

Watching and waiting, looking above,

Filled with His goodness, lost in His love!"

~Blessed Assurance, Fanny Crosby

Oswald Chambers said, "The root of all sin is the suspicion that God is not good.”  I had to think about that one for a minute, but I get it.  We’ve all wrestled with that suspicion sometimes.  The areas where I am weakest and most in need of God's forgiveness, healing, and strength are also the areas where I am most in need of TRUTH from God's Word (a deeper understanding of it).  Jim Cress wrote an article for Christian Counseling Today where he talked about a practical tool he uses with clients who are stuck in shame and feeling blocked from receiving God's love... he encourages them to write the character traits (try the top 10) that come to mind when they think about their dad or father figure, one per index card.  Then they take time to reflect - knowingly or unknowingly, how many of these painful traits have I projected onto God?  They work together to prayerfully replace false or limiting traits with new words that reflect who God truly is and wants to be to them.  It's worth every bit of time and intentional effort to heal our relationship with God, and I’d love to offer that as an exercise with faith-based clients in the future.

Okay, shifting gears, yesterday’s verse from the Bible App was a lovely reminder.  Thanks in large part to John Eldredge's teachings, the hope of Heaven is very real to me - not just vague and ethereal, but a reward I think about often and look forward to.  Thanks to grief group work and my own grief experience, the searing pain of loss is also very real to me - I understand that grieving with eternal hope is still legitimately HARD and ongoing.  Kristen had several great visits with friends and family during the week I was in Colorado -- I love that she had that time and was able to read/hear the many memories and words of gratitude and encouragement that are pouring in from all sides at this point!  Even though I missed the window to see her again in person, I'm really thankful for our phone call a couple weeks back.  It was a gift!  We had a good long talk, and I prayed with her before we hung up.  Her mom was there in the background and thanked me for sending the card and blanket.  Kristen shared about her daily routine and the physical pain she was experiencing and the loneliness of some friends/family distancing themselves from her suffering.  She also shared about growing with God and the people who had stepped up in awesome, unexpected ways and seeing subtle places where God was using her story to encourage others - she was full of faith and hope in the midst of wrestling with honest doubt and fear, and she was very kind in asking about my life and things she's seen on Facebook.  It was really encouraging for both of us to talk - we planned to make it a regular thing, and I was honestly excited about that and enlisting other friends to reach out.... our talk was interrupted 3x by nurses or doctors coming in to check different vitals or bring medications.  She was feeling pretty good that night but had been diagnosed with pneumonia earlier that morning, and neither of us had any idea how quickly things would shift... an infection spread, and the life-saving white blood cell donors were unable to move forward because of the pneumonia diagnosis.  The day before their trip back to Oklahoma, she texted: "God is giving me a peace and looking forward to going home."  I so appreciate the double meaning there.  We've texted a few more times, but our planned phone call the next week never happened, as she was back and forth with fevers after being transported to Oklahoma for palliative care... it's all really sobering, and there are brutally hard realities to the process of dying from cancer.  She is sleeping a lot at this point.  I believe she knows that she is loved and that her life mattered, and I'm so glad and thankful that she received some tangible reminders of that in her final days!!  Praying for peace, comfort, anchoring hope, grief support, and feeling surrounded by God's love for the Harriss family and their close circle today.  (This paragraph grew longer than I meant for it to, but it's on my heart a lot lately.)

Faith pointed out to me that there are crosses in all the upper windows of the CCU chapel room - I love that! ❤

So that's a recap of some things on my heart and areas where God is speaking to me lately - hopefully it made sense and felt encouraging.  Lighter post coming this afternoon!!

You are loved, valued, seen, and chosen by God.
The Lord holds your future,
And you have a beautiful inheritance!

❤ ❤ ❤

Doctoral Residency, Part 2!

Writing from a hotel room in Goodland, Kansas tonight!  Grateful for a comfy bed - the dorm mattresses are rough - 3.5 hours down, 6.5 to go tomorrow!

This = Friday breakfast with Ashley and Robyn, one of my favorite parts of this CES Residency!  They were the role play students that I "mentored" or supervised last year.  We had some great talks then and I gave them a list of tips and professor recommendations as they were beginning the Master's program.  So glad I texted them on Thursday ~ they were both back in CO as roommates at MAC Res 2, and we decided to meet up at 7am for breakfast... an hour and a half wasn't really enough time, but it was great to hear about their first year in the program, the internship sites they've found for this coming August, and their interest in the PhD program - which we discussed quite a bit, as well!  They both said thanks for the tips I gave them last year - they've had fantastic professors and are absolutely loving the program so far, so we were all just CCU fangirls talking it up! lol  Anyway, it was great to see them and catch up, and it really encouraged me to hear how something that took a small effort on my part made a big difference in their lives. ❤

Last July at their Res 1 and my Res 3 (they pair people up for role play exercises, then you work together the whole week coaching/supporting them as they practice counseling each other).

On that note, Christian counselors make awesome friends - the listening skills, the sincere empathy, and the strong tendency to dive right on into the deeper topics is such a breath of fresh air every time I'm surrounded by CCU Counseling Students!

Me and Heather Martinez, my roommate this year (there are three rooms that connect to the same living room common area - it was me and Heather, Alicia and Charisse, and Michelle and Laura)!  Heather is a wife and a mom of one boy and two girls, and she's already working as an LPC-Supervisor with a thriving counseling practice!

Finally getting to know Faith Smith, a peer from my CCU Master's cohort (but we had no classes together that whole time).  She and I helped co-lead Dr. Brashear's group of Masters Res 2 students yesterday, and it was awesome to hear their stories and stresses and answer their questions and encourage them and share a bit about our Practicum and Internship experiences!!  I loved being in that role and connecting with/encouraging people who are just a few steps behind me, and that reminder was a gift as I've been considering whether I would really enjoy a teaching/supervising role!

Alicia, Elyse, and Ellie taking a stretch break! lol

Everyone else got a drink with dinner last night, so I got a fun cheers-ing pic!

After our Saturday dinner at Lady Nomada (where we ran into Dr. Robinson from CCU)!

Me and Alicia and Terri went to see Thunderbolts after dinner... then had a great talk about how the movie illustrates shame/depression and the way we need community!

I love this campus.  That's all.

Worship session Sunday morning!

❤❤❤

The majority of today was "Super Statistical Sunday," where Dr. Wood talked with us for a long time about Quantitative Research and the SPSS software that will help with our calculations.  It wasn't as bad as I'd expected, and I'm quite thankful we're not having to memorize formulas or do any math by hand.  I can input data into a spreadsheet with the best of them. lol

After a long day of mostly stats work, it was soooo refreshing to end with a 40-minute lecture from Dr. Burkhart, followed by the group photo I'd been wanting all day, then the commissioning ceremony and closing prayer!

I so respect and value the Godly leaders at this school!  Also, I sent this pic to Chet because this slide made me think of him - he's good at most if not all of these "leadership paradoxes."

The new Considine Chapel... in a last-minute decision, Dr. Burkhart let us come in there for the group photo, then we stayed there for the final session, and it felt sacred in a way I can't really explain well in words.

Above = the 17 students in my cohort, along with Dr. Sara Wood, Dr. Gregg Elliott, and Dr. Selin Philip!

I'm so grateful for the words spoken to us and over us today!

Dr. Philip (in her humble but powerful way):  "Trust the process, and trust the God behind the process... Welcome to this holy, sacred work of leadership!"  

Dr. Elliott:  "You are where you are supposed to be - do not let go of it easily!  You made this decision with fortitude and faith and determination... and the only way you won't make it through at this point is if you choose not to make it!" ❤

The Res 2 doctoral students (CCU's first cohort) gathered around us along with the faculty and prayed over us... then we did the same surrounding them, and Dr. Burkhart prayed for all of us.  He started off with "Lord, I'm most grateful for when You showed up in moments of transition and seasons of change, when I needed guidance and had to make decisions that were scary or hard..."

I really felt that.  In spite of my deep love for CCU, I am not entirely sure that this is what I'm supposed to do with my life in this season.  Life tends to throw curveballs when we least expect it.  The adoption door is still in question for me, and I believe motherhood could also be a high calling and a vital role in God's Kingdom, and I have valid doubts about my ability to do both well in my current situation... Anyway, while thinking through all of that very quickly, Dr. Burkhart ended his prayer with:  "We pray that these students would advance Your Kingdom and Your mission and Your purpose in whatever role they find themselves!"  I was holding hands with Faith Smith and Dr. Wood, and I had tears rolling down both sides of my face at that point.  Because YES, Lord - that is the actual point - and I felt so much freedom as I heard him say that.  Honestly, the PhD is within reach for me, but it is just one of MANY ways that I might be able to advance God's Kingdom and mission - there is no pressure from God or no sense that this is the only way I can honor Him with my life - so I'm moving forward with classes and doing my best for now while holding these dreams loosely and keeping my heart open and surrendered to God's leading.  Not my will, but His purpose for me.  Dr. Philip gave each of us first-year students a bag of mustard seeds as a reminder that although we may feel small right now, God can grow our lives into something that nourishes others when we stay rooted in Him.  She gave each of the year 3 students a towel tied in a bow to remind them of Jesus' example of washing feet and serving others even as He led with great authority.  She's phenomenal, and I want to become her real life actual friend. lol

I can't say I have full clarity on what will happen moving forward, but I do have renewed peace and faith. ❤

If God chooses not to open the door for motherhood, then I will probably be back on the CCU campus in 2027, ready to complete my dissertation and move forward in my career calling.  If I become a Mom by that time, then I'll pray about it and hope to be back at CCU down the road.  I have six years from now to complete the PhD degree, so I'm aware of that ticking timeline, and I'm grateful to know that God has a good plan!  Whether it's two years or five years or somewhere in between there, I pray that God richly blesses Colorado Christian University until we meet again! =)

I love you and believe in you, and Jesus does too!  May we all advance God's Kingdom, His mission, and His purpose - right where we are today!

❤ ❤ ❤