Failure that Needs Forgiveness

 Happy Labor Day, friends and fam!  I hope you get to relax a bit and enjoy some time off!!

Two things that have been helpful to me lately on a soulful/spiritual level:

We may not have this in common, but when anyone hurts me, it is my very strong tendency to try to assume good intent in the other person, reminding myself of their good qualities, thinking about what they might be going through, how they might be having a hard day or have endured childhood pain I cannot understand or be processing life through a different lens, etc.  I would argue that it's valid and wise to remember that no one but Christ is perfect, and we are all flawed human beings who will hurt each other occasionally (and often unintentionally).  But sometimes in the midst of all that, I end up minimizing my own hurt and bypassing my own need for healing.

The idea that everyone is doing the best they can does not ring true for me or align with Scripture.  And I really loved the reminder from John Eldredge last week that our hurts and disappointments matter to God and should not be minimized or glossed over.  Especially with major betrayals or deeper childhood wounds, we need to view those events (or hurtful words or actions) as a FAILURE that needs to be FORGIVEN rather than an inadequacy that needs to be excused in the person who hurt us.  Yes, please to that truth bomb!  ...Trying to make excuses for things that were devastating and damaging is unhealthy, and ironically, it blocks our ability to see it clearly and forgive and move forward well.  Whatever else was behind it, there are multiple people who have failed to love me well, to see and hear me when I needed them, to show up and help out when it was within their power to do so... and I want to stop minimizing that failure.  We can have Christlike mercy and empathy toward others, but "you can only forgive someone genuinely once you name what you are forgiving."

Yes, John Eldredge, and thanks again!❤

Secondly, Psalm 147:3 says: "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."

That verse has come to mind repeatedly as I am the makeshift wound-care nurse for Mom this month.  When I used to hear it, I would picture something more like a large Bandaid binding a minor cut.  This gives me a new context for it that feels more accurate and powerful.

The current wound on Mom's left leg is large - jarring for anyone the first time they see the graphic photos or see it in person.  (I won't post those pictures here, but it was an open oval-shaped wound, similar in size and appearance to a pound of raw ground hamburger meat.)  Now that her second surgery is completed, the wound care process has begun - we are cleaning it daily to prevent infection, gently washing, rinsing, and drying it, then carefully covering it with xeroform (a sterile, non-adhesive dressing soaked in petroleum jelly), cushioning it for comfort, wrapping all of that with layers of gauze, and securing the wrapped covering with an elastic-like burn net.  It is an ongoing and meticulous daily process that requires attentive care on a larger wound that will take months to fully heal -- which all feels like a far more accurate picture of what Jesus does for us when He heals our broken hearts and binds up our wounded souls.  And the truth of that image is comforting to me.

In summary (me talking to myself here):

Your heart matters,

And God is not indifferent to your wounds.

Acknowledge the places where others have failed you,

and then pray through forgiving them...

Trust Jesus to bind even the biggest, most raw and sharply painful wounds.

He is an expert on healing and restoration.

He is with you and for you.

He allows nothing without purpose,

And He cares enough to join you in the daily process of healing.

He will be patient and gradually renew your strength.

Take heart; the best is yet to come!

❤ ❤ ❤

Catching Up (Part 2 of 2)

Random summer fun pic of Jace, Asher, Jace, and TJ! =)

True story.

Carter Lee helping T-man load the mattress and mount a TV on T's long-awaited moving day (photo by Rach before they left her house)

Mom and I haven't been able to be quite as helpful as we'd like just yet, but I did get to make two furniture-shopping trips with him and help him bring in a big TV for his living room, and Mom and I made him an Amazon List of items he might like.  He came over and showed us some pics last night, screen-mirroring them to the TV... including the new barstools he built - yay!  Most of his furniture arrives tomorrow and Saturday!

Miss K showing us her science project... Rach offered to help her color in the squares, and Kyndal gave a playfully-sassy rant about getting "neatness points tooken off" the last time Rach helped her.  "My teacher wrote: Color in the same direction, and I thought: Trust - I would have!!" lolol

Fun AI pics. =)

8th grade boys are at a pretty fun age - their most carefree and unfiltered selves! lol

K's VB pics make me pretty happy too!

My fortress and place of safety in whom I find protection.  Yes, please, Jesus!!

❤

Mamaw's world-famous spaghetti (Lindsey's Version) lol
(It's Kyndal Faith's favorite, and she's been missing it since Mamaw's wreck)

Family dinner pic! ❤

I also made a legit strawberry sheetcake - Mom didn't have a blender handy, so I hand-mixed the strawberries to puree them, and it was a ridiculously messy ordeal. lol  Felt good to bake something, though!

Kyndal's adorable nails - her "theme" for this 7th grade year is black-and-white polka dots, and she is working it hard with the nails, backpack, and locker decor! lol

Kinda funny, but also quite likely a true story.  Thank God for clinicals, practicums, and fellowship for hands-on training!

I have fully caught up on the Bible Recap - I love when they do the videos covering the entire book... talking about how the Psalms gradually shift from mostly lament with some praise to mostly praise with some lament was meaningful to me!

My second summer swim in Mom and Dad's pool... on September 1st after a hot and humid neighborhood jog! =)

Mom came outside to chat with me and warm up for a bit, so I snapped a picture of her and Dad on our way back in!

And with that, I'm finally "caught up" on all the photos I wanted to share from the past couple weeks, and I'm off to bed early - hoorah and huzzah!!

❤ ❤ ❤

Catching Up (Part 1 of 2)

Happy Thursday, friends!  I have a lot to thank God for this week, starting with four short court days in a row,!  That allowed me to catch up on OCC transcripts (two new orders from Cleveland County came in, but those are less dense and a bit easier to complete).  

This = me in the Burn Center Waiting Room hosting the OCC Public Access Meeting last Thursday.  No steno machine all month, but I'm making it work with the Zoom recordings!  I'd gone home in hopes of catching a brief nap, then I got a text from Amy that they needed me to cover this afternoon hearing so I raced back to Baptist Hospital where all my work stuff was in Mom's room (319).

Jace's friend TJ checking in on Mom via FaceTime when the Parrishes came to visit us!

Regular calls with the Mini Miss K continue to be a joy!

They had Mom stay there five days for better pain managment - totally worth it!  Their discharge process was far smoother and more organized than OU's - nurses walking us through every step and answering questions, valet guys who remembered our names and helped us load everything up, and a  discharge timeline of 30 minutes versus four hours!

Flashback to August 7th, our last pre-wreck pic of Mom (at Kyndal's VB scrimmage).

Dad and his siblings were in Texas that day for lunch with Gus and Marilyn - here's a group pic from that trip!

Miss K with her favorite teachers who came to support their 7th grade VB team - Mr. Pierce, Mr. Hamilton, and Mr. Bates! =)

Proud of Jaceman for showing up and supporting his teammates in their first 8th grade FB game!  (He is out for the first six weeks due to OSAA rules and last year's math grades, but he started this year determined to stick with it and put in the work, and we're excited to see him play in the last 4-5 games of their season).

Nom nom for us, David!!  For real, both of these fall gems are winners.  Thanks to Rach for introducing Mom and I to the chicken & waffles sandwich, and Chettles for recommending the s'mores shake!

Annie's "Wedding Wednesday" posts are bringing me so much joy!! ❤

YES.  Natalie sent this to me at just the right time. ❤

Mom made this and another lovely arrangement for Kyndal Faith's bedroom makeover!

In the midst of making a phone note list of doctor questions, I found these podcast notes I wrote just after returning from the Alaska trip - God is at work and speaking and leading me, and I was encouraged re-reading them!

Other than that, I'm really grateful court has been short and sweet lately, as my second (and far more important) full-time job these days is being a wound-care nurse and caregiver for Mom!!  For the grafted knee, we have daily ReadyBath wipes (microwaved), warm soapy water, wound cleansing spray, careful towel drying around the thousand staples (they finally removed them today and said the graft is adhering well and looking good - PRAISE GOD!), then I glove up and start the xeroform, gauze, kerlix wrap, and burn net to hold it all together... followed by baccitracin zinc ointment for her donor site, then cut-up-hospital-gown covering, pillows under both knees, a shoulder-wrap blanket, and Mrs. Garner's blanket over her, and sometimes grippy socks and heating pad if she's cold - the redhead temperature sensitivity thing is REAL. lol  Then keeping track of the meds and medical questions and Amazon orders and meals and trying to keep her comfortable + making sure she's moving around enough (she's doing really well there!) doesn't leave much time for court nonsense. lol  It's a season, and I'm thankful God is doing His part to make it manageable for us.

But in entertaining news, ChatGPT is "praying" for her, so that's a treat! lol  AI and Google have helped me with loads of small medical questions lately, but we also have Nurse Kristie, the responsive Integris team, and Sarah to help with medical questions and concerns.

Spoiler alert - the massive knee wound did need a graft, but I think we're all grateful for the timing there!  A couple weeks (one down, one to go) of it being pretty painful, then she will be far more mobile and free than she was with a wound vac.  Not to mention the mental/emotional relief of not having the excruciating dressing changes is worth a great deal.  The shadow of death and sense of despair were dark and heavy that first couple weeks - every bit of outside support mattered, and getting connected with Integris Baptist was major - so on this "Thankful Thursday," I'm grateful for community, spiritual authority, timely reminders, and the way God opens doors when His children call on Him!

❤ ❤ ❤

Called According to His Purpose

On this first day of September, I am deeply grateful, and I am deeply tired.  I don't have it in me to write a catch-up post right now, but I'm sure that will come back soon.

These verses are catching my heart and guiding my steps this week...

"I am sure of this, that He who started a good work in you
will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
~Philippians 1:6

"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you,
for My power is perfected in weakness.'"
~2 Corinthians 12:9

"Return to your fortress, you captives who have hope;
even today I am declaring that I will restore double to you."
~Zechariah 9:12

"Be sure to give to the LORD
the best portions of the gifts given to you."
~Numbers 18:29

"You must be holy because I, the LORD, am holy.
I have set you apart from all other people

to be My very own."

~Leviticus 20:26

"Those who are wise will shine as bright as the sky,
and those who LEAD many to righteousness
will shine like the stars forever."
Daniel 12:3

"I shall remain... until the time of the Harvest Festival,
for a wide door (of great opportunity for effective service)
stands open before me which demands great efforts,
even though many oppose me."

~1 Corinthians 16:9

Along with this song (How Great Thou Art acapella by Jennifer Hudson and Pentatonix - yes, please!) and these memories - (I was in Seattle one month ago today).

❤ ❤ ❤

Thankful Thursday #242

"For the Lord is good.
His unfailing love continues forever,
and His faithfulness to each generation."
~Psalms 100:5

Today, I am thankful for...

1.  A good hospital day for Mom... she's making progress with movement and PT, her pain is well-controlled, and she's had some awesome nurses (and learned the life story and path that led them to nursing for each one)!

2.  Doctor Ryan M. Burkhart!!!  I am such. a. fan., and I'm honored that it seems mutual.  I had missed his insight, and I will make sure to meet with him more regularly moving forward.  We had our Zoom meeting today, and it left me with some new things to consider and pray about.  (I am currently signed up to start Liberty's Doctor of Strategic Leadership in September, AND signed up to resume the CCU PhD in Counselor Education and Supervision in October... I will complete one of them, and I need wisdom from God as I make that decision!)

3.  My cousin, Blake (aka Dr. O'Brien) stopping by to see Mom today -- he is a Hospitalist at Integris and had only praise for their wound care team!  Dad, JoBug, and Stephanie Lorg also stopped by today... thankful for Rachael's connection with Stephanie (a CHA mom who's also a nursing student doing clinicals here) helping peak our interest and open the door for us to get in here!

4.  FaceTime calls with the niece and nephews lately... This = JaceMan showing us how he can dunk at SkyZone.  Rach was riveted! lolol

5.  A very light workday that allowed me time to go see T-man's new apartment this morning - it's fantastic, and his landlord gave him the code to start moving things in today... his official move-in will still be Friday!  I helped him get things set up for his electric and internet, and we did some furniture shopping at Mathis, Galleria, etc.  Then he had an Abridge meeting at 1PM, so Mom and I spent some time making a list of potentially needed items on Amazon for him to look through. =)

6.  Due to his quiet nature and everyone telling us he is exceptional, we also spent a bit of time today learning more about her lead surgeon, US Air Force General Christopher Lentz, MD, Director of the Integris Burn Center!!  He's a highly credentialed surgeon with a fellowship in critical care medicine and a lot of published research, and he has dedicated himself to helping develop better methods of medical care for thermal injuries and complex wounds - he is also big on the importance of a great team working together with the goal of restoring the whole person after a traumatic experience - all of which we are very grateful for!  (They absolutely took more skin in this skin graft, but it has been significantly less painful than her 2011 experience thus far - so praising God for that and for a solid, cohesive medical care team.  It matters!)

7.  Ending the night with entertaining stories in FaceTime calls from Kyndal Faith - Tman popped in for a hot second to claim credit for her art project! lol

Bonus:  Also thankful for vending machine snacks (and knowing it's just a season and I'll hop back into the protein shakes and running routine soon enough), for finding Pitch Perfect 2 on TV tonight, and for meeting Magnus (the hospital's therapy sheepdog) this afternoon! lol

Mmkay that's all for now.

Wrong.
Grateful that the 8-26-13 grief anniversary feels healed for me now.

Happy 10th Wedding Anniversary to Steve and Sarah!

And now I'm off to "sleep" in my cozy hospital recliner chair - two more days! lol
Thanks for stopping by!!

❤ ❤ ❤