On Finishing Strong

"Come let us rejoice in who He is...
Our lives are in His hands,
and He keeps our feet from stumbling."
~Psalm 66:9

As I head into this final week before my race, I can’t help but reflect on how this marathon journey mirrors the bigger road I've been on for over a decade...

I first considered running a full marathon back in 2009.  I signed up for the OKC race in 2011, but I didn’t train well and eventually backed out.  Got into the Nike Women’s Marathon in 2012, then talked myself right out of those crazy San Francisco hills!  Now, 13 years and five Half-Marathons later, I have finally done the work to train and prepare, and I have a strong desire and determination to finish this race!

Much like the marathon, living out my calling in counseling has been a long and winding road.  I started pursuing this dream back in 2012 with night classes at SNU, only to be rejected by multiple grad schools afterwards.  Around the same time, I was grieving the loss of a fractured friendship.  So I settled back into court reporting, a great career where I felt secure and tucked away—but I could never quite shake the sense of God’s call on my life.

In 2022, I took the leap and started graduate school.  Now, 13 years after stepping into my first counseling class, I'm preparing to step out of my cocoon of career safety and familiarity — to actually live out the calling God planted in my heart so long ago!  I think people tend to assume joy and excitement are my main emotions here... 

But it’s scary.  It’s vulnerable.  It’s slow.
A marathon, not a sprint.

I am moving from something comfortable where I am at the top of my field into something new where I’m at the bottom of the ladder -- still experimenting, exploring, "paying my dues," wrestling through my own insecurities to figure out where I fit and how God has uniquely gifted me.  I’ve learned a lot over the past three years, but there’s still so much I don’t know.  And the best way to learn is through hands-on practice, critique and constructive feedback, actively embracing change and choosing a growth mindset, repeatedly showing up and being seen!  That level of scrutiny feels very disorienting after 20 years in a cozy background observer role.

I have to remind myself often: I am not alone.  God is with me.  God is for me.

This candidacy job search has stretched me more than I expected. Since December, I’ve submitted over 15 applications and completed at least eight job interviews—with places like CREOKS Broken Arrow, CRS-Tulsa, FCS-Tulsa, Charlie Health (virtual), Red Rock OKC, and Moore Counseling Center.  (That doesn't include the work of applying and interviewing for the PhD program - it's been a lot).  Fear/the enemy keeps whispering: You don’t belong here.  You’re not enough.  This is all too hard.  You’ll never find your place.  I have seriously considered pursuing a Federal CR job for the stability and great salary.  But deep down, I know God didn’t bring me this far to quit now - I believe there are real lives I am called to impact, and I cannot give in to greed or cowardice or the craving for comfort.

I do recognize that I’m a prime target for spiritual warfare in this in-between season.  Thankfully, God keeps dropping little pearls of wisdom and encouragement just when I need them—through friends and family, podcasts and books, etc.  I recently heard John Eldredge talk about how we are needed here on earth — how each of us is called to uniquely reflect God’s love and light to those around us, how the character of Christ is being formed within us, and how we are "in training for reigning" as we move toward our future in Heaven.  I love that!

You know I love a good illustration, and I’ve been thinking about that final scene in The Patriot.  The soldiers are retreating in fear, divided and overwhelmed.  Then Mel Gibson runs through all the chaos, waving their flag and shouting, “No retreat—HOLD—hold the line!”  A repeated line from that movie is “stay the course.”  Even now, it encourages me to remember what I’m fighting for, why it matters, and not to give up when the path feels far harder, longer, and more costly than I'd expected.

As real change draws near, I have felt more overwhelmed and inadequate than excited.  But these are all normal emotions at this stage, and I want to build a life marked by courage and bold faith!  I want to try new things and find my best lane in counseling.  I want to finish what I’ve started, which means stepping fully into this new identity and leaving comfort and hiding behind.  I am determined and called to make a Kingdom impact with my life and my work.  And I'm confident that God will lead, guide, and provide for me as I keep moving forward!

Okay, speaking of long journeys and forward momentum, my adoption story is at another pivotal point.  This is my third year of working with Snowflakes.  After two surgeries that made me healthier for a potential pregnancy — and two difficult setbacks with the previous matches — Shay completed my final home study update over Easter weekend.  This week, I am restarting the matching process, working with OU Reproductive instead of Dallas IVF this time.  I feel hopeful and cautiously optimistic, ready and willing to make major shifts and sacrifices if God chooses to fulfill this desire!

(For the record, if this third attempt doesn’t work, I will let go of this specific path to motherhood.  Not releasing the desire entirely, but believing this particular doorway is closed.)  Still, I am planning, preparing, and praying that the third time’s a charm — for my embryo adoption journey and for finishing the marathon this weekend!

In my hopes for adoption, my career calling, my health journey, and this long-standing marathon dream, I have encountered surprise plot twists, detours, rejections, loss, fear, and long seasons of waiting.  However, my soul is anchored in Kingdom hope, and I am decidedly stronger than I used to be.  I like being someone who dreams big and lives with purpose, but I don’t want to be the girl who never finishes anything.  (And I don’t believe God wants that identity for me either.)  So I am resisting the enemy’s lies and breaking those old agreements.

We can do hard things, and it's worth the effort!  Whenever it happens, physically crossing the Finish Line will feel so symbolic and hopeful for me.  I’m praying and believing for 2025 to be a year of courage and victorious follow-through.  A year of finishing strong.  I am grateful to know I am not facing these challenges alone.  And I’m trusting our faithful God, who finishes every good thing He starts!!

"Since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the particular race God has set before us... Let God train you, for He is doing what any loving father does for His children... So take a new grip with your tired hands, stand firm on your shaky legs, and mark out a straight, smooth path for your feet so that those who follow you, though weak and lame, will not fall and hurt themselves but become strong." ~Hebrews 12:1-13

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Easter Sunday!

Easter 2025 was a delight from start to finish... MWC Life Church, Olive Garden lunch with the fam in Norman, then a Tulsa trip, cute Easter egg hunt and dinner at the Wilson home, and lots of photos with people I love! ❤

This = our family table at Olive Garden!  (We had reservations at BJs, but they were very slow to seat us, so we headed across the street and had pretty great service at the OG!)  We had a good talk about next week's race, poster ideas, Jace's fish (always), and potential future vacation ideas!

And now, some 2025 Easter Sunday pics of several families I love... starting with the Schoolcraft fam!

The Shoemakers

Harvey Lane and Heidi Claire - so much cuteness!

Moss Fam!

The Shankles (my podcast franz - lol)

The Foster fam!

The Wilson/Weatherford crew!

The Maguires!

Me, Rach, and Kyndal Faith!

Jaceman has been serving in the 4-year-olds room lately and doing a great job - it makes me happy to see that!!

The kids just before the Easter egg hunt! =)

Everyone listening to "Uncle Chet" laying out the rules! lol

After the Easter egg hunt! ❤

Pile-on-Tate game, Parker watching closely while the dads were hiding the eggs - lol, snacks and dessert options, egg hunt, Parker being a dramatic storyteller, and Katherine Claire playing us a lovely song. lol

Gracious, I adore her!  Happy Birthday Eve Eve to her today! lol

Had not put together that it was 4/20 until Chettles sent this! lol

And now a more Jesus-centered meme, but still throwing in some rap. =)

In all sincerity, I am deeply grateful for the work of Christ, the only hope strong enough to anchor our hearts for anything this life throws at us!!  And I will write a separate post with some deeper thoughts on that later today.

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Easter Eve!

Happy Saturday, friends and family!  I just booked the Colorado flights for Mom and I for my graduation - get excited!  I know this isn't the best Spring weather for Easter weekend, but I'm loving the sound of the rain as I sit here blogging in my PJ shorts and hoodie.  If I'm choosing 3 emotions on the emotion wheel for today, I feel grateful, relaxed, and hopeful... very Easter appropriate. =)

I also feel reflective.  Today is the 30-year anniversary of the OKC bombing, something I remember vividly from my 5th grade year.  Mom took me to lunch that day and told me about it, then Miss White made the announcement to our class before school ended.  And a week or two after that, I wrote a poem that became a bigger deal than I'd anticipated.  Watching all of that on the news was jarring, and it had a big impact on my 12-year-old self to know that Mom's former office was right across the street from the Murrah Building.  The race next weekend will be the 25th "Run to Remember," and along the course, they have posters with individual photos honoring each of the 168 people who were killed that day...

The term Silent Saturday is not nearly as familiar to me as Good Friday or Easter Sunday, but I LOVED the message here...

My deep thoughts for today were about how Good Friday speaks a message of deep love, Silent Saturday calls for strong faith, and Easter Sunday speaks vibrant hope! (1 Cor. 13:13)

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Okay, so Marilyn (our court reporter friend pictured bottom left) got us a table for the soft-launch opening of the 7th Neighborhood JAM location (which is in Moore)!  Apparently, her daughter's husband came up with the idea for it, and it's been a great success in OKC and in Tulsa, so that's awesome!  It was good to catch up with her a bit - she's retiring in December and looking forward to becoming a grandma soon!  Our server talked us into a cinnamon roll appetizer (yum - he didn't have to work too hard on that) and my French toast was awesome, and all our food was free since it was a practice run for them, so that's always a delight!

Last night, I joined the Wilsons and Weatherfords for dinner (Bill and Melissa picked up Rib Crib for us) and a musical at the PAC... Chet and Tate are on the mend after a rough week of sickness.  Melissa thought I was mildly crazy for coming on a potentially stormy night, but I so love hanging out with their fam, and the long drives are never a deterrent to me!

This = Parker in her fun colorful shoes (she came to greet me with the best excited scream when she realized I was there!), Bill and Tate playing on the mini-air hockey table (so cute!), a fun Easter wreath, and a random pre-dinner candid I snapped when my heart was full thinking how very fortunate I am to be friends with them! lol

The Myers had to cancel last minute, so I got to join Chet and Karli for a third time on their PAC season tickets... fun!!  The play was fun and very well done, and it was lovely chatting with the Wilsons and Paul and Stephanie!

In the end, 90% of my drive back home was dry and smooth... there was heavy rain for about 15 minutes when I reached the Kickapoo Turnpike, followed by a bout of feeling dangerously tired when the rain calmed down and I was 15-20 minutes from home around 1am.  (That really doesn't happen often for me, but it was intense, and I'm thankful for God's protection!)

Friendly Reminder:

Not sure how this hadn't occurred to me until today, but I'm going for the diamond boots as my graduation footwear... YAY - yes, please!  (I'll likely be wearing black slacks instead of a dress.) Between the diamond boots and my crystalled-out cap, I'm not sure CCU will believe I'm "respecting the solemnity of the occasion," but I'm excited, and all of that feels right for me!  Pics on the right = my living room chair-side table with some happy yellow roses I grabbed today, then the strawberries and dip I made for tomorrow!

Spring/Easter pics are always the cutest!  Yay Shoemakers and Moss fam! =)

And speaking of Easter, I attended the CHA Easter program Thursday night...

Mini Miss K looking lovely in her new dress!

She was accidentally twinning with her art teacher's daughter, but I love that she embraced the fun of that and asked for a pic with her!  On the right is Jaceman with his friends TJ and Jace!

The 5th grade girls!

Pics with J&K!

The 6th grade boys!  (This one was J's final elementary school program!!)

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Ending with a couple memes, just for fun! =)

How cute is this dog!?  And the writing is super accurate and made me laugh!

Okay, the rain is still going strong... I'm grateful to be in my cozy house, off to watch Ted Lasso and do a short bike ride now, then eat my delish cinnamon roll leftovers, because balance! lol  

Reminder:  God is working behind the scenes - He is with you and for you - and His words are more reliable than our feelings.  Thanks for stopping by, and Happy Easter tomorrow!!

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Complete in Christ

“You should know this, Timothy, that in the last days there will be very difficult times.  For people will love only themselves and their money.  They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful.  They will consider nothing sacred.  They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control.  They will be cruel and hate what is good.  They will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride, and love pleasure rather than God.  They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly.  Stay away from people like that!  They are the kind who work their way into people’s homes and win the confidence of vulnerable women who are burdened with the guilt of sin and controlled by various desires.  (Such women are forever following new teachings, but they are never able to understand the truth.)"  ~2 Timothy 3:1-7

I haven’t talked about it often, but that last verse sometimes scares me.  The first time I heard it in a Bible study years ago, I remember feeling a deep, sinking discomfort, as if the words were aimed directly at me.  (Or maybe it was just the enemy whispering lies - it definitely felt more like shame/condemnation than Spirit-led conviction.)  Different translations describe these women as weak, gullible, silly, or weak-minded. They are “always studying, learning, and listening to anybody who will teach them, but never able to come to the full knowledge of the truth.”

“They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly.”
Other versions say:
—“Having a form of godliness but denying its power.”
— “They will hold to the outward form of our religion, but reject its real power.”

Always learning, but never arriving at the truth. Putting on a good show, yet continually giving in to sinful desires, living without the dynamic anointing of God.

Let it not be me, Jesus.

I want to walk in sincere repentance and integrity, embracing the acceptance, love, grace, wisdom, and fierce authority and power of God.

* * * * * * *

Several aspects of my life feel unfinished right now, and it’s easy to focus on what’s still undone instead of the good things currently unfolding.  Waiting can feel like being stuck, but unfinished means I’m still growing.  (And there’s a big difference between continually growing in faith and knowledge, moving toward deeper truth, vs. chasing new teachings and leaving myself open to deception.  Studying these verses a bit today actually brought more clarity and comfort.)

A series of cross-references led me to this passage, which I want to meditate on:

“And now, just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to follow Him. Let your roots grow down into Him, and let your lives be built on Him.  Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.  Don’t let anyone capture you with empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from the spiritual powers of this world rather than from Christ.  For in Christ lives all the fullness of God in a human body.  So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the Head over every ruler and authority.”  ~Colossians 2:6-10

This post is deep and a little scattered, but the firm reminder that I am COMPLETE in Christ was exactly what I needed in this season.

I recently talked with Emily about how much I long for acceptance, how it often feels just out of reach, like something I have to earn or maintain in relationships.  We talked about how that acceptance has to start from within, with loving myself and extending grace to others. #letthem  But honestly, it goes deeper than that...

It begins with abiding in Christ’s love and acceptance.  Leeeeaning into the truth that I am already complete — whole and enough — in Him.  Right here, today.  Not when I cross the finish line.  Not if/when I have the devoted love of a boyfriend or husband.  Not if/when a child calls me "Mom" for the first time.  Not if/when I earn a PhD, land a counseling job, publish a book, or achieve my ideal body weight.  Not through any certain platform, title, or role.

Yes, my life goals matter, but I don't want to feel like I'm grasping for people’s acceptance.  My inner strength and foundation must be centered in Christ.  (All other ground is sinking sand.)  I feel this right now, and I want to refocus my heart here.  Searching God's Word and seeking the direct voice of Jesus over any human teaching.  Being more rooted and grounded in His love and acceptance, believing down to my very core that I am “complete through my union with Christ, who is the Head over every ruler and authority.”

"YOU are enough, so I am enough."

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Fifteen Thousand

The Queen of Random Information here, letting you all know today is my 15,000th day on earth, which just popped up on the calendar reminder I set for myself a few years ago. lol  Hooray for Day 15,000!! ❤

I actually wrote a post for Day 10,000 (HERE) back in 2011.  It fell right in between our OKC road trip to celebrate Malori's birthday and me being the Maid of Honor at Rachael's wedding.  Needless to say, a lot has changed over time, and every season God gives us is a gift!  I appreciate that this falls on a relatively ordinary day, and I like the reminder that our days are numbered and Every Second Counts.  I could go on and on about it, but I'll spare you that.  I am very grateful for the people who have stayed the course with me, and I'm grateful for the daily grace of God, and I'm praying for a renewed sense of God-given hope, clarity, and purpose as I continue to move forward!!

"I figure life's a gift,
and I don't intend on wasting it.
You never know what hand you're gonna get dealt next.
You learn to take life as it comes at you,
to make each day count."
-Jack Dawson (Rest in Peace)

 

 Cheers! lol

45 days from now, I will run the OKC Memorial Marathon.  I'm pushing myself harder for these final 7 weeks of training - already feeling sore from that, but I'm excited about putting more heart into it!  I hope the same holds true for you in whatever goal you are pursuing in this season!!

Okay then, that's really all for this post.
I love you and believe in you, and Jesus does too!!

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Marathon Monday #10

Happy Marathon Monday, friends!  On Saturday, I got up at 7am to do a 14-mile run (you can always know I mean that as walk/slow jog) in the best weather that day had to offer.  It's about as proud of myself as I've ever felt, if I'm being honest... 

It had been a rough week for me - mind, body, soul, and spirit.  I was not feeling energetic or powerful or in the mood for a good run.  It was early and sleep sounded good.  14 miles felt intimidating - (13.1 is the longest I've done prior to that, and that's only been on official race days).  It was super foggy and dreary outside.  It was cold, and it rained a bit.  And by the end, I had 3 blisters on my right foot and two on my left (something that seems inevitable for me during longer runs).  BUT I pushed through, and I freaking did it!!!

I got a second wind in that final mile, and it made me feel more confident that I can really do the Full!  ...That I can push through any negativity and drama and find the grit and inner strength to keep moving forward, even when things feel hazy and unclear. #metaphorforlife #onestepatatime

It was just me and Jesus out there (and one or two other joggers or people walking dogs), so this was a faith-building jog, as well.  I listened to 3 Christian podcasts, finished a John Eldredge audiobook, then listened to worship songs for the last 3 miles... kudos to Peloton's Kirsten Ferguson for introducing me to this gem (HERE) - it got me smiling and jogging with victory hands during that final mile for sure! =)

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This is a very random spot for this, but I wanted to mention that my cousin Emily had her baby girl, Karsten Blaire, on January 29th!  Asher Kenneth has a precious little sister now - yay! ❤

I came home and took a hot bath, then felt as close to fainting as I've ever felt when I got out... yikes... that's the only time I've had critically low blood sugar on the CGM (after a long run + hot bath a few weekends back) so I'm guessing it was that again.  I will be more careful in how I time those moving forward.

That afternoon was Anthony's 13th birthday balloon release... the weather had gotten worse, and it was crazy cold outside, so we didn't stay quite as long as usual.

I'm grateful for Anthony's life and for the hope we have knowing he is in Heaven!

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Me and Kristin ❤

That night, Kate came by to see us!  We had a girls dinner at Santa Fe, followed by a snowy drive home.  It was really good to catch up with her - she was recently diagnosed with MS after a verrry challenging two years of misdiagnoses and medical issues, and she has handled that news with a lot of grace and faith, another solid example of grieving with hope.

On a lighter note, Mom and I had a delightful Cheesecake Factory brunch yesterday, and seeing this on the car parked in front of me made me happy - a fun farmer, as Rach put it.  Aww, memories of Rachael's burned CD collection. lol 

Living room Birthday Eve pic, 2024 and 2025.  I'm so grateful for progress.  And I'm grateful for the reminders this week that it is normal and valid and okay to grieve over hard things and loss while holding onto the vivid hope we have in Christ that truly anchors our soul for anything this life throws at us.  ❤

And to be very clear, I haven't lost anything new or tangible.  I am just feeling the ambiguous grief more deeply lately - I'm sure the birthday and the awareness of aging plays into that a bit - the growing sense that my life will never be what I wanted it to be here on earth.  (Which, on some level, is true for all of us.  Every good thing we experience here is partial and incomplete, and comparison is the thief of joy, and I understand all of that, and I'm allowed to feel things.)  I would love to feel seen and chosen by a really good and Godly man - thus far, I am striking out hard there.  I feel pity from some and judgment from others, but rarely sincere compassion or understanding for the level of loneliness and third-wheeling and unwanted-ness I've had to navigate as a single adult.  Parts of my story have been beautiful, but the rejection I've faced has been difficult, and the messages have been poisonous, and I'm sad that my 20s and 30s did not hold family building or being loved/seen/known/chosen in the way my heart really desired.  Maybe God still has that for me - maybe - but that shimmering hope feels as fragile as a soap bubble.  I would love to be a mother and build a family of my own and pass on some of what I've learned to my child or children - I find myself wondering more and more if I need to pass that on through books and teaching and fully surrender the motherhood dream.  I don't know (and I'm not exactly asking for opinions).  I need wisdom and guidance from God, and I probably need to fast and pray for that as I begin this new year of life.  I am doing my best to lean into God's goodness and mercy, to believe His promise that He has good plans to prosper me - that what the enemy intended for my destruction, God wants to use for good and for His glory.  I want to walk in His power and love and a clear, sound mind and not allow fear to hold me back - it's a theme I keep coming back to.  But I have felt discouraged and uncertain about the life and career path ahead of me right now - I know it hasn't been that long in the grand scheme of things, but in some areas, it has, and being in limbo about what lies ahead for me is very hard on my mind and soul (and makes it challenging not to feel apathetic/indifferent about every goal I've set), so I need God to strengthen my spirit and give me endurance and grace and wisdom for the road He sees clearly ahead of me where I only see the thick fog!!

Having said all that, the 14-mile jog this weekend felt like such a metaphor for all that I'm wrestling with internally.  It was hella foggy when I got out there that morning, and much brighter and clearer by the time I left.  I was feeling weak and tired in the beginning, and strong and proud in the end!  (And physically exhausted.)  It was cold outside the entire time, but I felt better as I warmed up internally.  I spent 14 miles feeding my soul encouragement and truth - and my mind, body, soul, and spirit felt better for it!  It was a strong reminder for me to be more intentional about what I am putting into my mind, body, soul, and spirit... to encourage myself in the Lord and to focus on what I want to see growing in my life.  "So even when it gets tough, I'm gonna keep my head up 'cause I feel like God has shined a light on me!"

And that concludes my halftime pep talk. ;-)

Ten weeks of marathon training down; ten weeks to go.

God is with me and for me.

I can do hard things.

BRING IT!

❤ ❤ ❤