All That's Best of Dark and Bright

Happy Photo-Friday, my friends!! ❤  Just catching up on all the pictures today (and in every other post I write, as I take a crazy-high number of photos). lol

Kristin and I went for a lovely walk on Wednesday night, then we shared a pizza at Hideaway!  It was great to be outside on my favorite familiar walking track with zero foot pain - praise the Lord!  Then we had a good, long talk over dinner where I felt *very thankful* to be understood in all my irrational escapism tendencies during a stressful season with a lot of unknowns swirling around.  We caught up on life and talked through some big future decisions, and she came at it from the perspective of what I might regret looking back, which was helpful and clarifying!  Really talking through it all made me feel better, as it almost always does when I'm with supportive friends!

Another thing we discussed was the tragic drownings that happened recently in Moore (caused by severe flooding at night that led to a car accident and a mom and son who could not get out of their Jeep).  The 12-year-old boy went to school with Kristin's sons, and this accident happened at a spot that's literally between our homes, very close to us.  I drove by yesterday and stopped there for a few minutes thinking about how rapidly our lives can change.

Judge had an all-day training conference, so I had the chance to catch up on sleep (yes, please) and to visit the OKC National Memorial Museum for the first time (we got a free entry pass as part of our digital gift-bag for race participants).  I have seen the outdoor memorial several times - it's all well done with the reflecting pool and 168 empty chairs with the each victim's name set between the walls labeled 9:01 and 9:03.  As an Oklahoman, 9:02am is forever etched in my brain from that event.

I had never toured the museum, though, so I'm thankful to have remedied that now.  I always feel a little freer to feel my emotions when I'm on my own, and this was more emotional than I'd expected - I teared up several times going through the museum.  They had the TV news from 1995 playing, with certain scenes that feel like crystallized memories from my 5th grade year.

I spent some time thinking about how long it took them to confirm the deaths of specific people - and how hard that wait would have been for their family members.

Something unexpected that really hit me as a court reporter -- you start out in a quiet room where they play an unsettling recording -- an otherwise boring hearing from the Oklahoma Water Resources Board (located directly across from the Federal Building).  This recording from the morning of April 19, 1995 was no doubt made by a court reporter going about her day as usual with a standard hearing 9:00am... they ramble about inconsequential things for a couple minutes, then there's a very LOUD explosion sound followed by a lot of chaos and confusion, all recorded and well-preserved (just as it would be in any courtroom with a CSR).  Somehow, hearing the very familiar "let's go on record" at the beginning made it all feel even heavier and more intense to me!

There were survivor stories, photos, footage of news clips from around the world, artifacts recovered from the rubble, and a gallery of honor where you can learn more about the victims and their stories.  There was also a lot of space devoted to the criminal investigation and eventual execution of Timothy McVeigh - I really didn't focus much attention on that part of it, but I'm sure it's fascinating for some people.

Back outside, I really love the Survivor Tree - a strong symbol of hope and resilience!!  "The spirit of this city and this nation will not be defeated; our deeply rooted faith sustains us."  That quote from Billy Graham at a prayer service following the bombing is engraved on the wall surrounding the Survivor Tree - I love it, and wish it was on the t-shirt I bought!  I'm thankful I took this quiet day to be there and soak it all in before the chaos of the massive race day crowd... they had over 22,000 runners last year, and I'm guessing it'll be more for this 25th Anniversary run!

This is a statue across the street from the Memorial with the simple inscription, "And Jesus Wept."

Seeing the culvert in Moore + the museum and outdoor memorial was all a sobering but worthwhile experience.

* * * * * * *

Shifting gears, here's a pic from 15 years ago on this very day -- JoBug and Lucy coming to support me in the 2010 OKC Relay Marathon I ran with Bobbi and co.  

She's going to be my hero on Sunday... they have good family friends who live in Nichols Hills who have a drink machine and go all out to support the runners on race day.  They live around Mile 17 in the course, and I get to stop in and use their bathroom (yaaay, no Porta-Potties) -- so I have a bag packed with everything I could possibly need for a quick bathroom break and sock change!  I'm also giving Kristin a few things for when I see them earlier in the course, so between those two mini-breaks, I should be all set!  Side Note: This year is the first time they've not offered a Relay Marathon team option... and the first year it reeeeally mattered to me.  How fun would it have been to have Dad, JEM, Kristin, Triston, and Chet join me for portions of the race!?  But instead, it'll be me and Jesus all the way, which is also a pretty good team! lol 

This = our fam celebrating April birthdays at The Ranch exactly one year ago today.  ❤

At the recommendation of Dr. Aaron, an awesome physical therapist at The Movement Lab in Edmond, I took a short run to see how my foot felt yesterday.  I did a 30-minute Peloton class doing 6:1 intervals the whole time.  My foot felt GREAT, and I had good energy the whole time -- after hobbling to my car near tears 12 days ago, this felt like a solid redemptive experience as my final pre-race "run!"  I believe it's going to go well on Sunday - I'm feeling more confident and fully determined to give it my best shot!

Make that a light *rain jacket* for today, but I'm all for it if that means I can stay dry on Sunday! lol

Parker and her fam on her 4th b-day!!

Awesomesauce Disney-princess-themed cookiecake by Karli!

Favorites - their monthly podcast episode brings me great joy!

Miss K hitting a 3-pointer in their uber-competitive game of HORSE!

Kyndal:  You wanna play too?

Me:  No thanks, I'm not very good at volleyball.

Kyndal:  Oh, that's okay - Mom's not either!

Lolol #false but also #buuurnDavid

I came in to grab a drink, and it made me happy to see everyone on Mom and Dad's cameras...

Naturally, I made us all pose for a very low-quality camera pic using the app on mom's phone! lol

Since that family dinner on Tuesday night, Dad got some sort of hand injury that looks super rough... he has no memory of hurting it, so I'm guessing it was a spider bite -- eww, David!  Hoping the antibiotics kick into gear, and praying for quick and smooth healing for him!

Rach and K-Faith at the Lone Star Classic volleyball tournament a few weeks back - I didn't get the pic until later, so here it is now! ❤

Love this reminder...

Another good reminder.  Peace matters, and rest is our friend.

Life can be a lot, but God is faithful!

The brochure at the Memorial Museum yesterday had the title "A Day of Darkness. Years of Light."  I love that - this post also felt like an interesting mix of light and dark, so I went with my favorite line from She Walks in Beauty for the title.  This is my eighth blog post this week... writing helps me process life, and I've had a lot to process lately.  If you choose to read along, thank you for joining me!  I'm headed to packet pickup with Mom this afternoon - fun!  I'll see you again on Monday if not before. =)

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Four Years of Sunshine

Happy 4th Birthday to my Mini-BFF, Princess Parker!! ❤

"Though she be but little, she is fierce."  ~Shakespeare

Today marks four whole years of sparkles, strong opinions, Disney princess movies, the cutest laugh, and the one-of-a-kind magic that is Miss Parker Elizabeth! ❤

Her mom and dad didn't find out the gender ahead of time, so getting the bow pic was a memorable and happy surprise that called for lots of pink hearts! lol  From the moment she arrived earlier than expected, this tiny preshface has brought color and joy to every room she enters -- the world is truly brighter with her in it!! ❤

As a close friend of the Wilson fam, I have loved watching her grow and seeing her personality develop!  Lately, it makes my day when her eyes light up with excitement and she screams "Lindsey!!" running to hug me when I come over!  Her laugh is contagious and her energy is magnetic, and she does everything wholeheartedly - including her sweet hugs!

Parker is a wonderful combo of playful and silly, opinionated and passionate, sensitive and bold.  She feels things deeply and freely, and (much like her dad) her face is very expressive about those feelings, which means you rarely have to wonder what’s on her heart!

I love that she knows what she wants and how to speak up for it, and she can be entertainingly sassy and strong willed -- not easily swayed into changing her mind!  She also has a kind and caring heart - it's the whole recipe for a wonderful leader down the road!!

She has two incredible parents who have poured love and guidance into her life, along with exceptional grandparents who delight in her and a big brother who is already her protector and sidekick.  With that kind of supportive crew behind her, there's no limit to where she’ll go!
#worldscutestshootingstar

Parker Elizabeth, thanks for being my friend and Facetime buddie and honorary niece, and thanks for posing for so many pics with and for me!  You are a sparkling ray of sunshine in a world that needs more light - keep shining!  You are beautiful inside and out, and I'm grateful for all the pure JOY you bring to the world!  I love and adore you, and I'm here to cheer for and support you however I can as you continue to grow. ❤

God made you very special, and I hope you always get super excited about your birthday, because YOU are worth celebrating big!  I hope this birthday and your much-anticipated Belle party this weekend are all you've been dreaming of -- full of chocolate, candy, ice cream cake, mo-mos (tomatoes), Ranch dressing, bouncy houses, Disney princesses, heels and hair crowns, laughter, fun presents, great friends and family, and everything you love most!!  (And honestly, I hope you continue to feel the safety and freedom to be sad and cry and side-eye the cake if you need to, even at your very own amazing party.)  You are a delight, and I'm excited to see the good things God has in store for you!

Happy 4th Birthday, Mini-Miss!

❤ Love Always,

Your Forever Fan and Honorary Aunt Lindsey

"Let her sleep, for when she wakes,
she will move mountains."

“She is clothed with strength and dignity;

she can laugh at the days to come.”

~Proverbs 31:25

Okay, last but not least, here's a fun slideshow to end this very-extra birthday tribute post! lol

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On Finishing Strong

"Come let us rejoice in who He is...
Our lives are in His hands,
and He keeps our feet from stumbling."
~Psalm 66:9

As I head into this final week before my race, I can’t help but reflect on how this marathon journey mirrors the bigger road I've been on for over a decade...

I first considered running a full marathon back in 2009.  I signed up for the OKC race in 2011, but I didn’t train well and eventually backed out.  Got into the Nike Women’s Marathon in 2012, then talked myself right out of those crazy San Francisco hills!  Now, 13 years and five Half-Marathons later, I have finally done the work to train and prepare, and I have a strong desire and determination to finish this race!

Much like the marathon, living out my calling in counseling has been a long and winding road.  I started pursuing this dream back in 2012 with night classes at SNU, only to be rejected by multiple grad schools afterwards.  Around the same time, I was grieving the loss of a fractured friendship.  So I settled back into court reporting, a great career where I felt secure and tucked away—but I could never quite shake the sense of God’s call on my life.

In 2022, I took the leap and started graduate school.  Now, 13 years after stepping into my first counseling class, I'm preparing to step out of my cocoon of career safety and familiarity — to actually live out the calling God planted in my heart so long ago!  I think people tend to assume joy and excitement are my main emotions here... 

But it’s scary.  It’s vulnerable.  It’s slow.
A marathon, not a sprint.

I am moving from something comfortable where I am at the top of my field into something new where I’m at the bottom of the ladder -- still experimenting, exploring, "paying my dues," wrestling through my own insecurities to figure out where I fit and how God has uniquely gifted me.  I’ve learned a lot over the past three years, but there’s still so much I don’t know.  And the best way to learn is through hands-on practice, critique and constructive feedback, actively embracing change and choosing a growth mindset, repeatedly showing up and being seen!  That level of scrutiny feels very disorienting after 20 years in a cozy background observer role.

I have to remind myself often: I am not alone.  God is with me.  God is for me.

This candidacy job search has stretched me more than I expected. Since December, I’ve submitted over 15 applications and completed at least eight job interviews—with places like CREOKS Broken Arrow, CRS-Tulsa, FCS-Tulsa, Charlie Health (virtual), Red Rock OKC, and Moore Counseling Center.  (That doesn't include the work of applying and interviewing for the PhD program - it's been a lot).  Fear/the enemy keeps whispering: You don’t belong here.  You’re not enough.  This is all too hard.  You’ll never find your place.  I have seriously considered pursuing a Federal CR job for the stability and great salary.  But deep down, I know God didn’t bring me this far to quit now - I believe there are real lives I am called to impact, and I cannot give in to greed or cowardice or the craving for comfort.

I do recognize that I’m a prime target for spiritual warfare in this in-between season.  Thankfully, God keeps dropping little pearls of wisdom and encouragement just when I need them—through friends and family, podcasts and books, etc.  I recently heard John Eldredge talk about how we are needed here on earth — how each of us is called to uniquely reflect God’s love and light to those around us, how the character of Christ is being formed within us, and how we are "in training for reigning" as we move toward our future in Heaven.  I love that!

You know I love a good illustration, and I’ve been thinking about that final scene in The Patriot.  The soldiers are retreating in fear, divided and overwhelmed.  Then Mel Gibson runs through all the chaos, waving their flag and shouting, “No retreat—HOLD—hold the line!”  A repeated line from that movie is “stay the course.”  Even now, it encourages me to remember what I’m fighting for, why it matters, and not to give up when the path feels far harder, longer, and more costly than I'd expected.

As real change draws near, I have felt more overwhelmed and inadequate than excited.  But these are all normal emotions at this stage, and I want to build a life marked by courage and bold faith!  I want to try new things and find my best lane in counseling.  I want to finish what I’ve started, which means stepping fully into this new identity and leaving comfort and hiding behind.  I am determined and called to make a Kingdom impact with my life and my work.  And I'm confident that God will lead, guide, and provide for me as I keep moving forward!

Okay, speaking of long journeys and forward momentum, my adoption story is at another pivotal point.  This is my third year of working with Snowflakes.  After two surgeries that made me healthier for a potential pregnancy — and two difficult setbacks with the previous matches — Shay completed my final home study update over Easter weekend.  This week, I am restarting the matching process, working with OU Reproductive instead of Dallas IVF this time.  I feel hopeful and cautiously optimistic, ready and willing to make major shifts and sacrifices if God chooses to fulfill this desire!

(For the record, if this third attempt doesn’t work, I will let go of this specific path to motherhood.  Not releasing the desire entirely, but believing this particular doorway is closed.)  Still, I am planning, preparing, and praying that the third time’s a charm — for my embryo adoption journey and for finishing the marathon this weekend!

In my hopes for adoption, my career calling, my health journey, and this long-standing marathon dream, I have encountered surprise plot twists, detours, rejections, loss, fear, and long seasons of waiting.  However, my soul is anchored in Kingdom hope, and I am decidedly stronger than I used to be.  I like being someone who dreams big and lives with purpose, but I don’t want to be the girl who never finishes anything.  (And I don’t believe God wants that identity for me either.)  So I am resisting the enemy’s lies and breaking those old agreements.

We can do hard things, and it's worth the effort!  Whenever it happens, physically crossing the Finish Line will feel so symbolic and hopeful for me.  I’m praying and believing for 2025 to be a year of courage and victorious follow-through.  A year of finishing strong.  I am grateful to know I am not facing these challenges alone.  And I’m trusting our faithful God, who finishes every good thing He starts!!

"Since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the particular race God has set before us... Let God train you, for He is doing what any loving father does for His children... So take a new grip with your tired hands, stand firm on your shaky legs, and mark out a straight, smooth path for your feet so that those who follow you, though weak and lame, will not fall and hurt themselves but become strong." ~Hebrews 12:1-13

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When Strivings Cease

Levi Lusko had some timely words of wisdom in Part 1 and 2 of this podcast (HERE).  He 's written a new book called Blessed are the Spiraling that I'm excited to read/hear soon.

Levi's podcast highlights for me:

• "We need not be alarmed, because Christianity always goes from death to resurrection... God is going to continue to do a new thing, but the new thing often comes on the heels of death."
  
  
• "God almost always knows that even though we want to be coddled, that's not what we need.  What we need is to be challenged.  We need to be told: Hey, come on, there's more in store.  And even though it doesn't feel like exactly the pampering of our soul that we need, it's exactly what is required to get. us. moving."
  
  
• "The moment we sit around focusing only on us, we're operating against the User Manual for what will make us thrive, which is Glory to God and love to others!!  And while we're doing that, we're going to come to life... but not when we're trying to make ourselves the end and the goal and the summation of all our effort."
  
  
• "Hey girl, you are already made in the image of God.  If I could've freeze-frame that moment, I would say, Eve, honey, you can't be more like God than you are right now!  But the enemy's thing is always to get us to audition for a part that is already ours... Jesus was living out of the hidden wholeness - 'My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.'"
  
  
• "The Holy Spirit lives in you - the King of kings is inside of you.  You are a vessel containing the ultimate royal figure.  So what do you need to strive for?  ...I can relax into that wholeness.  It's the line from that song: When strivings cease."
  
  
• "We have to be very very very careful that we're not basing our puzzle pieces (the life we are building and piecing together) on a wrong picture... Culture offers us a thousand images and interpretations... My picture has to be the joy of knowing Jesus, the pleasure of being in God's presence... what it's going to feel like to stand before Him!"
  
  
• "New seasons require new strategies!  Your home, your life, your attention - which is finite, is the temple of the Holy Spirit.  And you have to rearrange the furniture in response to the peace God is trying to cause to rest upon you."
  
  
• "Comfort, which we all crave, puts us into cruise control.  Trials have a way of splashing cold water on our face and waking us up from our silly refusal to depend on God for His power!"

I recommend listening to the whole conversation, but that's what stood out to me.  Naturally, I have many thoughts on all of the above and how it applies in my life.  But I'll let the quotes speak for themselves here and let you form your own thoughts in response.

Thanks for being here on this day of five blog posts. =)

I love you and believe in you, and Jesus does too!

❤ ❤ ❤

Sophie Kinsella

I listened to this audiobook on my drive to Tulsa yesterday.  I was fully caught up on podcasts and Audible books, so I did a search for available books on Libby and figured I'd give this a try.  And in spite of knowing Sophie's writing style pretty well, I was entirely caught off guard by this one!!

Sophie's books are known for their bright and cheery covers, usually lighthearted chick lit stories with happy endings.  The main character is almost always a single woman, and the plots are fairly predictable/frivolous, but fun and sweet.  I read several of them back in my young adult years, 2005-2012ish...

(This = Madeleine Sophie Wickham, but she writes under the name Sophie Kinsella.)

The leading lady in this book is a happily married mother of five kids, a successful author who decided to write about what she knew, starting with a main character who had a mild shopping addiction.  I suspected at that point that this book was going to be autobiographical, then a little ways in, Eve (the main character) wakes up after surgery to remove a brain tumor.  She wrote in detail about stage four glioblastoma, an incurable brain cancer that typically comes back, and about how Eve and her awesome, supportive husband and their five children were dealing with it.  There were some poignant reflections on death and grief and loss and feeling gratitude and love in the midst of all that.  The entire thing was 2 hours, and the book ends somewhat abruptly but on a hopeful note, with the main character doing well and hoping for continued health and healing.

Then she narrates the Author's Note, where she clearly explains that this is her story, that she has a wonderful husband and five children, and she was diagnosed with this rare cancer and had a surgery that (temporarily) affected her memory and ability to walk, etc.

She said something like "my attentive readers will notice a shift from my usual tone..." Umm, massive understatement!  I was nearly crying as I made my way onto the Creek Turnpike.  But I'm thankful I found this one, and I'm praying for her and her family!  It was a deep reminder of the value of being a light by choosing love and joy and hope, even in seasons that are dark and heavy.

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Cap and Gown!

Get excited!!  Shoutout to Rachael LaJo for all the time and effort she put into this!!  I love it! ❤

Since my CCU Commencement Ceremony will be in Colorado, I decided to bring my cap and gown and get a few pics with friends yesterday - I'll do the same with family soon!  When I came out wearing it, Chet Lee played the Pomp and Circumstance graduation march song on their speaker, and Karli had made me this presh mini-cheesecake with the Cricut topper! lol They're the best!!

The hood is odd and I'm unsure how to wear it correctly, even after multiple YouTube videos, so I'm kind of awkwardly holding it here. lol

Yay, Moss family!!

Sarah Elizabeth and Chet Lee!

Fulton Fam!

The Wonderful Wilsons!

Myers fam!

Shoemaker fam!

My hair looks kinda rough, but hooray again for this grad cap!!

Chettles:  "Turn around so I can get a picture of the cap."

Me - standing with my head thrown back for said photo

Chet:  "Well, don't be awkward about it." lolol

Still not sure what he was going for, but he's a funny one!

YAY!

Best. Friend Group. Ever! ❤

Things I love here:  Every person in the photo.  The setting in the Wilsons' backyard.  The sunshine on a day that was predicted to be rainy and dreary.  Henry and Holly looking at each other and laughing.  Ellie clapping.  Parker presenting me.  All the kids looking happy/content (kinda surprising with the amount of tears and drama throughout the day).  Kate and Sophia being on their dads' shoulders.  And Chettles' squinty eyes, which he noted and complained about... but overall, it's a pretty perfect group pic. lol

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