The Anchor Holds

Almost five months into this job search extravaganza, and if I’m honest, I’m a little discouraged and confused... and increasingly curious about what God is up to in this season.

Chet jokingly said I’m “rage applying” at this point — and, as usual, he’s not too far off.  My backup plan was to ease into private practice on the side while keeping my court reporting job with its steady pay and benefits.  But after talking with Amy, my former supervisor, it’s clear that most private practices in Oklahoma are too slow right now to take on new LPC-Candidates.

Okay.  Another closed door.
In the 4.5 months since I finished grad school, I’ve had ten interviews:

• CREOKS – (Zoom interview with Jessica) - Accepted a school therapist role; prayed and changed my mind about moving and working with kids - no regrets
• Charlie Health – (Two Zoom interviews with Dominique) - Recruited on LinkedIn; eventually passed over
• Red Rock – (In-person interview with Stephanie) - Froze on a difficult question; eventually received a rejection email
• Counseling & Recovery Services – (Zoom interview with Sara) - Realized it was for a school therapist role and withdrew my application
• Family & Children's Services – (In-person interview with Koreena) - Thought it went great; got a rejection email - they do say they prefer LCSWs
• Moore Counseling – (In-person interview with Dr. Ward; Zoom interview with Brandie)  - Really encouraging interviews, but their part-time offer wasn’t feasible right now
• Colorado Christian PhD – (Zoom group & individual interviews) -  Great experience - I'm in; the program begins next month!

I was also excited about the Maternal Mental Health Therapist opening with FCS, but they filled that position before we even scheduled an interview.  In addition to all of these interviews, I've spent loads of time and energy on job searches, resume updates, networking, cold applications, follow-up phone calls, website building, discussions with potential supervisors, and several processing talks with Mom, Chet, and Kristin - grateful for their abundant wisdom and patience as I wade through this messy season.  The internal pressure is real, and the hustle has been exhausting, especially for a classic introvert.  The closed doors and continuing questions from others are beginning to  feel a bit embarrassing, and this holding pattern is forcing me to ask some hard questions:  Am I climbing the wrong mountain?  Is God using rejection to redirect me?  Should I double down on counseling… or embrace the practical benefits of court reporting again?

To be clear, I absolutely acknowledge that my current frustration is relatively minor compared to what many are going through.  I am not oblivious or indifferent to the pain of friends who are dealing with personal health issues, challenging family dynamics, caring for aging parents, navigating a move, grief, cancer, and more... there are certainly additional elements to my story that I don't feel free to share on the public blog, but all in all, this season of waiting is more frustrating than truly painful.  I am also confident that this entire process is sharpening me — I’ve become better at interviews, more articulate about my counseling philosophy, and clearer about my values over the past few months.  And I'm realizing how much financial stability matters to me, especially if I’m ever blessed to become a mom — (and court reporting currently meets that need better than counseling does).

So I spent the early part of this week in an online seminar to keep up my CR certifications, and I've recently applied for two court reporting positions in addition to other counseling jobs - which feels a little crazy, but we'll see what doors God chooses to open.  It's ironic that I had been so eager to write the “Court is Adjourned” blog as I transition into full-time counseling.  That dream appears to be on pause - I still don't have a supervisor, and I haven’t seen a client since August.  This season mirrors my one semester at OBU — overwhelmed by a long list of VAGUE possibilities, I opted for the security of court reporting school.  That practical decision served me well back then, and I’m grateful for the financial stability it continues to provide today!

Singleness also plays into these decisions.  I sometimes imagine myself as tethered to my family and /or my friends in Tulsa.  (Yes, I know we add great value to each other’s lives.  But if I moved away, their daily routines wouldn’t change much, and that realization is both freeing and quietly painful.)  Recently, I found myself lamenting that and longing to build with and be “tied down” to someone — to feel chosen, grounded, and truly tethered and connected to another person who shares the weight and the reward of these big decisions.

Then yesterday, Kristin Foster shared a clip of Christine Caine speaking on Hebrews 6:19, one of my very favorite verses.  She said: “Jesus is very firm and very secure.  The anchor will hold — but you better be connected to the anchor in order for the anchor to hold you.  Ultimately, it's not that Jesus is unfaithful, but somewhere, we became untethered from the anchor.”

Mic drop.

It definitely caught my attention, as I’ve specifically spoken about feeling "untethered" lately.  It was a sharp reminder to draw near and reconnect.

I am not alone or unseen.  Not groundless or untethered.

My foundation is still rock solid.  

My anchor has never moved.

His love for me has never failed or wavered.

While I continue to wait and wrestle and pray through a stormy season, I am tethering myself to the Anchor - my heart will be rooted in Jesus Christ - and my hope in Him is firm, secure, and unshakable.

God is good and kind, and nothing He allows is without purpose.  So I'm taking a deep breath, praying for renewed strength and endurance, and joining David in declaring:  "You are my God - my future is in Your hands."

“The Anchor holds, though the ship is battered.
The Anchor holds, though the sails are torn.
I have fallen on my knees as I face the raging seas…
The Anchor holds, in spite of the storm.”

❤️

Cinco de Mayo!

Happy Cinco de Mayo!!

Kyndal Faith had her final volleyball tournament with her Charge South 11s team this weekend... they were running a full hour ahead of schedule, so Mom and I made the drive to Tulsa to watch one game, but still worth it to support the Mini Miss K!

Amber (one of the team mom's) had these shirts made with close-up pics of the girls faces. lol. Rach was standing behind a little girl at first - I heard Kyndal say, "You can't even see my face, bro!" so I told Rach to move to the left a little, then she did the sorority squat and had her hands together and Kyndal's face was kinda blocked and scrunched again. lolol

This = Kyndal being annoyed with her right after that! lol

Team pic - Tulsa Regionals tournament!  (This = the one JEM and Chet came to on this exact day last year!)

Aunt Lindsey and Mamaw getting a pic with the volleyball star!

Cheese on a stick... nom nom for us, David!  They had one concession stand that had this, corndogs, chicken on a stick, and funnel cakes -- and they were raking it in with their 4-item menu!!

Two selfies in a row, but whatever - Dad was kind enough to wash my car as we were gone, and Mom was kind enough to order this happy pink sticker for it, so this is me celebrating that!! ❤  In far more annoying news, the next-level-stress + sunscreen-free-sun + humid-salty-sweat combo of the marathon caused a cortisol hormone surge, peeling dry skin, and the worst breakout I've faced since my teen years... all perfectly timed for my graduation later this week.  Sadness.  I've been trying to be extra-zen and meditative to re-regulate my shaken nervous system and calm the breakout, but I don't think it's gonna work in a time crunch, sooo yay, concealer!

Tried out the Moore LC campus for the first time on Sunday.  Craig is doing a sermon series on marriage, but I appreciated the emphasis on how unity is built through a common mission and a common enemy... obviously true for the entire body of Christ, as well!

Thissss applies in a couple places for me, and it's making me think... also, the comma is not needed. lol

I got a post-race hot stone massage at Mokara Spa in the Omni Hotel downtown... highly recommend - the spa atmosphere and amenities there are fantastic!  I hadn't been since approximately a year ago when I had a pre-surgery massage... I was pleased that the robes fit better this time. lol

Crazy rain and flooding in Moore lately... this was Portland and Bryant both being shut down when I was gonna go home for lunch on Monday. lol #changeofplans

But in happy news, the flooding did finally inspire them to replace my disgusting ceiling tiles, and it brought me so much joy to put my office back together after that!

Kudos to Chettles and Mark Anthony, who are training for the Tulsa Tough this summer.  They did 40 miles on their bikes this Saturday!  Pics = Chet walking the bike to his car after getting a flat tire in their previous long ride, Chet sending me a hilarious pic after Mark fell trying to hop the curb, and a FaceTime screenshot while I was on my trip to Tulsa on Saturday. lol

Okay, this post is full of randomness, but I'll feel caught up afterwards, so bear with me.  The Atkinson ladies are currently on a trip to Paris, and I'm loving all the photos and stories!!  Beth bought her first Chanel purse at the original Chanel store there, they had amazing desserts at the fabulous Carette bakery, which is now on my list for my future Paris trip!  Tori bought art supplies and explored Monet's actual gardens and water lily ponds, and they're all living it up and hitting the fun tourist spots!  The pic of Lauren baptizing her daughter was definitely local, not in Paris, but I was collecting these to add to my Board of Empowerment, so yay!!  It makes me happy to see each of them living with joy and passion and using their gifts to make a difference! ❤

Speaking of joy, how freaking adorable is Parker Elizabeth!?

We met the Wilsons and Melissa for a late lunch at Slim Chickens after the volleyball match this weekend... I was so happy to see Chet driving the red truck that once belonged to his Uncle Richard!  And carting tons flowers for their neighborhood planting party this weekend! =)

Jace Michael in his fish-shirt signed by Paul Cuffaro (not sure I'm spelling that right?)

I made a cake with Karli's cookies n' cream icing to bring for our fam dinner tomorrow... I also was kind enough to taste test it first! lol  Yum!

Ran into someone named Kevin Franklin, so I had to text Rach this gif from Houseguest, circa 1995! =)

I could add a few things in each column, but it's a pretty solid list!

Sent this one to Rach! lol

She took J&K to Okana last Tuesday, and they had a lot of fun!

Annie hanging out on the beach with a friend!  It's funny how much I feel like we are real-life friends!

That's all I've got for you today - yay for being caught up at work, and now caught up on my photo documenting!  Hope your week is off to a lovely start!!

❤❤❤

Photo Friday!

Happy Friday, friends and fam!!

Apparently, I was just kidding about that being my last Marathon-centered post... I got my official race day photos back yesterday, so of course I felt compelled to share them and to create a fun slideshow! lol

Even though my arm seems oddly far back here, I love this one going by the outdoor Memorial Wall very early in the race!

"Leaning in" for the first big hill at Mile 2!  

I'm happy to have a couple pics in the navy leggings and pink shoes!

Running by the Capitol building... I'm behind red shoe guy!

This was after Mile 18 (easy to tell from the shoes/leggings change)... the Quarter Marathoners split off around Mile 5 and the Half split at Mile 7.5, then the crowd thinned out considerably.  By the time I reached Mile 18, we were pretty scattered out, so it was very easy to spot the photographer! lol

Headed to the Finish Line - YAY!!

Done, by every definition of the word! lol

And finally, a through-the-years running journey slideshow... mostly celebrating the marathon, but featuring 16 years of memories!! ❤

And NOW I'm really done with that topic for a while. lol

Hope you have a fantastic weekend ahead!

❤ ❤ ❤

A Belle Birthday!

Miss Parker Elizabeth (age 4) at her Belle Birthday party! ❤

Impressive dining room decor!

And an awesome balloon garland by Karli Marie!

Present time... Mom wrapped mine and Parker clapped for the bow before even seeing the present! lol

Pic with Ellie, Jeffrey, and Henry before they left!

Yay, pizza!!

True story - "the gray stuff" was cookies and cream icing by Karli - really good!!  Also, "Be Our Guest" is one of my fav songs from Beauty and the Beast, a movie with an exceptional soundtrack to which I know every word!!

Photo by the birthday girl (being held by Bill, so it was from a better high angle - yay).  They had all these fun photo props, but we never took pics of the kids wearing them, so I decided to remedy that before I left! lol

Yum!!  And what a cute Chip cupcake holder! =)  I'm sad Chettles missed out on these with his #sadgflife, but I sincerely applaud his commitment to getting healthier!! 

Healthy snacks and awesome silverware chandeliers by Karli!!

Presents (thanks again to Mom for wrapping mine!)  Parker has the perfect reactionary personality for this part of a party - so much genuine joy and excitement over every fun gift and card! =)

Wilson fam - she was much happier through this whole party than last year's! lol

Legit ice cream cake with an Oreo ganache middle layer by Karli!!

❤❤

The freeze-dance party was entertaining and fun, and a good way to pass the time before the Domino's Pizza arrived!  Here's JEM and Chettles at their best entertaining all the kids! lol

FREEZE... then hop!! lol

I got one pic where I laughed about Chet's side-eye expression, then I made this collage of him and 3-year-old Parker with all the suspicion!! lol

It was raining as I was leaving, and this cute lil' bunny (Tate named him "Muffin") was taking shelter under their van, so of course I snapped a pic of that!! ❤

All in all, I think Parker Elizabeth had a very fun 4th birthday party with pizza, dancing, ice cream cake, and lots of fun friends and presents!
Post-party crash -- cuteness!

I got her a cute doll bed and an Our Generation doll (basically a cheaper and more modern version of American Girl dolls) named Emily... I laughed out loud at these texts from Chet:

Preshface.

❤❤❤

That's all for today, I believe.  It's super rainy and dreary here, but I finally got a really good night's sleep last night, and it has made a world. of. difference. in how I feel physically and emotionally today!! #yaysleep  I sent two important emails this morning, and I feel good about both.  So I'm grateful now for hitting my limit yesterday - I was very tired and *very* sore and feeling mad and sad about lots of things I don't really need to get into here, but I needed to cry and do the work to process it all, so I'm thankful for that overwhelm and the power of extra rest, for a very timely Mel Robbins podcast on trusting yourself and making hard decisions, for a lighthearted night of spaghetti and Scattergories with the fam, for good talks and genuine support lately from Chet Lee and Mom and Kristin, and for feeling a bit of relief and greater clarity about what I want moving forward long-term!  In the near future, I'm currently looking forward to fun dinner plans with Kristin tonight, Kyndal's final 11s club tournament in Tulsa this weekend, and my CCU graduation ceremony next Friday!! #almosthere #getexcited ❤