The Anchor Holds

Almost five months into this job search extravaganza, and if I’m honest, I’m a little discouraged and confused... and increasingly curious about what God is up to in this season.

Chet jokingly said I’m “rage applying” at this point — and, as usual, he’s not too far off.  My backup plan was to ease into private practice on the side while keeping my court reporting job with its steady pay and benefits.  But after talking with Amy, my former supervisor, it’s clear that most private practices in Oklahoma are too slow right now to take on new LPC-Candidates.

Another closed door.
In the 4.5 months since I graduated, I’ve had 10 interviews:

• CREOKS – Accepted a school therapist role; prayed and changed my mind - no regrets
• Charlie Health – Recruited on LinkedIn, two Zoom interviews, then passed over
• Red Rock – Froze on a difficult question; eventually received a rejection email
• Counseling & Recovery Services – Zoom interview; withdrew my application
• Family & Children's Services – Thought the in-person interview went great; rejection email
• Moore Counseling – Two encouraging interviews; the part-time offer wasn’t feasible now
• Colorado Christian PhD – Great interviews; I'm in - the program begins next month

I was also excited about the Maternal Mental Health Therapist opening with FCS, but they filled the position before we even scheduled an interview.  In addition to all these interviews, I've spent loads of time and energy on job searches, resume updates, networking, cold applications, follow-up phone calls, website building, discussions with supervisors, and several processing talks with Mom, Chet, and Kristin - grateful for their wisdom and patience as I wade through this.  The internal pressure is real, and the hustle has been exhausting, especially for a classic introvert.  The closed doors and continuing questions from others are beginning to  feel a bit embarrassing, and this holding pattern is forcing me to ask some hard questions:  Am I climbing the wrong mountain?  Is God using rejection to redirect me?  Should I double down on counseling… or embrace the practical benefits of court reporting again?

I absolutely acknowledge that my current frustration is relatively minor compared to what many are going through.  I'm not oblivious or indifferent to the pain of friends who are dealing with personal health issues, challenging family dynamics, caring for aging parents, navigating a move, grief, and more... there are certainly additional elements to my story that I don't feel free to share on the public blog, but all in all, this season of waiting is more frustrating than truly painful.  I am also confident that this process is sharpening me — I’ve become better at interviews, more articulate about my counseling philosophy, and clearer about my values.  And I'm realizing how much financial stability matters to me, especially if I’m ever blessed to become a mom — and court reporting currently meets that need better than counseling does.

So I spent the early part of this week in an online seminar to keep up my CR certifications, and I've recently applied for two court reporting positions in addition to other counseling jobs - we'll see what doors God chooses to open.  It's ironic that I had been so eager to write the “Court is Adjourned” blog as I transition into full-time counseling.  That dream appears to be on pause - I still don't have a supervisor, and I haven’t seen a client since August.  This season mirrors my one semester at OBU — overwhelmed by a long list of VAGUE possibilities, I opted for the security of court reporting school.  That practical decision served me well back then, and I’m grateful for the financial stability it provides today!

Singleness also plays into these decisions.  I sometimes imagine myself as tethered to my family and /or my friends in Tulsa.  (Yes, I know we add great value to each other’s lives.  But if I moved away, their daily routines wouldn’t change much, and that realization is both freeing and quietly painful.)  Recently, I found myself lamenting that and longing to build with and be “tied down” to someone — to feel chosen, grounded, and truly tethered and connected to another person who shares the weight and reward of these big decisions.

Then yesterday, Kristin Foster shared a clip of Christine Caine speaking on Hebrews 6:19, one of my very favorite verses.  She said: “Jesus is very firm and very secure.  The anchor will hold — but you better be connected to the anchor in order for the anchor to hold you.  Ultimately, it's not that Jesus is unfaithful, but somewhere, we became untethered from the anchor.”

Mic drop.

It definitely caught my attention, as I’ve specifically spoken about feeling "untethered" lately.  It was a sharp reminder to draw near and reconnect.

I am not alone or unseen.  Not groundless or untethered.

My foundation is still rock solid.  

My anchor has never moved.

His love for me has never failed or wavered.

While I continue to wait and wrestle and pray through a stormy season, I am tethering myself to the Anchor - my heart will be rooted in Jesus Christ - and my hope in Him is firm, secure, and unshakable.

God is good and kind, and nothing He allows is without purpose.  So I'm taking a deep breath, praying for renewed strength and endurance, and joining David in declaring:  "You are my God - my future is in Your hands."

“The Anchor holds, though the ship is battered.
The Anchor holds, though the sails are torn.
I have fallen on my knees as I face the raging seas…
The Anchor holds, in spite of the storm.”

❤️