Timelines and Testimonies

Happy last day of May!!

We had a pizza party at Mom and Dad's to watch Game 7 of the Playoffs last night... a sad loss for the Thunder, but at least the Jaceman was happy!!

Watching the game, Paris (Bill & Jill's dog - Jill used to live in San Antonio), and the Spurs with their trophy!

GIF of Jace high-fiving Wemby at the beginning of Game 5 (the white hand closest to the camera on the left).  It made his day!

Sour Patch Kids' marketing team is the best... the "first they're sour, then they're sweet" commercials are the cutest, and seeing this nonsense brought me instant joy (in spite of it being fake news in my personal life at times). lol

Speaking of cuteness, here's Katie and Kaden after his Kindergarten graduation - little kids in caps and gowns is so adorable to me!!

Nana with Carter and Emberlee as he was competing in the high school rodeo finals this past week!

Cousin pics from 18 years ago this week... 2008 sincerely does not seem that far back to me!!

Also in that Shutterfly stack was this gem when we were grabbing a few things from 9121 for my move to 522 in the summer of 2007... Dad, Grandad, Babah, Rach, and Emily.

And this gem - my last-ever photo with JMM from June of '07 - (I never loved it as he'd just gotten a buzz cut and didn't look like the version of himself I was accustomed to, and I was wearing vertical stripes, which are almost always a mistake without a sweater or overshirt to change up the angle).  It's crazy to think that Triston is now the age Josh was here... and wearing his own Harvard shirt from the Senior trip to Boston!

Mini Miss K and her friends playing cards at Mom and Dad's... she opted not to swim that day because "Well, I just got my hair done, and it looks really good!" lol  She's not wrong.

I hosted, led, and shared my testimony and the condensed version of my life story with my women's LifeGroup on Saturday.  I'm thankful to say it went well, and we had a memorable discussion about Psalm 23 and Psalm 34.  It had a strengthening effect on me to really think through the whole timeline of my story again, to consider new ways I can see God's hand in it, and to specifically speak the gospel part of it out loud this time as I recounted the story of Mom leading me to Christ!!

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We're doing "Psalms and Stories" this summer - reading through and discussing Psalms then getting into our personal stories and walks with God.  I wrote mine out before sharing to help myself mentally organize it, and the themes I saw paired well with Christine Caine's email today:  "He's not distant or disinterested.  He's not too busy or too important.  He misses you when you drift.  He's calling you to come back, to come close, to come home.  God's heart is revealed throughout Scripture.  He wants relationship with you."

Hosting also inspired me to fully clean my house for the first time in a minute, so I had to snap some photos of everything looking put together!

The final portion of what I shared yesterday...

My favorite things about Jesus:

• His fiercely protective strength on behalf of His people
• His delight in the details of our lives

Looking back, I see a few themes in my story:  I am very relational, and I've spent a lot of my life looking for belonging in close relationships.  All while God has continually reminded me that my deepest belonging is found in Jesus - I belong to Him and I belong with Him.

I've learned to hold on to Kingdom hope and remember that we rarely understand the full picture while we're living through it.  One of my favorite verses says: “Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely."  ~I Corinthians 13:12

And finally, God is far more attentive, personal, and involved than I once believed.  I don’t always understand what He is up to even now, but I will know it completely in Heaven (if not before).  And I know with confidence today that He loves me deeply, He cares about every detail of my life, and He deserves the highest place of honor in my heart!

Okay, friends... 5 months down, 7 to go... here's my 1SE video for 2026 so far!

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The Storm of Self-Doubt

This book was a timely revelation and practically-helpful tool for me on the topic of self-doubt.  I listened to most of it during my drive home from seeing Annie and Eddie in Texas.  I had talked with Chet earlier that afternoon about how adrift I was feeling without the clear end goal of adoption.  He talked from his perspective about seeing all the doors God had opened for me with CCU, and it was a good (slightly jarring) reminder that it hasn't ALL been roadblocks and hurdles on the counseling journey...

It paired really well with the content of this book, and God used all of the above to inspire hope in me that this may not be the dead end I've been imagining.  Having some time to really think about my story and how much has shifted over the past two years was also helpful.  And in my own defense, there has been A LOT of change and loss to process, and I can see how I got here.  Somewhere between the weight loss surgery and recovery, the extra attention and inner/outer pressure to maintain a certain physical appearance whilst navigating hair loss and hormonal changes that would be difficult for any woman, the intense season of marathon training, trying and struggling to view myself as a "finisher" - someone who commits and finishes what she starts, the end of the master's program, the unexpected difficulty of finding a good counseling job, the hard situations and imposter syndrome in some of those early roles, the desire to bow out and disappear, getting into the PhD program, the high expectation and pressure to perform well while not feeling sure I really want to move forward there, facing the physical realities of aging and fibroids and repeated roadblocks head-on, letting go of my long-held adoption dream, quietly grieving that massive loss with precious little acknowledgement while trying to hold onto other dreams that were kind of rooted in that one, realizing how many of my dreams were tied to the idea of being a mom, pursuing the hope of dating whilst zero men are pursuing me, consistently trying to push back against the sense of feeling rejected/unworthy while also being uninspired by the pool of mediocre/passive men, navigating multiple dating apps and driving to another state for a date and staying open to friend set-ups while knowing there will always be others who believe I'm just not trying hard enough, getting raises and cushier job offers in court reporting while everyone keeps asking how my new counseling career is going, ambiguous grief and feeling unheard in certain family situations, and navigating a major friendship conflict and sharply critical/painful conversations there... it has all spiraled me into fairly crippling inner storm of shame and self-doubt, with an amped-up desire to numb out from the gnawing sense that nothing I do is ever quite enough.

Woof.  This book really opened my eyes to all of that, and now I believe God will help me rebuild my sense of identity and God-given power and authority!  I've always loved the verses that talk about Jesus teaching "with real authority, quite unlike their teachers of religious law."  I love and have always been drawn to people who speak with authority, who believe in themselves, lead well, and exude a genuine security and confidence that puts others at ease.  God is opening a few new doors, and I have some ideas brewing on what I want to pursue.  Whatever else I do with the remainder of my life, I know I want to pursue and live from that inner trust and confidence that is rooted in Christ!!

Big Trust Quotes:

• "You're not questioning just your skills or knowledge, but yourself.  Your value, your place, your right to take up space.  You doubt your very sense of who you are, and that's why self-doubt sticks.  Because we mistake it for who we are rather than something we've learned or internalized.
• Your brain's response to feeling not enough is often to overcompensate.  You tell yourself that the next achievement, promotion, or milestone will be the one, the moment you finally feel like you belong.  But the finish line keeps moving.  You take on more, chase perfection, and tie your worth to your output.  No matter how much you achieve, you still end the day thinking: Was it enough?
• The more visible you become, the more pressure you imagine is on you.  More eyes, more expectations, more chances to disappoint.  So you procrastinate, you hesitate, and you convince yourself you're fine where you are.  But you're not; you're just scared...  Safety feels better than growth, but staying small isn't safe.  It's self-sabotage.
• These patterns (overworking, people-pleasing, shrinking, or finding comfort in others' failures) all stem from the same belief: I'm not enough.  Every behavior is an attempt to avoid that discomfort, but until you face it head-on and call it out for the lie it is, you'll stay stuck.
• There will always be others who seem better equipped, more qualified, sharper, shinier, something.  The real difference between people who do the hard things and the ones who don't isn't talent, and it isn't usually skill.  It's BELIEF.  It's the ability to come back to an unshakable trust in your own unique individual strengths even when self-doubt is doing its best to derail you.
• Most of us are far more competent, stronger, wiser, and more capable than we give ourselves credit for. You don't need to pretend you know it all.  Trust the part of you that's always been willing to learn and brave enough to ask.  When you trust your skills and your ability to figure things out, challenges don't feel insurmountable.  When you connect to your inner authority, self-doubt quiets and self-trust begins to take its place.
• Self-trust grows faster in good company.  Surround yourself with people who believe in you, even when you don't.  These are the folks who hold you accountable, cheer you on, and remind you of who you are when doubt gets loud... one supportive person can make a world of difference! #truestory
• Don't just do this for you.  Be the leader who uplifts others, the parent who inspires, the friend who brings light, the human who makes the world better just by being more of who they are.  That's what big trust unlocks - not just inner trust, but outer impact!
• No matter where you are in life, YOUR FUTURE IS STILL YOURS TO SHAPE!  ...Self-trust isn't built in one grand moment.  It's built in every small moment where you decide:  I'm not shrinking.  I'm not hiding.  I'm not doubting - not this time.  Now, go re-write your story!"

God is with me.

God is for me.

He renews my strength 

and guides my steps,
and He will complete the good things

HE has started.

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Annie & Eddie

SO HAPPY to have this photo with my podcast besties!!  Eddie said he loved my hat (he is genuinely a fellow Swiftie), and I was happy to be in matchy blue with them both! =)

Okay, starting from the beginning, I drove down early to Keller, Texas on Friday.  Annie put out a tourdetastebuds website where they recommended certain restaurants and coffee shops for their tour stops, which led me to my lunch stop at Acquario Pizza!  Then I grabbed Sugar Llamas for a snack because when I travel, even for a day trip, I feel like I need to eat fun foods!! #noragrets

A pic with Katie Boatman, the co-founder of Single Purpose League on Annie's team!  I listened to a podcast this week that I really appreciated and talked with her about that (HERE).

My new book with a bookmark and autograph from AFD, and a Waffles Kaufholz sticker ("Go wash your hands" was Annie's pandemic sign-off line, and "Bye, Buddies" was Eddie's, hence, The Buddies Tour!)

I also bought the t-shirt and changed into it immediately, because why not!?

It made me happy to see Annie's fiance, JW, there as the DJ hyping up the crowd! lol

They jumped right into talking about all manner of nonsense, along with a few serious topics!

I'm such a fan of them both... their walks with God, their long-term friendship, their sense of humor, their love/hate of running, their love of SNL and pop culture, their health goals and struggles, etc.

Their dynamic (the mix of personalities, the earned mutual respect, the consistent jokes and entertaining rants, and of course, Annie being single while Eddie is married with a wife and children) often reminds me of my friendship with Chettles, and it's nice to see that modeled somewhere!

I'm also a long-term follower of Annie and appreciate the way she models being a single woman who has a vibrant life and walk with God... I'm a fan, so much so that I bought this dress when she sold some items from her closet earlier this year! lol  (It looks pink on her and coral on me, but it's definitely the exact same dress - fun!)

The show was so fun - lots of laughter and good memories and words of wisdom!  In spite of the insane random traffic jam I faced on my drive home, it was very worth the trip!!

Till next time, "Bye, Buddies!"

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Rising Strong

Aunt Lindsey and the Mini Miss K!

Rach chatting with Jace and Libby... they've had a TPing war lately - Rach and the kids and TJ went and TP'd Libby's house at 3am the night before Megan's wedding, then she and her friends got them back this weekend! lol

Abel (Libby's little brother), Jace, and Liberty (who goes by Libby)

Let's goooo!!

Kyndal Faith, Talon (their CHA classmate and friend), and Aniston!

Mother/daughter pic at the end of day one!

The jump serves are fierce!!

Team huddle after their last game... they played really well and still lost, but I loved how Coach Nikki was encouraging them and telling them how proud she was of how they worked together! #yaysports

Aniston, Collin, and Kyndal... this tournament was in Norman, so a few of their teachers and friends from school were able to come out to support them, which is fantastic!  They're at the funny middle school tween age where they're great friends but all stand fully apart for their photos. =)

Jaceman, Skyler (Coach Kate's boyfriend who he talked to through several games), and Kyndal

Jace talking about him at family dinner:  "Why are the tallest people always the most chill!?" lolol

Team pic!!  This is K's best team yet - all the girls are improving and working together well, and I'm a fan of the Rise club leadership... Coach Kate, Aniston, Kyndal, Tatum, Piersyn, Emma, Jaslyn, Coach Nikki... front row: Kennedy, Ady, Jaylah, and Olivia

Triston Michael also came to cheer her on for the final game on Saturday!

He sat by me and filled me in on the college application results, building an AI agent for Holly's company, etc.  We left the gym around 9:30 and grabbed a late dinner at Chili's and had a really great talk... so I'm very thankful for that and glad to be cheering him on as he moves toward a bright future!

Pic with the Jaceman and Rach between games (I was coming to her car to get this cap she had crystalled up for me - yay!)

Mamaw wasn't feeling well, so she watched from home!  Grandpa had Greg McIlvoy's retirement party on Saturday, but he joined us for their games on Sunday... and he was very impressed with Kyndal's performance!

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After the entire tournament, Kyndal texted to ask if I could make a slideshow of her highlights.  I had only taken 3 videos, so I looked through the game films on Rach's Rise team YouTube channel for some random clips.  I'll know to film next time, but this still turned out pretty great! =)

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Comfort Cobras?

Day 26:  What movie or show do you return to again and again, and what comfort or truth does it offer you each time?

Gracious, that is not a short list.
I love rewatching my favorite episodes of familiar shows and/or movies!

For today, I'm going with Cobra Kai.

Johnny Lawrence never fails to makes me laugh... but I love his grit and determination and the way his character grows through this series!

...I find comfort in the ridiculous lines and familiar characters, and reassuring truth in watching these very messy-but-lovable characters gradually learn to find their strength and fight well.  The coaches and their students are all immature and dealing with unhealed brokenness... at first, their focus is naturally on protecting themselves and fighting perceived bullies/enemies, and their relationships are all comically fraught with tension, unhealthy competition, and turmoil... but if you can make it through that early drama and chaos, over time, there is a very. strong. redemptive arc where former enemies come together and fight to protect others.  It's messy and imperfect, but they all grow and improve.

There are strong themes of persevering through pain, leadership growth, trying new things, team unity ("protect the egg"), compromise over competition, strategic self-defense, and building your chosen family.  So yeah, I enjoy the ridiculous cheesy comedy and the absurdly intense villains, but the redemptive arc also really resonates with me in this season, and I've watched every episode at least 3x now!  (Because Cobra Kai never dies, but their hyper-aggressive stance does get a much-needed reframe.)

 

Shoutout to the Jaceman for his persistence in convincing me to watch the final two seasons!!

In other news, shoutout to Carter Lee for putting up my parents' Christmas lights this year!

And big thanks to Mom, Triston, Carter, and King Handyman Service for helping me remix several things in my own home... we're nearly done now, and I'm loving the changes!!  

My bookshelves are now in the entry hallway... they're surprisingly unobtrusive in that space, I seriously pared down the books I'm keeping, and it makes me happy to see this fun 'library' more often! ❤

The big L-shaped desk moved from the tiled room into my new home office (with much more happy sunlight for my new mostly-work-from-home job and CCU homework days - an improvement, as I've been doing that at the kitchen table the past 3 years. lol) ❤  Wall decor, plants, and state-issued computer coming soon.

The double bed is going to Katie from my lifegroup, and the new queen bed moved into the new guest room (formerly known as the nursery room).  Bedskirt and headboard on the way, and I feel like this room actually has more space for anyone who stays with me!

I got a 'miraculous' mattress upgrade (with a very extra salesman), but it is nice, and I'm thankful and love my bedroom setup with the pink couch!

And the only tiled room now houses the pink writing desk, navy rug and pink ottoman (which really soften that space), my painting and board of empowerment, my exercise bike and weights, and my Roku TV from work when it comes home with me next month!  It will be the blogging and biking room. lol  YAY! ❤

This took a bit of effort, but it's a functional and visual improvement in every space, so I'm very happy with it!! ❤

Okay, that's all for today.
Happy Thanksgiving Eve!!

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