The Hard... Is What Makes It Great

As Jesus reminds His followers, “To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given, and they will have an abundance. But from those who do nothing, even what little they have will be taken away” (Holy Bible, New Living Translation, Matthew 25:29).  Even in the face of systemic problems that feel overwhelming and well beyond our personal ability to resolve, we have a God-given role.  When His disciples pointed out that the massive crowd was hungry and exhausted, Jesus answered, “You feed them,” giving them the responsibility to find and collect the available food, organize the crowd into smaller groups, and hand out the food He graciously multiplied (Holy Bible, New Living Translation, Mark 6:37-44).  As a Christian counseling professional, part of strategic planning is being intentional about upholding my values and ethics, resisting temptation and submitting myself to God’s authority, which calls for more proactive engagement and advocacy (James 4:7)...

My personal philosophy of leadership and advocacy begins with a God-given calling and the practice of personal integrity that sets committed believers apart.  In any leadership role I embrace, one of the most important factors will be upholding personal integrity and moral authority.  Based on that, I know there will be continued temptations to compromise, settle, or take shortcuts to reach my vision (Stanley, 2005).  Godly mentorship, collaboration, and accountability will be important safeguards for me as I move forward with this plan, one step at a time.  Implementing an action plan for advocacy is rarely simple or linear (Chang, et al., 2021).  It requires pressing through our fear and intimidation, making multiple revisions and adjustments, and celebrating our progress along the way (p. 91).

At this stage in my life and career, the biggest challenge before me is overcoming my own subtle cowardice and love of comfort, and wholeheartedly stepping into all that God has planned for me.  I wish that were a one-time heroic decision, but I am learning that it happens one surrendered step at a time.  As a professional counselor and future counselor educator and supervisor, I feel a sober understanding that my willingness to submit to God will impact every life I have the sacred privilege of influencing.  Serving as a counseling leader and advocate will undoubtedly require courage and intentionality, and it will hold foreseen and unforeseen challenges.  And what comes to mind as I reflect on that tonight is the quote from Coach Dugan in A League of Their Own, “It’s supposed to be hard.  If it wasn’t hard, everyone would do it.  The hard… is what makes it great” (Marshall, 1992).

Conclusion

This paper articulates my personal philosophy of leadership and advocacy, detailing a personal advocacy plan of action that aligns with my philosophy.  I am confident that the finest counseling leaders are set apart through their God-given calling and personal integrity, embracing a growth mindset, inspiring positive change, and serving through advocacy.  This philosophy is shaped by my theoretical orientation, supported by research literature and personal experience, and aligned with my future aspirations and Biblical values.  This paper also examines how conditioned passivity and perceived inadequacy negatively impact counselor advocacy, detailing a practical action plan and proposing strategies to overcome conceivable obstacles.  Our calling to serve as advocates can be thwarted by learned helplessness, emotional overwhelm, and apathy in the face of systemic problems and social injustice.  We are limited and finite, but we are not helpless, and we serve an all-powerful God.  Leadership and advocacy roles are vital for Christian counselors, counselor educators, and supervisors, and we must be bold and intentional about doing our part and trusting Jesus to multiply our efforts.

That's a small portion of the paper I wrote a couple weeks back.

Some good reminders for me today.

I very much want to live with a growth mindset.  Not the safe and small life, but the adventurous, expanding one.  That means when I feel like I'm not good at something, I focus on how I can learn and grow and improve (absolutely possible) rather than how quickly I can quit and retreat and change course.  Stepping into a new identity is challenging, and counseling feels complicated and messy and hard right now, but God has given me enough little breaks and enough clear confirmations to stay the course.  Even if circumstances change and I do not finish the LPC hours and/or the PhD program, my choices in this season will still count and MATTER to God (and to my self-respect and character).  God wastes nothing, and I trust Him!  And in the end, I believe it will be true that the hard is what makes it great.

❤ ❤ ❤

In God's Hands

Hey, friends and fam!  It's been a whole week, which is rare for me.  I'm in a pretty awesome new season with a very full schedule... and I'm confident God is expanding my capacity and giving me the daily grace I need to navigate these current roles well!

• Adoptive Mom:  Signed the contracts to officially adopt 2 living-but-frozen Snowflakes embryos (on 7-18-25 - YAY!!), writing a thank you note to the placing parent today, and navigating next steps and medical appointments moving forward!
• Counselor:  My part-time role with Integrated Therapy Solutions - embracing the intense learning curve with the Milan electronic records system, submitting treatment plans and progress notes, attending weekly supervision meetings, and counseling 2 continuing clients and 4 new clients this week!
• Court Reporter:  My secure and steady full-time job - interesting Preliminary Hearings, scoping transcripts, covering court for other Judges with the current CR shortage, and enjoying the feeling of established competence and the accrued leave and benefits here!
• Doctoral Student:  Writing discussion posts and leadership papers + Zoom classes and group meetings + preparing a conference presentation (all without the help of AI, thank you very much! lol)!
• Individual:  Returning to regular church attendance, listening to great audiobooks, blogging as needed, and developing a solid morning routine for daily workouts and time with God!
• Relational:  Maintaining strong friendships in Tulsa, cultivating new friendships in OKC, daily talks with Mom, weekly family dinners, and weekly walks with Kristin!
• Extras:  A 10-hour Trauma Focused CBT training (online - started it Friday) + helping on Ashley Campbell's book launch team (YAY!)

I also believe God will help me narrow that list a bit by the end of this year, which helps me dive deep and invest faithfully in the meantime.  It helps that I believe every bit of the above is fruitful -- I'm planting good seeds, and God will decide what grows from it!  For now, I'm working on not using the words scattered, fragmented, or divided when I talk about my attention span.  Instead, I'll say God is teaching me and growing my capacity for leadership and giving me what I need day by day.  I am learning to trust His timing and doing my best to be intentional about focusing on one role at a time, shifting my full focus as needed to engage in all the things that matter to me!! ❤

Okay, so about the book launch team... I'm about 1/3rd of the way through my pre-release copy of Ashley's book and loving everything about it so far!  Not a surprise - her writing has always been poignant, and the stories and pictures from their family trip around the world are captivating!  (It's also inspiring the writer side of me - I love this reminder that a book can be anything you want it to be.  Every page of her book is filled with family photos or pictures from their trip - somehow, I didn't realize that was an option, but it's fantastic, and it's changing how I want to format my future book!!)

The best!  Loved following their trip in real-time via Instagram, but seeing it all in one book now - along with Ashley's insightful reflections and a page written by each of her kids and Chris - is freaking awesome!!

Here's my beautiful niece, Miss Kyndal Faith, enjoying her new blonde highlights this summer!  Love her, and I was happy to see this front-facing smiley profile pic!! lol

Yesterday would have been Grandad's 96th birthday, although I'm confident he's forever young now in Heaven!  I'm thankful for his life and the way he loved us!

Last Friday was a Tulsa trip for CFA lunch with the wonderful Wilson fam, a hair appointment with Janelle, and an impromptu stop at Tulsa Lexus for an oil change - gracious, the Tulsa one is just so much better than the Edmond branch!  In spite of the lack of color on their showroom floor (Mom would not approve!), it was nice to be back! ;-)

This and chapter 107 are speaking to me lately.  This one talks about God's commands being trustworthy and true, to be obeyed faithfully and with integrity... reminding us that "the rewards of wisdom come to all who obey Him."  And Chapter 107 repeatedly shows people royally messing things up then crying out to God for help, and He repeatedly rescues them in their distress.  Both are encouraging chapters that apply to my life in different seasons!

This was the Verse of the Day when I had to write a paper on advocacy and was internally resisting that whole topic.  All the suggested topics were causing me to shut down, so I ended up writing about that emotional response, and specifically about overcoming the conditioned passivity and learned helplessness that often hold us back from getting involved in potential political conflict and/or serving as professional or social justice advocates.  It was personal and intense, and over the past couple weeks, I spent literally 17+ hours researching and writing that 12-page paper.  However, the grades and the feedback videos from Dr. Burkhart made all that effort feel very worth it!  (Something I'll keep in mind if/when I'm a professor down the road.)  I'm VERY grateful for his encouragement and the growing confidence I feel there.  Anyway, I used this verse in my paper as evidence that God wants us to grow in our role as leaders and advocates, to keep learning new ways we can help others and fight for those who are vulnerable!  And it's true - leadership doesn't have lasting impact if you're not actively serving others and using your God-given position, skills, and influence for good!

Finally, here's a pic from the Shoemakers' moving day two weeks ago - the Wilsons coming to see them at that house one last time.  I miss them already!

Okay, that's all I've got for now... headed to a meeting about the new electronic/recording system they're installing in our courtroom, and looking forward to family dinner tonight! ❤

Thanks for being here!  I love you and believe in you, and I believe God will give you all the grace you need for the roles He has placed you in TODAY!  He gives us new grace one day at a time, just like the manna for the Israelites, and our lives and futures are secure in His hands! 

❤ ❤ ❤

"I'm Back."

So I'm rewatching The Last Dance lately (incredibly slowly due to school + counseling + court work).  When Michael Jordan temporarily retired in 1993, I'm very convinced that decision was made out of deep love and respect for his dad (murdered earlier that year).  He wanted to be able to say that his dad saw his last game, and he wanted to honor him by trying baseball, which his dad had strongly encouraged.  A couple years later, he really missed basketball and decided to return.  A speechwriter for the Bulls press conference worked hard trying to convey the nuanced details and complex emotions behind his decision, offering him 3 or 4 different versions to choose from.  Michael told him none of them quite reflected how he wanted to say it, so the writer asked MJ to draft his own version.  He grabbed a pen and wrote: "I'm back." which became the official press release. lol  No lengthy explanation or justification needed.  I love it so much, and I love him and his fiercely competitive spirit!

"Winning has a price, and leadership has a price.  So I pulled people along when they didn’t want to be pulled.  I challenged people when they didn’t want to be challenged.  And I earned that right... Once you joined the team, you lived at a certain standard that I played the game, and I wasn’t going to take anything less... I wanted to win, but I wanted them to win and be a part of that as well."  ~Michael Jordan, The Last Dance (episode 7)

And yes, a shorter version of that quote made its way into my leadership philosophy paper! =)  I'm thinking about leadership in everything I watch and read and listen to lately, and I'm enjoying that.

In other news, after 10.5 months without counseling a single client, my LPC-Candidacy has finally begun.  As of today, I'm back!  

I brought Rach's clipboard with me today, and it was comforting to look down and see this! =)

I also wore my fav "peasant shirt" from my vintage 2009 collection - still a fan! ;-)

My first session back took every bit of two hours, but it went well!  I'm mildly overwhelmed but also super grateful to be communicating with five new clients and more referrals coming in from ITSOK, and apparently a local pediatrician has been recommending me based on a younger client who enjoyed working with me last year, which was a surprising but flattering turn of events this morning. lol

Three memes I've saved recently with a very clear common theme:

If that didn't make it clear, everything in me was nervous about getting started again - but I didn't talk myself out of it, so that's a mini-victory.  Having session one over with helps a bit, but I will still have to push myself with my "calm and confident, warm and competent" mantra and my strong desire to nonverbally communicate, "You are safe here, you can trust me, and I can help you!"  It's such a learning curve in the beginning with all the new software and mountain of paperwork and regulations and more, but the actual real life connection and the sense that (with God's help) I am capable of helping someone improve their life in a real and lasting way makes the rest feel very worth it! ❤  I'm thankful to be back and in a setting with more autonomy in my approach and the clients I choose.  Trying to reframe the nerves as being excited - and honestly, both are true.  Prayers appreciated as I move forward!

Feelings fade.  Purpose is forever.  Keep going.

❤ ❤ ❤

Moral Authority and Finishing Well

This started on the Thankful Thursday list, then I quickly realized it deserved its own separate post.  

Lately, God is re-sensitizing my conscience in a few areas where I'd become complacent.  I'm entirely grateful for that shift, but it is CHALLENGING to surrender and submit.

For the life of me, it is HARD to spend 5+ hours reading the textbook and sifting through journal articles and piecing together quotes and APA-7 citations to write a 'simple' discussion board post when I know ChatGPT could churn out a better version in five seconds or less. 

In my deepest heart, I want to honor God and live with integrity, and I want to EARN my LPC and my PhD.

On a more shallow surface level, the work feels overwhelming, and I am incredibly aware that it is entirely possible to use generative AI to "help me" write every post, response, paper, and dissertation chapter.  I could make it sound like me, and many graduate students across the country will do just that and receive an equally-respectable degree.  I'm feeling overwhelmed this week with starting my supervised hours at Integrated Therapy Solutions and all the paperwork and the learning curve goes into starting any new position, so I'm not about to pretend that it's not tempting...

In Visioneering, the audiobook I finished recently, Andy Stanley was very clear that we have to be willing to let go of our dream or vision before we compromise our moral authority and integrity.  It's taken me longer than one would hope to get there, but I had a real chat with God during my walk yesterday... God honors our obedience and rewards those who seek and obey Him... holding faith in that promise will be KEY for me here.

**To be clear, AI itself is not evil - it's a tool that can be used for good or bad, and I've gotten some really good, fun things and cool new ideas out of it.  During my walk-break yesterday, God helped me see that using AI through this doctoral program would be a lot like driving myself through the marathon course.  I would be using a machine to move along the same path in a way that is admittedly MUCH easier and faster, that requires far less training and effort and inner grit, that is undeniably cheating even if it is never "caught."  That inner picture and thinking about what I want my "finish line" to feel like made it all very clear to me.  I don't want to take the easy shortcut and shortchange myself and dishonor God.  And yes, that's all a dramatic train of thought... but it was my first assignment in this new program, and I knew I was setting a precedent yesterday.  Part of me has bought into the belief that I'm incapable of doing it without outside help, and that's not true.  I am out of the groove with academic writing, but I am intelligent and capable and actually desire to keep learning and growing.  They required us to cite 3 peer-reviewed articles along with our Leadership textbook, so it all felt surprisingly HARD yesterday - I spent most of the afternoon and evening working on it, and what I turned in around midnight still felt rough to me.

(I think the biggest difference here is that I imagine everyone else is driving the course by utilizing AI - while I'm feeling very compelled to stay behind and walk it, doing all the work on my own - and that feels hard and lonely and unfair.  I know that's not entirely true and that there are at least a few in the same boat with me.  Either way, other people cannot be my standard.  And Psalm 73 helps redirect my mind and heart when I struggle with these thoughts.)

Now I have to write 4 discussion responses and outline a paper where I will cite 10 journal articles by Sunday night - woof.  Mercifully, next week will actually be a school break week for the 4th of July.  So that gives me time to get myself together and create a legit schedule.  After that, we write a 12-page paper about our Leadership Philosophy (which honestly sounds fun/interesting to me).  I'm going to make a concerted effort to get my candidacy stuff started next week and to set out a clear daily schedule for myself as this program moves forward.  I need to be more disciplined and manage my time well, and I believe it will all be doable as I watch less TV and prioritize sleep and get really organized.  But if I cannot manage to do the work and keep my grades up honestly, then I will either defer or fully let go of the doctorate.  And that outcome will be better and more God-honoring and identity-affirming than receiving a degree I did not earn.  

Yes, an easier path is freely available.  But there is an intangible cost to it, and taking that broad path feels like the equivalent of Esau selling his birthright for a bowl of stew.  My ability to think critically and write creatively and manage my time well will grow as I do the work myself, and I will rebuild integrity and self-trust and my ability to clearly hear from God... so I will come out much stronger for it in the end.  So that's my self pep talk for today! lol

P.S.  Two months ago was the day before the Full - aww, memories.  It was mentally and physically tough, and I walked a lot and took a mini-break in the middle, but I'm very proud that I trained hard and finished it, and I can't even tell you how much that metaphor helps me to see things more clearly here!!!

I love you and believe in you, and I believe God sees your hard work and integrity even if it feels absurdly slow and undervalued in our broken culture.  I am confident that God exists, and that He is a rewarder of those who sincerely seek Him!

❤ ❤ ❤

Christ-Regulated Attachment

 Three years ago, I read a fantastic book on Attachment theory (recap HERE).

For various reasons (some that I understand well and some that are likely subconscious), I developed an Anxious Attachment style... I can see it clearly in several relationships and past interactions, and I've worked hard over the past few years to become more Securely attached.  What helps me in that more than anything is being in healthy relationships with people who create a sense of safety and security.  Friends or family members who understand my story pretty well and intentionally reach out to reassure me if things feel off because I'm wrestling with insecurity/relational anxiety.  What triggers nearly-intolerable anxiety levels in me is relationships with people who are more avoidant/detached, who deliberately distance themselves when any relationship begins to feel too close, who lash out with vitriol and anger when I seek clarification or reassurance.  Knowing that about myself has been immensely helpful in choosing and prioritizing safe relationships.

In this week's session of Beth's summer Bible study, she talked about how our spiritual enemy tends to derail our relationships through detachment or entanglement.  And how the cure for that is to press into "Christ-regulated attachment," finding security and emotional stability in Jesus as we learn to have healthier relationships with others.

I loved that illustration!  It simplifies it all and aligns perfectly with Attachment Theory psychology - therapy and theology always align well at their core.  The closer we are to Jesus, the more likely we are to live from a place of secure attachment, knowing and trusting that we are loved and worthy of love.  And yes, the enemy will try to get us to pendulum swing from one extreme to the other, from feeling entangled in unhealthy dynamics - insecure and anxious and needy with low confidence... to detaching from people and being avoidant and overconfident in our ability to do life alone.

On the Detachment <--------> Entanglement spectrum, I typically lean toward Entanglement (over-striving to keep harmony; feeling emotionally wrung out and stressed over any disconnection or relational conflict).  That means I often naturally click with people who fall on the opposite side of that spectrum, and the clash of unmet needs was intense and catastrophic at times.  However, over time, I've moved closer and closer to the central mark of security in Christ, stepping away from entanglement toward deeper stability and loving others well... and part of that is due to having friends who are on the same page, stepping away from hyper-independence/detachment and into intentional love and care.

Every bit of progress we make matters.

And stepping closer to Jesus is key.

“So not only do people with a secure attachment style fare better in relationships, they also create a buffering effect, somehow managing to raise their insecure partner’s relationship satisfaction and functioning to their own high level. This is a very important finding. It means that if you're with someone secure, they nurture you into a more secure stance.”  ~Attached

The more mature and secure we become, the more we can help our friends/family members avoid the extreme ends of this spectrum.  It's a hopeful thought!  "Christ-regulated attachment" is really the perfect way to describe what every Christian should be seeking.  None of us will do things perfectly in any relationship, and we don't need to make other flawed people our standard.  Jesus is with us and for us to help regulate our messy emotions and attachment styles, case by case.  He knows the unique needs of each person and loves everyone perfectly, and growing closer to Him will naturally serve to make us more secure people with more genuine and balanced love for others!!

❤ ❤ ❤

Doctoral Residency, Part 2!

Writing from a hotel room in Goodland, Kansas tonight!  Grateful for a comfy bed - the dorm mattresses are rough - 3.5 hours down, 6.5 to go tomorrow!

This = Friday breakfast with Ashley and Robyn, one of my favorite parts of this CES Residency!  They were the role play students that I "mentored" or supervised last year.  We had some great talks then and I gave them a list of tips and professor recommendations as they were beginning the Master's program.  So glad I texted them on Thursday ~ they were both back in CO as roommates at MAC Res 2, and we decided to meet up at 7am for breakfast... an hour and a half wasn't really enough time, but it was great to hear about their first year in the program, the internship sites they've found for this coming August, and their interest in the PhD program - which we discussed quite a bit, as well!  They both said thanks for the tips I gave them last year - they've had fantastic professors and are absolutely loving the program so far, so we were all just CCU fangirls talking it up! lol  Anyway, it was great to see them and catch up, and it really encouraged me to hear how something that took a small effort on my part made a big difference in their lives. ❤

Last July at their Res 1 and my Res 3 (they pair people up for role play exercises, then you work together the whole week coaching/supporting them as they practice counseling each other).

On that note, Christian counselors make awesome friends - the listening skills, the sincere empathy, and the strong tendency to dive right on into the deeper topics is such a breath of fresh air every time I'm surrounded by CCU Counseling Students!

Me and Heather Martinez, my roommate this year (there are three rooms that connect to the same living room common area - it was me and Heather, Alicia and Charisse, and Michelle and Laura)!  Heather is a wife and a mom of one boy and two girls, and she's already working as an LPC-Supervisor with a thriving counseling practice!

Finally getting to know Faith Smith, a peer from my CCU Master's cohort (but we had no classes together that whole time).  She and I helped co-lead Dr. Brashear's group of Masters Res 2 students yesterday, and it was awesome to hear their stories and stresses and answer their questions and encourage them and share a bit about our Practicum and Internship experiences!!  I loved being in that role and connecting with/encouraging people who are just a few steps behind me, and that reminder was a gift as I've been considering whether I would really enjoy a teaching/supervising role!

Alicia, Elyse, and Ellie taking a stretch break! lol

Everyone else got a drink with dinner last night, so I got a fun cheers-ing pic!

After our Saturday dinner at Lady Nomada (where we ran into Dr. Robinson from CCU)!

Me and Alicia and Terri went to see Thunderbolts after dinner... then had a great talk about how the movie illustrates shame/depression and the way we need community!

I love this campus.  That's all.

Worship session Sunday morning!

❤❤❤

The majority of today was "Super Statistical Sunday," where Dr. Wood talked with us for a long time about Quantitative Research and the SPSS software that will help with our calculations.  It wasn't as bad as I'd expected, and I'm quite thankful we're not having to memorize formulas or do any math by hand.  I can input data into a spreadsheet with the best of them. lol

After a long day of mostly stats work, it was soooo refreshing to end with a 40-minute lecture from Dr. Burkhart, followed by the group photo I'd been wanting all day, then the commissioning ceremony and closing prayer!

I so respect and value the Godly leaders at this school!  Also, I sent this pic to Chet because this slide made me think of him - he's good at most if not all of these "leadership paradoxes."

The new Considine Chapel... in a last-minute decision, Dr. Burkhart let us come in there for the group photo, then we stayed there for the final session, and it felt sacred in a way I can't really explain well in words.

Above = the 17 students in my cohort, along with Dr. Sara Wood, Dr. Gregg Elliott, and Dr. Selin Philip!

I'm so grateful for the words spoken to us and over us today!

Dr. Philip (in her humble but powerful way):  "Trust the process, and trust the God behind the process... Welcome to this holy, sacred work of leadership!"  

Dr. Elliott:  "You are where you are supposed to be - do not let go of it easily!  You made this decision with fortitude and faith and determination... and the only way you won't make it through at this point is if you choose not to make it!" ❤

The Res 2 doctoral students (CCU's first cohort) gathered around us along with the faculty and prayed over us... then we did the same surrounding them, and Dr. Burkhart prayed for all of us.  He started off with "Lord, I'm most grateful for when You showed up in moments of transition and seasons of change, when I needed guidance and had to make decisions that were scary or hard..."

I really felt that.  In spite of my deep love for CCU, I am not entirely sure that this is what I'm supposed to do with my life in this season.  Life tends to throw curveballs when we least expect it.  The adoption door is still in question for me, and I believe motherhood could also be a high calling and a vital role in God's Kingdom, and I have valid doubts about my ability to do both well in my current situation... Anyway, while thinking through all of that very quickly, Dr. Burkhart ended his prayer with:  "We pray that these students would advance Your Kingdom and Your mission and Your purpose in whatever role they find themselves!"  I was holding hands with Faith Smith and Dr. Wood, and I had tears rolling down both sides of my face at that point.  Because YES, Lord - that is the actual point - and I felt so much freedom as I heard him say that.  Honestly, the PhD is within reach for me, but it is just one of MANY ways that I might be able to advance God's Kingdom and mission - there is no pressure from God or no sense that this is the only way I can honor Him with my life - so I'm moving forward with classes and doing my best for now while holding these dreams loosely and keeping my heart open and surrendered to God's leading.  Not my will, but His purpose for me.  Dr. Philip gave each of us first-year students a bag of mustard seeds as a reminder that although we may feel small right now, God can grow our lives into something that nourishes others when we stay rooted in Him.  She gave each of the year 3 students a towel tied in a bow to remind them of Jesus' example of washing feet and serving others even as He led with great authority.  She's phenomenal, and I want to become her real life actual friend. lol

I can't say I have full clarity on what will happen moving forward, but I do have renewed peace and faith. ❤

If God chooses not to open the door for motherhood, then I will probably be back on the CCU campus in 2027, ready to complete my dissertation and move forward in my career calling.  If I become a Mom by that time, then I'll pray about it and hope to be back at CCU down the road.  I have six years from now to complete the PhD degree, so I'm aware of that ticking timeline, and I'm grateful to know that God has a good plan!  Whether it's two years or five years or somewhere in between there, I pray that God richly blesses Colorado Christian University until we meet again! =)

I love you and believe in you, and Jesus does too!  May we all advance God's Kingdom, His mission, and His purpose - right where we are today!

❤ ❤ ❤

The One Year Mark

 Just taking a minute to acknowledge this anniversary...
I had gastric sleeve surgery one year ago today!!

Mom and I went to Vegas, and we took it as a God-sign that I was patient #7 on June 7th.  This was my last pre-surgery pic.

This = the hotel hallway that I walked repeatedly that night... to be honest, I never had much pain.  I know that isn't everyone's experience in recovery, but I'm very grateful to God for the laparoscopic procedure and the smoothness of my physical recovery process!

Dr. Matt Apel, my surgeon at Blossom Bariatrics in Vegas
(This pic = the IV vitamins infusion the morning after my surgery!)

And after that, Mom and I stopped by Mon Ami and the Vegas fountains, because I absolutely refuse to go to Vegas without seeing the fountains! lol. I'm aware of the gauze and tape from my surgery in this photo, but overall, it's crazy that I was already feeling good enough to walk through Vegas that next day! ❤

Jace and Kyndal and all the kids their age have taken to saying "six-seven" when they're feeling undecided or meh about something.  But I'm glad 6-7 has a very different meaning for me.  

Thank you again to Chet Lee for sparking this idea for me -- or really, for helping me feel like I had permission to follow through with it without being judged or condemned by the people closest to me!  Our conversation last May opened the door for me to research the surgery, which quickly led to calling Blossom, and around three weeks later, the surgery was done!!  I love that Blossom was able to get me in so quickly -- I might've talked myself out of it otherwise -- God was in all the details (just as He is today), and I'm incredibly grateful as I look back (and look ahead) today!

In some ways, it doesn't feel that long ago, and in other ways, I know God has done so much in my life since that time! ❤  It's been a transformative, beauty-for-ashes kind of year -- body, mind, soul, and spirit!

I'm down around 90 pounds from my pre-surgery weight... I kinda like that I'm unable to weigh in this morning because I'm busy starting this PhD program! 
(These pics were the day before starting the pre-op diet.)

I will continue to lose a bit of weight and do my best to make healthier choices.  I am a work in progress there, but seeing real physical progress has given me renewed hope and motivation as life moves forward!  For today, though, I want to celebrate the progress I've made - finishing the Masters degree, finishing a Full Marathon, starting the PhD program, growing in my identity, restarting the embryo adoption process, a year of therapy work with Emily, and being back in the 100s is just the icing on the cake!

Strong and healthy mind.

Strong and healthy body.

Strong and healthy soul.

Strong and healthy spirit!
One year down, the rest of my life to go...

Whatever I have done is by the grace of God, and I want to continue to live through His grace and for His glory!! ❤

Okay, back to studious grad student work now! =)

I love you and believe in you, and I believe God will meet you wherever you are today, and I believe in your ability to work with Him and create a better life!

❤ ❤ ❤