Everything Else

Happy Saturday!  I have a bit of homework to finish, but first things first: catching up on the blogging!

This afternoon was Week 1 of the Good Boundaries and Goodbyes study with my women's lifegroup.  This = Me, Ashley, Haley, Katie, Josie, Christi, Natalie, and her son.  

(Very funny to me that this Moore group also has a Natalie Reed and a Jennie Curran.)

Anyway, this illustration was on point... Lysa said there is always tension when we give people a high level of access to our heart, energy, and inner world who do not handle those things responsibly.  She said we often try to fix and control things by asking them to be more responsible/kind/compassionate, but we cannot change other people.  The thing we can control is our own boundaries and the amount of access we give them, making it match the level of effort and care they put into the relationship.

Pretty much condensed my 7-year former friendship into one little screenshot. lol

It was a fantastic reminder, and we had a good group discussion about that!

The presh mini-Miss K has been a volleyball star for five years already, with her entire junior high and high school years to come!  What a little preshface on her first team back in 2020!

Feeling this, but also just fully embracing it as hoodie season even if it's hot outside. lol

Aww, memories of when I had this much hair!  The hair loss post-weight loss surgery is very real.  Still worth it, and I believe it's coming back now, but thank the Lord for Halo Couture (aka Vivian) in the meantime!

Okay, stick with me on this one...

You know how people who have lost a good amount of weight sometimes talk about how they still see themselves as larger - the whole body dysmorphia thing where your brain tells you you are bigger than you really are.  Habit-wise, I totally get feeling pulled toward the old identity.  Image-wise, I kinda feel like I had that in reverse. lol  Like, I was interested in losing weight, but I genuinely felt cute and happy with my looks pretty regularly as a woman who weighed 250+ in all these pictures.  And it's only now that I sometimes think, "Wow, I honestly never realized I was that big" as I look back at certain photos.  Even now, I'm not skinny by any definition, but I feel good about the weight I've lost.  I'm a little more self-conscious about my looks sometimes now, but for the great most part, then and now, I think I tend to view myself as smaller and cuter than I might actually be, so I'm gonna just take that as a freaking win. lol

On a somewhat related note, I've spent my entire life being a single woman without much male interest or attention, but I have spent less time worrying about that dynamic than people probably imagine.  When I think about the vast unknown future, I don't like the idea of "being alone" as I age - but that's more about a mild fear of aging than being un-coupled.  On a day-by-day basis, I am usually aware of the company of Jesus.  I'm an introvert who has good quality relationships, and I very much enjoy living on my own and very rarely feel deeply lonely.  Maybe all of this is the Ennegram 9 in me finding ways to be unaffected by hard things?  Whatever it is, I'll take it.  Having zero experience to speak from, I'm still firmly convinced I would be an excellent supportive wife, so I may venture back into the dating world eventually, and I will absolutely continue to work on my health goals, but in the meantime, I am truly grateful that, as an admittedly overweight and long-term single woman, I mostly feel cute and loved! lol

Mmkay, back to present-day pics... thanks to Carter's game being rescheduled, we made a last-minute family dinner plan last night!

Friday night dinner at Ted's... Dad, me, and the Miss K, and all of our unused and unappreciated salsa! lol

This ice cream place is new to the shopping center with Ted's, so we ventured over for dessert, and I was delighted to see they had Cookie Butter ice cream!

Yay for the Jaceman's colorful Nike shoes! =)

Group pic on our way out + photobomb by the customer behind us! =)

Here's a cute pic of Teresa with her grandkids at her Hideaway bday dinner! ❤

Mmkay, I'll focus on finishing my homework now!  After all, the homoscedasticity and skewness and kurtosis and multiple regression analyses and scatterplots and Q-Q plots and collinearity statistics can't wait forever.  Persevering through it for now, but gracious, quantitative research is NOT my strong suit!!!

It's been just lovely to catch up with you here, and I hope you have a fantastic and relaxing Sunday ahead!

❤ ❤ ❤

Words of Wisdom

Happy Friday, friends.  Mel Robbins had Kellie Gerardi on her podcast this week, and they talked about Kellie's career as a researcher and astronaut.  They also discussed her public journey with IVF and the high anticipatory stress and multiple miscarriages she has endured.  Parts of it felt very timely and encouraging, and I'm confident I'll share more of my thoughts next week.

My top takeaways:

On Her IVF Journey:

• "The journey of infertility and loss is not new to me, but sharing it in real time certainly is...  I've reached this point where I was sharing so much about my personal life and my work that it felt remiss to not be talking about the 1,000-pound elephant that was sitting on top of me in my life.  And I think that is such an insidious part of IVF is that it becomes so all-consuming... mentally, emotionally, physically, financially, no matter how full your life is, this becomes the A-plot... This fertility odyssey is something that so many women navigate invisibly and still show up to everything else in their life because they have to, and I really wanted to de-stigmatize that and show other women they are not alone." -Kellie

On Grief, Hope, and Vulnerability

• "I would rather spend nine weeks living in hope and optimism, and then feel disappointed than to brace for nine weeks...  In the waiting, I feel like I'm actually holding energy that something negative is going to happen if I'm living in a state of bracing instead of a state of celebration!" -Mel

• Grief is not something we have to carry in silence.  Sharing our struggles invites support, not pity.

• Hope doesn’t increase the disappointment, but it makes the waiting more meaningful.

• Anxiety is natural, but catastrophizing drains our joy.  It's best to let ourselves feel the excitement and possibility of what could go right.

On Community and Transparency

• "There was such a low chance that something could go wrong at this point.  And then you realize that there are always people who fall on the sad side of those statistics, and this time, I was one of them...  So often, we're made to feel like this is our private burden to navigate in isolation, and I reject that... That's not how I want to live.  I wanted the support; I wanted to lean on my community because this was devastating.  And I did share in real time." -Kellie
  

• Transparency relieves the pressure while revealing who is truly in our corner.

• "No one wants to be perceived as the one who's pitied when everyone else is enjoying success, and it can be so limiting to carry that burden.  My biggest takeaway from all of this is that sharing your struggles does not make you a burden to the people who care about you." -Kellie

On Resilience and Reinvention

• "When I hit a brick wall, I am changing my approach, not my goal." -Kellie

• Success often comes from failing more times than others are willing to try.

• Reinvention is possible at any age or stage of life!

• Keep asking yourself: Who am I now?  What drains me, and what energizes me?  It helps you decide where to spend your energy.

On Courage and Playing Big

• "People will judge you whether you're playing small or playing big... let them.  And you might as well play big!" -Mel

• Naming your fears shrinks them.  "When you examine: What is it I'm actually afraid of [in other people's reactions]?  And if you put it down on a piece of paper, you recognize it's not that scary, and actually, it's kind of ridiculous." -Mel

• True grit and resilience means getting back up over and over, and letting people watch and help and cheer you on along the way.

• "Give yourself permission to reach a little bit higher... Double down on the bet on yourself, and make sure you're not applying other people's limits on your own dreams." -Kellie

"And in case nobody else tells you, I wanted to be sure to tell you that, as your friend, I love you and I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to not only see a bigger possibility, but to create a better life!!" -Mel (and me)

❤ ❤ ❤

Patterns vs. Possibilities

One more quick post, then I'm really done for tonight. lol

Who I Believe I Am vs. Who I Know I Can Be

My Patterns vs. My Possibilities

Of all the random memes I’ve scrolled past on Facebook, this one stopped me.  It rings deeply true, and I had to sit with it for a minute.

On one hand, I know who I can be—the woman I believe God is calling me to become...
A woman others see, love, and learn from.
A woman of fierce integrity, willing to take big steps of faith, bold risks for God's calling.
An excellent mother who leads with confidence.
A loving wife who is deeply loved and desired.
A wise counselor who speaks with Godly wisdom.
A teacher who truly cares and makes an impact.
A courageous author who writes with vulnerability and authority.
A whole, healed, wholehearted version of me. ❤

But on another level, I often believe myself to be someone... smaller.
The woman who quietly fades into the background.
Who cuts corners.
Who is hesitant and overly practical when risks are required.
Still waiting for motherhood and doubtful it will ever come.
Shaped by rejection, questioning whether anyone could find me beautiful or choose me.
The competent, behind-the-scenes court reporter—but not a leading voice.
Too entangled in her own mess to offer clarity to anyone else.
The longtime blogger who isn’t sure her words are book-worthy after all.
Fearful.  Stagnant.  Lacking real power.

*******

I know I can be fit and healthy in a balanced way that inspires others and brings me joy.

But I often believe myself to be stuck in unhealthy cycles (which I'll dig into more during my next session with Emily).

Honestly, this is more of a pep talk for myself than anything else—but hopefully it encourages you, too.  This inner tension explains why I’ve felt so stuck.  I want forward progress, and I need to get very intentional about dedicated time with God and renewing my mind through His Word, realigning my heart identity with God's calling for me.

What we believe about ourselves MATTERS.
We cannot embrace change until our identity shifts.

I’m making slow and steady progress lately—and I pray it continues.

If any of this resonates with you, know you are not alone.  Every day presents a choice:  Our old patterns, or our future possibilities.

Choose your best future.
Keep going!

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will."
~Romans 12:2

❤️ ❤️ ❤️

Marathon Monday #20!!!

It's DONE - praise the Lord!!

And now, brace yourself for the full play-by-play of my one and only Marathon day. =)

Woke up at 4am and did my dynamic stretches, listened to The Goodness of God and prayed, then had a protein bar for breakfast.  Put on my race gear and full makeup, bunned and spraaayed my hair, and was at Mom and Dad's by 5am... they dropped me off at a perfect spot by the outdoor memorial around 5:25 - already a massive crowd and slowing traffic downtown.  I was out there in time for the 5:30 "Sunrise Service" by the Survivor Tree... the pastor spoke on Hebrews 12:1, and we all said in unison, "Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us."  He prayed over the race and everyone sang a few worship songs together, and I loved being there for all of that!

I stopped at a PortaPotty (eww, David) then started walking toward the Start Line, then changed course to come back and get a pic in front of this building - glad I did! 

They blocked off Corrals A and B for the faster runners, and they policed that pretty intensely.  I assertively made my way to the very front of Corral C, so I was proud of that!  I was lined up next to an OU Meteorology student who assured all of us that the weather looked really good for our race day - no rain, overcast, cloudy, and cooler temps for this time of year.  Yay, God!

We sang the National Anthem and did the 168 seconds of silence in honor of the bombing victims, then it was go time!  My strong hope was to cross the Start Line by 6:40, then when I had to move all the way to Corral C amid a crowd of 25,000+ runners, I assumed there was no way.  But things moved surprisingly quickly, and I crossed at 6:36 - yay, God again!

Mile 7 includes "Gorilla Hill" - there were far worse hills at Mile 2 and Mile 9, but they really hype this one up and make a celebration of it.  The app had a selfie suggestion there, so here's mine!

A bit of outside pressure helps me to stay motivated, especially when I'm tired.  There was a course split around Mile 8 where the Half Marathoners stayed left and the Full went right.  You had to reach that by 8:45 or they would close the Full Marathon path and have you complete the Half course instead.  I was relieved to be there by 8:20, and I definitely slowed down a bit after that.

Kudos to this race for all the water stops and volunteers!  The first couple water stops had only water, then there was one at Mile 4 or 5 with blue Powerade that felt like a God-send (most offered both after that).  And around Mile 9 or 10, there was a stop where they had cups filled with NutterButter cookies - no food has ever tasted better to me! lol  I was worried about my energy chews running low, and I was super happy to see these cookies (they gave us 3, and after I ate one, I realized I should document it.  I thought of Malori repeatedly saying "That was from the Lord!" when a lady handed her some energy gel at Mile 8 of our Half many years back. lol)

I did my 6:1 intervals, but started off at a faster pace than I had trained to sustain... it's hard to gauge that when your adrenaline is up and the whole crowd is moving in unison at the beginning.  It's really good that I forced myself to take the walking breaks, or I might've had a real injury or cramping issues later.  Had I kept up the pace I was on in the initial 5k, I'd have finished by 12:15... the app kept alerting me with my pace at different markers and my anticipated finish times, and I was getting cracked up at how that kept getting further and further away as my momentum and energy shifted.  I'm honestly thankful I didn't know at the time that it was notifying everyone who was tracking me.  Gracious, I don't need that level of pressure in my life! lol

Sweaty Half-Marathon selfie!  Side note: I had lipstick in my pocket until I changed into new leggings at Mile 18, and I'm still annoyed by the photos where I don't have any on after that. lol

So the first half of the race was me and Jesus and Peloton. lol  And loads of random strangers cheering on the sidelines!  That's when I was at my strongest, so I'm thankful that most of my support came in the second half... (Kristin and Frankie got donuts for me and fought through the traffic hoping to catch me at Mile 11, then realized I was already past where they'd been waiting for a bit... so they went home to get their boys and came back later.)  Anyway, I was so thrilled to see Mom and Dad on Churchill Way at Mile 14! ❤  It had a strengthening effect for sure, and Mom gave me her sunglasses.  (It was a cloudy, overcast day where the sun was sneaky, and I had 3 chances where I felt rushed and failed to put on sunscreen, so this sunburn situation is totally on me.)

I got a FaceTime call from Chet Lee and Parker E and Tate not long after seeing Mom and Dad - they were about to head to OKC, and it was fun and encouraging to see them!

Rach texted to see if I needed anything, then she caught me and walked with me for a bit around Mile 15 - bringing this awesome sign and a Dasani water and some Cheez-Its!  We chatted and walked through part of this fun neighborhood together, then she told me she was headed to meet JoBug and would see me when I got there!  I called her several times with little questions, and she was super helpful and encouraging through the whole day!! ❤

Sister pic!  (Me in Mom's sunglasses and Rach in her pink Blenders)

Toward the end of Mile 16, I was so happy to see the Whitakers and high five the boys and get my chocolate glazed donut and orange energy chews and green Blenders sunglasses!  =)

This makes me happy!

Mom had sent me a photo and told me that JoBug's friend lived on Grand, and Rach was texting me with updates on how close I was to them... I was so very happy to see this street sign toward the end of Mile 17...

Their home was right at the corner of Mile 18... I arrived there around 11:18 and told myself that if I left by 11:30 or before, I'd be fine to get to Mile 20 by noon (our next timing checkpoint).  It was good to see JoBug and see Rach again, and I met JB's friends, who were kind enough to let me use their bathroom... they told me about another runner who collapsed in front of their home earlier that day - she had actually taken him to the hospital because the medics were taking too long to arrive - I hope and pray that ended well!  Anyway, Rach plugged my phone in to charge (yay!!) while I toweled off and changed everything below my shirt and ate a few mini-M&Ms. lol  (For real, though, throughout this race, I was continually struggling to figure out whether I was drinking/eating too much or too little.  My smaller stomach can't tolerate too much at once, and I don't wanna feel sloshy and gross, but I also felt genuinely thirsty several times, and I know I need water and electrolytes and calories and energy for that distance.  Thankfully, the Half-Marathons feel much easier to navigate, and I never have to do this again!!! #oneanddone)  I sat at their kitchen table and used BodyGlide (to help delay the inevitable and already-forming blisters on my feet) before putting on clean socks and a different pair of Brooks tennis shoes... after all that, I felt pressed for time, so I skipped the sunscreen (dumb) and forgot about the Advil (sadness) and left behind one AirPod and my lip gloss (noooo). lol  #soannoying  Here's me and Rach both wearing different sunglasses than we were 30 minutes before, and JoBug in her Gaillardia shirt! =)  All things considered, I never trained with zero breaks, so I have no regrets about this planned and much-anticipated stop. ❤ I'm super grateful for their kindness, and that this enabled me to avoid another PortaPotty and have a lovely bathroom where I could wash my hands properly!

And a quick pic with Emily, then I was back on the race course around 11:28!

Took this bc it made me laugh as I jogged through the park. =)

I called Rach about the missing Airpod, and she offered to meet me by Classen Curve at Mile 20 with that and some lip gloss - which I used once then handed back to her because my brain wasn't working at full capacity. lol  My energy was fading a bit at this point - not positive how strict they were on it, but the rules said I had to be at Mile 20 by noon to avoid being shuttled to the Finish Line, and thanks to Rachael's text encouragement, I made it at 11:57. lol #maximumeffort

When I crossed Mile 21, I knew that everything past that point was further than I had ever gone in training.  I was not winning the mental games just then, and my body was exhausted and my run intervals were getting shorter and slower.  Then I heard Chet Lee yelling "Go Lindseeeey!" and was so surprised to see the wonderful Wilson fam there at Mile 22... I wasn't expecting any more visitors until the Finish Line, so this was really perfect timing! ❤  Pretty sure the first thing I said was "I'm dying - this is so rough" (which is out of character for me, as I work hard not to casually or jokingly use words and phrases about death/dying/killing/etc.) and which Chettles immediately validated and then turned into a genuinely helpful pep talk! lol  "YEAH, it is - that's why only 2% of the population does it!  But you're here and you're doing great - you've made it this far - only four miles to go - come over here and get some snacks and keep your energy up!"  (They were right by a water stop with lots of food choices).  As I kept moving forward, he threw in, "Hey!  THIS IS IT - today's the day - you've trained for this, and you. can. do. this!!" 

Needless to say, my favorite people showed up in major ways on this major day!  Several times along the way, I also felt inspired by other runners or by the people volunteering and cheering for us... I so applaud this fireman doing a full marathon in all his gear with "For my Family" written on his race bib!

And these guys who carried this cross with them the entire way (I ran near them for a few minutes, and Kristin took this pic at the Finish Line bc she knows me well and knew I'd appreciate it). lol

Six out of ten toes have blisters, and there's one on my left foot that was particularly painful toward the end (and by the end, I mean the last 7 miles, so not a short time period).  I stopped at two Medical tents for Aspirin then Tylenol.  And I had one mildly scary moment where my heart started beating very rapidly as I was just walking - not sure if that was the caffeine in the energy chews or potential dehydration or just completing 24 miles for the first time ever after a 2-week training break.  I came to a full stop and took some very slow deep breaths and had my hand on my heart, and a guy from the Medical Aid station nearby walked over to see if I was okay.  A race walker stopped to see if I needed help and offered to walk with me.  It calmed back down, and right around then, Chet called to tell me to stay encouraged!  I wasn't sure I had it in me to rally and finish by the 1:30 timeline... I called Rach to have her ask the officials if they would actually let people finish later than that.  Then I got a text from Kristin that they had extended the timeline by 30 minutes, and that was just what I wanted to hear!! lol  I hated to make everyone wait, but I wasn't gonna push myself too much after the heart thing.  I walked most of the last 3 miles, then started jogging it in when I saw this section (they had posted on Facebook that the pictures of the 168 victims would mark the pathway to the Finish Line, so I knew I was close).  I closed the Peloton app - (LOVED those familiar classes and encouraging coaches as my playlist, by the way!) and I found and played Marching On by One Republic on my phone, but honestly, I could barely hear it with all the Finish Line noise and chaos.  I had pictured myself feeling all the metaphorical meaning in it and crying when I reached the end of the race, but my main thoughts in that moment were deep gratitude and joy about seeing all my people lining the Finish Line path, genuine shock that the announcer pronounced my last name correctly (thanks to Chettles, who thought ahead and had a convo with him about it!), puuure physical exhaustion, and of course, annoyance that I didn't have lipstick or gloss to put on for my crossing-the-Finish-Line photos! lol

Running it in - time to check this goal off the Life List - huzzah!

Finisher high fives from the boys!! ❤ (Post-race group pics in the next post!)

So I started a bit earlier and ended a bit later than I expected... like so many things in my life, it was a longer journey than I anticipated, but I got there in the end - with the help of God and the support of my friends and family!  I didn't process it all in the moment (which is often true for me), but now that it's officially done, I am grateful for that sense of conclusion - of proving to myself that I can do hard things - of finishing something that was important to me and having the photos and medals and car stickers and sore muscles to prove it!! ;-)  My finish time was 7 hours and 17 minutes on April 27th (all the 7s make me happy).  My average pace was 16:42, or 16:17 if you remove my 10-minute break, which was the only portion where I had a 20-minute mile pace. lol  But whatever - it's a marathon, not a sprint!

On this final Marathon Monday, I'll say this:  All glory to God that I made it through that Finish Line - His goodness and grace were enough for everything I needed yesterday!  The current sunburn and soreness will fade, but the sense of success and satisfaction will stay with me! ❤

I think many people underestimate the planning, preparation, passion, and perseverance it takes — the careful pacing, proper training, pre-race carbs, post-race protein... and the mental battle of pressing through fear, hesitation, and perhaps a random last-minute injury.  Running a marathon means moving on purpose, with purpose, and for a purpose — pushing through the ups and downs of the path marked out for you, grabbing pictures and memories with your people along the way, and feeling truly proud of your progress and perseverance!!

P.S. Bonus points to me for all that alliteration, and bonus points to anyone who took the time to read this entire post! lol

On Finishing Strong

"Come let us rejoice in who He is...
Our lives are in His hands,
and He keeps our feet from stumbling."
~Psalm 66:9

As I head into this final week before my race, I can’t help but reflect on how this marathon journey mirrors the bigger road I've been on for over a decade...

I first considered running a full marathon back in 2009.  I signed up for the OKC race in 2011, but I didn’t train well and eventually backed out.  Got into the Nike Women’s Marathon in 2012, then talked myself right out of those crazy San Francisco hills!  Now, 13 years and five Half-Marathons later, I have finally done the work to train and prepare, and I have a strong desire and determination to finish this race!

Much like the marathon, living out my calling in counseling has been a long and winding road.  I started pursuing this dream back in 2012 with night classes at SNU, only to be rejected by multiple grad schools afterwards.  Around the same time, I was grieving the loss of a fractured friendship.  So I settled back into court reporting, a great career where I felt secure and tucked away—but I could never quite shake the sense of God’s call on my life.

In 2022, I took the leap and started graduate school.  Now, 13 years after stepping into my first counseling class, I'm preparing to step out of my cocoon of career safety and familiarity — to actually live out the calling God planted in my heart so long ago!  I think people tend to assume joy and excitement are my main emotions here... 

But it’s scary.  It’s vulnerable.  It’s slow.
A marathon, not a sprint.

I am moving from something comfortable where I am at the top of my field into something new where I’m at the bottom of the ladder -- still experimenting, exploring, "paying my dues," wrestling through my own insecurities to figure out where I fit and how God has uniquely gifted me.  I’ve learned a lot over the past three years, but there’s still so much I don’t know.  And the best way to learn is through hands-on practice, critique and constructive feedback, actively embracing change and choosing a growth mindset, repeatedly showing up and being seen!  That level of scrutiny feels very disorienting after 20 years in a cozy background observer role.

I have to remind myself often: I am not alone.  God is with me.  God is for me.

This candidacy job search has stretched me more than I expected. Since December, I’ve submitted over 15 applications and completed at least eight job interviews—with places like CREOKS Broken Arrow, CRS-Tulsa, FCS-Tulsa, Charlie Health (virtual), Red Rock OKC, and Moore Counseling Center.  (That doesn't include the work of applying and interviewing for the PhD program - it's been a lot).  Fear/the enemy keeps whispering: You don’t belong here.  You’re not enough.  This is all too hard.  You’ll never find your place.  I have seriously considered pursuing a Federal CR job for the stability and great salary.  But deep down, I know God didn’t bring me this far to quit now - I believe there are real lives I am called to impact, and I cannot give in to greed or cowardice or the craving for comfort.

I do recognize that I’m a prime target for spiritual warfare in this in-between season.  Thankfully, God keeps dropping little pearls of wisdom and encouragement just when I need them—through friends and family, podcasts and books, etc.  I recently heard John Eldredge talk about how we are needed here on earth — how each of us is called to uniquely reflect God’s love and light to those around us, how the character of Christ is being formed within us, and how we are "in training for reigning" as we move toward our future in Heaven.  I love that!

You know I love a good illustration, and I’ve been thinking about that final scene in The Patriot.  The soldiers are retreating in fear, divided and overwhelmed.  Then Mel Gibson runs through all the chaos, waving their flag and shouting, “No retreat—HOLD—hold the line!”  A repeated line from that movie is “stay the course.”  Even now, it encourages me to remember what I’m fighting for, why it matters, and not to give up when the path feels far harder, longer, and more costly than I'd expected.

As real change draws near, I have felt more overwhelmed and inadequate than excited.  But these are all normal emotions at this stage, and I want to build a life marked by courage and bold faith!  I want to try new things and find my best lane in counseling.  I want to finish what I’ve started, which means stepping fully into this new identity and leaving comfort and hiding behind.  I am determined and called to make a Kingdom impact with my life and my work.  And I'm confident that God will lead, guide, and provide for me as I keep moving forward!

Okay, speaking of long journeys and forward momentum, my adoption story is at another pivotal point.  This is my third year of working with Snowflakes.  After two surgeries that made me healthier for a potential pregnancy — and two difficult setbacks with the previous matches — Shay completed my final home study update over Easter weekend.  This week, I am restarting the matching process, working with OU Reproductive instead of Dallas IVF this time.  I feel hopeful and cautiously optimistic, ready and willing to make major shifts and sacrifices if God chooses to fulfill this desire!

(For the record, if this third attempt doesn’t work, I will let go of this specific path to motherhood.  Not releasing the desire entirely, but believing this particular doorway is closed.)  Still, I am planning, preparing, and praying that the third time’s a charm — for my embryo adoption journey and for finishing the marathon this weekend!

In my hopes for adoption, my career calling, my health journey, and this long-standing marathon dream, I have encountered surprise plot twists, detours, rejections, loss, fear, and long seasons of waiting.  However, my soul is anchored in Kingdom hope, and I am decidedly stronger than I used to be.  I like being someone who dreams big and lives with purpose, but I don’t want to be the girl who never finishes anything.  (And I don’t believe God wants that identity for me either.)  So I am resisting the enemy’s lies and breaking those old agreements.

We can do hard things, and it's worth the effort!  Whenever it happens, physically crossing the Finish Line will feel so symbolic and hopeful for me.  I’m praying and believing for 2025 to be a year of courage and victorious follow-through.  A year of finishing strong.  I am grateful to know I am not facing these challenges alone.  And I’m trusting our faithful God, who finishes every good thing He starts!!

"Since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the particular race God has set before us... Let God train you, for He is doing what any loving father does for His children... So take a new grip with your tired hands, stand firm on your shaky legs, and mark out a straight, smooth path for your feet so that those who follow you, though weak and lame, will not fall and hurt themselves but become strong." ~Hebrews 12:1-13

❤ ❤ ❤

Marathon Monday #19!

Happy Monday, friends and fam!!  I hope you had a lovely Easter weekend, and I hope this week is off to a good start so far.  However temporary, I am currently caught up at work, so brace yourself for a barrage of blog posts today! =)

We've made it to the final week of marathon training season... for recovery reasons, the past week has mostly been filled with short bike rides and a few strength exercises and stretches for me.  My foot is feeling much better, though, so I'm entirely grateful for that progress!  And I'm planning to go to a chiropractor and try the KT tape before the race, as suggested by Chet Lee.  Also planning to do an extra-short walk and dinner with Kristin on Wednesday.  All in all, I would appreciate your prayers for endurance and stamina on race day - and for good weather!!

In pretty characteristic fashion, I didn't bother to look at all the fine-print details until the week before, so I learned yesterday that this race will begin at 6:30am... and that there are two spots I must reach by a certain time (Mile 7.5 by 8:45am, and Mile 20 by 12:00pm).  Verrrry good to know... not impossible, but not easy either.  It will require me to push myself and pay closer attention to my time as I go.  The idea of being shuttled to the Finish after reaching Mile 20 is painful, so barring a foot injury flare-up, I will not allow that to happen!

I also looked at the course map for the first time... I'm not going to overthink the distance, but I love that they've listed the times when they will reopen the streets for each mile marker - helpful to know!  And there are so many water stops, bathrooms, and medical aid stations, which makes me feel more confident!

Something I'm grateful for is the Mile by Mile thing on the FB page where they post a daily video covering one full mile of the course track.  So far, there are big hills I'm glad to be aware of at Mile 2 and Mile 9, and several notable landmarks (Botanical Gardens, OU Reproductive Medicine, the State Capitol, Gorilla Hill, Classen Curve shopping center, Nichols Hills neighborhood, Lake Hefner, etc.) that we'll pass along the way...

I sincerely hope my next Marathon Monday will be a victory post after Finishing Strong!

Despite this "slight singultus" with the minor injury, I'm feeling proud and well-prepared.  After years of talking myself out of trying, I have finally pushed through my own inner drama and fear and trained hard.  I'm almost there now, which feels surreal and a little scary, but also exciting!  As it goes with most things in life, I cannot control everything, but I am determined to give it my absolute best effort!!

❤ ❤ ❤

Marathon Monday #16

Four weeks to the Finish Line!!  I jogged 16 miles Saturday morning, and I felt good and strong while I was out there!  Due to a bit of hip pain that may have caused me excessive concern, I toned it down and took Thursday and Friday as complete rest days, then Sunday was also rest and recovery, stretching and sitting with the heating pad.  I was sore post-run, but nothing out of the ordinary, and I feel better and ready for some light hills and strength training today.  My feet are getting tougher in a good way, and my mental resilience is growing stronger now too!  I want to use wisdom and avoid pushing myself too hard, but by the end of Friday night, I felt tired of my own excuses and determined and ready to get out there on Saturday morning, and that was good for me to press through my own fear and inner drama... I'm in the home stretch, and it's exciting!!

I'm super grateful for Central Park at The Station in Moore - it's been the perfect training ground for me in so many ways... a lovely lake/pond with ducks and geese and turtles, a 1.27-mile clean and open trail where loads of people come to train or to walk their cute dogs, the ability to stop by my car regularly for water or energy chews as needed, and easy access to a clean bathroom and filtered water at The Station - YAY!!  This = a turtle fam getting some sun this weekend.  They're much braver when they have crowd support.  One turtle by itself would've popped right back into the water when I stopped for a pic, as I know from lots of experience. lol

Once again, I stopped for a bathroom break and changed my socks at mile 9... I think that helps my mind to feel like it's a fresh start and it helps prevent terrible blisters (or so I tell myself), so I'm planning to pack a bag with extra running socks, body glide, etc. for Mom to have ready on Marathon day so I can stop and change into fresh dry socks once or twice. lol

I was out there for around 4 hours - I remembered sunscreen this time, but should have reapplied midway through.  This round, I spent the entire jog listening to an Apple Music playlist of 2000s hits, which was a fun dose of variety and familiar memories!  I had one slow interval set where I walked an extra 3 minutes because my heart felt like it was racing, but outside of that, I was very steady in my walk/jog intervals, so I'm confident that's the winning formula for race day!!

Yay for the redbud (should be purple-bud) trees!  Boo for the wasp duo that I dramatically changed course to avoid! lol

Four weeks from now, I'll have reached this long-anticipated goal, and I'll be recovering and feeling proud and grateful for this journey.  And shifting my focus to new meaningful goals for the road ahead of me.  I still feel confused and disenchanted sometimes, but the lack of purpose I felt for most of my 20s and 30s has vanished.  There is so much I want to do and accomplish, and I'm more concerned that there isn't enough time for all of it (but whatevs, we have eternal life ahead of us - what a gift!!)  Anyway, happy last day of March, friends and fam!!  I'm confident that you're finishing strong in this first quarter of 2025!  (*Friendly reminder that tomorrow is April Fool's Day.)