A Clear Path Forward...

So Dallas IVF was willing to let me do all the pre-embryo-transfer medical appointments here at OU. Sadly, OU was not willing to do that if I'm not using them for the transfer.  

So I called yesterday, and the DIVF nurse said (based on my cycle) that if I could come in today for the preliminary saline sonogram, ultrasound, and initial bloodwork, we would still be on track for a September embryo transfer (which has been my hope for a while).  And I said yes, please!  God worked it out for another CR to cover for me this morning, and I made it to their Frisco office by 1:30 (it's only a 2 hour and 40-minute trip from my house, and no scary Dallas traffic is involved).

These were the same tests they did in 2023 (HERE) where I found out I would need the hysteroscopy D&C surgery to remove the uterine polyp.  The nurse who did my first ultrasound today casually mentioned seeing some fibroids and measuring them, and my heart sank pretty hard when I heard that.  Confusion, irrational shame, irritation, sadness, etc. ran through my mind as I asked if that meant another surgery and potential delay... and she said Dr. Ku would have to look at it and talk with me later.

So during the predictably-complicated blood draw and the 20-minute wait for the saline sonogram, I was going back and forth between contingency planning/grasping for control and praying for good news... calculating the cost of various other options and feeling ready to call Rach on my drive back and see how serious she was about being a surrogate. lol 

Dr. Ku eventually came in and asked how I've been - I said I was feeling really discouraged after hearing about the fibroids.  He quickly told me that wouldn't necessarily be a problem, and that we would know based on the sonogram (a very quick procedure involving a in-color camera view of the birth canal and uterus - it put me in awe of God even as I was bracing for bad news).  As he finished that, he said, "Well, I have good news for you - we're done, and everything looks good to move forward!"

So after the walls and hurdles I wrote about on my last DIVF appointment, I'm very VERY happy and grateful to say that round 2 was a success!

I grabbed an In N' Out Burger to celebrate, then raced back to Moore for two counseling appointments tonight (an in-person intake followed by a virtual intake) - session #6 and 7 for me.

The exit on the way to Dallas IVF is "Legacy Drive."  Reading that made me happy, so I snapped a picture... then realized later that the mileage was at 7.7 (a fun little nod from God).  Also, as I was leaving, it told me to turn left out of their parking lot, and it's a pretty busy street right there, so I assumed I'd end up going right then turning around... but right as I drove up, there was a very clear opening on all sides... and in my heart in that moment, it felt like such a clear metaphor for God opening new doors.

Having said that, I obviously have no idea if this will all result in me having a baby, but I do firmly believe God is at work and that He will work things out for my good and His glory, and I'm so thankful to even have this opportunity to try for a pregnancy with my adopted embryos!

❤

On my drives down and back, I listened to the remainder of Ashley's incredible book, thanks to Speechify, an app that read the PDF to me in Gwyneth Paltrow's voice!  (Snoop Dogg was also an option, but that would've been such a wrong fit for Ashley's writing. lol)  I will 100% slowly read and enjoy the physical book when it arrives in the mail, but this was the best way for me to absorb the content with my current schedule.

I also had a good talk with Mom and Kristin on the drive back, and with Chet Lee on the way there - this new pic from his summer branding session makes me happy.

My sessions tonight went well - I'm gradually feeling more comfortable in this role.  Then I have 3 clients tomorrow, some homework to finish on Saturday, and Dad's 72nd birthday on Sunday!  And that's really all I've got for this post.  My emotions did such an intense down-and-back-up swing during that appointment - I feel truly relieved and grateful that I get to move forward here!  (Prayers appreciated.)

I love you and believe in you, and I'm confident God is with us and for us, clearing new paths as we seek His best for our lives!

❤ ❤ ❤

High Expectations and High Support

On this day last year, we did poster presentations at Residency 3. I remember feeling very nervous while answering a few thoughtful questions from Dr. Burkhart (Dean of the Counseling program). That afternoon, I made the most of an opportunity and talked with him about the possibility of teaching at CCU someday. A short conversation, but I was encouraged by his response. That night in my CCU dorm room, I started my application for their PhD program!! …I am currently in his Leadership and Advocacy class, and what I’m learning is transforming my perspective and identity. He talked recently about leading with intentionality and heart, giving your full attention in every conversation and understanding that seemingly small interactions can have a major impact. I see that clearly as I look back at my few talks with him and the effect they had on my life. I’m thankful God led me to CCU 3 years ago, and I’m so grateful for Godly leaders who serve with integrity and put their heart into leading well and letting people know they matter!! Praying for wisdom and continuing growth as a leader - I’m honored to be learning from the best!

(-My Facebook post from yesterday)

My 2024 Poster Presentation with Joy and Tessa

*My first and perhaps most important interaction with Dr. Burkhart was in February of 2023, emailing him with a pressing ethics question.  I was legit ready to leave the program, but he responded with kindness, support, and an invitation to meet and discuss it - during our Zoom meeting, he told me the world needs people like me, Christian counselors who care enough to wrestle with the hard questions - it was validating and sincere, and it kept me going.  His video feedback on my papers in the first 3 weeks of this Leadership class has been incredibly encouraging, as well!  So all around, I'm grateful for his leadership and intentionality, and for the small shifts in my perspective and writing style that are helping me grow and improve.  His "high expectations and high support" motto makes so much sense, and he's living it out and inspiring me to do the same!

"One of the hardest things you, as a PhD student, have to do is learn how to shift your writing from a very appropriate, very academic supportive stance to a substantiative stance.  As a Masters-level student, you are likely very comfortable with taking a supportive stance of what another author has already said - responding to the citations - the citations are driving the knowledge and content.  Very appropriate for Masters-level writing; not as appropriate for doctoral-level writing. You are the expert.  You are a person who's earning a doctoral degree, so you are making very authoritative statements and claims.  You are teaching us, then you are using sources to support what you're saying... If you make this shift now, your academic literature from this point forward as a PhD student will be 1,000 times better... Something can’t show up until it’s been stored up.  Hang in there.  My goal for you is to be the best writer that you can be after you leave this course.  I want you to be a better leader, a better researcher, better supervisor, better educator, better writer.  I want you to think differently.   I have seven weeks with you, and I want to push you as hard as I can, but I want you to know that I am doing that because I actually care.  I actually care about where you wind up and what you take away from this class.  So stick with me.  Allow me to stretch you a little bit.  I am 100% here to support you… My motto when it comes to teaching classes is: High expectations and high support!  I think high expectations with low support is inappropriate, and I think low expectations regardless of support level is inappropriate.  If you walk away from any class I teach and you’re the same writer, you’re the same student, you’re the same clinician, then I’ve failed.  To some extent, it’s also on you, but just know that that’s my intention.  I want to push you; I want to challenge you.  But it’s being done with the hope that you’re walking away different after this class.  I think that’s what you’re spending money and time and emotion on – not just to get through this class, but to get through this class successfully and be different at the end of it, to have grown and developed in a certain way.  So I’m here if you need anything.  I really hope that my video feedback on your papers is beneficial to you.  But again, guys, if you want to meet, let me know.  I’m always here.”

~Dr. Ryan Burkhart, Dean of the School of Counseling

“In our current societal landscape, we find ourselves facing numerous challenges that contribute to cultural instability, family breakdown, and a lack of trust in governments, the judicial system, and the media... At the core of the issue of meaninglessness and purposelessness we see in our society lies a lack of trust in absolute reality and a rejection of ultimate and universal truth.  While it is valuable to listen to each person’s story, our society has rejected the grand narrative presented by God.  A factor that has been missing in the treatment model has been the integration of the spiritual component.  We know well that relying solely on these secular techniques falls short, as they merely produce individuals who are symptom free.  This outcome fails to provide a foundation of dependence on the Lord, salvation, and sanctification.  Consequently, individuals may find themselves free from symptoms, yet still bound by the chains of sin and pain.  As counselors and counselor educators of Christian faith, we have an opportunity to impact the broader culture for Christ… we must seize opportunities to bring about change in our communities, schools, workplaces, institutions, research, and the entire field of counseling through our Christ-centered servant leadership and advocacy efforts.  Our influence should extend beyond the confines of a therapy room or a classroom or university.  This needs to infiltrate the front levels in our profession.  Just as Jesus went into the world, so should we, impacting lives through our knowledge, compassion, and the hope found in Jesus Christ.  May our efforts as counselors and counselor educators reflect the love and grace of the Lord as we strive to bring healing and wholeness to those entrusted to our care."

~Dr. Selin Philip, Founder of the PhD Program

(These quotes are from short videos they made for this class - I so appreciate being able to learn from them.)

In God's Hands

Hey, friends and fam!  It's been a whole week, which is rare for me.  I'm in a pretty awesome new season with a very full schedule... and I'm confident God is expanding my capacity and giving me the daily grace I need to navigate these current roles well!

• Adoptive Mom:  Signed the contracts to officially adopt 2 living-but-frozen Snowflakes embryos (on 7-18-25 - YAY!!), writing a thank you note to the placing parent today, and navigating next steps and medical appointments moving forward!
• Counselor:  My part-time role with Integrated Therapy Solutions - embracing the intense learning curve with the Milan electronic records system, submitting treatment plans and progress notes, attending weekly supervision meetings, and counseling 2 continuing clients and 4 new clients this week!
• Court Reporter:  My secure and steady full-time job - interesting Preliminary Hearings, scoping transcripts, covering court for other Judges with the current CR shortage, and enjoying the feeling of established competence and the accrued leave and benefits here!
• Doctoral Student:  Writing discussion posts and leadership papers + Zoom classes and group meetings + preparing a conference presentation (all without the help of AI, thank you very much! lol)!
• Individual:  Returning to regular church attendance, listening to great audiobooks, blogging as needed, and developing a solid morning routine for daily workouts and time with God!
• Relational:  Maintaining strong friendships in Tulsa, cultivating new friendships in OKC, daily talks with Mom, weekly family dinners, and weekly walks with Kristin!
• Extras:  A 10-hour Trauma Focused CBT training (online - started it Friday) + helping on Ashley Campbell's book launch team (YAY!)

I also believe God will help me narrow that list a bit by the end of this year, which helps me dive deep and invest faithfully in the meantime.  It helps that I believe every bit of the above is fruitful -- I'm planting good seeds, and God will decide what grows from it!  For now, I'm working on not using the words scattered, fragmented, or divided when I talk about my attention span.  Instead, I'll say God is teaching me and growing my capacity for leadership and giving me what I need day by day.  I am learning to trust His timing and doing my best to be intentional about focusing on one role at a time, shifting my full focus as needed to engage in all the things that matter to me!! ❤

Okay, so about the book launch team... I'm about 1/3rd of the way through my pre-release copy of Ashley's book and loving everything about it so far!  Not a surprise - her writing has always been poignant, and the stories and pictures from their family trip around the world are captivating!  (It's also inspiring the writer side of me - I love this reminder that a book can be anything you want it to be.  Every page of her book is filled with family photos or pictures from their trip - somehow, I didn't realize that was an option, but it's fantastic, and it's changing how I want to format my future book!!)

The best!  Loved following their trip in real-time via Instagram, but seeing it all in one book now - along with Ashley's insightful reflections and a page written by each of her kids and Chris - is freaking awesome!!

Here's my beautiful niece, Miss Kyndal Faith, enjoying her new blonde highlights this summer!  Love her, and I was happy to see this front-facing smiley profile pic!! lol

Yesterday would have been Grandad's 96th birthday, although I'm confident he's forever young now in Heaven!  I'm thankful for his life and the way he loved us!

Last Friday was a Tulsa trip for CFA lunch with the wonderful Wilson fam, a hair appointment with Janelle, and an impromptu stop at Tulsa Lexus for an oil change - gracious, the Tulsa one is just so much better than the Edmond branch!  In spite of the lack of color on their showroom floor (Mom would not approve!), it was nice to be back! ;-)

This and chapter 107 are speaking to me lately.  This one talks about God's commands being trustworthy and true, to be obeyed faithfully and with integrity... reminding us that "the rewards of wisdom come to all who obey Him."  And Chapter 107 repeatedly shows people royally messing things up then crying out to God for help, and He repeatedly rescues them in their distress.  Both are encouraging chapters that apply to my life in different seasons!

This was the Verse of the Day when I had to write a paper on advocacy and was internally resisting that whole topic.  All the suggested topics were causing me to shut down, so I ended up writing about that emotional response, and specifically about overcoming the conditioned passivity and learned helplessness that often hold us back from getting involved in potential political conflict and/or serving as professional or social justice advocates.  It was personal and intense, and over the past couple weeks, I spent literally 17+ hours researching and writing that 12-page paper.  However, the grades and the feedback videos from Dr. Burkhart made all that effort feel very worth it!  (Something I'll keep in mind if/when I'm a professor down the road.)  I'm VERY grateful for his encouragement and the growing confidence I feel there.  Anyway, I used this verse in my paper as evidence that God wants us to grow in our role as leaders and advocates, to keep learning new ways we can help others and fight for those who are vulnerable!  And it's true - leadership doesn't have lasting impact if you're not actively serving others and using your God-given position, skills, and influence for good!

Finally, here's a pic from the Shoemakers' moving day two weeks ago - the Wilsons coming to see them at that house one last time.  I miss them already!

Okay, that's all I've got for now... headed to a meeting about the new electronic/recording system they're installing in our courtroom, and looking forward to family dinner tonight! ❤

Thanks for being here!  I love you and believe in you, and I believe God will give you all the grace you need for the roles He has placed you in TODAY!  He gives us new grace one day at a time, just like the manna for the Israelites, and our lives and futures are secure in His hands! 

❤ ❤ ❤

Chettles!

Friday was also the 37th birthday of Chet Lee, aka Chettles, everyone's favorite realtor and the core of our awesomesauce friend group...

We celebrated that with a fun ice cream bar and pool party + Whataburger dinner on Saturday!

Here's Jeffrey Edward in his Wynn-ing hat and Gathering Place t-shirt, Lindsey Claire in her 2009 peasant top and a regrettable absence of lipstick, and Chet Lee in his classic realtor shirt... "Mockey and the boys."  Love it!

Chet has been committed to a gluten-free lifestyle for several months now, along with regular workouts with Evan, nutrition coaching with Rachel, and recently adding marathon-training runs to his schedule!  His dedication in all of the above is inspiring, and the consistency is paying off, and I love that for him!  I'm gearing up to push myself in running workouts and feeling excited about our Chet-side relay team in November!! =)

Sarah Elizabeth with Katherine Claire and Parker Elizabeth!

Chet with the aforementioned ice cream bar!  They pre-scooped it to make the line move faster - smart and creative, like most of Karli's party ideas!

Fun at the pool, under the shade of my very favorite "junk tree." lol

The statue of ice cream cones!

I blew up the balloons, Chet tied them, Karli and Melissa added streamers...

And it came together in this super-cute balloon chandelier effect!

I also helped with the charcuterie board of ice cream toppings - look how fun and colorful! =)

❤

Chet's Whataburger group selfie - love it!!

Sparklers and one final pic for his 37th bday party!

A post-party test drive of what may very well be Chet's new car!! =)

Karli and the kids made 37 candles using pool noodles to decorate their front yard!! ❤
Debbie surprised Chet with birthday desserts!

And the guys (minus Mark Anthony, the classic Umbertos-era version) went to lunch at Meddys for his birthday earlier that week!

I participated in exactly zero percent of that, but still felt it was important to document it. lol

On my Facebook memories were these pics from Chet's 2014 party... I really love that most of this friend group is still getting together regularly 11 years and 10 added children later... what a gift!!

I'm on limited time, so that's all for today.

My schedule is *very full* lately, but full of good things.  I'm growing and making progress, and I have to be more intentional with budgeting my time and energy!  I'm excited about all the new things God is doing in this season - in my life and the lives of many of my closest people!

Okay then... I love you and believe in you, and I believe in your ability to gently challenge yourself, strengthen your self-respect, learn new things, and build a life you love!!

❤ ❤ ❤

Pool Party!

Friday was the 11th birthday of Diesel Eugene, and we celebrated with a pizza party by the pool! =)

Whitaker fam + Aunt Lindsey!

2023 and 2025

The water felt great, and it was good to catch up on life with Kristin whilst watching the boys and Frankie do all kinds of jumps and tricks!

I had them pose together, knowing I was recreating this 2015 pic... love how it turned out! 

The sun was at just the right angle for fun sun-flare pics! 

Love these boys!!  And Eagle One pizza did not disappoint!  We also had rice krispie treats and cupcakes + Pokemon themed gifts. =)  (His official bday party was on Saturday, but I missed it due to being in Tulsa, so I'm glad we got to celebrate on his real birthday!)

I hope it was a fun birthday weekend and hope it's a great year ahead for Diesel!!

❤ ❤ ❤

"I'm Back."

So I'm rewatching The Last Dance lately (incredibly slowly due to school + counseling + court work).  When Michael Jordan temporarily retired in 1993, I'm very convinced that decision was made out of deep love and respect for his dad (murdered earlier that year).  He wanted to be able to say that his dad saw his last game, and he wanted to honor him by trying baseball, which his dad had strongly encouraged.  A couple years later, he really missed basketball and decided to return.  A speechwriter for the Bulls press conference worked hard trying to convey the nuanced details and complex emotions behind his decision, offering him 3 or 4 different versions to choose from.  Michael told him none of them quite reflected how he wanted to say it, so the writer asked MJ to draft his own version.  He grabbed a pen and wrote: "I'm back." which became the official press release. lol  No lengthy explanation or justification needed.  I love it so much, and I love him and his fiercely competitive spirit!

"Winning has a price, and leadership has a price.  So I pulled people along when they didn’t want to be pulled.  I challenged people when they didn’t want to be challenged.  And I earned that right... Once you joined the team, you lived at a certain standard that I played the game, and I wasn’t going to take anything less... I wanted to win, but I wanted them to win and be a part of that as well."  ~Michael Jordan, The Last Dance (episode 7)

And yes, a shorter version of that quote made its way into my leadership philosophy paper! =)  I'm thinking about leadership in everything I watch and read and listen to lately, and I'm enjoying that.

In other news, after 10.5 months without counseling a single client, my LPC-Candidacy has finally begun.  As of today, I'm back!  

I brought Rach's clipboard with me today, and it was comforting to look down and see this! =)

I also wore my fav "peasant shirt" from my vintage 2009 collection - still a fan! ;-)

My first session back took every bit of two hours, but it went well!  I'm mildly overwhelmed but also super grateful to be communicating with five new clients and more referrals coming in from ITSOK, and apparently a local pediatrician has been recommending me based on a younger client who enjoyed working with me last year, which was a surprising but flattering turn of events this morning. lol

Three memes I've saved recently with a very clear common theme:

If that didn't make it clear, everything in me was nervous about getting started again - but I didn't talk myself out of it, so that's a mini-victory.  Having session one over with helps a bit, but I will still have to push myself with my "calm and confident, warm and competent" mantra and my strong desire to nonverbally communicate, "You are safe here, you can trust me, and I can help you!"  It's such a learning curve in the beginning with all the new software and mountain of paperwork and regulations and more, but the actual real life connection and the sense that (with God's help) I am capable of helping someone improve their life in a real and lasting way makes the rest feel very worth it! ❤  I'm thankful to be back and in a setting with more autonomy in my approach and the clients I choose.  Trying to reframe the nerves as being excited - and honestly, both are true.  Prayers appreciated as I move forward!

Feelings fade.  Purpose is forever.  Keep going.

❤ ❤ ❤

Listening Library

1.  The Silent Patient  by Alex Michaelides -- Well written, but not really the type of book I enjoy!  It's a thriller or crime fiction book - I tried it because Alicia and Katie highly recommended it and really loved the plot twist, so I wanted to know more.  It was interesting, but I get enough crime stories in court. lol

2.  LeaderShift: 11 Essential Changes Every Leader Must Embrace by John C. Maxwell - The first of his books that I've read.  Good, but a little formulaic.  I'm on a leadership kick, so it was helpful to think about the ways my thinking needs to shift to be an inspiring leader (soloist to conductor, team uniformity to team diversity, pleasing people to challenging people, etc.)!  It also added some good content for my Leadership Philosophy paper, so yay for that!

3.  Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy: Discovering the Grace of Lament by Mark Vroegop - (Recommended by Alicia when she heard I was interested in grief counseling).  This explains lament from a Biblical perspective - the author is a dad grieving the loss of his child, and he writes about how the book of Lamentations offers a blueprint for venting frustrations and expressing hard emotions while keeping our hearts turned toward God.  Heavy, but good and aligned with my heart for helping people move forward with grief.  

4.  The Coffee Bean: A Simple Lesson to Create Positive Change by Damon West and Jon Gordon - Very short and not worth the money for the audiobook, honestly - it would've been 100x better if Damon had told more of his own story rather than stopping with the short metaphor.  He was on the Jefferson Fisher podcast (video HERE)... Damon had served time in prison, and he shared the advice another man gave him just before going in: Think of prison as a pot of boiling water... and you can be like a carrot that is weakened and softened by that environment.  You can be like an egg that becomes hard inside... Or you can be like the coffee bean that gradually changes the water surrounding it.  Y'all know I love metaphors, and this one works in all of life - wherever we may find ourselves, it's important to remember we have the power to color and change our environment rather than allowing it to weaken or harden us. ❤

5.  The 5 Second Rule by my friend, Mel Robbins - Mel is the queen of audiobooks!  She reads them in such a natural, conversational way that it's much more like listening to her podcast (which I also enjoy).  She's also the queen of expounding on a simple concept and giving you loads of practical examples and stories to help it stick.  The concept here is giving yourself a 5-4-3-2-1, GO!! countdown for any task you do not want to do - pushing forward and interrupting the part of your brain that overthinks things and talks you out of it.  Sounds simple, but it's effective, and it's revolutionizing my morning routine at the moment (no more snooze button). =)

6.  Visioneering: God's Blueprint for Developing and Maintaining Vision by Andy Stanley - So good - my favorite of the three books on this list recommended by Alicia! =)  Andy writes eloquently about vision-casting, leadership, and the inimitable value of moral authority!!  He goes through the story of Nehemiah as he led the rebuilding of the temple - "I am doing a great work, and I cannot come down."  My favorite part was definitely the section on moral authority, also known as the anointing of God on those who have a clear conscience before Him.  Andy said, "On the path to any big dream, you will be tempted to compromise.  We have to be willing to let go of our vision or dream before we would compromise our moral authority."  Embracing that concept has already cost me several hours of extra work, and paid off in higher self-respect, a deeper connection with God, and greater confidence in my creative writing and academic research abilities!!

Okay then, Happy Monday!  I love you and believe in you,

and I'm confident God will finish the good things He has begun in us and for us and through us!!

❤ ❤ ❤