A-Lindsey in A-laska!

Greetings from Sitka, Alaska (home of the fictional Paxton family and Kevin, the world's cutest lil' white puppy in The Proposal).

We have 30 more minutes at this port stop, so I'm going to attempt to write a blog on part one of my Alaska cruise trip!!  This = last night's whale watching cruise, which was epic and very much a "Be still and know" moment with God for me! ❤

All packed and ready for my flight to Seattle with my new rose gold suitcase + carry-on + backpack!

My new friend, Sarah!  She and her husband, Ron, were staying at the same Seattle hotel and taking the shuttle to the same cruise - this is her first cruise celebrating her 65th birthday - she gave her life to Jesus after hearing Beth Moore speak in the late 1990s, and she's been a big fan ever since!  It was great meeting her and Ron on my way to the ship and knowing I would at least have a couple friends on board! =)

My cruise stateroom - I'm sitting at that desk right now - and may I just say the balcony was an incredibly solid choice - I'm LOVING that view everyday!

Not shockingly, it's also been really great to hear Beth teaching and to worship with Travis and her team!!

I line danced with a couple songs during the set-sail celebration party, then took this video when they played The Wobble thinking of Jeffrey Edward! lol

Just a little light reading on my balcony porch! lol. Mostly, I've been enjoying the view and journaling by hand - making this a bit of a writing retreat to seek God and unplug - it's been fantastic!

Post by Annie F. Downs about God's direction on the day I left... Christine Caine also had a great (timely) email that day about God opening doors no one can shut and closing doors no one can open, and how we need to make sure we walk through the doors God does open for us! ❤

My closet - yay!

Meeting Beth for the first time on day two!!  Love her and so thankful for her influence in my life and walk with God! ❤

Breadmaking fun with Beth and Kendall Vanderslice! =)

I've been low-key obsessed with this song since I saw the new live Moana movie - Lin Manuel Miranda for the win!  This is my own personalized lyrics - that part about "the call isn't out there at all, it's inside me - it's like the tide, always falling and rising" reeeeally hits me! ❤

My room service breakfast (I at the hot stuff first and saved the cereal and banana for later. =)  Also, I ate this whilst watching a family of humpack whales from my balcony on day 3!  AMAZING!!

Worth every penny.

My first shore excursion was the Glacier Gardens and Mendenhall Glacier... the gardens were beautiful! 

So many trees and a very steep drive 600-feet up the mountain!

This was in the visitor's center - love it!

Mendenhall Glacier in the center behind me - another first for me!!

Yay, God!

I made the two-mile roundtrip walk to Nugget Falls with Megan and her mother, Teresa - some new friends from Houston, Texas!

Very worth the trek to see this in person!

Pic from our walk back to the shuttle bus!

I ❤ squirrels, even when they look annoyed with me! lol

My only purchase in Juneau. lol

I joined their table for dinner that night, and Megan and I stayed there talking until around 10:45 - she's a Christian counselor who is also seeking God's direction while on this cruise - yay for making new friends on the ship!!

Ran into Sarah again - yay!

Jubilee, my omelette chef - she's very kind and remembers everyone's names!

I've gone to the hot tub twice and done two workouts in the fitness center.  Taking this fake through-the-mountains bike trail while sailing through actual mountains made me happy!

Some relaxing spa time for a shellac mani/pedi with Billy (who is originally from Ghana and has worked here for five years now)

 

That was yesterday morning as we sailed through Glacier Bay - this = the view from the spa windows.  Pretty phenomenal!

This morning's stop in Sitka included a historic highlights tour.
This = St. Michael the Archangel Orthodox Cathedral

I tried to fein interest, but I couldn't care much less about totem poles. 

The National Historical Park was our last stop for that tour, then I grabbed some pizza and ice cream on the boat and headed back up to my stateroom to write this before our next session with Beth at 4:45!

Although they pretend it's Sitka, Alaska, The Proposal was apparently filmed in Massachusetts (lamesauce).  Sarah and I were both hoping Sitka's history tour would include some highlights from that movie, but no such luck. lol  My favorite part of today was seeing this eagle at the top of a very tall tree - this is the clearest pic I could get with my phone!  We also had one fly over us, which is said to be good luck - I'll take it! =)

I haven't been seasick at all, which is a minor miracle.  I've loved having my own room and some quiet time to journal and hang out with God here.  I've gotten some extra sleep and gradually watched two of the three Bourne movies - one more to go - fun!  Beth's teaching (on God's appointed timing) has been great, and I'm excited to have made a few new like-minded Christian friends on the boat!  The spa and hot tub have been fun, the food has been good, the ocean views and mountains and glaciers have been incredible.  But the best thing about this trip so far has been last night's whale watching cruise - mostly because God used it to confirm some things for me, and I am deeply grateful for that! ❤

Before we left for that whale watching excursion, the man next to me was talking about being excited to see some orcas, and the tour guide very quickly assured him that humpback whales is what we would be seeing in this region.  I've been praying for clarity and going back and forth about whether to press forward with the PhD, so I prayed right then telling God that if we saw any orca whales, I would take it as a confirmation and finish that program - I clarified that I needed to see them myself, not hear from someone else that thought they might've seen one. lol  I genuinely thought it would be a subtle confirmation that I'm free to let this all go...

...I took over 60 videos, and we don't have a strong enough internet connection to back them up or post them here yet, but in addition to seeing soooo many active humpback whales, the very first thing we saw was a family of at least five orcas - our tour guides were tearing up with excitement and telling us this is the first time they've come out like that all year.  They went on and on about what a surprising rare treat this was, how it's usually raining and hard to see much, but we had perfect weather, and I knew it was all straight from God (which is true of any blessings we receive, but this felt especially personal and helpful as I've needed some direction and clarity here).

So I don't have all the answers for what I'll do with it or how God wants to use it in the future - and I know it will be a lot of hard work and personal growth - but I am officially getting the PhD.  Dr. Wood from CCU actually called this morning (fascinating timing) to check in about my plans for the program, and I said I will be moving forward, starting this October!

This was on our boat ride back to the cruise ship... most of it is hidden behind the clouds (#perfectmetaphor), but there is a rainbow peeking out under them to the right above the mountains - God's promises and His faithfulness still stand, and what a gift that is!!  

And the call isn't out there at all - it's inside me.

It's like the tide, always falling and rising.

I will carry you here in my heart

You'll remind me

That come what may, I know The Way!

❤ ❤ ❤

The Will to Live

I hosted LifeGroup this afternoon... it was me, Natalie, and Josie, and we had a pretty in-depth talk that lasted almost three hours!  I also made these, a classic summer treat in my book. =)

Whilst I was enjoying Chet's party in Tulsa yesterday, my parents were being awesome and getting my porch and flower bed company-ready (unprompted and unexpected - but I'm very grateful)!  Pics are thanks to the doorbell camera. =)

Just a meme that made me laugh!

I'm a fan of Matt Damon (forever Jason Bourne in my book), Anne Hathaway, and especially Tom Holland, but I still did *not* love The Odyssey.  I'd write more on that, but it feels like a waste of energy.

Another meme I saved that caught my attention.

Okay, diving deeper.  One year ago yesterday, I officially signed the contract as the adoptive mother to two frozen-embryo babies.  

(I have a screenshot of the paperwork, but there are too many personal details there to share it publicly.)

I'll acknowledge that all of my emotions are heightened and a little extra-sensitive at this time of the month, but I am feeling real grief today and trying to be gentle with myself.  It's hard for me to look back at the blog posts from July of 2025 - I had just started the PhD program, I had opened a website and I was counseling several new clients at ITS, I had an appointment with Dallas IVF where I was (mistakenly) cleared for the embryo transfer, and I was so full of hope and joy and nervous excitement for all the great things ahead.  I feel deeply aware of all the potential imagined futures that I will not get to live out, and that feels hard right now.  

It honestly makes it hard to set new goals and get my hopes up today... and I know this isn't the first time I've written about that here, but I'm still processing some of it (and that's okay).  It's normal to feel fresh waves of grief at the one-year mark.  And I'm working through that, doing my best to trust that God was working things out for my good and His glory back then and now, and I can keep moving forward with hope and confidence in His goodness, believing He is leading me toward a hope and a bright future with Him.  

Ironically, that is much, much easier for me to believe in the overarching perfected Kingdom of Heaven sense than the messy-here-on-earth sense.  It's a good and rare thing to have that ultimate hope so centered in my heart, but I need a bit more grounded hope for my life HERE and now - that is sketchy at the moment.

Between reading through Job recently, praying for Nancy's situation, hearing Josie's story today, and the recent news on Tina's husband, I've been thinking a lot about long roads to recovery, the will to live, and the sovereignty of God.

"You can make many plans,
but the Lord's purpose will prevail." 
~Proverbs 19:21

I believe that is meant to be comforting, not threatening or ominous, but it is undoubtedly hard when our hopes, efforts, and plans come to nothing.  Still, I am also working on remembering who I am, what I value most, and what I hope to be known for in the end.  As well as praying about how to better align my heart with God's higher purpose for me and the world at large.

Also reminding myself that there are people I deeply respect who sincerely believe in me and see something real that God put inside me to help others... a PROFOUNDLY encouraging thought right now.

It is genuinely okay if motherhood and marriage are not a part of God's best plan for me.

(It would be okay if counseling and/or getting a doctorate and/or publishing a book are not either.)

But I desperately want to live a life that matters in an eternal sense,
that is fruitful and God-honoring and relationally rich.

And I'm excited to have some quiet time to really connect with God and lean into seeking Him over the next couple weeks.  I'm throwing out the mental to-do list and putting that front and center during the Alaska cruise ahead.  It feels like such good timing.  (Prayers appreciated).

Okay, friends.  I love you and believe in you.  I am cheering for you, and I'm thankful that our God is kind and gentle with us when we are hurting.  I believe there is a great cloud of witnesses who are cheering us on -- some in Heaven and some on earth -- so take courage, and keep moving forward.  Our emotions can distort the truth, so don't let them rule you.  God is with us and for us day by day, with good plans in mind for each of us, both when we meet Him in Heaven and right here on earth!!

"Let us press on to know Him."

❤ ❤ ❤

Photo Friday!

Happy Friday, friends and fam - I hope it's a lovely weekend ahead for you!!

Here's me returning from my delightful lunch-hour jog around the neighborhood on Thursday.  I was in my 7-minute cooldown walk at the end, about half a block away from my house when the smallest raindrops started.  That became a downpour in about five seconds, and I was DRENCHED - clothes and shoes soaked through, makeup had to be redone, and hair had to be re-blow-dried before our Tulsa protest hearing started back (via Zoom) at 1:30.  Ridic. lol  Perhaps I'll go with a Peloton ride next time!

Ted's dinner with the fam + Bill and Jill last week, followed by a Starbucks hangout with Triston! ❤

Mamaw with J&K

Me with T-man and K-Faith (J was getting a pic with Bill & Jill)

Jill brought Jaceman a Wemby card, and this is him trying on their Spurs Championship replica ring (that all the fans were given during the season opener game in 2014).  Jill used to live in San Antonio, so she and Jace had a lot to say about Spurs basketball! =)

❤ So glad Bill is making progress!

Nancy is in better spirits lately, feeling thankful that God protected them!  It's a long road to recovery ahead with some big decisions still looming, so please continue to pray for Sarah and her family!

Wise advice - Enneagram 9s really struggle with this (knowing what we actually want for ourselves outside of how it affects everyone else), so I'm trying to test things this way moving forward.  Well, this and prayer. lol

Happy Birthday-Eve to Chettles, who had some early celebrations today over coffee with Tyler and Debbie, then Burn Co. BBQ lunch with the guys!!

Seeing the four of them together always makes me happy... it also makes me miss Mark Anthony, but I'm thankful the Shoemakers are loving being near their families back in Texas!

Kudos to Carter Lee, who is currently leading the Steer Wrestling competition

Fun Flashback Friday pic of Pastor Craig and Chet Lee, circa 2011! lol

This hit me, you guys... the degree to which I sometimes struggle to tell which one I am in is absurd.  It's the difference in positive and negative stress - are we being productive and working toward something meaningful or just spinning our wheels on a project that is going nowhere?  Running a difficult hill in the race God marked out for us, or heading toward a dead end?  I am tired of dead ends, and I want to be moving in the path of life and building something beautiful with God's help.

On a not-altogether-unrelated note...
Dear Solid Christian Single Men,
You have one year!

By all means, step up your game.

❤ Lindsey Claire ;-)

It's a Saturday and everything -- the actual perfect wedding date, albeit a full 20 years and 10 days later than the 7-7-07 Saturday wedding I once planned! lol

Gracious.  Honestly, I do feel genuinely tired at the moment, and I need a friend to speak life over my heart in all of this right now...

I have built a life that I love,
and I still have things that I want.

❤
God has heard you every time you pray.
It is in His heart to give you the life story
that brings Him the most glory
and brings you a lot of joy
and moves the gospel forward!

God has ENOUGH GOOD THINGS for all of us.  Not one of my friends has married the man I'm supposed to be with.  And no one is birthing a child I was meant to birth.  No matter what, you are not going to miss God's best plan for you if you are pursuing God's best plan for you, and if you say to Him: I want in my life what You have for me!  

 The person you can trust the most to handle your pain the best is God.  I feel so lucky that I can process every moment of every relationship with God.  I'm not alone; He's right there with me.  I have learned very profoundly that Jesus is the primary relationship of my life!   

Your words have the power of life and death.  Speak life over yourself:  I'm available to relationship.  I am working on my mental and emotional and spiritual and physical health, and that is going to make me better in relationship than I would have been yesterday.  I am open to meeting someone new.  I am available for relationship.  I am not married yet, but I hope to be.  I do not have kids yet, but I hope to.  

Using that life-giving language affects the world you live in.

God, You are kind.
God, You are good.
God, You are for me.
God, You are working everything out according to Your will.
God, You care about every detail of my life.  

Friends, God loves you.
And God sees you.
And you are going to be okay.

I promise in the long run, you are going to be okay.  There is not one story in my life in any area where I have not been able to look back on when it was done and say, that was God, and that was His kindness.  Even if I lost a relationship or a person or in tragedy, He still is God, and He is still kind!"

❤ Annie F. Downs
TSF Q&A: Singleness Podcast, 8-18-21

Happy Friday!

❤ ❤ ❤