Rising Strong

Aunt Lindsey and the Mini Miss K!

Rach chatting with Jace and Libby... they've had a TPing war lately - Rach and the kids and TJ went and TP'd Libby's house at 3am the night before Megan's wedding, then she and her friends got them back this weekend! lol

Abel (Libby's little brother), Jace, and Liberty (who goes by Libby)

Let's goooo!!

Kyndal Faith, Talon (their CHA classmate and friend), and Aniston!

Mother/daughter pic at the end of day one!

The jump serves are fierce!!

Team huddle after their last game... they played really well and still lost, but I loved how Coach Nikki was encouraging them and telling them how proud she was of how they worked together! #yaysports

Aniston, Collin, and Kyndal... this tournament was in Norman, so a few of their teachers and friends from school were able to come out to support them, which is fantastic!  They're at the funny middle school tween age where they're great friends but all stand fully apart for their photos. =)

Jaceman, Skyler (Coach Kate's boyfriend who he talked to through several games), and Kyndal

Jace talking about him at family dinner:  "Why are the tallest people always the most chill!?" lolol

Team pic!!  This is K's best team yet - all the girls are improving and working together well, and I'm a fan of the Rise club leadership... Coach Kate, Aniston, Kyndal, Tatum, Pierson, Emma, Jacelyn, Coach Nikki... front row: Kennedy, Addy, Jayla, and Alivia

Triston Michael also came to cheer her on for the final game on Saturday!

He sat by me and filled me in on the college application results, building an AI agent for Holly's company, etc.  We left the gym around 9:30 and grabbed a late dinner at Chili's and had a really great talk... so I'm very thankful for that and glad to be cheering him on as he moves toward a bright future!

Pic with the Jaceman and Rach between games (I was coming to her car to get this cap she had crystalled up for me - yay!)

Mamaw wasn't feeling well, so she watched from home!  Grandpa had Greg McIlvoy's retirement party on Saturday, but he joined us for their games on Sunday... and he was very impressed with Kyndal's performance!

❤

After the entire tournament, Kyndal texted to ask if I could make a slideshow of her highlights.  I had only taken 3 videos, so I looked through the game films on Rach's Rise team YouTube channel for some random clips.  I'll know to film next time, but this still turned out pretty great! =)

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Comfort Cobras?

Day 26:  What movie or show do you return to again and again, and what comfort or truth does it offer you each time?

Gracious, that is not a short list.
I love rewatching my favorite episodes of familiar shows and/or movies!

For today, I'm going with Cobra Kai.

Johnny Lawrence never fails to makes me laugh... but I love his grit and determination and the way his character grows through this series!

...I find comfort in the ridiculous lines and familiar characters, and reassuring truth in watching these very messy-but-lovable characters gradually learn to find their strength and fight well.  The coaches and their students are all immature and dealing with unhealed brokenness... at first, their focus is naturally on protecting themselves and fighting perceived bullies/enemies, and their relationships are all comically fraught with tension, unhealthy competition, and turmoil... but if you can make it through that early drama and chaos, over time, there is a very. strong. redemptive arc where former enemies come together and fight to protect others.  It's messy and imperfect, but they all grow and improve.

There are strong themes of persevering through pain, leadership growth, trying new things, team unity ("protect the egg"), compromise over competition, strategic self-defense, and building your chosen family.  So yeah, I enjoy the ridiculous cheesy comedy and the absurdly intense villains, but the redemptive arc also really resonates with me in this season, and I've watched every episode at least 3x now!  (Because Cobra Kai never dies, but their hyper-aggressive stance does get a much-needed reframe.)

 

Shoutout to the Jaceman for his persistence in convincing me to watch the final two seasons!!

In other news, shoutout to Carter Lee for putting up my parents' Christmas lights this year!

And big thanks to Mom, Triston, Carter, and King Handyman Service for helping me remix several things in my own home... we're nearly done now, and I'm loving the changes!!  

My bookshelves are now in the entry hallway... they're surprisingly unobtrusive in that space, I seriously pared down the books I'm keeping, and it makes me happy to see this fun 'library' more often! ❤

The big L-shaped desk moved from the tiled room into my new home office (with much more happy sunlight for my new mostly-work-from-home job and CCU homework days - an improvement, as I've been doing that at the kitchen table the past 3 years. lol) ❤  Wall decor, plants, and state-issued computer coming soon.

The double bed is going to Katie from my lifegroup, and the new queen bed moved into the new guest room (formerly known as the nursery room).  Bedskirt and headboard on the way, and I feel like this room actually has more space for anyone who stays with me!

I got a 'miraculous' mattress upgrade (with a very extra salesman), but it is nice, and I'm thankful and love my bedroom setup with the pink couch!

And the only tiled room now houses the pink writing desk, navy rug and pink ottoman (which really soften that space), my painting and board of empowerment, my exercise bike and weights, and my Roku TV from work when it comes home with me next month!  It will be the blogging and biking room. lol  YAY! ❤

This took a bit of effort, but it's a functional and visual improvement in every space, so I'm very happy with it!! ❤

Okay, that's all for today.
Happy Thanksgiving Eve!!

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Reality at All Costs

Day 2:  What is one misconception about mental health you feel called to correct?

One of my favorite quotes on mental health:

"If you're depressed, if you're anxious,

You are not weak.  You're not crazy.

You're not a machine with broken parts.

You're a human being with unmet needs.

We need to talk less about chemical imbalances
and more about the imbalances in the way we live.

This problem goes deeper than biology,
and the solutions need to go deeper, too.

We are the loneliest society in human history.
Your depression is not a malfunction; it's a signal...
Your depression is telling you something.
With the right help, we can understand these problems,
and we can fix these problems together."
~Johann Hari, TED Talk

As a mental health student, client, professional, and leader, one common mental health misconception that I feel called to correct is the idea that people who seek counseling are somehow "crazy" or “trainwrecks” or that their lives must be falling apart.  FALSE.

Carelessly-placed negative labels can be so damaging, and I consistently wish people were more cautious with their words.  God reminds us that our words hold the power of life and death -- to uplift and heal, or to dehumanize or devalue hurting people.  

The stigma I mentioned above is harmful and unfair.  Many adults who seek counseling are emotionally mature people who value personal growth over personal comfort.  Maybe they're working toward a better future or seeking to change harmful patterns learned in a dysfunctional family system.  And yes, some clients are truly in crisis - maybe they are legitimate victims of neglect, abuse, sexual assault, or other trauma, and they need safety and support and healing before they can move from a victim mindset to a thriving survivor mentality.  Not broken or weak, but people (who are created in God's image and deeply loved by Him) with unmet needs.  Changing our habit patterns or learned identity is incredibly difficult work.  It's also deeply valuable, and seeking support through counseling shows healthy self-awareness, humility, strength, and courage!!

Another myth I would love to correct is the idea that any strong negative emotion is a sign of poor mental health.  FALSE.  As M. Scott Peck wrote, “Mental health is the dedication to reality at all costs.”

That means experiencing the full range of emotions and responding in a balanced, healthy way to whatever you are facing in the present moment.  True mental health is not about trying to convince yourself everything is fine when you're hurting.  Sadness, anger, and grief are all part of a mentally healthy life.  We do not have to force positivity or plastic smiles or put a positive spin on everything.  It is about learning to face the joys, sorrows, and confusion we feel with honesty and grace.

Pretending to be happy and okay when we’re not is actually an unhealthy denial of reality.  And a mentally healthy person does not avoid or trivialize their own pain; they acknowledge it, name it, and work through it... sometimes with the help of medication and/or a trusted friend, family member, or counselor!

The only way out is through.

Keep going.

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Reality vs. Expectation

This scene from 500 Days of Summer still hits hard.

Precious Joseph Gordon-Levitt goes to a party full of hope for a fun night where he reconnects with his ex-girlfriend and they dance and laugh and have sparkly conversation and go home together.  Instead, he drinks alone and makes small talk with strangers while watching her be flirty and fun with other men.  They do a split screen through the entire night of his expectations versus reality, and it resonates because we've all been there.  Not that specific scenario, but anything in life where the reality we experience falls incredibly short of what we had imagined...

While it's true that the entirety of my time living in the OKC area has not played out according to my original expectations, for me, this disconnected split-screen feeling is most true of my experience with the counseling profession.

The vision was Isaiah 61:1-4, connecting deeply with hurting people, speaking words of life, potentially using walk-and-talk therapy, helping clients break free from strongholds, and making a real and tangible difference in their futures.  When I signed up for night classes at SNU to pursue a counseling career 13 long years ago, I was seeking purposeful, relational work where my voice and heart would matter.  I believed that empowering clients to move forward with more hope and peace would be a vital, fulfilling, and financially stable career path.

That shiny expectation is gradually slipping away as I step closer to a potential career transition.  I am jumping through painful hoops and absurd rules as an LPC-Candidate, navigating the seemingly endless red tape, and looking for encouragement in counselors' "support groups" that are thickly layered with negativity, exhaustion, and self-protective tips on preventing lawsuits and angry emails.  The mental health crisis is real, candidates cannot accept insurance, and the mental health coverage rules for Medicaid are shifting (not in the favor of counselors or clients).  On top of that, I prefer working with adults, but every agency I've spoken with would prefer that I specialize with children (while no one has truly bothered to teach me how to do that well).  Many parents don't want personal counseling but want us to magically fix their kids.  And there is an absurd expectation for counselors to heal the trauma, teach the coping skills, diagnose accurately and quickly, and faithfully document their every move with measurable results and positive outcomes.

Disenchanted is an understatement.

The red tape, the fear-based thinking, expensive supervision meetings, personal safety concerns, lack of professional identity, lack of financial security/opportunity, unfair pressure to support everyone in their unique values and avoid offending anyone, it all feels... exhausting isn't even the right word.  I'm a gritty person, and I don't mind hard work.  Misaligned?  Disappointing?  Far from my hopes and expectations?  Closer.  I adore CCU's "grace and truth" motto.  I have loved so much of what I've learned and experienced there, and it makes me want to shine the light of Christ in a dark world!  But in the real world of counseling, the light of Christianity is being dimmed and hidden.  I can feel the OK board's lack of grace and support with their rigid timelines and infuriating love of technicalities.  It feels like every candidate I know is struggling with absurd stress levels and the lack of financial and emotional support... and it saddens me how much all of the above clouds our ability to be creative, to genuinely connect, and to offer compassionate and wise counsel!

It's not right, and it's not what I signed up for...

Still, I believe God has opened these doors for me.

And I believe that He doesn't waste anything.

Which means I am feeling this severe disenchantment for a reason.

(And it's probably not just about what's best/easiest for me.)

........

I know that social media sometimes reflects the loud minority, and that gives me hope that there are some counselors who are quietly thriving.  Either way, I know I am not alone in this frustrated perspective, but you cannot know how deeply flawed it all is until you're at the epicenter where you've invested so much time, money, and energy into this career that it becomes difficult to change course (the sunk cost fallacy).

It can be hard for me to articulate well, but I feel a deep-seated, growing, nearly-overwhelming awareness of what is wrong.

And I guess that's usually step one.

Honestly, my first (self-protective) instinct is to let all of this go and stick with the comfortable safety and stability of court reporting... it's likely there for me for as long as I choose it.

BUT the leadership course and the encouragement of Dr. Burkhart has me wondering what else God is up to here.  What others-focused role I might play in turning things around for future counselors (and their clients).  Where I might make a real and lasting difference through advocacy, servant leadership, teaching, supervision, research, writing, and yes, even counseling.  The original hope/calling is still in there, and growing stronger in me even as I write this... so it's worth pausing and praying about.  I'll keep you posted.

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"The Sovereign Lord has filled me with His Spirit.  The Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the suffering and afflicted.  He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted, to announce liberty to captives, and to open the eyes of the blind.  He has sent me to tell those who mourn that the time of God's favor to them has come, and the day of His wrath to their enemies.  To all who mourn in Israel He will give: beauty for ashes; joy instead of mourning; praise instead of heaviness.  For God has planted them like strong and graceful oaks for His own glory.  And they shall rebuild the ancient ruins, repairing cities long ago destroyed, reviving them though they have been deserted for many generations."

~Isaiah 61:1-4

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Compassionate Confrontation

“Honest, direct confrontation is a true expression of compassion. As Christians, we are in the world without being of it. It is precisely this position that renders confrontation both possible and necessary... We cannot suffer with the poor when we are unwilling to confront those persons and systems that cause poverty. We cannot set the captives free when we do not want to confront those who carry the keys. We cannot profess our solidarity with those who are oppressed when we are unwilling to confront the oppressor. Compassion without confrontation fades quickly into fruitless sentimental commiseration.”

~Henri Nouwen

Oof, this hit me hard today - what a fantastic quote!

He's not wrong.  I feel very experienced with "fruitless sentimental commiseration." lol  And while I believe there is some real value in empathetic connection and reminding people they are not alone, I want to grow in honest, direct confrontation.  Real compassion requires action.  Addressing what is wrong.  Speaking up for those who cannot speak for themselves.  Walking with assertive confidence and Godly authority.  Confronting evil rather than lamenting it or numbing myself to it while feigning powerlessness and remaining quiet.

Confrontation is not my strong suit,

but we can do hard things!

#growthmindset

Fun Fact: I finished the OKC Memorial Marathon five months ago, and I will cross the finish line with Chet Lee in the Route 66 Marathon (full for him; relay for me) less than two months from now! #getexcited

Hope it's been a lovely weekend for you.

I'll see you here tomorrow!

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The Reason I'm Telling You This...

Trying out Ally's method of writing directly to the reader about what I want them to learn from my story (in my future memoir-style book).

Another unrelated pic, but what a fun girls' trip memory! =)

The reason I'm telling you this is:

• To encourage you and point you to HOPE in Christ.
• I want you to know you are not alone in your pain.
• I want you to know you are not a permanent victim, but a survivor and conqueror.
• Pain will not get the last word; God really does bring beauty for ashes.
• Your heart matters.  Your voice matters.  Your story matters.  Step up.
• God has given you power and love and a sound mind.  Don't let our spiritual enemy convince you that you are weak, indifferent, or emotionally unstable!
• You. are. not. stuck.  Real and lasting change is possible.
• You sincerely have the power to disentangle yourself from the relationships, beliefs, and behaviors that are hurting you.  And I'd love to help you with that.
• God is INTENTIONAL.  He wastes nothing, and no person in your story was placed there accidentally (including those who have hurt you).
• Like manna, God's grace is enough for us day by day.  Like manna, we must take action to receive and enjoy it.
• Whatever you have to manipulate to get is rarely yours to keep. (-Beth Moore)
• Life is messy, and we are all works in progress.  I want to strengthen you and encourage you not to give up!
• You were created to be set apart and lead with integrity.  Do not compromise or sell yourself short.  Don't let anyone convince you that character doesn't matter.
• Security and insecurity are both contagious.  Be intentional about who you surround yourself with!
• We can learn and grow from our mistakes to become healthy people who are good at relationships, no matter how messy our past relationships have been!!
• God cares about (and is sovereign over) the details of your life.
• To remind you your interpretation and response to the painful things you've endured will shape the rest of your life.
• I want you to expand your vision for what your life can become!
• I love you and believe in you, and I'm confident in your ability to work with God and build a meaningful life!

That's a good start, and it does help to look at my stories from that lens!

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Leadership Identity

I have officially submitted my final presentation for Dr. Burkhart's class - huzzah for a break week ahead!

I will miss seeing him and hearing from him regularly, and I will miss this subject (Leadership, Ethics, and Advocacy).

This 7-week summer class has been incredible in encouraging/shaping my leadership identity.  It's perfect that they put it at the beginning of this program.  I feel very grateful for what I've learned and for the influence his leadership and belief in me has had (and will continue to have) on my life!  

Here is the handout I attached with my presentation... 

And here's the presentation video itself.

And last but not least, here's a compilation of some of the video feedback and thoughts from Dr. Burkhart this semester - this is how he grades everything, and it brings me so much joy!  It's the most fun when someone you deeply respect and admire turns out to be a fan of you, as well. =)

So truly grateful for every word of that.  I am not oblivious to the fact that this is God rewarding my commitment to academic integrity - it mattered, and this strengthens that decision moving forward.  The above praise and encouragement has pushed me to see my life's potential differently and to give it 110% effort throughout this class.  I'm not sure on the exact timeline, but I do believe I will finish the PhD at some point, if for no other reason than to strengthen my leadership identity capital.  Leading well matters, and I'm excited to be moving forward and feeling better about my chances of joining the CCU faculty down the road.  ;-)

That's all for now, friends.
I love you and believe in you!

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Thankful Thursday #229

"Study this Book of Instruction continually.

Mediate on it day and night

so you will be sure to obey everything written in it.

Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do."

~Joshua 1:8

Today, I am thankful for:

1.  This book.  The #1 book I would recommend as it's the #1 book outside the Bible that has changed the course of my life.  I reread it last week preparing for my presentation next week...

2.  On a very related note, I'm grateful for the many stories that demonstrate the positive impact a seasoned guide/mentor can have on someone's life and identity!   I love this topic, and I'm excited to create a video presentation on how it relates to counseling professors and their students + counselors and their clients!! ❤
**If you think of another good example of the guide/mentor from books, TV, or movies, please message me!! =)

3.  That Dad was celebrated well on his 72nd birthday, by his staff and family and friends!

4.  AFD and Edward V. Kaufholz, III. =)  I'm forever a fan of their friendship and so happy they're back to regular podcasting together!

5.  Dr. Ku, my Dallas IVF embryo transfer doctor, who is on Instagram as drknockedup, which made me laugh pretty hard this morning.  Our meeting early this week went well - what felt potentially catastrophic last week should only cause a minor delay either way, so I am grateful for his insight, sincerity, and medical care!

6.  PELOTON... after five great years, my membership expired on 7-27-25.  I did my final Intention Setting walk with Kirsten Ferguson on Friday the 25th.  I'm thankful for the rides, the laughs, the strength workouts, the walks and jogs, the yoga workouts, the stretches, the music, and the coaches who inspired me and made working out feel more accessible and so much more fun from the start of the pandemic to today!  At this point in my life and schedule, I  usually prefer outdoor jogs and listening to podcasts or chatting with friends, but I will always be grateful for the way Peloton shaped my life and my identity!  My "Board of Empowerment" would not exist without those coaches, and they walked me all the way through my first (and likely only) marathon!  I'm forever grateful for the way the Peloton coaches and community helped me experience the joy of movement and exercise!!
"Live, Learn, Love Well."  "Peace, love, power, and respect!!"  #lindseyclaire7  ❤

7.  A really good day of counseling yesterday!  I'm grateful to be building connections and feeling more hopeful and confident about this work, and for the reminder below that God's power to transform our lives and our world is abundant and infinite. His perspective and resources are unlimited, and He is happy to share with us. ❤

I love you and believe in you,
and I hope you have a fantastic weekend ahead!
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The Hard... Is What Makes It Great

As Jesus reminds His followers, “To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given, and they will have an abundance. But from those who do nothing, even what little they have will be taken away” (Holy Bible, New Living Translation, Matthew 25:29).  Even in the face of systemic problems that feel overwhelming and well beyond our personal ability to resolve, we have a God-given role.  When His disciples pointed out that the massive crowd was hungry and exhausted, Jesus answered, “You feed them,” giving them the responsibility to find and collect the available food, organize the crowd into smaller groups, and hand out the food He graciously multiplied (Holy Bible, New Living Translation, Mark 6:37-44).  As a Christian counseling professional, part of strategic planning is being intentional about upholding my values and ethics, resisting temptation and submitting myself to God’s authority, which calls for more proactive engagement and advocacy (James 4:7)...

My personal philosophy of leadership and advocacy begins with a God-given calling and the practice of personal integrity that sets committed believers apart.  In any leadership role I embrace, one of the most important factors will be upholding personal integrity and moral authority.  Based on that, I know there will be continued temptations to compromise, settle, or take shortcuts to reach my vision (Stanley, 2005).  Godly mentorship, collaboration, and accountability will be important safeguards for me as I move forward with this plan, one step at a time.  Implementing an action plan for advocacy is rarely simple or linear (Chang, et al., 2021).  It requires pressing through our fear and intimidation, making multiple revisions and adjustments, and celebrating our progress along the way (p. 91).

At this stage in my life and career, the biggest challenge before me is overcoming my own subtle cowardice and love of comfort, and wholeheartedly stepping into all that God has planned for me.  I wish that were a one-time heroic decision, but I am learning that it happens one surrendered step at a time.  As a professional counselor and future counselor educator and supervisor, I feel a sober understanding that my willingness to submit to God will impact every life I have the sacred privilege of influencing.  Serving as a counseling leader and advocate will undoubtedly require courage and intentionality, and it will hold foreseen and unforeseen challenges.  And what comes to mind as I reflect on that tonight is the quote from Coach Dugan in A League of Their Own, “It’s supposed to be hard.  If it wasn’t hard, everyone would do it.  The hard… is what makes it great” (Marshall, 1992).

Conclusion

This paper articulates my personal philosophy of leadership and advocacy, detailing a personal advocacy plan of action that aligns with my philosophy.  I am confident that the finest counseling leaders are set apart through their God-given calling and personal integrity, embracing a growth mindset, inspiring positive change, and serving through advocacy.  This philosophy is shaped by my theoretical orientation, supported by research literature and personal experience, and aligned with my future aspirations and Biblical values.  This paper also examines how conditioned passivity and perceived inadequacy negatively impact counselor advocacy, detailing a practical action plan and proposing strategies to overcome conceivable obstacles.  Our calling to serve as advocates can be thwarted by learned helplessness, emotional overwhelm, and apathy in the face of systemic problems and social injustice.  We are limited and finite, but we are not helpless, and we serve an all-powerful God.  Leadership and advocacy roles are vital for Christian counselors, counselor educators, and supervisors, and we must be bold and intentional about doing our part and trusting Jesus to multiply our efforts.

That's a small portion of the paper I wrote a couple weeks back.

Some good reminders for me today.

I very much want to live with a growth mindset.  Not the safe and small life, but the adventurous, expanding one.  That means when I feel like I'm not good at something, I focus on how I can learn and grow and improve (absolutely possible) rather than how quickly I can quit and retreat and change course.  Stepping into a new identity is challenging, and counseling feels complicated and messy and hard right now, but God has given me enough little breaks and enough clear confirmations to stay the course.  Even if circumstances change and I do not finish the LPC hours and/or the PhD program, my choices in this season will still count and MATTER to God (and to my self-respect and character).  God wastes nothing, and I trust Him!  And in the end, I believe it will be true that the hard is what makes it great.

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