Night Will Be No More

"And He who was seated on the throne said,

Behold, I am making all things NEW...

And we will see His face,

And His name will be on our foreheads.

And night will be no more."

Revelation 21:5, 22:5

*Harriss - her last name was misspelled on the program.

"All these people died still believing what God had promised them. They did not receive what was promised, but they saw it all from a distance and welcomed it. They agreed that they were foreigners and nomads here on earth."  ~Hebrews 11:13

I went by myself to Kristen's funeral service on Saturday.  It was beautiful and well done, and I'm glad I decided to make the trip for it.  When it's just me, I feel more freedom to feel my own emotions (as opposed to monitoring others and making sure they're okay), and I cried more than I have cried at any other funeral.  Seeing her frail Grandad there mourning for her.  Their family pastor ringing the bell for her to signify that she'd had her last treatment and was healed from cancer.  And the pastor speaking about Hebrews 11:13 above, talking about her strong hope and prayers for marriage and family + her courage in refusing to compromise and honoring God in her singleness.  All of those moments got me, and I cried.  Hard.  (And that was okay and good and appropriate and cathartic and healing.)

I tend to be weirdly aware of numbers, and I believe God numbers our days with purpose.  Kristen was one month and six days older than me.  My numbered days on earth are likely to surpass hers, but they haven't yet - that shifts on July 25th, and it's a sobering thought to me.  In Ecclesiastes, Solomon writes about it being good for us to mourn and to think about how brief our time here is.  Praying that I will have wisdom to focus on what matters and make the most of whatever time God gives me.

And gracious, I have a lot of deeper thoughts on that Hebrews verse.  I've wrestled pretty hard with everything it means in the lives of so many Christians, including myself.  To faithfully hold onto our hope and faith in the face of opposition, yet never receive the promise in our earthly life... when my thoughts are focused here, that feels purely heartbreaking and brutal and tragic and unfair.  I'm genuinely sad for the physical suffering she endured and the grief and mounting medical bills her parents now face.  And yes, the myriad of emotions surrounding the unanswered prayers for marriage and family felt way too familiar - I felt real grief and anger and confusion rising in me as the pastor talked about that verse and did his best to honor her value.  ...All valid emotions to feel and acknowledge and work through.  The minor themes are real and present for all of us, but they cannot dominate our thinking.  It's the darkness of night that comes before the dawn.  And one day, God will do away with the sin, sorrow, pain, evil, and brokenness that plague us here.

"Furthermore, because we are united with Christ, we have received an inheritance from God, for He chose us in advance, and He makes everything work out according to His plan.  He planned all of this so that we who had already focused our hope on Christ would praise Him and give Him glory."  ~Ephesians 1:11-12

So I am reminding my heart again tonight that God is good, and His love for each of us is steadfast and strong and unfailing.  He wastes nothing and does nothing without purpose, and our limited understanding of His plan does not change that.  The things that stand the test of time are faith, hope, and love - and I'm holding onto them, as Kristen did.  If any of us die without receiving the valuable and worthy things we've desired and hoped and prayed for, God will still be undeniably and unchangingly good.  He is my heart's highest desire, and that. is. essential.  Without sugarcoating the brutal realities she faced here or the grief her parents will absolutely deal with until they die, I simultaneously feel great confidence that Kristen is more alive and fully well today than she ever was here on earth.  She is wholeheartedly present, surrounded by a newly-defined family, basking in the love of God and family and friends, not feeling sad or lonely or short-changed based on anything she didn't receive here.  Heaven is REAL, and Jesus is really there, and He is our inheritance from God - who makes everything work out according to His plan.  I am anchoring my heart there.  To quote Peter, "There is wonderful joy ahead, even though we must endure many trials for a little while."  God is at work even now, preparing a place for us and making all things new.  And someday we will see Jesus face to face, and His name will be on our foreheads.  And night will be no more.

❤ ❤ ❤

Love and Leadership

I’m currently going through Beth Moore’s summer Bible study, Becoming Who We Are: Losing the Imposter, Finding What’s Real.  (She's offering it free on YouTube, starting HERE.)  Her top goal is for the women participating in this study "To know so deeply who we are in Christ that we are unshaken no matter who denies, doubts, diminishes, or mocks it."  Love that, and the first two videos have been refreshing!  I feel like God brought this into my life at just the right time as He’s calling me into a new level of vision and leadership...

Beth says, “Everything about becoming who we are hinges on absorbing how we are loved by God,” backing that up with abundant Scriptural reminders that we were chosen in Him before the creation of the world, remarkably and wondrously made, that every day of our lives was recorded in His book before one came to pass.  We are carried by the God who appoints our time in history and the boundaries of where we live.  We are created for good works He prepared in advance, and nothing can separate us from His faithful love. ❤

She invited us to reflect on how people behave in relationships when they know they are loved versus when they feel unsure about that.  I’ve experienced both sides of that spectrum very personally.  When I feel confident in someone's love, I am more whole, secure, peaceful, confident, and able to give and love others well.  But in relationships that spark doubt or insecurity, I’ve found myself feeling more broken, emotional, desperate, anxious, and needy (that's based on my attachment style - others might have a more fiercely independent reaction).  The rejection I've endured means it usually takes me a whiiiiile to really trust people and be vulnerable with them, and when I finally get there, not everyone has handled it well.  I’m so very thankful for the people in my life who have loved me well -- not perfectly, but consistently.  Their love and faithfulness have helped deepen my sense of security, grow my trust and discernment, and strengthen my character and personal growth!  More importantly, they have been a tangible picture of God's love and His refusal to give up on me - it's why loving others well is so important to Jesus.

My time at CCU was full of leaders I highly respect challenging me and my peers to begin viewing ourselves as leaders and practice stepping into Christian leadership more often in big and small ways.  (Like rather than complaining about the counseling board's decisions and lamenting about how messy and divided the regulations are from state to state, plan to join those boards and be an active part of creating change - Alicia and I talked about that at the coffee shop that first morning, and it was a great reframe for me.  I always used to roll my eyes as I listened to Judges complaining about the way things were running, knowing they were in a position to actually fix it if they tried -- so I'm gradually moving into more of a leadership role, and I have to shift the way I see myself and be ready to act with courage and character.)  Ironically - aka a total God thing - my call with Chet on the way to Colorado was a good precursor to all of that, about embracing new dynamics and viewing it as a compliment when God entrusts me with more responsibility!  I love when God sends a lot of things that align to create a really clear message for us - I need that level of confirmation in my life. lol  

Being loved well and having a deeper understanding of God's love will always strengthen us in our calling.  Jesus KNEW exactly where He came from and who He was - He had a strong sense of protective support and beloved/chosen identity.  And He led well and accomplished everything God set out for Him to do because He understood what He was here for (earthly passion and purpose) and where He was going (firmly-anchored eternal hope and love for God)!  In this season, I am drawn to the intersection of Godly leadership and understanding God's love.  I want to grow in integrity and humility as I gradually and imperfectly start to step up and speak up more often.  I also want to practice fully believing and receiving the love of God — to live from a deeply secure and healed place of being LOVED, VALUED, SEEN, and CHOSEN.  Beth's study is helping me with that!

"Lord, You are my portion and my cup of blessing;

You hold my future.

The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;

Indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance."

~Psalm 16:5-6

"Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine;

Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine...

Watching and waiting, looking above,

Filled with His goodness, lost in His love!"

~Blessed Assurance, Fanny Crosby

Oswald Chambers said, "The root of all sin is the suspicion that God is not good.”  I had to think about that one for a minute, but I get it.  We’ve all wrestled with that suspicion sometimes.  The areas where I am weakest and most in need of God's forgiveness, healing, and strength are also the areas where I am most in need of TRUTH from God's Word (a deeper understanding of it).  Jim Cress wrote an article for Christian Counseling Today where he talked about a practical tool he uses with clients who are stuck in shame and feeling blocked from receiving God's love... he encourages them to write the character traits (try the top 10) that come to mind when they think about their dad or father figure, one per index card.  Then they take time to reflect - knowingly or unknowingly, how many of these painful traits have I projected onto God?  They work together to prayerfully replace false or limiting traits with new words that reflect who God truly is and wants to be to them.  It's worth every bit of time and intentional effort to heal our relationship with God, and I’d love to offer that as an exercise with faith-based clients in the future.

Okay, shifting gears, yesterday’s verse from the Bible App was a lovely reminder.  Thanks in large part to John Eldredge's teachings, the hope of Heaven is very real to me - not just vague and ethereal, but a reward I think about often and look forward to.  Thanks to grief group work and my own grief experience, the searing pain of loss is also very real to me - I understand that grieving with eternal hope is still legitimately HARD and ongoing.  Kristen had several great visits with friends and family during the week I was in Colorado -- I love that she had that time and was able to read/hear the many memories and words of gratitude and encouragement that are pouring in from all sides at this point!  Even though I missed the window to see her again in person, I'm really thankful for our phone call a couple weeks back.  It was a gift!  We had a good long talk, and I prayed with her before we hung up.  Her mom was there in the background and thanked me for sending the card and blanket.  Kristen shared about her daily routine and the physical pain she was experiencing and the loneliness of some friends/family distancing themselves from her suffering.  She also shared about growing with God and the people who had stepped up in awesome, unexpected ways and seeing subtle places where God was using her story to encourage others - she was full of faith and hope in the midst of wrestling with honest doubt and fear, and she was very kind in asking about my life and things she's seen on Facebook.  It was really encouraging for both of us to talk - we planned to make it a regular thing, and I was honestly excited about that and enlisting other friends to reach out.... our talk was interrupted 3x by nurses or doctors coming in to check different vitals or bring medications.  She was feeling pretty good that night but had been diagnosed with pneumonia earlier that morning, and neither of us had any idea how quickly things would shift... an infection spread, and the life-saving white blood cell donors were unable to move forward because of the pneumonia diagnosis.  The day before their trip back to Oklahoma, she texted: "God is giving me a peace and looking forward to going home."  I so appreciate the double meaning there.  We've texted a few more times, but our planned phone call the next week never happened, as she was back and forth with fevers after being transported to Oklahoma for palliative care... it's all really sobering, and there are brutally hard realities to the process of dying from cancer.  She is sleeping a lot at this point.  I believe she knows that she is loved and that her life mattered, and I'm so glad and thankful that she received some tangible reminders of that in her final days!!  Praying for peace, comfort, anchoring hope, grief support, and feeling surrounded by God's love for the Harriss family and their close circle today.  (This paragraph grew longer than I meant for it to, but it's on my heart a lot lately.)

Faith pointed out to me that there are crosses in all the upper windows of the CCU chapel room - I love that! ❤

So that's a recap of some things on my heart and areas where God is speaking to me lately - hopefully it made sense and felt encouraging.  Lighter post coming this afternoon!!

You are loved, valued, seen, and chosen by God.
The Lord holds your future,
And you have a beautiful inheritance!

❤ ❤ ❤

Ambiguous Grief

Misunderstood.
Profound loss without closure.
Unclear, ongoing, unresolved grief.
Often unacknowledged and overlooked/dismissed.
Something significant being physically present but emotionally absent.
Something significant being emotionally present but physically absent.
Hard to name, harder to process and move forward.

Examples of Ambiguous Grief:

• Friendship breakups and fade-outs – Exceptionally painful losses that are rarely treated as seriously as romantic breakups, however deep/long the friendship may have been
• Toxic relationships and divorce – Others may say "good riddance" and cheer your decision or minimize the rejection, while you are left quietly grieving a shattered reality
• Cognitive decline (Alzheimer’s, stroke, dementia, etc.) – Watching someone you love fade slowly while still in front of you and needing physical care
• Unmet desires – For marriage, for children, etc.  Deep longings where others often assign blame instead of offering empathy
• Infertility – A child is emotionally present in your desired story, but the love and hope in your heart have nowhere to land
• Addiction or mental illness – Loving someone who can’t or won't fully show up in return
• Missing persons – Living in the ache of not knowing, with their emotional presence and physical absence
• Mourning what might have been – WandaVision said it best: “What is grief, if not love persevering?”   I believe everyone who experiences either traditional or ambiguous grief faces this internal pain... even with traditional grief, there is part of it that is ongoing and often overlooked and unresolved as you struggle to process the emotional presence and physical absence of someone you still love deeply - and all the ways your world might have been different if they were with you today.

Of course, traditional grief has rituals — obituaries, funerals, bereavement leave, supportive meals and cards, a group of people mourning a concrete loss together.  Ambiguous grief doesn't, although the pain can be just as real and consuming.  There is no day set aside, no formal goodbye or built-in support, no official acknowledgement that someone/something that mattered DEEPLY to you is absent... or slowly deteriorating.

For reasons God alone knows (and I trust that He has a purpose in it), I have experienced so. much. of this ambiguous grief -- some that I have processed deeply; some that still lingers and feels unresolved.

There is a lot to be said for resilience and Kingdom hope... I have worked very hard to become someone who embodies joy and grit, who grows through setbacks and trusts the faithfulness of God, who makes the choice to take action and move forward whenever possible!  

If we allow our ambiguous grief to have full rein, we will likely spiral into an isolated depression, feeling unhealthy self-pity and despair.  But we cannot deny/suppress those hard emotions either.  This is where the Great Commandments come in strong.  When we love God with all our hearts and really press into our walk with Him, we grow more confident that we are NEVER alone or unseen, even in our deepest pain.  God's presence and His intimate knowledge of us are an incredible comfort, not a small or intangible thing!  When others fail to empathize or understand or remember our losses, God does.  In the grief that is gradual and complex and mostly overlooked, God is walking with us through every step of that journey.  The day I broke down sobbing in the hospital bathroom after Babah talked about how Grandad was not making any real progress... God was there, steadying me and strengthening me for what lay ahead.

Embracing community and being honest about what we're navigating is also vital.  I have wonderful friends and family who care about me, and I don't have to face any of the above pain alone.  I am deeply grateful for people who listen, even if and when they don’t fully understand.  Keeping grief inside only isolates us, but being honest invites healing.

Today, I am struggling to know what God wants from me, specifically in the adoption journey.  I'm unsure if pressing forward shows faith or foolishness... if letting go would be wisdom or fear.  It’s been setback after setback, and I'm in limbo again after some discouraging news (that my experience of two failed matches in a row is a major anomaly, and the local clinic I was planning on is actually not a partner clinic with them after all).  The low-key ambiguity feels complex and exhausting - repeatedly sitting in the tension of hope and grief, asking for wisdom and craving comfort.

*If you're in this place too — holding an unresolved grief that’s hard to name and process — I see you.  More importantly, God sees you and cares about everything you are feeling.  You are not alone.

In the midst of relatively minor confusion and discouragement, our ultimate hope is in the Lord.  There is a great reward ahead of us, and our souls can be anchored in that hope!  In the meantime, please pray with me for clarity and peace. ❤

Love you and hope you're having a lovely Friday.  And I hope you choose to draw near and feel God’s nearness in return today!!

"Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends!  His mercies never cease.  Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning.  I say to myself, 'The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in Him.'  The Lord is good to those who depend on Him, to those who search for Him."  ~Lamentations 3:21-25 NLT

On Finishing Strong

"Come let us rejoice in who He is...
Our lives are in His hands,
and He keeps our feet from stumbling."
~Psalm 66:9

As I head into this final week before my race, I can’t help but reflect on how this marathon journey mirrors the bigger road I've been on for over a decade...

I first considered running a full marathon back in 2009.  I signed up for the OKC race in 2011, but I didn’t train well and eventually backed out.  Got into the Nike Women’s Marathon in 2012, then talked myself right out of those crazy San Francisco hills!  Now, 13 years and five Half-Marathons later, I have finally done the work to train and prepare, and I have a strong desire and determination to finish this race!

Much like the marathon, living out my calling in counseling has been a long and winding road.  I started pursuing this dream back in 2012 with night classes at SNU, only to be rejected by multiple grad schools afterwards.  Around the same time, I was grieving the loss of a fractured friendship.  So I settled back into court reporting, a great career where I felt secure and tucked away—but I could never quite shake the sense of God’s call on my life.

In 2022, I took the leap and started graduate school.  Now, 13 years after stepping into my first counseling class, I'm preparing to step out of my cocoon of career safety and familiarity — to actually live out the calling God planted in my heart so long ago!  I think people tend to assume joy and excitement are my main emotions here... 

But it’s scary.  It’s vulnerable.  It’s slow.
A marathon, not a sprint.

I am moving from something comfortable where I am at the top of my field into something new where I’m at the bottom of the ladder -- still experimenting, exploring, "paying my dues," wrestling through my own insecurities to figure out where I fit and how God has uniquely gifted me.  I’ve learned a lot over the past three years, but there’s still so much I don’t know.  And the best way to learn is through hands-on practice, critique and constructive feedback, actively embracing change and choosing a growth mindset, repeatedly showing up and being seen!  That level of scrutiny feels very disorienting after 20 years in a cozy background observer role.

I have to remind myself often: I am not alone.  God is with me.  God is for me.

This candidacy job search has stretched me more than I expected. Since December, I’ve submitted over 15 applications and completed at least eight job interviews—with places like CREOKS Broken Arrow, CRS-Tulsa, FCS-Tulsa, Charlie Health (virtual), Red Rock OKC, and Moore Counseling Center.  (That doesn't include the work of applying and interviewing for the PhD program - it's been a lot).  Fear/the enemy keeps whispering: You don’t belong here.  You’re not enough.  This is all too hard.  You’ll never find your place.  I have seriously considered pursuing a Federal CR job for the stability and great salary.  But deep down, I know God didn’t bring me this far to quit now - I believe there are real lives I am called to impact, and I cannot give in to greed or cowardice or the craving for comfort.

I do recognize that I’m a prime target for spiritual warfare in this in-between season.  Thankfully, God keeps dropping little pearls of wisdom and encouragement just when I need them—through friends and family, podcasts and books, etc.  I recently heard John Eldredge talk about how we are needed here on earth — how each of us is called to uniquely reflect God’s love and light to those around us, how the character of Christ is being formed within us, and how we are "in training for reigning" as we move toward our future in Heaven.  I love that!

You know I love a good illustration, and I’ve been thinking about that final scene in The Patriot.  The soldiers are retreating in fear, divided and overwhelmed.  Then Mel Gibson runs through all the chaos, waving their flag and shouting, “No retreat—HOLD—hold the line!”  A repeated line from that movie is “stay the course.”  Even now, it encourages me to remember what I’m fighting for, why it matters, and not to give up when the path feels far harder, longer, and more costly than I'd expected.

As real change draws near, I have felt more overwhelmed and inadequate than excited.  But these are all normal emotions at this stage, and I want to build a life marked by courage and bold faith!  I want to try new things and find my best lane in counseling.  I want to finish what I’ve started, which means stepping fully into this new identity and leaving comfort and hiding behind.  I am determined and called to make a Kingdom impact with my life and my work.  And I'm confident that God will lead, guide, and provide for me as I keep moving forward!

Okay, speaking of long journeys and forward momentum, my adoption story is at another pivotal point.  This is my third year of working with Snowflakes.  After two surgeries that made me healthier for a potential pregnancy — and two difficult setbacks with the previous matches — Shay completed my final home study update over Easter weekend.  This week, I am restarting the matching process, working with OU Reproductive instead of Dallas IVF this time.  I feel hopeful and cautiously optimistic, ready and willing to make major shifts and sacrifices if God chooses to fulfill this desire!

(For the record, if this third attempt doesn’t work, I will let go of this specific path to motherhood.  Not releasing the desire entirely, but believing this particular doorway is closed.)  Still, I am planning, preparing, and praying that the third time’s a charm — for my embryo adoption journey and for finishing the marathon this weekend!

In my hopes for adoption, my career calling, my health journey, and this long-standing marathon dream, I have encountered surprise plot twists, detours, rejections, loss, fear, and long seasons of waiting.  However, my soul is anchored in Kingdom hope, and I am decidedly stronger than I used to be.  I like being someone who dreams big and lives with purpose, but I don’t want to be the girl who never finishes anything.  (And I don’t believe God wants that identity for me either.)  So I am resisting the enemy’s lies and breaking those old agreements.

We can do hard things, and it's worth the effort!  Whenever it happens, physically crossing the Finish Line will feel so symbolic and hopeful for me.  I’m praying and believing for 2025 to be a year of courage and victorious follow-through.  A year of finishing strong.  I am grateful to know I am not facing these challenges alone.  And I’m trusting our faithful God, who finishes every good thing He starts!!

"Since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the particular race God has set before us... Let God train you, for He is doing what any loving father does for His children... So take a new grip with your tired hands, stand firm on your shaky legs, and mark out a straight, smooth path for your feet so that those who follow you, though weak and lame, will not fall and hurt themselves but become strong." ~Hebrews 12:1-13

❤ ❤ ❤

Easter Sunday!

Easter 2025 was a delight from start to finish... MWC Life Church, Olive Garden lunch with the fam in Norman, then a Tulsa trip, cute Easter egg hunt and dinner at the Wilson home, and lots of photos with people I love! ❤

This = our family table at Olive Garden!  (We had reservations at BJs, but they were very slow to seat us, so we headed across the street and had pretty great service at the OG!)  We had a good talk about next week's race, poster ideas, Jace's fish (always), and potential future vacation ideas!

And now, some 2025 Easter Sunday pics of several families I love... starting with the Schoolcraft fam!

The Shoemakers

Harvey Lane and Heidi Claire - so much cuteness!

Moss Fam!

The Shankles (my podcast franz - lol)

The Foster fam!

The Wilson/Weatherford crew!

The Maguires!

Me, Rach, and Kyndal Faith!

Jaceman has been serving in the 4-year-olds room lately and doing a great job - it makes me happy to see that!!

The kids just before the Easter egg hunt! =)

Everyone listening to "Uncle Chet" laying out the rules! lol

After the Easter egg hunt! ❤

Pile-on-Tate game, Parker watching closely while the dads were hiding the eggs - lol, snacks and dessert options, egg hunt, Parker being a dramatic storyteller, and Katherine Claire playing us a lovely song. lol

Gracious, I adore her!  Happy Birthday Eve Eve to her today! lol

Had not put together that it was 4/20 until Chettles sent this! lol

And now a more Jesus-centered meme, but still throwing in some rap. =)

In all sincerity, I am deeply grateful for the work of Christ, the only hope strong enough to anchor our hearts for anything this life throws at us!!  And I will write a separate post with some deeper thoughts on that later today.

❤ ❤ ❤

Easter Eve!

Happy Saturday, friends and family!  I just booked the Colorado flights for Mom and I for my graduation - get excited!  I know this isn't the best Spring weather for Easter weekend, but I'm loving the sound of the rain as I sit here blogging in my PJ shorts and hoodie.  If I'm choosing 3 emotions on the emotion wheel for today, I feel grateful, relaxed, and hopeful... very Easter appropriate. =)

I also feel reflective.  Today is the 30-year anniversary of the OKC bombing, something I remember vividly from my 5th grade year.  Mom took me to lunch that day and told me about it, then Miss White made the announcement to our class before school ended.  And a week or two after that, I wrote a poem that became a bigger deal than I'd anticipated.  Watching all of that on the news was jarring, and it had a big impact on my 12-year-old self to know that Mom's former office was right across the street from the Murrah Building.  The race next weekend will be the 25th "Run to Remember," and along the course, they have posters with individual photos honoring each of the 168 people who were killed that day...

The term Silent Saturday is not nearly as familiar to me as Good Friday or Easter Sunday, but I LOVED the message here...

My deep thoughts for today were about how Good Friday speaks a message of deep love, Silent Saturday calls for strong faith, and Easter Sunday speaks vibrant hope! (1 Cor. 13:13)

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Okay, so Marilyn (our court reporter friend pictured bottom left) got us a table for the soft-launch opening of the 7th Neighborhood JAM location (which is in Moore)!  Apparently, her daughter's husband came up with the idea for it, and it's been a great success in OKC and in Tulsa, so that's awesome!  It was good to catch up with her a bit - she's retiring in December and looking forward to becoming a grandma soon!  Our server talked us into a cinnamon roll appetizer (yum - he didn't have to work too hard on that) and my French toast was awesome, and all our food was free since it was a practice run for them, so that's always a delight!

Last night, I joined the Wilsons and Weatherfords for dinner (Bill and Melissa picked up Rib Crib for us) and a musical at the PAC... Chet and Tate are on the mend after a rough week of sickness.  Melissa thought I was mildly crazy for coming on a potentially stormy night, but I so love hanging out with their fam, and the long drives are never a deterrent to me!

This = Parker in her fun colorful shoes (she came to greet me with the best excited scream when she realized I was there!), Bill and Tate playing on the mini-air hockey table (so cute!), a fun Easter wreath, and a random pre-dinner candid I snapped when my heart was full thinking how very fortunate I am to be friends with them! lol

The Myers had to cancel last minute, so I got to join Chet and Karli for a third time on their PAC season tickets... fun!!  The play was fun and very well done, and it was lovely chatting with the Wilsons and Paul and Stephanie!

In the end, 90% of my drive back home was dry and smooth... there was heavy rain for about 15 minutes when I reached the Kickapoo Turnpike, followed by a bout of feeling dangerously tired when the rain calmed down and I was 15-20 minutes from home around 1am.  (That really doesn't happen often for me, but it was intense, and I'm thankful for God's protection!)

Friendly Reminder:

Not sure how this hadn't occurred to me until today, but I'm going for the diamond boots as my graduation footwear... YAY - yes, please!  (I'll likely be wearing black slacks instead of a dress.) Between the diamond boots and my crystalled-out cap, I'm not sure CCU will believe I'm "respecting the solemnity of the occasion," but I'm excited, and all of that feels right for me!  Pics on the right = my living room chair-side table with some happy yellow roses I grabbed today, then the strawberries and dip I made for tomorrow!

Spring/Easter pics are always the cutest!  Yay Shoemakers and Moss fam! =)

And speaking of Easter, I attended the CHA Easter program Thursday night...

Mini Miss K looking lovely in her new dress!

She was accidentally twinning with her art teacher's daughter, but I love that she embraced the fun of that and asked for a pic with her!  On the right is Jaceman with his friends TJ and Jace!

The 5th grade girls!

Pics with J&K!

The 6th grade boys!  (This one was J's final elementary school program!!)

❤❤

Ending with a couple memes, just for fun! =)

How cute is this dog!?  And the writing is super accurate and made me laugh!

Okay, the rain is still going strong... I'm grateful to be in my cozy house, off to watch Ted Lasso and do a short bike ride now, then eat my delish cinnamon roll leftovers, because balance! lol  

Reminder:  God is working behind the scenes - He is with you and for you - and His words are more reliable than our feelings.  Thanks for stopping by, and Happy Easter tomorrow!!

❤ ❤ ❤

Complete in Christ

“You should know this, Timothy, that in the last days there will be very difficult times.  For people will love only themselves and their money.  They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful.  They will consider nothing sacred.  They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control.  They will be cruel and hate what is good.  They will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride, and love pleasure rather than God.  They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly.  Stay away from people like that!  They are the kind who work their way into people’s homes and win the confidence of vulnerable women who are burdened with the guilt of sin and controlled by various desires.  (Such women are forever following new teachings, but they are never able to understand the truth.)"  ~2 Timothy 3:1-7

I haven’t talked about it often, but that last verse sometimes scares me.  The first time I heard it in a Bible study years ago, I remember feeling a deep, sinking discomfort, as if the words were aimed directly at me.  (Or maybe it was just the enemy whispering lies - it definitely felt more like shame/condemnation than Spirit-led conviction.)  Different translations describe these women as weak, gullible, silly, or weak-minded. They are “always studying, learning, and listening to anybody who will teach them, but never able to come to the full knowledge of the truth.”

“They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly.”
Other versions say:
—“Having a form of godliness but denying its power.”
— “They will hold to the outward form of our religion, but reject its real power.”

Always learning, but never arriving at the truth. Putting on a good show, yet continually giving in to sinful desires, living without the dynamic anointing of God.

Let it not be me, Jesus.

I want to walk in sincere repentance and integrity, embracing the acceptance, love, grace, wisdom, and fierce authority and power of God.

* * * * * * *

Several aspects of my life feel unfinished right now, and it’s easy to focus on what’s still undone instead of the good things currently unfolding.  Waiting can feel like being stuck, but unfinished means I’m still growing.  (And there’s a big difference between continually growing in faith and knowledge, moving toward deeper truth, vs. chasing new teachings and leaving myself open to deception.  Studying these verses a bit today actually brought more clarity and comfort.)

A series of cross-references led me to this passage, which I want to meditate on:

“And now, just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to follow Him. Let your roots grow down into Him, and let your lives be built on Him.  Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.  Don’t let anyone capture you with empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from the spiritual powers of this world rather than from Christ.  For in Christ lives all the fullness of God in a human body.  So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the Head over every ruler and authority.”  ~Colossians 2:6-10

This post is deep and a little scattered, but the firm reminder that I am COMPLETE in Christ was exactly what I needed in this season.

I recently talked with Emily about how much I long for acceptance, how it often feels just out of reach, like something I have to earn or maintain in relationships.  We talked about how that acceptance has to start from within, with loving myself and extending grace to others. #letthem  But honestly, it goes deeper than that...

It begins with abiding in Christ’s love and acceptance.  Leeeeaning into the truth that I am already complete — whole and enough — in Him.  Right here, today.  Not when I cross the finish line.  Not if/when I have the devoted love of a boyfriend or husband.  Not if/when a child calls me "Mom" for the first time.  Not if/when I earn a PhD, land a counseling job, publish a book, or achieve my ideal body weight.  Not through any certain platform, title, or role.

Yes, my life goals matter, but I don't want to feel like I'm grasping for people’s acceptance.  My inner strength and foundation must be centered in Christ.  (All other ground is sinking sand.)  I feel this right now, and I want to refocus my heart here.  Searching God's Word and seeking the direct voice of Jesus over any human teaching.  Being more rooted and grounded in His love and acceptance, believing down to my very core that I am “complete through my union with Christ, who is the Head over every ruler and authority.”

"YOU are enough, so I am enough."

❤ ❤ ❤