High Expectations and High Support

On this day last year, we did poster presentations at Residency 3. I remember feeling very nervous while answering a few thoughtful questions from Dr. Burkhart (Dean of the Counseling program). That afternoon, I made the most of an opportunity and talked with him about the possibility of teaching at CCU someday. A short conversation, but I was encouraged by his response. That night in my CCU dorm room, I started my application for their PhD program!! …I am currently in his Leadership and Advocacy class, and what I’m learning is transforming my perspective and identity. He talked recently about leading with intentionality and heart, giving your full attention in every conversation and understanding that seemingly small interactions can have a major impact. I see that clearly as I look back at my few talks with him and the effect they had on my life. I’m thankful God led me to CCU 3 years ago, and I’m so grateful for Godly leaders who serve with integrity and put their heart into leading well and letting people know they matter!! Praying for wisdom and continuing growth as a leader - I’m honored to be learning from the best!

(-My Facebook post from yesterday)

My 2024 Poster Presentation with Joy and Tessa

*My first and perhaps most important interaction with Dr. Burkhart was in February of 2023, emailing him with a pressing ethics question.  I was legit ready to leave the program, but he responded with kindness, support, and an invitation to meet and discuss it - during our Zoom meeting, he told me the world needs people like me, Christian counselors who care enough to wrestle with the hard questions - it was validating and sincere, and it kept me going.  His video feedback on my papers in the first 3 weeks of this Leadership class has been incredibly encouraging, as well!  So all around, I'm grateful for his leadership and intentionality, and for the small shifts in my perspective and writing style that are helping me grow and improve.  His "high expectations and high support" motto makes so much sense, and he's living it out and inspiring me to do the same!

"One of the hardest things you, as a PhD student, have to do is learn how to shift your writing from a very appropriate, very academic supportive stance to a substantiative stance.  As a Masters-level student, you are likely very comfortable with taking a supportive stance of what another author has already said - responding to the citations - the citations are driving the knowledge and content.  Very appropriate for Masters-level writing; not as appropriate for doctoral-level writing. You are the expert.  You are a person who's earning a doctoral degree, so you are making very authoritative statements and claims.  You are teaching us, then you are using sources to support what you're saying... If you make this shift now, your academic literature from this point forward as a PhD student will be 1,000 times better... Something can’t show up until it’s been stored up.  Hang in there.  My goal for you is to be the best writer that you can be after you leave this course.  I want you to be a better leader, a better researcher, better supervisor, better educator, better writer.  I want you to think differently.   I have seven weeks with you, and I want to push you as hard as I can, but I want you to know that I am doing that because I actually care.  I actually care about where you wind up and what you take away from this class.  So stick with me.  Allow me to stretch you a little bit.  I am 100% here to support you… My motto when it comes to teaching classes is: High expectations and high support!  I think high expectations with low support is inappropriate, and I think low expectations regardless of support level is inappropriate.  If you walk away from any class I teach and you’re the same writer, you’re the same student, you’re the same clinician, then I’ve failed.  To some extent, it’s also on you, but just know that that’s my intention.  I want to push you; I want to challenge you.  But it’s being done with the hope that you’re walking away different after this class.  I think that’s what you’re spending money and time and emotion on – not just to get through this class, but to get through this class successfully and be different at the end of it, to have grown and developed in a certain way.  So I’m here if you need anything.  I really hope that my video feedback on your papers is beneficial to you.  But again, guys, if you want to meet, let me know.  I’m always here.”

~Dr. Ryan Burkhart, Dean of the School of Counseling

“In our current societal landscape, we find ourselves facing numerous challenges that contribute to cultural instability, family breakdown, and a lack of trust in governments, the judicial system, and the media... At the core of the issue of meaninglessness and purposelessness we see in our society lies a lack of trust in absolute reality and a rejection of ultimate and universal truth.  While it is valuable to listen to each person’s story, our society has rejected the grand narrative presented by God.  A factor that has been missing in the treatment model has been the integration of the spiritual component.  We know well that relying solely on these secular techniques falls short, as they merely produce individuals who are symptom free.  This outcome fails to provide a foundation of dependence on the Lord, salvation, and sanctification.  Consequently, individuals may find themselves free from symptoms, yet still bound by the chains of sin and pain.  As counselors and counselor educators of Christian faith, we have an opportunity to impact the broader culture for Christ… we must seize opportunities to bring about change in our communities, schools, workplaces, institutions, research, and the entire field of counseling through our Christ-centered servant leadership and advocacy efforts.  Our influence should extend beyond the confines of a therapy room or a classroom or university.  This needs to infiltrate the front levels in our profession.  Just as Jesus went into the world, so should we, impacting lives through our knowledge, compassion, and the hope found in Jesus Christ.  May our efforts as counselors and counselor educators reflect the love and grace of the Lord as we strive to bring healing and wholeness to those entrusted to our care."

~Dr. Selin Philip, Founder of the PhD Program

(These quotes are from short videos they made for this class - I so appreciate being able to learn from them.)

In God's Hands

Hey, friends and fam!  It's been a whole week, which is rare for me.  I'm in a pretty awesome new season with a very full schedule... and I'm confident God is expanding my capacity and giving me the daily grace I need to navigate these current roles well!

• Adoptive Mom:  Signed the contracts to officially adopt 2 living-but-frozen Snowflakes embryos (on 7-18-25 - YAY!!), writing a thank you note to the placing parent today, and navigating next steps and medical appointments moving forward!
• Counselor:  My part-time role with Integrated Therapy Solutions - embracing the intense learning curve with the Milan electronic records system, submitting treatment plans and progress notes, attending weekly supervision meetings, and counseling 2 continuing clients and 4 new clients this week!
• Court Reporter:  My secure and steady full-time job - interesting Preliminary Hearings, scoping transcripts, covering court for other Judges with the current CR shortage, and enjoying the feeling of established competence and the accrued leave and benefits here!
• Doctoral Student:  Writing discussion posts and leadership papers + Zoom classes and group meetings + preparing a conference presentation (all without the help of AI, thank you very much! lol)!
• Individual:  Returning to regular church attendance, listening to great audiobooks, blogging as needed, and developing a solid morning routine for daily workouts and time with God!
• Relational:  Maintaining strong friendships in Tulsa, cultivating new friendships in OKC, daily talks with Mom, weekly family dinners, and weekly walks with Kristin!
• Extras:  A 10-hour Trauma Focused CBT training (online - started it Friday) + helping on Ashley Campbell's book launch team (YAY!)

I also believe God will help me narrow that list a bit by the end of this year, which helps me dive deep and invest faithfully in the meantime.  It helps that I believe every bit of the above is fruitful -- I'm planting good seeds, and God will decide what grows from it!  For now, I'm working on not using the words scattered, fragmented, or divided when I talk about my attention span.  Instead, I'll say God is teaching me and growing my capacity for leadership and giving me what I need day by day.  I am learning to trust His timing and doing my best to be intentional about focusing on one role at a time, shifting my full focus as needed to engage in all the things that matter to me!! ❤

Okay, so about the book launch team... I'm about 1/3rd of the way through my pre-release copy of Ashley's book and loving everything about it so far!  Not a surprise - her writing has always been poignant, and the stories and pictures from their family trip around the world are captivating!  (It's also inspiring the writer side of me - I love this reminder that a book can be anything you want it to be.  Every page of her book is filled with family photos or pictures from their trip - somehow, I didn't realize that was an option, but it's fantastic, and it's changing how I want to format my future book!!)

The best!  Loved following their trip in real-time via Instagram, but seeing it all in one book now - along with Ashley's insightful reflections and a page written by each of her kids and Chris - is freaking awesome!!

Here's my beautiful niece, Miss Kyndal Faith, enjoying her new blonde highlights this summer!  Love her, and I was happy to see this front-facing smiley profile pic!! lol

Yesterday would have been Grandad's 96th birthday, although I'm confident he's forever young now in Heaven!  I'm thankful for his life and the way he loved us!

Last Friday was a Tulsa trip for CFA lunch with the wonderful Wilson fam, a hair appointment with Janelle, and an impromptu stop at Tulsa Lexus for an oil change - gracious, the Tulsa one is just so much better than the Edmond branch!  In spite of the lack of color on their showroom floor (Mom would not approve!), it was nice to be back! ;-)

This and chapter 107 are speaking to me lately.  This one talks about God's commands being trustworthy and true, to be obeyed faithfully and with integrity... reminding us that "the rewards of wisdom come to all who obey Him."  And Chapter 107 repeatedly shows people royally messing things up then crying out to God for help, and He repeatedly rescues them in their distress.  Both are encouraging chapters that apply to my life in different seasons!

This was the Verse of the Day when I had to write a paper on advocacy and was internally resisting that whole topic.  All the suggested topics were causing me to shut down, so I ended up writing about that emotional response, and specifically about overcoming the conditioned passivity and learned helplessness that often hold us back from getting involved in potential political conflict and/or serving as professional or social justice advocates.  It was personal and intense, and over the past couple weeks, I spent literally 17+ hours researching and writing that 12-page paper.  However, the grades and the feedback videos from Dr. Burkhart made all that effort feel very worth it!  (Something I'll keep in mind if/when I'm a professor down the road.)  I'm VERY grateful for his encouragement and the growing confidence I feel there.  Anyway, I used this verse in my paper as evidence that God wants us to grow in our role as leaders and advocates, to keep learning new ways we can help others and fight for those who are vulnerable!  And it's true - leadership doesn't have lasting impact if you're not actively serving others and using your God-given position, skills, and influence for good!

Finally, here's a pic from the Shoemakers' moving day two weeks ago - the Wilsons coming to see them at that house one last time.  I miss them already!

Okay, that's all I've got for now... headed to a meeting about the new electronic/recording system they're installing in our courtroom, and looking forward to family dinner tonight! ❤

Thanks for being here!  I love you and believe in you, and I believe God will give you all the grace you need for the roles He has placed you in TODAY!  He gives us new grace one day at a time, just like the manna for the Israelites, and our lives and futures are secure in His hands! 

❤ ❤ ❤

Listening Library

1.  The Silent Patient  by Alex Michaelides -- Well written, but not really the type of book I enjoy!  It's a thriller or crime fiction book - I tried it because Alicia and Katie highly recommended it and really loved the plot twist, so I wanted to know more.  It was interesting, but I get enough crime stories in court. lol

2.  LeaderShift: 11 Essential Changes Every Leader Must Embrace by John C. Maxwell - The first of his books that I've read.  Good, but a little formulaic.  I'm on a leadership kick, so it was helpful to think about the ways my thinking needs to shift to be an inspiring leader (soloist to conductor, team uniformity to team diversity, pleasing people to challenging people, etc.)!  It also added some good content for my Leadership Philosophy paper, so yay for that!

3.  Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy: Discovering the Grace of Lament by Mark Vroegop - (Recommended by Alicia when she heard I was interested in grief counseling).  This explains lament from a Biblical perspective - the author is a dad grieving the loss of his child, and he writes about how the book of Lamentations offers a blueprint for venting frustrations and expressing hard emotions while keeping our hearts turned toward God.  Heavy, but good and aligned with my heart for helping people move forward with grief.  

4.  The Coffee Bean: A Simple Lesson to Create Positive Change by Damon West and Jon Gordon - Very short and not worth the money for the audiobook, honestly - it would've been 100x better if Damon had told more of his own story rather than stopping with the short metaphor.  He was on the Jefferson Fisher podcast (video HERE)... Damon had served time in prison, and he shared the advice another man gave him just before going in: Think of prison as a pot of boiling water... and you can be like a carrot that is weakened and softened by that environment.  You can be like an egg that becomes hard inside... Or you can be like the coffee bean that gradually changes the water surrounding it.  Y'all know I love metaphors, and this one works in all of life - wherever we may find ourselves, it's important to remember we have the power to color and change our environment rather than allowing it to weaken or harden us. ❤

5.  The 5 Second Rule by my friend, Mel Robbins - Mel is the queen of audiobooks!  She reads them in such a natural, conversational way that it's much more like listening to her podcast (which I also enjoy).  She's also the queen of expounding on a simple concept and giving you loads of practical examples and stories to help it stick.  The concept here is giving yourself a 5-4-3-2-1, GO!! countdown for any task you do not want to do - pushing forward and interrupting the part of your brain that overthinks things and talks you out of it.  Sounds simple, but it's effective, and it's revolutionizing my morning routine at the moment (no more snooze button). =)

6.  Visioneering: God's Blueprint for Developing and Maintaining Vision by Andy Stanley - So good - my favorite of the three books on this list recommended by Alicia! =)  Andy writes eloquently about vision-casting, leadership, and the inimitable value of moral authority!!  He goes through the story of Nehemiah as he led the rebuilding of the temple - "I am doing a great work, and I cannot come down."  My favorite part was definitely the section on moral authority, also known as the anointing of God on those who have a clear conscience before Him.  Andy said, "On the path to any big dream, you will be tempted to compromise.  We have to be willing to let go of our vision or dream before we would compromise our moral authority."  Embracing that concept has already cost me several hours of extra work, and paid off in higher self-respect, a deeper connection with God, and greater confidence in my creative writing and academic research abilities!!

Okay then, Happy Monday!  I love you and believe in you,

and I'm confident God will finish the good things He has begun in us and for us and through us!!

❤ ❤ ❤

Thankful Thursday #227 (Leaders)

"Now to the One who is able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think according to the power that works in us — to You, our gracious Father, be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever.  Amen."  ~Ephesians 3:20-21

Today, I am thankful for: 

The impact of good leaders!! ❤

*This week's GTKY question: Who or what has influenced your understanding of leadership in the counseling profession?  It could be a mentor, a specific theory or model, a book, or any other source of inspiration.  Share how this influence has impacted your perspective on leadership.

My Personal Top 10 List:

1.  Donald Miller -- His life story inspires me, and his book Hero on a Mission has changed my life in profound ways!  Reading that book led me to pursue the marathon, the Masters degree, the PhD, motherhood, becoming an author, and more.  (Basically, it led me to take responsibility and take action, setting meaningful goals and living a more fulfilling and interesting life... and what better gift can any leader impart to others!?).  I'm forever grateful for him!

2.  John Eldredge -- His books entirely changed my viewpoint on the larger story (spiritual warfare, God's goodness, my role in all of it).  Knowing that he was a CCU Counseling graduate prompted me to look into their program 3 years ago.  He is prayerful and very reliant on Jesus in his leadership decisions, and I'm grateful for his example and his impact on my life! 

3.  Beth Moore -- Wow, I had missed her.  Her love for Jesus is pure and genuine, and her summer Bible study has been so good for me - next week is the final session, which feels pretty perfectly timed!  Beth's books and Bible studies have been life changing for me, and her compassionate and caring yet direct and firm leadership are inspiring.  I love that she shares her story to help others and serves as an advocate for victims of sexual sin and abuse of power within the church.

4.  Annie F. Downs -- So grateful for her books and podcasts, along with her life example, which has inspired me in several areas!  She's one of very few Christian single women who are leading in a public way with gentle strength and dignity.  She's enjoying her life and friendships while holding onto her hope for marriage and her faith in God's kindness, and I really love seeing that!!

5.  Craig Groeschel -- I have learned a lot from Craig's Leadership Podcast, and I think he is a strong leader who genuinely loves Jesus and cares about reaching the lost.  The new lifegroup I've joined has reignited my appreciation for Life.Church and the positive impact they are having!

6.  Dr. David Frisbie -- My favorite SNU professor - he was interesting and respectful and called each of us "Dr. Muecke, Dr. Gillis, etc." from the beginning as a sign of respect and to encourage us to consider grad school and start to see ourselves differently!  He wrote several great recommendation letters for me, encouraged my book-writing aspirations, helped me with some personal questions via email, and wrote me the kindest note after a hard presentation.  "Best ever - I do not say that lightly."

7.  Chet Wilson -- The only person on this list that I speak with regularly, and what. a. gift. that has been!  While he is not in a leadership role in my life, his leadership style has had a positive influence on my identity and my understanding of leadership - inspiring me to step up, grow, improve, and become all God created me to be.  Chet is self-aware, fiercely loyal, respectful, an exceptional communicator (direct and kind), and a man of Godly wisdom.  When I'm tempted to do something I would regret, I often hear his voice in my head saying "Lead with integrity."  He leads his family and his business well, and he has a real gift for problem-solving and connecting with people.  He has earned my deep trust and respect, and I hope we continue to strengthen and sharpen each other!

8.  Mel Robbins -- Love "my friend, Mel!" =)  We are not aligned theologically, but I've found a great value in her leadership and her vision-casting energy.  There's a reason she has the #1 podcast in the world, and it is evident to me as I listen to her.  She loves to learn and helps others learn by breaking down academic language into layman's terms, and she is continually complimenting and connecting with her listeners.  My life was changed through her Launch course last summer, and I think it's beautiful and genuine that she ends every podcast with "In case no one else says it today, let me say that I love you, and I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to create a better life!"

9.  Dr. Ryan Burkhart & Dr. Selin Philip -- Dr. Burkhart showed humility, wisdom, and kindness by offering to meet with me when I was considering leaving the MAC program 2 years ago. I really bypassed the chain of command by emailing him directly, and he could have easily passed it off or redirected me.  Our meeting was clarifying and helpful and validating.  I was very encouraged to stick with it when he said: "This is Kingdom work, and the counseling profession needs people like you who care enough to wrestle with these issues."  Dr. Philip speaks slowly and thoughtfully and leads with a gentle, quiet authority and an obvious passion for Christ... and it's been really good for me to see an introvert being herself and thriving in an essential leadership position!

10.  Vanessa Van Edwards -- Communication expert who specializes in practical advice and body language cues; her books, podcasts, and emails have taught me a lot about leading with warmth and competence + focusing on making others feel at ease rather than thinking about my own discomfort in any speaking opportunity!

Honorable Mention:  Andy Stanley (moral authority), Emily Matousek (body kindness and self-trust), Susan Cain (the power of introversion), Brene Brown (vulnerability and resilience), Carol Dweck (embracing the growth mindset where I had been stuck), Levi Lusko (grieving with hope), and Shauna Niequist (writing from the heart).

The rest of my post:  I am just beginning to lean into the new identity of seeing myself as a leader.  So many of the above leaders who've had a powerful influence on my life have done so through books or podcasts or one-on-one conversations.  Knowing the impact the words in a book can have is encouraging to me, as I love to write, and my goal is to grow in that and become an author and maybe a speaker eventually.  I also hope to become a CCU professor and an LPC Supervisor down the road.  I think it's important to be intentional about encouraging others and helping people believe in themselves and cultivate a growth mindset.  We tend to think of large-scale, company-wide leadership, but I think counselors often lead quietly through deeper, one-on-one connections that have a wider ripple effect than they may ever know... and the relational aspect of that feels more natural and appealing to me!

Leadership was a theme during our time together in Colorado, and it’s been on my mind and heart since I came back home.  As an introvert who prefers one-on-one connections to speaking in a large group, I have not typically viewed myself as a leader.  But God is gradually changing that, and I am grateful for the leaders He has placed in my story and the ways He is working in me!

Happy Thursday, family and friends!!

❤ ❤ ❤

Let Them

"But joyful are those who have the God of Israel as their helper, whose hope is in the Lord their God, who made heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them. He keeps every promise forever." 

❤ Psalm 146:5-6

Happy Wednesday, and happy 6-months-till-Christmas, friends and fam!!  I'm taking a very quick minute to blog before I leave for work.  This = my 5k walk yesterday afternoon... I covered at the juvenile court, and we were done before 2:30, which gave me some unexpected and very-much-valued free time! =)

Love this quote - CS Lewis for the win!!  I want to be someone who feels things deeply and takes bold action whenever I feel convicted or challenged or prompted to act.

The Peach Truck did not disappoint... so fresh and good!!  But their smallest order was a 12-pound box of peaches, which is more than I could possibly eat before they go bad, even after sharing with Mom and Kristin.  So I made another peachy dessert last night, and I'm freezing most of it in individual containers for later.

This gem is currently available on Tubi, and I was so happy to watch it again! =)

Following up on my Thunder posts, they won - huzzah!!  I kept saying national champions, but apparently, this win made them "World Champions" according to several FB posts I saw.  Either way, go OKC!!

Emily and Chas cheering them on for 13 years!

A poignant picture from the Champions parade downtown yesterday... sadly, I was in a murder prelim at the time.

This made me happy!

Miss K with all the games on family dinner night - she's so fun and creative and colorful!

Jace Michael relaxing while the girls planned Kyndal's bday party! =)

Proud of Jace as he's working out more and trying healthier foods this summer... he didn't love the peaches and refused to try cherries, but he's a fan of watermelon (not pictured) and pineapple, and that's a new and positive development!

Goals!

Speaking of, I had my first Zoom meeting in the Leadership class with Dr. Burkhart last night... it was great, and I think those weekly discussions will be really helpful in viewing myself as a leader and acting accordingly!

Also, I had my first supervision meeting with Krystal yesterday.  Things are really ramping up, so I'm reminding myself to have GRACE!!

The "let them" phrase caught my attention in this verse, thanks to Mel Robbins and that being my theme for this year... I love that God gives us the power to choose, and gracious, I want to listen to Him and surrender to His will and choose life at every turn!!!

"But no, My people wouldn't listen.

Israel did not want Me around.

So I let them follow their blind and stubborn way,

living according to their own desires.

But oh, that My people would listen to Me!

Oh, that Israel would follow me, walking in my paths!

How quickly I would then subdue their enemies!

How soon My hands would be upon their foes!"

~Psalm 81:11-14

That's all for this morning... make it a great day ahead!!

❤ ❤ ❤

Love and Leadership

I’m currently going through Beth Moore’s summer Bible study, Becoming Who We Are: Losing the Imposter, Finding What’s Real.  (She's offering it free on YouTube, starting HERE.)  Her top goal is for the women participating in this study "To know so deeply who we are in Christ that we are unshaken no matter who denies, doubts, diminishes, or mocks it."  Love that, and the first two videos have been refreshing!  I feel like God brought this into my life at just the right time as He’s calling me into a new level of vision and leadership...

Beth says, “Everything about becoming who we are hinges on absorbing how we are loved by God,” backing that up with abundant Scriptural reminders that we were chosen in Him before the creation of the world, remarkably and wondrously made, that every day of our lives was recorded in His book before one came to pass.  We are carried by the God who appoints our time in history and the boundaries of where we live.  We are created for good works He prepared in advance, and nothing can separate us from His faithful love. ❤

She invited us to reflect on how people behave in relationships when they know they are loved versus when they feel unsure about that.  I’ve experienced both sides of that spectrum very personally.  When I feel confident in someone's love, I am more whole, secure, peaceful, confident, and able to give and love others well.  But in relationships that spark doubt or insecurity, I’ve found myself feeling more broken, emotional, desperate, anxious, and needy (that's based on my attachment style - others might have a more fiercely independent reaction).  The rejection I've endured means it usually takes me a whiiiiile to really trust people and be vulnerable with them, and when I finally get there, not everyone has handled it well.  I’m so very thankful for the people in my life who have loved me well -- not perfectly, but consistently.  Their love and faithfulness have helped deepen my sense of security, grow my trust and discernment, and strengthen my character and personal growth!  More importantly, they have been a tangible picture of God's love and His refusal to give up on me - it's why loving others well is so important to Jesus.

My time at CCU was full of leaders I highly respect challenging me and my peers to begin viewing ourselves as leaders and practice stepping into Christian leadership more often in big and small ways.  (Like rather than complaining about the counseling board's decisions and lamenting about how messy and divided the regulations are from state to state, plan to join those boards and be an active part of creating change - Alicia and I talked about that at the coffee shop that first morning, and it was a great reframe for me.  I always used to roll my eyes as I listened to Judges complaining about the way things were running, knowing they were in a position to actually fix it if they tried -- so I'm gradually moving into more of a leadership role, and I have to shift the way I see myself and be ready to act with courage and character.)  Ironically - aka a total God thing - my call with Chet on the way to Colorado was a good precursor to all of that, about embracing new dynamics and viewing it as a compliment when God entrusts me with more responsibility!  I love when God sends a lot of things that align to create a really clear message for us - I need that level of confirmation in my life. lol  

Being loved well and having a deeper understanding of God's love will always strengthen us in our calling.  Jesus KNEW exactly where He came from and who He was - He had a strong sense of protective support and beloved/chosen identity.  And He led well and accomplished everything God set out for Him to do because He understood what He was here for (earthly passion and purpose) and where He was going (firmly-anchored eternal hope and love for God)!  In this season, I am drawn to the intersection of Godly leadership and understanding God's love.  I want to grow in integrity and humility as I gradually and imperfectly start to step up and speak up more often.  I also want to practice fully believing and receiving the love of God — to live from a deeply secure and healed place of being LOVED, VALUED, SEEN, and CHOSEN.  Beth's study is helping me with that!

"Lord, You are my portion and my cup of blessing;

You hold my future.

The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;

Indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance."

~Psalm 16:5-6

"Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine;

Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine...

Watching and waiting, looking above,

Filled with His goodness, lost in His love!"

~Blessed Assurance, Fanny Crosby

Oswald Chambers said, "The root of all sin is the suspicion that God is not good.”  I had to think about that one for a minute, but I get it.  We’ve all wrestled with that suspicion sometimes.  The areas where I am weakest and most in need of God's forgiveness, healing, and strength are also the areas where I am most in need of TRUTH from God's Word (a deeper understanding of it).  Jim Cress wrote an article for Christian Counseling Today where he talked about a practical tool he uses with clients who are stuck in shame and feeling blocked from receiving God's love... he encourages them to write the character traits (try the top 10) that come to mind when they think about their dad or father figure, one per index card.  Then they take time to reflect - knowingly or unknowingly, how many of these painful traits have I projected onto God?  They work together to prayerfully replace false or limiting traits with new words that reflect who God truly is and wants to be to them.  It's worth every bit of time and intentional effort to heal our relationship with God, and I’d love to offer that as an exercise with faith-based clients in the future.

Okay, shifting gears, yesterday’s verse from the Bible App was a lovely reminder.  Thanks in large part to John Eldredge's teachings, the hope of Heaven is very real to me - not just vague and ethereal, but a reward I think about often and look forward to.  Thanks to grief group work and my own grief experience, the searing pain of loss is also very real to me - I understand that grieving with eternal hope is still legitimately HARD and ongoing.  Kristen had several great visits with friends and family during the week I was in Colorado -- I love that she had that time and was able to read/hear the many memories and words of gratitude and encouragement that are pouring in from all sides at this point!  Even though I missed the window to see her again in person, I'm really thankful for our phone call a couple weeks back.  It was a gift!  We had a good long talk, and I prayed with her before we hung up.  Her mom was there in the background and thanked me for sending the card and blanket.  Kristen shared about her daily routine and the physical pain she was experiencing and the loneliness of some friends/family distancing themselves from her suffering.  She also shared about growing with God and the people who had stepped up in awesome, unexpected ways and seeing subtle places where God was using her story to encourage others - she was full of faith and hope in the midst of wrestling with honest doubt and fear, and she was very kind in asking about my life and things she's seen on Facebook.  It was really encouraging for both of us to talk - we planned to make it a regular thing, and I was honestly excited about that and enlisting other friends to reach out.... our talk was interrupted 3x by nurses or doctors coming in to check different vitals or bring medications.  She was feeling pretty good that night but had been diagnosed with pneumonia earlier that morning, and neither of us had any idea how quickly things would shift... an infection spread, and the life-saving white blood cell donors were unable to move forward because of the pneumonia diagnosis.  The day before their trip back to Oklahoma, she texted: "God is giving me a peace and looking forward to going home."  I so appreciate the double meaning there.  We've texted a few more times, but our planned phone call the next week never happened, as she was back and forth with fevers after being transported to Oklahoma for palliative care... it's all really sobering, and there are brutally hard realities to the process of dying from cancer.  She is sleeping a lot at this point.  I believe she knows that she is loved and that her life mattered, and I'm so glad and thankful that she received some tangible reminders of that in her final days!!  Praying for peace, comfort, anchoring hope, grief support, and feeling surrounded by God's love for the Harriss family and their close circle today.  (This paragraph grew longer than I meant for it to, but it's on my heart a lot lately.)

Faith pointed out to me that there are crosses in all the upper windows of the CCU chapel room - I love that! ❤

So that's a recap of some things on my heart and areas where God is speaking to me lately - hopefully it made sense and felt encouraging.  Lighter post coming this afternoon!!

You are loved, valued, seen, and chosen by God.
The Lord holds your future,
And you have a beautiful inheritance!

❤ ❤ ❤

Doctoral Residency, Part 2!

Writing from a hotel room in Goodland, Kansas tonight!  Grateful for a comfy bed - the dorm mattresses are rough - 3.5 hours down, 6.5 to go tomorrow!

This = Friday breakfast with Ashley and Robyn, one of my favorite parts of this CES Residency!  They were the role play students that I "mentored" or supervised last year.  We had some great talks then and I gave them a list of tips and professor recommendations as they were beginning the Master's program.  So glad I texted them on Thursday ~ they were both back in CO as roommates at MAC Res 2, and we decided to meet up at 7am for breakfast... an hour and a half wasn't really enough time, but it was great to hear about their first year in the program, the internship sites they've found for this coming August, and their interest in the PhD program - which we discussed quite a bit, as well!  They both said thanks for the tips I gave them last year - they've had fantastic professors and are absolutely loving the program so far, so we were all just CCU fangirls talking it up! lol  Anyway, it was great to see them and catch up, and it really encouraged me to hear how something that took a small effort on my part made a big difference in their lives. ❤

Last July at their Res 1 and my Res 3 (they pair people up for role play exercises, then you work together the whole week coaching/supporting them as they practice counseling each other).

On that note, Christian counselors make awesome friends - the listening skills, the sincere empathy, and the strong tendency to dive right on into the deeper topics is such a breath of fresh air every time I'm surrounded by CCU Counseling Students!

Me and Heather Martinez, my roommate this year (there are three rooms that connect to the same living room common area - it was me and Heather, Alicia and Charisse, and Michelle and Laura)!  Heather is a wife and a mom of one boy and two girls, and she's already working as an LPC-Supervisor with a thriving counseling practice!

Finally getting to know Faith Smith, a peer from my CCU Master's cohort (but we had no classes together that whole time).  She and I helped co-lead Dr. Brashear's group of Masters Res 2 students yesterday, and it was awesome to hear their stories and stresses and answer their questions and encourage them and share a bit about our Practicum and Internship experiences!!  I loved being in that role and connecting with/encouraging people who are just a few steps behind me, and that reminder was a gift as I've been considering whether I would really enjoy a teaching/supervising role!

Alicia, Elyse, and Ellie taking a stretch break! lol

Everyone else got a drink with dinner last night, so I got a fun cheers-ing pic!

After our Saturday dinner at Lady Nomada (where we ran into Dr. Robinson from CCU)!

Me and Alicia and Terri went to see Thunderbolts after dinner... then had a great talk about how the movie illustrates shame/depression and the way we need community!

I love this campus.  That's all.

Worship session Sunday morning!

❤❤❤

The majority of today was "Super Statistical Sunday," where Dr. Wood talked with us for a long time about Quantitative Research and the SPSS software that will help with our calculations.  It wasn't as bad as I'd expected, and I'm quite thankful we're not having to memorize formulas or do any math by hand.  I can input data into a spreadsheet with the best of them. lol

After a long day of mostly stats work, it was soooo refreshing to end with a 40-minute lecture from Dr. Burkhart, followed by the group photo I'd been wanting all day, then the commissioning ceremony and closing prayer!

I so respect and value the Godly leaders at this school!  Also, I sent this pic to Chet because this slide made me think of him - he's good at most if not all of these "leadership paradoxes."

The new Considine Chapel... in a last-minute decision, Dr. Burkhart let us come in there for the group photo, then we stayed there for the final session, and it felt sacred in a way I can't really explain well in words.

Above = the 17 students in my cohort, along with Dr. Sara Wood, Dr. Gregg Elliott, and Dr. Selin Philip!

I'm so grateful for the words spoken to us and over us today!

Dr. Philip (in her humble but powerful way):  "Trust the process, and trust the God behind the process... Welcome to this holy, sacred work of leadership!"  

Dr. Elliott:  "You are where you are supposed to be - do not let go of it easily!  You made this decision with fortitude and faith and determination... and the only way you won't make it through at this point is if you choose not to make it!" ❤

The Res 2 doctoral students (CCU's first cohort) gathered around us along with the faculty and prayed over us... then we did the same surrounding them, and Dr. Burkhart prayed for all of us.  He started off with "Lord, I'm most grateful for when You showed up in moments of transition and seasons of change, when I needed guidance and had to make decisions that were scary or hard..."

I really felt that.  In spite of my deep love for CCU, I am not entirely sure that this is what I'm supposed to do with my life in this season.  Life tends to throw curveballs when we least expect it.  The adoption door is still in question for me, and I believe motherhood could also be a high calling and a vital role in God's Kingdom, and I have valid doubts about my ability to do both well in my current situation... Anyway, while thinking through all of that very quickly, Dr. Burkhart ended his prayer with:  "We pray that these students would advance Your Kingdom and Your mission and Your purpose in whatever role they find themselves!"  I was holding hands with Faith Smith and Dr. Wood, and I had tears rolling down both sides of my face at that point.  Because YES, Lord - that is the actual point - and I felt so much freedom as I heard him say that.  Honestly, the PhD is within reach for me, but it is just one of MANY ways that I might be able to advance God's Kingdom and mission - there is no pressure from God or no sense that this is the only way I can honor Him with my life - so I'm moving forward with classes and doing my best for now while holding these dreams loosely and keeping my heart open and surrendered to God's leading.  Not my will, but His purpose for me.  Dr. Philip gave each of us first-year students a bag of mustard seeds as a reminder that although we may feel small right now, God can grow our lives into something that nourishes others when we stay rooted in Him.  She gave each of the year 3 students a towel tied in a bow to remind them of Jesus' example of washing feet and serving others even as He led with great authority.  She's phenomenal, and I want to become her real life actual friend. lol

I can't say I have full clarity on what will happen moving forward, but I do have renewed peace and faith. ❤

If God chooses not to open the door for motherhood, then I will probably be back on the CCU campus in 2027, ready to complete my dissertation and move forward in my career calling.  If I become a Mom by that time, then I'll pray about it and hope to be back at CCU down the road.  I have six years from now to complete the PhD degree, so I'm aware of that ticking timeline, and I'm grateful to know that God has a good plan!  Whether it's two years or five years or somewhere in between there, I pray that God richly blesses Colorado Christian University until we meet again! =)

I love you and believe in you, and Jesus does too!  May we all advance God's Kingdom, His mission, and His purpose - right where we are today!

❤ ❤ ❤