One thing that stuck with me from the 9/11 Memorial Museum tour last January was seeing and touching this massive steel column that had buckled and folded over itself when the South Tower collapsed.
It stood out as the only artifact in the museum we were encouraged to touch - our guide even told us to work together to try to lift it. Feeling the literal weight of that multi-ton piece of steel (that landed amid 360 million pounds of rubble) made me step back with renewed awe at the level of destruction. The full magnitude of the Ground Zero clean-up work felt heavier and more real.
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A recent podcast I heard brought that experience back to mind. The host was emotional describing a time when her public reputation was unjustly maligned, when everything she had spent years building seemed to collapse at once. The idea of rebuilding felt HEAVY and required a lot of support.
I could relate thinking about my journey within the counseling profession and all that happened last fall...
From February 2012 when I started night school classes at SNU to October 2025 when I pressed pause and felt like giving up, internally and externally, I had been BUILDING toward a counseling career path - a goal I had set with the belief that it had lasting Kingdom value. Brick by brick, pursuing counseling has required tremendous personal courage and growth from me: the applications, interviews, residency trips, presentations, papers, role plays, hundreds of practicum and internship hours, counseling children and adults, facilitating grief and divorce groups, challenging feedback, research, confusing rejections, wrestling with ethical questions, strong mentors and friendships, questions of identity and calling, repeatedly pressing through self-doubt, and consistently seeking God's direction! (And what a gift every bit of that has been, looking back. I love the grit and confidence it has gradually instilled in me!)
Still, watching my adoption plans/dreams crumble to the ground last fall took a serious toll on my identity, hope, determination, and faith. Some negative feedback from a misaligned supervisor in that season added fuel to the fire, and it became surprisingly easy to believe I had misheard God about the adoption and the counseling dreams. It all seemed too hard and heavy, and I opted to quietly fade back and let the LPC dream go. But God never let go of me.
"Did God's people stumble and fall beyond recovery? Of course not! ...For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable [for He does not withdraw what He has given, nor does He change His mind about those to whom He gives His grace or to whom He sends His call]." ~Romans 11:11-29
*Adding that one to my board of empowerment ASAP.*
After passing the National Counselor Exam and navigating the painfully-difficult process of becoming an LPC-Candidate in Oklahoma, the 104 clinical hours I earned last fall have now officially expired. So I am starting from ground zero in that area. When you spend years building something meaningful, watching it collapse can feel like a personal failure. Standing among the wreckage of something you poured your heart, energy, money, prayers, and effort into can make walking away seem more appealing than rebuilding.
BUT what if I am supposed to acknowledge the brokenness and devastation around me as the work of the enemy, learn from it, and intentionally CHOOSE to start over and rebuild with God? What if part of leadership is having the courage and audacious faith to rebuild what the enemy worked so hard to crush and destroy?
The challenges I've experienced here have been humbling, sobering, and educational. My accumulated hours will no longer count toward becoming an LPC, but there was real value there (for my growth and hopefully for the clients I served), and I'm building from a stronger foundation of wisdom and experience now.
It also brings me great JOY and comfort to realize that the Bible passage I chose for my vision board and my grad school announcement in 2022 -- the very same one I posted on this blog a full decade earlier (the week I started classes at SNU Tulsa) -- concludes with this poignant verse about rebuilding:
"They will REBUILD the ancient ruins. They will RESTORE the places destroyed long ago. They will RENEW the ruined cities..." ~Isaiah 61:4
God is bringing so many pieces together in my mind and heart lately. I was always called to rebuild - I just didn't think it would start with my own God-given dreams and identity. (But honestly, why would it start anywhere else? God establishes things internally before He increases our Kingdom impact.)
Exciting News: This afternoon, following a 3-step interview process, I signed the offer letter and was hired as a Licensed Professional Counselor Candidate for Momentum Counseling & Consulting, a growing firm based in Colorado and recommended by a trusted mentor. I'm genuinely excited and grateful... and a bit reflective as I anticipate the changing of seasons and all that it may encompass. Breathe - one step at a time. I feel a good nervous energy, like I'm standing at the start line of a marathon, gearing up for a challenging course ahead, knowing there will be hard hills and meaningful support and unexpected turns, and trusting that the finish line will be worth the effort! I am determined to represent Christ with wisdom, grace, renewed JOY, and endurance.
The word "rebuilding" usually sounds hopeful to me, and for good reason. There is beauty in casting a new vision, but there is heaviness and pain behind it, as well. It means there was real devastation - something you built with great care that was crushed, and now you have to reassess and do the work a second time.
Someday soon, I will undoubtedly have clients and future grad students who are rebuilding parts of their lives... sifting through the wreckage of dreams, plans, and/or relationships that were shattered. And this experience will inform and strengthen my response. I am growing in my firsthand understanding and ability to slow it all down and sit. with. people. in the midst of devastating grief, honoring their emotions and valuing the full magnitude of what they've lost. And when the timing is appropriate, I believe God will empower me to speak words that help strengthen them with renewed hope as He provides the courage needed to rebuild.
Going back to the top of this post, after touring the 9/11 Memorial Museum, we went to see the view from the top of the Freedom Tower. You can feel it when you step into it - that building tells a new story of hope, one that is powerful and redemptive and special. Beauty for ashes, you might say. Obviously, the entire story matters, and it mirrors the larger Kingdom narrative. I believe that will be true in my life, as well - our losses matter, and what we build moving forward with God's help matters. What a gift that God loves to write redemptive stories!
I'm reminding myself that Kingdom work is opposed, and rebuilding was never intended to be easy. This work requires great effort and heart, and God understands that. I am starting with a sparkly clean slate in a new state system where I can build my caseload and counseling skills while building a trusted reputation for Godly wisdom, excellence, and integrity! #goals My capacity may be limited, but I will have a team of solid supervisors for support, and I can lean on Jesus and continually invite God's help and guidance!!
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Important Perspective: In spite of losing my accumulated hours, I'm so thankful I took the past year "off" from counseling and schoolwork. There was needed healing and growth, and I'm in a much better place to move forward now! When you are wounded and surrounded by the wreckage of a broken dream, have grace for yourself. It is 100% okay to pause and grieve over what has collapsed. Acknowledge all that you invested, then take inventory of what was ruined and what remains. Most importantly, DRAW NEAR TO GOD, and He will draw near to you (James 4:8). He will guard you with fiercely protective strength, gently bind and care for your wounds as you heal, then give you a fresh perspective and renewed strength for moving forward. He is with you in your lowest moments; He has not forgotten you.
God rewards those who sincerely seek Him (Hebrews 11:6).
He shows up when we seek Him wholeheartedly (Jeremiah 29:13).
Promises, not exaggerations.
If you are in Christ, the rubble does not get the last word in your story!
Jesus is still writing new chapters.
The one true God is FOR YOU, infusing you with His power, His love, and sound wisdom that overcomes lies, fear, and timidity. All is not lost. Some doors may be closed, but stay alert for the new doors God is opening before you. His hope is still the secure anchor for your soul, and He has not withdrawn His gifts or changed His mind about calling you!! When the time comes to rebuild, press forward in faith, trusting God to redeem E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G the enemy intended for your destruction.
"Those who look to Him for help will be RADIANT WITH JOY, and no shadow of shame will darken their faces." ~Psalm 34:5
Go in the strength you have, and do the work!
Build something new and stronger with God, one obedient step at a time.
The best is yet to come! ❤
“Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Don’t be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is WITH YOU. He will not fail you nor abandon you [but will GUIDE YOU in the construction] until you have finished all the work..." ~1 Chronicles 28:20
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