Called According to His Purpose

On this first day of September, I am deeply grateful, and I am deeply tired.  I don't have it in me to write a catch-up post right now, but I'm sure that will come back soon.

These verses are catching my heart and guiding my steps this week...

"I am sure of this, that He who started a good work in you
will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
~Philippians 1:6

"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you,
for My power is perfected in weakness.'"
~2 Corinthians 12:9

"Return to your fortress, you captives who have hope;
even today I am declaring that I will restore double to you."
~Zechariah 9:12

"Be sure to give to the LORD
the best portions of the gifts given to you."
~Numbers 18:29

"You must be holy because I, the LORD, am holy.
I have set you apart from all other people

to be My very own."

~Leviticus 20:26

"Those who are wise will shine as bright as the sky,
and those who LEAD many to righteousness
will shine like the stars forever."
Daniel 12:3

"I shall remain... until the time of the Harvest Festival,
for a wide door (of great opportunity for effective service)
stands open before me which demands great efforts,
even though many oppose me."

~1 Corinthians 16:9

Along with this song (How Great Thou Art acapella by Jennifer Hudson and Pentatonix - yes, please!) and these memories - (I was in Seattle one month ago today).

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Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness

Happy Tuesday, blog-reading friends!  I'm writing from Mom's room in the Burn & Wound Care Unit of the hospital, my home for this current work week!

I brought her here last Friday for her fourth (and FINAL) wound-vac change, and the PA quickly talked us into coming back on Monday for a skin graft surgery procedure - they said she could stay five days for better pain management, and it has absolutely been helpful so far!  It's not perfect, but we are very grateful for getting into the system here... for Dr. Lentz and Taylor (who did the surgery), and caring nurses Rose, Demarco, Stuart, Matt, and Jennifer!

This = Mom and I before her appointment Friday 

Fare thee well, wound-vac.  We shan't miss you! lol

(Really, I'm grateful it kept her healthy and infection-free.  But it made a consistent suction noise similar to snoring, and there were issues with leaks where the machine would beep at us and I'd have to try to put more tape over her wound to stop the air-leak hissing sound - most often between 3 and 5am.)

Thank you notes...

Adding Brandon and Whitney to the list - he called to check in on Mom, then they stopped by and brought flowers the next day

And Kim Love - she and Kenny made a surprise visit on Sunday bringing dinner and a variety pack of cookies! 

I was up past 2AM finishing my transcript on Sunday - partly my own fault because I had to come watch the last 30 minutes of A Few Good Men when I saw that it was on... such a fantastic movie!!

Roses from Brandon & Whitney

Transcript time - with approximately 500,000 important breaks over the past week. lol  But I got it done and filed in ALL TWENTY case numbers on Monday morning!!!

I spent Saturday morning and afternoon touring OKC and Edmond apartments with T-man!

We saw some good ones, including The Oak OKC and the Parc at Kelly Pointe

❤

I love blue in a kitchen... I'm a fan!

We stopped for a fun lunch at Shake Shack in OKC - new to me, and I'm super-thrilled about it!  

(Good shakes, burgers, chicken sandwiches, mac n' cheese, and fries with NYC travel vibes!)

This one was downtown called The Bower.  He ended up going with a fantastic apartment near Nichols Hills!  I co-signed the lease, and he is moving in on FRIDAY!!  I was excited when I realized that was 8-28 (as in Romans 8:28 "All things work together for good").

AFD and JW got married on August 21st - CONGRATS to them!

All the posts about this event made me happy!

Megan Elizabeth is pregnant with her first baby boy - this = her and Tim with her niece, Afton, at the gender reveal party!!

Natalie and Walker had an awesome trip to South Carolina - praying for continued healing and peace in their lives!

This = me hosting Zoom court yesterday and this morning in hospital waiting rooms... yay for doing whatever it takes, and yay for the Integris hospital WiFi working for me!

Mom and I watching K's volleyball game this afternoon - another CHA victory!

Yay for Rach setting up these videos for us - Mom is such a fan and would hate to miss a moment!

Miss K serving it up!

Random ceiling tile in Mom's hospital room (the rest are plain) - I'm curious about the story behind it.

The Parrishes brought Shake Shack to-go for Mom and I tonight ❤

Midway through two weeks of experiencing the ins and outs of two very different hospital systems, I have lots of thoughts churning about the importance of leadership, genuine care, and service, particularly in the healthcare arena.  

Related:  I have a meeting set with Dr. Burkhart tomorrow to help solidify my decision, but I am praying about moving into a new degree path with the Doctorate in Strategic Leadership at Liberty University (only because it is not offered at CCU yet).  My interests have gradually shifted more and more in that direction over the past few years, so I am praying for wisdom and God-ordained exciting and meaningful leadership opportunities!!

I am grateful this week for the doors God is opening and closing, for the big and little ways He is showing up.  Grateful for every friend, family member, and medical professional who cares enough to act on it.  Grateful to be needed and helpful for Mom, and happy to feel like I'm learning valuable things as I observe everything here.  Trusting in God's new-every-morning grace and mercy, giving me exactly what I need to get through day by day.  I'm grateful that my nervous system is gradually returning to a place of peace and a sound mind... and that Mom's body is stabilizing and making substantial healing progress with well-controlled pain (especially comparing it to the excruciating pain of her 2011 skin graft).  

For the most part, this hospital room is much quieter without constant monitors going off or the wound vac noise.  However, we are in the Burn & Wound Care center, and occasionally, we've heard the groanings of burn victims enduring painful medical care - which was very heavy and really upsetting for Mom this morning.  We both need permeating God-given peace and rest - mind, body, soul, and spirit - God is providing those things for us, along with regular reminders to pray and seek Him!  I am grateful for the slow down, while also feeling grateful for the reminders (Annie's wedding, Megan's pregnancy, Triston's move) that life goes on and there are better seasons and happier times ahead, (starting with Mom being able to attend football and volleyball games that bring her so much joy).  Between mentally decorating Chet's new living room shelves for Christmas and furnishing Triston's new apartment, Mom has had an easier time keeping her mind off of the pain.  I'm grateful she had an excellent doctor and that God is bringing life and healing in Mom's body, something we've prayed for together several times these past couple weeks.  Grateful for seasons of rest and recovery that lead us into renewed strength.  Grateful for simple things that make life rich and vibrant, for a new open door for the Leadership PhD at Liberty, and for the ongoing pursuit of happiness, peace, and purpose!!
❤ ❤ ❤

"The LORD remembered her..."

Please enjoy this slideshow with a few of my videos from the incredible whale watch excursion at Icy Strait Point!

Yes, I used MJ's song from Free Willy... and yes, I played that (along with several other songs) during the actual experience. lol  Love it!!

We were parked out there for over an hour, and they put a hydrophone into the water to amplify the whale sounds - it really was a rare, awe-inspiring, once-in-a-lifetime kind of experience all around for most everyone on board to see and hear these massive, powerful whales so close to us in the immense wild ocean - some of them swimming up a little too close for comfort. lol

It was the most sacred part of a God-centered week for me - an answer to prayer and an undeniably holy and meaningful moment with God that I want to be careful to honor as time moves forward.  I am grateful that there is "fullness of joy in His presence," that He sees my heart and cares enough to "make known to me the path of life."  (-Psalm 16)  The race marked out for me feels a bit daunting, but I also feel renewed faith and hope, and I am choosing to trust Him deeply as I take the next steps forward in becoming Dr. Lindsey Muecke.

❤

...After seeing the orcas, I thought quietly to myself "the only thing that might've made that better is if there were seven of them."  (I was incredibly grateful and reeling with the meaning of it all, but I'm a numbers girl, and that fleeting thought crossed my mind after we saw five of them.)  While resting in my room two days later, lazily looking out the balcony window, I unmistakably saw two orcas jumping in the distant north Pacific Ocean!  It was awesome, and once again, it felt personal - like divinely-ordained timing.  *Again, not about the whales themselves, but about God knowing my heart and caring enough to come through in big and small ways -- He is kind and playful, and He is powerful and personally invested, and I needed those reminders on this trip!  (I'm writing about this because I cannot verbalize it well yet, and most people aren't interested in this level of detail anyway.)

❤

John Eldredge writes about how God shows up through creation in ways that are both epic and intimate.  I felt both of those on this trip.  The ocean views were vast and powerful, a bit overwhelming, but calming and centering at the same time.  I thought several times about the disciples saying, "Even the winds and waves obey Him."  The mountains and glaciers were breathtaking, and waterfalls are among my favorite things in all of God's creation.  Seeing the otters, sea lions, eagles, orcas, and humpback whales in their natural environments was amazing.  Then there was the intimacy in the colorful detail and stunning variety of the gardens on my first and last shore excursion - I adore yellow roses, and this is one of my favorite pictures (taken after nightfall in Butchart Gardens) - the level of precision and layered detail in a single flower speaks something very comforting to me about God's heart and how He values small things and makes them uniquely beautiful. ❤

A verse that rings true and feels extra-significant to me right now:

In spite of the lovely photos, my first two days on the ship were a bit rough and lonely - day two was a full day "at sea" with no planned excursions... I knew no one but Sarah, and I didn't have her number yet - I didn't understand where to go for dinner, so I was on my own for every meal...  no social media apps and no reception to make phone calls mid-ocean... I felt tired and more isolated than I had expected... and I was a bit disappointed to learn that Beth was teaching on Leviticus (historically one of my least favorite books - but obviously, God led her there for good reason).  I reluctantly forced myself to turn off the movie and tune into Scripture - I grabbed my blanket and sat on my balcony and journaled and prayed - praying with some level of desperation through the discouragement for real connection with God and with others on the ship, for clarity about what is next for me, that my week on the ship would not be wasted time, far more importantly - that my life on earth would not be wasted, for a fruitful life and a story with greater Kingdom impact.  ...And God heard me and took notice.

Looking back tonight, it feels really encouraging to see the first thing I wrote down from our first session on 7-25-26.  Ironically, I had forgotten about this...

My paraphrase from Beth's first teaching on Leviticus:  

When Scripture says "the LORD remembered" someone, it may be a distressing thought to us that He would ever have forgotten them in the first place... but that's not what it means in the Hebrew context.  When we see "the LORD remembered," it means the LORD responded or acted on their behalf.  God always hears us, so this is not God recalling someone He forgot or lost sight of; this is Him being moved to respond with "decisive, compassionate action" to fulfill His promises.

❤

*I'm aware that it often meant physical pregnancy when God "remembered" women in the Bible (Hannah, Sarah, etc.).  At the heart level, it was God opening doors and answering their prayers for a fruitful life, bringing more hope for their future, new life, and a renewed sense of connected purpose and legacy for these women He loved.  God is strengthening my faith to see what that pattern might look like in the context of my own story and personal walk with Him.  

"...Anyone who approaches Him must believe that He exists, and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him."  ~Hebrews 11:6

I believe it!

316-7-828

The details are clear in my heart,
and I believe with humility, gratitude, and confident faith

that God "remembered me" this week.

❤

It was a quiet and compelling start to a long story with a profound and multifaceted ending - and God is always faithful to complete what He begins.  Right now, I feel gratitude and responsibility here - that I cannot waste the profound grace of God or let it be in vain (1 Cor. 15:10).  I believe His promise that we will find Him when we seek Him wholeheartedly, and I am determined to press into that more deeply from this day forward.  That means repeatedly choosing courage over comfort, trusting God enough to allow Him to cut away any entangling sins, harmful soul ties, and/or worldly comforts that would hold me back.  1000 times easier for any of us to say than to live out.  I do not want to get complacent and settle in the metaphorical wilderness; I want to push through the fierce opposition and take possession of God's promised reward for those who earnestly seek Him.  Even with increasing clarity, the journey of spiritual formation and the work of stepping into Christian leadership feels daunting.  It's as if I have a compass rather than a clear map of everything that lies ahead, so union with Jesus is and will remain vital!  I'm reminding myself that I am not in this alone, and God will guide and strengthen me as I continue to seek Him and abide in Christ.

*I didn't know this until yesterday, but this week is "desk week" at the OCC - one of three weeks each year that is set aside with no court hearings so that we can catch up on transcripts (and sleep). ;-)  Another well-timed gift, seriously!

On that note,  I took this screenshot as I absorbed this song on our way back from the whale watch excursion:
"You are the light and rest for my soul.
You're God, and I will be still and know."

Song of the Week = Be Still and Know by CeCe Winans

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Photo Friday!

Happy Friday, friends and fam - I hope it's a lovely weekend ahead for you!!

Here's me returning from my delightful lunch-hour jog around the neighborhood on Thursday.  I was in my 7-minute cooldown walk at the end, about half a block away from my house when the smallest raindrops started.  That became a downpour in about five seconds, and I was DRENCHED - clothes and shoes soaked through, makeup had to be redone, and hair had to be re-blow-dried before our Tulsa protest hearing started back (via Zoom) at 1:30.  Ridic. lol  Perhaps I'll go with a Peloton ride next time!

Ted's dinner with the fam + Bill and Jill last week, followed by a Starbucks hangout with Triston! ❤

Mamaw with J&K

Me with T-man and K-Faith (J was getting a pic with Bill & Jill)

Jill brought Jaceman a Wemby card, and this is him trying on their Spurs Championship replica ring (that all the fans were given during the season opener game in 2014).  Jill used to live in San Antonio, so she and Jace had a lot to say about Spurs basketball! =)

❤ So glad Bill is making progress!

Nancy is in better spirits lately, feeling thankful that God protected them!  It's a long road to recovery ahead with some big decisions still looming, so please continue to pray for Sarah and her family!

Wise advice - Enneagram 9s really struggle with this (knowing what we actually want for ourselves outside of how it affects everyone else), so I'm trying to test things this way moving forward.  Well, this and prayer. lol

Happy Birthday-Eve to Chettles, who had some early celebrations today over coffee with Tyler and Debbie, then Burn Co. BBQ lunch with the guys!!

Seeing the four of them together always makes me happy... it also makes me miss Mark Anthony, but I'm thankful the Shoemakers are loving being near their families back in Texas!

Kudos to Carter Lee, who is currently leading the Steer Wrestling competition

Fun Flashback Friday pic of Pastor Craig and Chet Lee, circa 2011! lol

This hit me, you guys... the degree to which I sometimes struggle to tell which one I am in is absurd.  It's the difference in positive and negative stress - are we being productive and working toward something meaningful or just spinning our wheels on a project that is going nowhere?  Running a difficult hill in the race God marked out for us, or heading toward a dead end?  I am tired of dead ends, and I want to be moving in the path of life and building something beautiful with God's help.

On a not-altogether-unrelated note...
Dear Solid Christian Single Men,
You have one year!

By all means, step up your game.

❤ Lindsey Claire ;-)

It's a Saturday and everything -- the actual perfect wedding date, albeit a full 20 years and 10 days later than the 7-7-07 Saturday wedding I once planned! lol

Gracious.  Honestly, I do feel genuinely tired at the moment, and I need a friend to speak life over my heart in all of this right now...

I have built a life that I love,
and I still have things that I want.

❤
God has heard you every time you pray.
It is in His heart to give you the life story
that brings Him the most glory
and brings you a lot of joy
and moves the gospel forward!

God has ENOUGH GOOD THINGS for all of us.  Not one of my friends has married the man I'm supposed to be with.  And no one is birthing a child I was meant to birth.  No matter what, you are not going to miss God's best plan for you if you are pursuing God's best plan for you, and if you say to Him: I want in my life what You have for me!  

 The person you can trust the most to handle your pain the best is God.  I feel so lucky that I can process every moment of every relationship with God.  I'm not alone; He's right there with me.  I have learned very profoundly that Jesus is the primary relationship of my life!   

Your words have the power of life and death.  Speak life over yourself:  I'm available to relationship.  I am working on my mental and emotional and spiritual and physical health, and that is going to make me better in relationship than I would have been yesterday.  I am open to meeting someone new.  I am available for relationship.  I am not married yet, but I hope to be.  I do not have kids yet, but I hope to.  

Using that life-giving language affects the world you live in.

God, You are kind.
God, You are good.
God, You are for me.
God, You are working everything out according to Your will.
God, You care about every detail of my life.  

Friends, God loves you.
And God sees you.
And you are going to be okay.

I promise in the long run, you are going to be okay.  There is not one story in my life in any area where I have not been able to look back on when it was done and say, that was God, and that was His kindness.  Even if I lost a relationship or a person or in tragedy, He still is God, and He is still kind!"

❤ Annie F. Downs
TSF Q&A: Singleness Podcast, 8-18-21

Happy Friday!

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Halftime Pep Talk!

And now, some goals and plans for the second half of this year!!

I'm Looking Forward To:  Kristin's 40th birthday, America's 250th birthday, Chet's 38th birthday,  my 1st Alaska Cruise at the end of July!, Dad's 73rd birthday, Kyndal Faith’s 13th birthday, writing my book, another raise (hopefully), taking the Biblical Foundations class in October, and most everything about the holiday season ahead!!

POWER PLAN: 

• PLANTS & PROTEIN:  (My overarching goal is to reach my goal weight before my 3-year surgiversary next summer.)  With that in view, my goal is to focus on hitting 150 grams of protein per day and to incorporate fruit and/or vegetables into my daily diet!
• PILATES & PELOTON:  I'm signed up for 90 days of Club Pilates workouts (goal = 5 classes per week); I also plan to do a full-body strength class on the Peloton app 2x a week
• PEN TO PAPER:  (I will, of course, be typing, but I needed to keep the alliteration going. lol)  Goal #3 is to follow the schedule I've created and finish my Strong Over Small book draft by October 1st; then have some trusted friends/mentors review it and help me make edits, then have it ready to self-publish by the end of this year (I will not actually publish until 2027 just because I prefer those date numbers. lol)
• PERSEVERANCE & PEACE:  Start the Bible Recap plan tomorrow and go through their full Bible reading plan by July 1, 2027!
• PACING PUSH:  Sign up for the Route 66 Half, and train to run it under 2 hours and 30 minutes (which will absolutely be challenging for me)
• PUBLIC PRESENTATION:  Join a Toastmasters group by end of August to practice and grow in my speaking/presenting skills!*
• PERSONAL PRACTICE:  Post 12 new talking-to-camera videos by the end of the year (length and topic of my choice)
• PRAYER & PIVOT:  Prayerfully plan my next life/career move, and be prepared to pivot as needed! =)

So there you have it.  I'll be pressing in and pushing myself with food, exercise, reading, writing, and speaking goals as the year moves forward!  And reminding myself that proper planning prevents poor performance! ;-)

*For the record, Shadé Zahrai inspired the public speaking focus in her Unlocking Strengths MasterClass:

"How do you differentiate yourself in a world where everything is becoming the same?  In the past, people who wrote really well would often stand out.  But now, most people are using ChatGPT to write their emails and presentations, so unfortunately, it's a sea of sameness.  When everyone is suddenly very good at something, no one stands out.  So I think one of the most important strengths you can develop is the ability to verbally communicate, because that is something you cannot go to ChatGPT to do for you.  If you can think about how you can get better at speaking, presenting, connecting, that is going to serve you so well...  In a future that is going to be shaped by AI -- in a present that is shaped by AI -- how you make people feel is your most powerful advantage!"  

I know she's not wrong.  And I want to grow in that!!

PEP TALK PORTION:

Don't get complacent now, and don't let the fierce opposition intimidate you.  This matters.  The power that lives in you is greater than anything coming against you, which means you are poised and ready for a comeback victory!!  Remember that you can do hard things!  Choose goals that are aligned with your values and desires, then pursue them.  Don't be afraid to try new things, and do not be afraid to TRY as hard as you possibly can to reach your goals, to grow, to lead, to step up. #maximumeffort  God's JOY is your strength, and He will empower you for what He calls you to do!  Choose life, choose health, and choose growth -- for yourself and for the sake of the people God calls you to impact!!  Strong and healthy mind, strong and healthy body, strong and healthy soul, strong and healthy spirit!  Do not shrink back and hide, and don't you dare make yourself small to please people - the spirit of fear has no place in your life.  You never walk alone, so move with confidence.  God is with you and for you, giving you His power and love and a sound mind.  

You do care.  

And you've got this!

Keep moving forward - let's finish strong!!

❤ ❤ ❤

Messy Seasons; Clear Identity

Ten years ago (on 6-16-16), Mom had a spinal fusion, a major surgery with an intense recovery period.  Pics = Mom on the phone with Jaceman before going back for surgery, my first AFD book (read cover to cover while staying with Mom in that hospital room), waiting room with Babah and Dad, Bill and Debbie Wallace coming by the hospital to wait with us, and Jace enjoying the CFA lunch I dropped off for the Parrish fam at JoBug's pool! ❤

A Flipagram time capsule with some vivid memories from that season:

Look at 2016 me using a John Mayer song - never been a big fan of him as a person, but that song is a pretty good one.  I'm so thankful for the blog record and for slideshows like this that encapsulate the feeling of certain seasons.

Anyway, I was about to write something self-condemning about how "I was a hot mess" in that season.

Caregiving takes a toll, and it was absolutely a stressful time (including a dreadful night where Mom's blood pressure was critically low and her kidneys were not functioning and the doctors were struggling to bring it back up and I was the only family member present at the hospital, then they released her to go home a couple days before they really should have).  Some of it's a blur now, but I know I cried several times, put too much pressure on myself, felt like I wasn't handling anything well, and ended up seeing a counselor for a bit.  Soooo much grace for myself as I look back!

Brene Brown told a short story that resonated with me.  While picking her daughter up from Kindergarten, the teacher told her this story: Earlier that day, the kids were playing with glue and glitter, and the teacher playfully commented, "Ohhh, you are a mess!" to Brene's daughter... then her daughter politely responded, "I might be making a mess right now, but I am not a mess." ❤

I adore that, and I'm adopting it.

I am wonderfully complex (Psalm 139), made in God's image, loved and worth loving, every day of my life fully seen and recorded in God's book (and on this blog). ;-)

I've been through some very messy seasons (haven't we all?).

And I am not a mess.

(Harder still, 2007 Lindsey was not a mess.  She made some bad choices, but Jesus loved her enough to fight for her heart.  She was a work in progress, gradually growing in Christ through hard seasons and big losses.)

I'm reminding myself that our word choices MATTER.  And I'm not going to speak messiness (pain, chaos, confusion, stress, overwhelm) over my life or identity.  And I won't say it about others either, which I've definitely done without intending any harm at times - I want to be someone who is thoughtful, intentional, and caring with my words.

For now, whenever I feel tempted to give a one-word "MESS!" response, I'm going to replace that with "GRACE!" to remind myself to be kind and have extra grace for myself and others.  We're all human, and life is freaking hard sometimes, and we are allowed to feel it all as we move through it into better seasons ahead.  We all have certain weaknesses and come from different starting points, and it's okay not to be okay all the time.  God is with us and for us, and we have the ability to learn and keep moving forward, with all the grace we need one day at a time!!

Here's me taking a quick walk at The Station after voting this afternoon. 

I saved this lovely pic after reading something about Tower Bridge earlier - a London trip is definitely on my Life List, and I plan to make it happen someday! =)

Whatever messy things you may be feeling or facing today, don't give it power over your identity.

YOU are not a mess.  Remember this truth:

We are God's masterpiece,
created in Christ Jesus
for good works God planned for us long ago!
(Ephesians 2:10)

❤ ❤ ❤