Marathon Monday #20!!!

It's DONE - praise the Lord!!

And now, brace yourself for the full play-by-play of my one and only Marathon day. =)

Woke up at 4am and did my dynamic stretches, listened to The Goodness of God and prayed, then had a protein bar for breakfast.  Put on my race gear and full makeup, bunned and spraaayed my hair, and was at Mom and Dad's by 5am... they dropped me off at a perfect spot by the outdoor memorial around 5:25 - already a massive crowd and slowing traffic downtown.  I was out there in time for the 5:30 "Sunrise Service" by the Survivor Tree... the pastor spoke on Hebrews 12:1, and we all said in unison, "Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us."  He prayed over the race and everyone sang a few worship songs together, and I loved being there for all of that!

I stopped at a PortaPotty (eww, David) then started walking toward the Start Line, then changed course to come back and get a pic in front of this building - glad I did! 

They blocked off Corrals A and B for the faster runners, and they policed that pretty intensely.  I assertively made my way to the very front of Corral C, so I was proud of that!  I was lined up next to an OU Meteorology student who assured all of us that the weather looked really good for our race day - no rain, overcast, cloudy, and cooler temps for this time of year.  Yay, God!

We sang the National Anthem and did the 168 seconds of silence in honor of the bombing victims, then it was go time!  My strong hope was to cross the Start Line by 6:40, then when I had to move all the way to Corral C amid a crowd of 25,000+ runners, I assumed there was no way.  But things moved surprisingly quickly, and I crossed at 6:36 - yay, God again!

Mile 7 includes "Gorilla Hill" - there were far worse hills at Mile 2 and Mile 9, but they really hype this one up and make a celebration of it.  The app had a selfie suggestion there, so here's mine!

A bit of outside pressure helps me to stay motivated, especially when I'm tired.  There was a course split around Mile 8 where the Half Marathoners stayed left and the Full went right.  You had to reach that by 8:45 or they would close the Full Marathon path and have you complete the Half course instead.  I was relieved to be there by 8:20, and I definitely slowed down a bit after that.

Kudos to this race for all the water stops and volunteers!  The first couple water stops had only water, then there was one at Mile 4 or 5 with blue Powerade that felt like a God-send (most offered both after that).  And around Mile 9 or 10, there was a stop where they had cups filled with NutterButter cookies - no food has ever tasted better to me! lol  I was worried about my energy chews running low, and I was super happy to see these cookies (they gave us 3, and after I ate one, I realized I should document it.  I thought of Malori repeatedly saying "That was from the Lord!" when a lady handed her some energy gel at Mile 8 of our Half many years back. lol)

I did my 6:1 intervals, but started off at a faster pace than I had trained to sustain... it's hard to gauge that when your adrenaline is up and the whole crowd is moving in unison at the beginning.  It's really good that I forced myself to take the walking breaks, or I might've had a real injury or cramping issues later.  Had I kept up the pace I was on in the initial 5k, I'd have finished by 12:15... the app kept alerting me with my pace at different markers and my anticipated finish times, and I was getting cracked up at how that kept getting further and further away as my momentum and energy shifted.  I'm honestly thankful I didn't know at the time that it was notifying everyone who was tracking me.  Gracious, I don't need that level of pressure in my life! lol

Sweaty Half-Marathon selfie!  Side note: I had lipstick in my pocket until I changed into new leggings at Mile 18, and I'm still annoyed by the photos where I don't have any on after that. lol

So the first half of the race was me and Jesus and Peloton. lol  And loads of random strangers cheering on the sidelines!  That's when I was at my strongest, so I'm thankful that most of my support came in the second half... (Kristin and Frankie got donuts for me and fought through the traffic hoping to catch me at Mile 11, then realized I was already past where they'd been waiting for a bit... so they went home to get their boys and came back later.)  Anyway, I was so thrilled to see Mom and Dad on Churchill Way at Mile 14! ❤  It had a strengthening effect for sure, and Mom gave me her sunglasses.  (It was a cloudy, overcast day where the sun was sneaky, and I had 3 chances where I felt rushed and failed to put on sunscreen, so this sunburn situation is totally on me.)

I got a FaceTime call from Chet Lee and Parker E and Tate not long after seeing Mom and Dad - they were about to head to OKC, and it was fun and encouraging to see them!

Rach texted to see if I needed anything, then she caught me and walked with me for a bit around Mile 15 - bringing this awesome sign and a Dasani water and some Cheez-Its!  We chatted and walked through part of this fun neighborhood together, then she told me she was headed to meet JoBug and would see me when I got there!  I called her several times with little questions, and she was super helpful and encouraging through the whole day!! ❤

Sister pic!  (Me in Mom's sunglasses and Rach in her pink Blenders)

Toward the end of Mile 16, I was so happy to see the Whitakers and high five the boys and get my chocolate glazed donut and orange energy chews and green Blenders sunglasses!  =)

This makes me happy!

Mom had sent me a photo and told me that JoBug's friend lived on Grand, and Rach was texting me with updates on how close I was to them... I was so very happy to see this street sign toward the end of Mile 17...

Their home was right at the corner of Mile 18... I arrived there around 11:18 and told myself that if I left by 11:30 or before, I'd be fine to get to Mile 20 by noon (our next timing checkpoint).  It was good to see JoBug and see Rach again, and I met JB's friends, who were kind enough to let me use their bathroom... they told me about another runner who collapsed in front of their home earlier that day - she had actually taken him to the hospital because the medics were taking too long to arrive - I hope and pray that ended well!  Anyway, Rach plugged my phone in to charge (yay!!) while I toweled off and changed everything below my shirt and ate a few mini-M&Ms. lol  (For real, though, throughout this race, I was continually struggling to figure out whether I was drinking/eating too much or too little.  My smaller stomach can't tolerate too much at once, and I don't wanna feel sloshy and gross, but I also felt genuinely thirsty several times, and I know I need water and electrolytes and calories and energy for that distance.  Thankfully, the Half-Marathons feel much easier to navigate, and I never have to do this again!!! #oneanddone)  I sat at their kitchen table and used BodyGlide (to help delay the inevitable and already-forming blisters on my feet) before putting on clean socks and a different pair of Brooks tennis shoes... after all that, I felt pressed for time, so I skipped the sunscreen (dumb) and forgot about the Advil (sadness) and left behind one AirPod and my lip gloss (noooo). lol  #soannoying  Here's me and Rach both wearing different sunglasses than we were 30 minutes before, and JoBug in her Gaillardia shirt! =)  All things considered, I never trained with zero breaks, so I have no regrets about this planned and much-anticipated stop. ❤ I'm super grateful for their kindness, and that this enabled me to avoid another PortaPotty and have a lovely bathroom where I could wash my hands properly!

And a quick pic with Emily, then I was back on the race course around 11:28!

Took this bc it made me laugh as I jogged through the park. =)

I called Rach about the missing Airpod, and she offered to meet me by Classen Curve at Mile 20 with that and some lip gloss - which I used once then handed back to her because my brain wasn't working at full capacity. lol  My energy was fading a bit at this point - not positive how strict they were on it, but the rules said I had to be at Mile 20 by noon to avoid being shuttled to the Finish Line, and thanks to Rachael's text encouragement, I made it at 11:57. lol #maximumeffort

When I crossed Mile 21, I knew that everything past that point was further than I had ever gone in training.  I was not winning the mental games just then, and my body was exhausted and my run intervals were getting shorter and slower.  Then I heard Chet Lee yelling "Go Lindseeeey!" and was so surprised to see the wonderful Wilson fam there at Mile 22... I wasn't expecting any more visitors until the Finish Line, so this was really perfect timing! ❤  Pretty sure the first thing I said was "I'm dying - this is so rough" (which is out of character for me, as I work hard not to casually or jokingly use words and phrases about death/dying/killing/etc.) and which Chettles immediately validated and then turned into a genuinely helpful pep talk! lol  "YEAH, it is - that's why only 2% of the population does it!  But you're here and you're doing great - you've made it this far - only four miles to go - come over here and get some snacks and keep your energy up!"  (They were right by a water stop with lots of food choices).  As I kept moving forward, he threw in, "Hey!  THIS IS IT - today's the day - you've trained for this, and you. can. do. this!!" 

Needless to say, my favorite people showed up in major ways on this major day!  Several times along the way, I also felt inspired by other runners or by the people volunteering and cheering for us... I so applaud this fireman doing a full marathon in all his gear with "For my Family" written on his race bib!

And these guys who carried this cross with them the entire way (I ran near them for a few minutes, and Kristin took this pic at the Finish Line bc she knows me well and knew I'd appreciate it). lol

Six out of ten toes have blisters, and there's one on my left foot that was particularly painful toward the end (and by the end, I mean the last 7 miles, so not a short time period).  I stopped at two Medical tents for Aspirin then Tylenol.  And I had one mildly scary moment where my heart started beating very rapidly as I was just walking - not sure if that was the caffeine in the energy chews or potential dehydration or just completing 24 miles for the first time ever after a 2-week training break.  I came to a full stop and took some very slow deep breaths and had my hand on my heart, and a guy from the Medical Aid station nearby walked over to see if I was okay.  A race walker stopped to see if I needed help and offered to walk with me.  It calmed back down, and right around then, Chet called to tell me to stay encouraged!  I wasn't sure I had it in me to rally and finish by the 1:30 timeline... I called Rach to have her ask the officials if they would actually let people finish later than that.  Then I got a text from Kristin that they had extended the timeline by 30 minutes, and that was just what I wanted to hear!! lol  I hated to make everyone wait, but I wasn't gonna push myself too much after the heart thing.  I walked most of the last 3 miles, then started jogging it in when I saw this section (they had posted on Facebook that the pictures of the 168 victims would mark the pathway to the Finish Line, so I knew I was close).  I closed the Peloton app - (LOVED those familiar classes and encouraging coaches as my playlist, by the way!) and I found and played Marching On by One Republic on my phone, but honestly, I could barely hear it with all the Finish Line noise and chaos.  I had pictured myself feeling all the metaphorical meaning in it and crying when I reached the end of the race, but my main thoughts in that moment were deep gratitude and joy about seeing all my people lining the Finish Line path, genuine shock that the announcer pronounced my last name correctly (thanks to Chettles, who thought ahead and had a convo with him about it!), puuure physical exhaustion, and of course, annoyance that I didn't have lipstick or gloss to put on for my crossing-the-Finish-Line photos! lol

Running it in - time to check this goal off the Life List - huzzah!

Finisher high fives from the boys!! ❤ (Post-race group pics in the next post!)

So I started a bit earlier and ended a bit later than I expected... like so many things in my life, it was a longer journey than I anticipated, but I got there in the end - with the help of God and the support of my friends and family!  I didn't process it all in the moment (which is often true for me), but now that it's officially done, I am grateful for that sense of conclusion - of proving to myself that I can do hard things - of finishing something that was important to me and having the photos and medals and car stickers and sore muscles to prove it!! ;-)  My finish time was 7 hours and 17 minutes on April 27th (all the 7s make me happy).  My average pace was 16:42, or 16:17 if you remove my 10-minute break, which was the only portion where I had a 20-minute mile pace. lol  But whatever - it's a marathon, not a sprint!

On this final Marathon Monday, I'll say this:  All glory to God that I made it through that Finish Line - His goodness and grace were enough for everything I needed yesterday!  The current sunburn and soreness will fade, but the sense of success and satisfaction will stay with me! ❤

I think many people underestimate the planning, preparation, passion, and perseverance it takes — the careful pacing, proper training, pre-race carbs, post-race protein... and the mental battle of pressing through fear, hesitation, and perhaps a random last-minute injury.  Running a marathon means moving on purpose, with purpose, and for a purpose — pushing through the ups and downs of the path marked out for you, grabbing pictures and memories with your people along the way, and feeling truly proud of your progress and perseverance!!

P.S. Bonus points to me for all that alliteration, and bonus points to anyone who took the time to read this entire post! lol

On Finishing Strong

"Come let us rejoice in who He is...
Our lives are in His hands,
and He keeps our feet from stumbling."
~Psalm 66:9

As I head into this final week before my race, I can’t help but reflect on how this marathon journey mirrors the bigger road I've been on for over a decade...

I first considered running a full marathon back in 2009.  I signed up for the OKC race in 2011, but I didn’t train well and eventually backed out.  Got into the Nike Women’s Marathon in 2012, then talked myself right out of those crazy San Francisco hills!  Now, 13 years and five Half-Marathons later, I have finally done the work to train and prepare, and I have a strong desire and determination to finish this race!

Much like the marathon, living out my calling in counseling has been a long and winding road.  I started pursuing this dream back in 2012 with night classes at SNU, only to be rejected by multiple grad schools afterwards.  Around the same time, I was grieving the loss of a fractured friendship.  So I settled back into court reporting, a great career where I felt secure and tucked away—but I could never quite shake the sense of God’s call on my life.

In 2022, I took the leap and started graduate school.  Now, 13 years after stepping into my first counseling class, I'm preparing to step out of my cocoon of career safety and familiarity — to actually live out the calling God planted in my heart so long ago!  I think people tend to assume joy and excitement are my main emotions here... 

But it’s scary.  It’s vulnerable.  It’s slow.
A marathon, not a sprint.

I am moving from something comfortable where I am at the top of my field into something new where I’m at the bottom of the ladder -- still experimenting, exploring, "paying my dues," wrestling through my own insecurities to figure out where I fit and how God has uniquely gifted me.  I’ve learned a lot over the past three years, but there’s still so much I don’t know.  And the best way to learn is through hands-on practice, critique and constructive feedback, actively embracing change and choosing a growth mindset, repeatedly showing up and being seen!  That level of scrutiny feels very disorienting after 20 years in a cozy background observer role.

I have to remind myself often: I am not alone.  God is with me.  God is for me.

This candidacy job search has stretched me more than I expected. Since December, I’ve submitted over 15 applications and completed at least eight job interviews—with places like CREOKS Broken Arrow, CRS-Tulsa, FCS-Tulsa, Charlie Health (virtual), Red Rock OKC, and Moore Counseling Center.  (That doesn't include the work of applying and interviewing for the PhD program - it's been a lot).  Fear/the enemy keeps whispering: You don’t belong here.  You’re not enough.  This is all too hard.  You’ll never find your place.  I have seriously considered pursuing a Federal CR job for the stability and great salary.  But deep down, I know God didn’t bring me this far to quit now - I believe there are real lives I am called to impact, and I cannot give in to greed or cowardice or the craving for comfort.

I do recognize that I’m a prime target for spiritual warfare in this in-between season.  Thankfully, God keeps dropping little pearls of wisdom and encouragement just when I need them—through friends and family, podcasts and books, etc.  I recently heard John Eldredge talk about how we are needed here on earth — how each of us is called to uniquely reflect God’s love and light to those around us, how the character of Christ is being formed within us, and how we are "in training for reigning" as we move toward our future in Heaven.  I love that!

You know I love a good illustration, and I’ve been thinking about that final scene in The Patriot.  The soldiers are retreating in fear, divided and overwhelmed.  Then Mel Gibson runs through all the chaos, waving their flag and shouting, “No retreat—HOLD—hold the line!”  A repeated line from that movie is “stay the course.”  Even now, it encourages me to remember what I’m fighting for, why it matters, and not to give up when the path feels far harder, longer, and more costly than I'd expected.

As real change draws near, I have felt more overwhelmed and inadequate than excited.  But these are all normal emotions at this stage, and I want to build a life marked by courage and bold faith!  I want to try new things and find my best lane in counseling.  I want to finish what I’ve started, which means stepping fully into this new identity and leaving comfort and hiding behind.  I am determined and called to make a Kingdom impact with my life and my work.  And I'm confident that God will lead, guide, and provide for me as I keep moving forward!

Okay, speaking of long journeys and forward momentum, my adoption story is at another pivotal point.  This is my third year of working with Snowflakes.  After two surgeries that made me healthier for a potential pregnancy — and two difficult setbacks with the previous matches — Shay completed my final home study update over Easter weekend.  This week, I am restarting the matching process, working with OU Reproductive instead of Dallas IVF this time.  I feel hopeful and cautiously optimistic, ready and willing to make major shifts and sacrifices if God chooses to fulfill this desire!

(For the record, if this third attempt doesn’t work, I will let go of this specific path to motherhood.  Not releasing the desire entirely, but believing this particular doorway is closed.)  Still, I am planning, preparing, and praying that the third time’s a charm — for my embryo adoption journey and for finishing the marathon this weekend!

In my hopes for adoption, my career calling, my health journey, and this long-standing marathon dream, I have encountered surprise plot twists, detours, rejections, loss, fear, and long seasons of waiting.  However, my soul is anchored in Kingdom hope, and I am decidedly stronger than I used to be.  I like being someone who dreams big and lives with purpose, but I don’t want to be the girl who never finishes anything.  (And I don’t believe God wants that identity for me either.)  So I am resisting the enemy’s lies and breaking those old agreements.

We can do hard things, and it's worth the effort!  Whenever it happens, physically crossing the Finish Line will feel so symbolic and hopeful for me.  I’m praying and believing for 2025 to be a year of courage and victorious follow-through.  A year of finishing strong.  I am grateful to know I am not facing these challenges alone.  And I’m trusting our faithful God, who finishes every good thing He starts!!

"Since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the particular race God has set before us... Let God train you, for He is doing what any loving father does for His children... So take a new grip with your tired hands, stand firm on your shaky legs, and mark out a straight, smooth path for your feet so that those who follow you, though weak and lame, will not fall and hurt themselves but become strong." ~Hebrews 12:1-13

❤ ❤ ❤

LCM Life List!

Hello and Happy Wednesday, friends!  Our Jury Trial for today is going, but they did not need a record for voir dire - praise the Lord! lol  So I'm finishing up this list I started yesterday, inspired by the Netflix movie and by reading a couple other blogs on this topic...

As I'm writing this on 4-16-2025, my "Life List" includes 62 new items and 38 that I've already completed - (to give me a sense of momentum and accomplishment, all things that would have genuinely been included)!!

In random order...

1.  Eat delicious pizza and pasta in Italy!

2.  Celebrate a milestone birthday with Mon Ami Gabi brunch in Vegas

3.  A fun professional photoshoot with close friends!

4.  See the Grand Canyon; Visit Muir Woods in California

5.  Own the world’s cutest Pom puppies (#bestgirlfranz)

6.  Help my niece and nephews with resumes, college visits, and college applications; Watch them graduate high school

7.  Zipline over Niagara Falls; See those waterfalls up close

8.  Complete my dissertation; Earn my PhD!

9.  Start my own podcast (or co-host it with a friend)

10.  Be present for the actual birth of my niece

11.  Walk/Run a Half-Marathon (x5)

12.  Walk the stage at CCU Graduation for my Master's (5-9-25)

13.  Finish a Full Marathon!! (4-27-2025)

14.  Try out a few and choose my favorite bakery in France =)

15.  Earn my RPR (225 wpm) and my OK and TX CSR

16.  Ride in a fancy limo (JSB, Kristin's bday)

17.  Accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior! ❤

18.  Ride in a helicopter (Niagara Falls, Canada)

19.  Start a Friday Night Dinner group to practice hosting skills and initiating deeper conversations with friends

20.  Lead/facilitate grief counseling groups

21.  Mentor/tutor a younger woman

22.  Learn to play Clair de Lune on the piano; re-learn Amazing Grace

23.  CHA Homecoming; Graduate Valedictorian (2002)

24.  See the Hollywood sign and shop Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills

25.  Lose 100 pounds consecutively (4-29-25)

26.  Professional headshots to celebrate college graduation

27.  See Celine Dion in concert!

28.  Eat pineapple and attend a luau in Hawaii

29.  Vacation in Hawaii as an adult!

30.  See Hamilton on Broadway! (preferably later this year with Leslie Odom, Jr.)

31.  Officially/legally adopt embryos through Nightlight

32.  Lord willing, become pregnant via embryo transfer

33.  One way or another, become a Mom!! ❤

34.  Tour the Hearst Castle

35.  Visit/tour the 9/11 Memorial Museum

36.  Walk the stage for my doctoral diploma

37.  Visit all four Disney World parks in one day!

38.  See the view from the top of the Eiffel Tower

39.  Visit the National Cathedral in Washington D.C.; be there for Cherry Blossom Festival season

40.  Speak/lead a session at an AACC conference

41.  Lead a Bible study group

42.  Author a Bible study for women; speak at a Christian women's conference

43.  Share my testimony and major life lessons with a group

44.  Share the gospel and lead someone to Christ

45.  Become an LPC-Candidate

46.  Become a Licensed Professional Counselor in Oklahoma

47.  Get licensed to practice virtually with Texas and Colorado clients

48.  Become an LPC-Supervisor

49.  Open a private counseling/coaching practice; Try walk-and-talk therapy

50.  Take a short course in cake decorating, photography/photo editing, self-defense, sign language, flower arranging, oil painting

51.  Train/learn to perform assessments (ADHD, autism, bipolar, etc.)

52.  Complete EMDR and EFT therapy trainings

53.  Record my own audiobook =)

54.  Be a guest on a podcast I love

55.  Teach courses at Colorado Christian University!

56.  Counsel and create a safety plan with a suicidal client

57.  Be brave/assertive/tactful, but reach out directly to any man I'm genuinely drawn to and excited about in real life or online dating - (ongoing goal, but so far, I have a 100% success rate here, maybe minus the tactful part in my early adulthood. lol) *success in being assertive and honest when I feel something deeply, not in my feelings ever being reciprocated - in case that wasn’t totally obvious 

58.  Recover from something I thought might kill me

59.  Write the obituaries for Grandad and Babah; Give the eulogy and prayer at Babah's funeral service

60.  Visit Yellowstone National Park

61.  See Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran in concert!

62.  Pray with people I love on hospital days (ongoing)

63.  Find a church home I love and get involved - accomplished in the past, but definitely a current and future goal

64.  Mentor/disciple someone wrestling with faith questions

65.  Take Triston, Jace, and Kyndal for individual trips with me (one down, two to go)

66.  Build a new construction home that I love

67.  Confess hidden sin/repent and keep a clear conscience before God (ongoing clear conscience goal)

68.  Visit Elafonisi Beach in Greece

69.  Buy school supplies, pack awesome school lunches with handwritten notes, and go on school field trips with my child

70.  Write and publish a memoir book I'm proud of

71.  See the Northern Lights (Aurora Borealis) in Alaska

72.  Ride the London Eye/ Millennium Wheel

73.  See Wicked and Lion King on Broadway

74.  Ride the High Roller in Vegas

75.  Decorate a fantastic nursery room (for my own child)

76.  Instruct/lead a meditative/therapeutic guided yoga class

77.  Find true love (mutual yes to the 4 questions) & get married! ❤

78.  Attend a Texas A&M football game at Kyle Field

79.  Train for and run a sub-30 5k; Do a Color Run 5k for fun pics!

80.  Give someone a $1000 tip

81.  Attend the Olympics (summer or winter)

82.  Take a live Peloton class with one of my favorite instructors

83.  Take an Alaska cruise; Take a European cruise

84.  Visit Goose Hill and have a real conversation with Donald Miller

85.  Go for a writing-retreat weekend with a good friend

86.  Attend a Captivating Retreat with John and Stasi Eldredge in Colorado

87.  Pay off my home and any $$ owed to CCU in my 40s; live debt free from 50 forward

88.  Get in the best shape of my life in my 40s

89.  Host a dinner for friends and/or family at least once a month through my 50s and 60s

90.  Go on a fun Disney cruise with my kids and/or families with kids I love

91.  See OneRepublic, Garth Brooks, Maroon 5, Elton John, Christina Aguilera, Justin Timberlake, and Backstreet Boys in concert

92.  Lead 77 people to Christ - going with a big number there, as it's genuinely the thing that matters more than anything else on this list, and I need to be far more proactive about it!! ❤

93.  Live in a neighborhood with a great walking trail around a pond/lake

94.  Maintain a healthy weight of 177 or below from age 45 and beyond (the plan is continued healthy weight loss progress and a possible pregnancy between now and then)

95.  Train and complete 7 pull-ups, for the childhood me who struggled with the flexed-arm hang =)

96.  Be a commencement speaker at a graduation ceremony

97.  Tour Highclere Castle (Downton Abbey) in England

98.  Take ballroom dance lessons with a man I love (ongoing, as I'd love to do this again with my future husband)

99.  Visit the Hills of Aberfeldy in Scotland

100.  Go to Heaven and start a brand new "Life List" after death! ❤

P.S.  Some of these are long-term, well-established goals.  Others are super random and may change as life moves forward.  I keep thinking of more things already, and I like that this will keep me in a goal-oriented, growth mindset!  I really may write a Heaven List eventually, as I have loads of ideas about things I'd like to see and do and people I'll wanna get to know when I arrive there! =)  Outside of #92 and #77, whatever remains incomplete here can likely be completed in Heaven, so that's a lovely and freeing thought!

P.P.S.  About #77, the four simple questions Alex's mom suggested to help her determine whether she's "found true love" from The Life List movie are:

• Is he kind?
• Can I tell him everything in my heart?
• Does he help me become the best version of myself?
• Can I picture him as the father of my children?

Love that!  Obviously, must love Jesus would also be in there for me.  So if or when there's a good and Godly single man who meets the above list AND he believes me to be kindhearted, present and deeply trustworthy, inspiring/supportive of the best version of himself, and great mom material, then it is all systems go!! lol  ...And if those things never quite align here for me, I will continue to live a full and happy single life, confident that God will be a trusted Father for my kids and will help me become the best version of myself! ❤

Confidence and Adverbs

I mentioned this book in my previous post.  It's full of practical communication advice, and I want to dive deeper on two points that stood out for me!

Jefferson suggests avoiding adverbs to communicate with more strength and clarity.

So, Honestly, Well, Actually, Rarely, Definitely, Clearly, Unfortunately, Sadly, Genuinely, Literally, Hopefully, Usually, Always, Eventually, Finally, Never, Very, Really, Entirely, Obviously, Exactly, Generally, Typically, etc.

I use adverbs ALL THE TIME in speech and in writing... I've definitely caught myself and corrected it multiple times this morning, and it tends to improve my point!  That's something I will continue working on moving forward.

* * * * * * *

He also suggests changing "I believe..." or "I feel..." statements to "I'm confident..."  A simple shift with a big impact.  He says the more you hear yourself say that and the more others hear you say it, the more confident you will feel, and the more others will view you as a confident and competent person.

"I'm confident I can help you with that."  

"Thanks - if I need any help, I'm confident I can come to you."

"I'm confident God is at work here."

Okay, friends... I love you and believe in you,
and I'm confident in your ability to seek and follow God! ❤

Catalyst

I've been working on articulating my theoretical orientation and professional identity.... forming a mission statement or a one-sentence way to phrase what I do and what I care about as a counselor.  What I've come up with for now:  I want to serve as a catalyst, empowering people who feel stuck to move forward with hope and purpose.

A catalyst can be any conversation or event that provokes significant change or action.  For me, reading Hero on a Mission, the move to OKC, the May 18 conversation, speaking at Babah's funeral, Launch with Mel Robbins, some of my therapy work with Emily, and other talks with Chet Lee have all been great catalysts for positive change.  The right words at the right time matter deeply.

When people come to therapy, they are typically feeling stuck in some area, but they're also ready for change and feeling hopeful and more receptive to new ideas - good soil, as the parables might phrase it.  I want to speak words of life and hope that encourage and strengthen people to see and step into their God-given power/agency and to create a more compelling vision for their future.  I want to help and empower people who feel stuck --- (in depression, in grief, in bad jobs, in bad relationships, in bad habits or cycles) --- to believe in themselves, to reframe their story, and to take action toward significant change, setting meaningful goals and moving forward with renewed hope!

#goals

Women in abusive relationships who feel stuck there based on toxic theology or bad spiritual counsel are especially high on my list of people I would love to work with and help... I've been reading about how couples counseling is often counterproductive and sometimes puts abused women in more danger, and with all that is in me, I want to protect their hearts and help them GET OUT and BE FREE.  So we'll see where that leads or whether that's part of God's future purpose for me.

I also love to focus on holistic healing -- ie the brilliant way God designed our minds, bodies, souls, and spirits to work together, so focusing on healing and making progress in all four areas.  And I want to heavily emphasize grace -- for ourselves and for others, not expecting too much or letting perfectionism paralyze us, trusting that there will always be enough grace when we take life one day at a time.  But all of that doesn't fit neatly into one sentence.  So when I need to really boil it down and clearly articulate my calling and work as a counselor, I'm going with "My passion is empowering people who feel stuck to move forward with hope and purpose!!" ❤

Wandering Wednesday

This post holds some rambling thoughts - just go with it. lol

What a gift this week has been.  Having a holiday fall on my birthday, then two unexpected days off thanks to the icy roads and below-freezing temps.  I actually got ready for work both days... started the drive yesterday morning and my car spun a bit in my neighborhood, then I texted Judge that I was taking the day off since nothing needed a record.  They ended up closing the courthouse at 11am.  Today, they opened at noon for reasons unknown, but our afternoon hearing was continued, so Judge told me not to worry about coming in.  Gift!!  I'm very grateful for a little extra downtime and rest, along with the brownies I baked yesterday, because snow days just call for baking! lol

Currently blogging and watching About Time -- so many poignant lines that make you think about what matters most in life -- a total treasure ever since I sobbed my way through the ending in theaters in November 2013. ❤

Anyway, here's a few pics from my birthday dinner with the fam on Monday -- we went to Ted's and had bundtinis for dessert to celebrate our February birthdays (me, Jace Michael, and Rach)!

Rachael made me this heartfelt card - makes me laugh that this is a real verse! lol

The fam. ❤

Jaceman making me laugh with the eyebrow action! lol

Miss K finally updated her FB profile pic to this one from a volleyball tournament.  Still not a face-forward smiling pic, but better than the shadowy one she had before. lol

Making some major progress in my own therapy lately -- really taking the time to do the homework matters.  And yes to being gentle with ourselves.

I kinda feel this one right now. lol

Tate Haywood after losing two teeth last week... he apparently lost the remaining top front tooth today! =)

Three of my favorite men in the world.  And baby Henry, who I'm confident will grow to be a great man in his time! ❤

Melanie's new book released yesterday.  I'm about 75% of the way through the audiobook already, and it's been excellent -- it's her story of growing up with an abusive, narcissistic mother and eventually finding healing and setting difficult boundaries as an adult, then raising a wonderful, strong daughter -- I love her and her whole family more than you would think I could having never met them in person!  Yay, Caroline and Melanie and Perry!!

Well, this is 41.  It's off to a slightly painful and slow beginning, but I am getting back up, and I'm believing it will be a beautiful year ahead!  Do I have loads of unresolved questions about what the future holds?  Yes, but that is not unique to me.  And what I do know is that God is good and He sees me and cares about me, AND although life has knocked me down sometimes, I'm resilient, I am not alone, I am loved, God is never giving up on me, and I am not giving up on myself or on God and His good plan for me.  I will keep adapting and learning and growing and moving forward.  From my birthday to today, I have had a few important conversations with friends, I've accepted an invitation to interview for CCU's doctoral program on March 7th, I've interviewed for a therapist job and accepted a second interview for Friday, I've done several at-home workouts to stay on track with my training, I've given online dating another shot, and I've worked out a few mini-goals for the coming months....

Tomorrow will be 78 days away from my CCU graduation ceremony, and I will be starting "75 Soft" - with 3 days off thrown in there.  It obviously won't all be perfect, but I want to feel proud of this chart when I hit graduation day. For the sake of accountability, my five areas of focus will be: 

• Healthy eating and tracking (2 protein shakes + veggies daily and staying in my weekly points range - focusing on building consistent patterns)
• Drinking more water (6 bottles a day - doable, but it requires more intentionality and focus post-surgery)
• Continuing the marathon training workout schedule (which definitely ramps up here in the second half)
• Averaging 10 pages a day of a real live actual book (I have two that don't come in audiobook format that I would love to finish)
• Online dating - either messaging with someone (hopefully) or liking 2 new profiles daily, any online dating site -- (sticking with that for 75 days may feel like the biggest challenge here, but I'm doing my very best not to personalize things too early and perceive rejection that isn't there AND to lean into the worthy-of-love identity I want to build up rather than the unchosen/potentially unworthy identity I've become too familiar with)

In all of life, honestly, I want to focus on the new identity I desire to build rather than the old story I want to release... allowing God to bring more healing and trusting Him to do something brand new (2 Corinthians 5:17)!  I feel this deeply, and I'll probably write more on it later, but I want to get serious about abiding in Christ and becoming more whole and holy through God's love (Ephesians 1:4).  ❤

Okay, shifting gears, today's 3-mile Wednesday walk was not quite as fun as walking with Kristin at The Station!  I used my lovely walking pad along with an actual walker for handrails (with weights in front of it to keep it from moving). lol  I so feel like I'm going to fall if there's nothing to hold on to - this was a random makeshift fix idea from a Peloton FB group, but it worked, so that's a Wednesday win!

This post is full of randomness!!  Conclusion:  This 2-day work week feels like a lovely birth-week blessing! =)  I am getting back up and doing my best to press into the abundant life God designed for me.  I'm determined to show up and do the work that needs to be done, confident that God has good things in store!  I love and value you, and I believe God also has good things in store for you as you show up and do the work that needs to be done!! ❤

Know your worth.  Show up.  Do the work.
❤❤❤