What. a. Preshface!! ❤
She was so proud showing me how she could write her name - YAY, every letter was exciting, and I applauded her! She even threw in a faux-cursive signature under the print... coming back in dramatically to dot her i's, so it must have been her middle or last name. lol ;-) I like that she took her time and alternated pink and purple markers and drew blanks for all her letters before filling them in. I also like that they had been home all day, but she chose to wear her fancy Christmas dress around the house! lol She's the very best.
This = Tate showing me the origami section he liked in The Highlights Book of Things to Do, then showing me several paper hats and cups he had already made following the book's instructions! ❤
Childhood me would have loved this book - anything with unique/random facts or creative, kid-friendy project ideas was interesting and fun to me! I bought it a few years back, along with some great Christian books, as gifts for my future child/children. In the process of reorganizing my home and paring down my book collection -- and in the aftermath of letting go of embryo adoption -- I decided it was healthier to let those books go too. I donated loads of my recently used books to Goodwill, but I gave all the children's books I'd been saving to the wonderful Wilson fam, knowing they read to their children and have two young kids and one on the way... and it made me really happy to see Tate enjoying it!!
Him in his Santa hat with his origami hat collection and her on her tiptoes in her fancy Christmas dress -- I just really love them both, and I am infinitely grateful for my friendship with their family. ❤
As I left work on Thursday, I got an unexpected email from the GoFundMe account for Kristen Harriss. Her parents were writing a final message to sincerely thank everyone who had donated and to share that the support meant a lot to them and to Kristen, in spite of things not turning out the way we all had hoped. They also explained that there was a small surplus of money that they would be donating to a children's charity in Kristen's name, as kids were always near and dear to her heart. That hit me hard, as did the idea of this being their first Christmas without her. The holiday season always amplifies things (the joys and the struggles), and I'm feeling some lingering sadness and heaviness and maybe a bit of fear about the idea of not becoming a mom and what that means for me moving forward. Praying for Jesus to catch my heart on that, and reminding myself to appreciate all the beauty that is present now.
The Wilsons are high on that list for me - I joined them for dinner before Kelly's Favorite Things Party on Friday, then saw them again for Chet's favorite party of the year tonight!
I got some quality time with this mini-BFF, Parker Elizabeth, on both days.
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
Brene Brown uses a marble jar metaphor for trust, saying that as relationships develop over time, we add marbles to the jar as people prove themselves trustworthy, and we subtract them when people hurt or betray our trust...
"When we think about betrayal in terms of the marble jar metaphor, most of us think of someone we trust doing something so terrible that it forces us to grab the jar and dump out every single marble. What’s the worst betrayal of trust? He sleeps with my best friend. She lies about where the money went. He/she chooses someone over me. Someone uses my vulnerability against me (an act of emotional treason that causes most of us to slam the entire jar to the ground rather than just dumping out the marbles). All terrible betrayals, definitely, but there is a particular sort of betrayal that is more insidious and equally corrosive to trust.
In fact, this betrayal usually happens long before the other ones. I’m talking about the betrayal of disengagement. Of not caring. Of letting the connection go. Of not being willing to devote time and effort to the relationship. The word betrayal evokes experiences of cheating, lying, breaking a confidence, failing to defend us to someone else who’s gossiping about us, and not choosing us over other people. These behaviors are certainly betrayals, but they’re not the only form of betrayal. If I had to choose the form of betrayal that emerged most frequently from my research and that was the most dangerous in terms of corroding the trust connection, I would say disengagement.
When the people we love or with whom we have a deep connection stop caring, stop paying attention, stop investing and fighting for the relationship, trust begins to slip away and hurt starts seeping in. Disengagement triggers shame and our greatest fears - the fears of being abandoned, unworthy, and unlovable. What can make this covert betrayal so much more dangerous than something like a lie or an affair is that we can’t point to the source of our pain - there’s no event, no obvious evidence of brokenness. It can feel crazy-making."
~Brene Brown, Daring Greatly
This helped me, and for those who have experienced this form of betrayal, I hope this quote helps you feel less alone or irrational in the middle of your pain. It HURTS when someone you love disengages and gradually pulls away, and you typically know it long before anyone outside the relationship notices anything is wrong. I have been guilty of this myself at times as well as being on the receiving end of it. It's the passive-aggressive and cowardly choice, and I hope to choose courage from today forward. Don't play games or just hope someone gets the hint, but be honest with people if you're upset with them or you want to redefine the relationship. Be hot or be cold, but don't be lukewarm. That's my free advice for the day. :)
~Blog excerpt from August 2014 Lindsey
I saw Brene's video (below) on that topic this morning, which inspired me to find that old blog post. It goes along with a lot of my deeper thoughts and what I'm seeing/experiencing with friendships lately. Disengagement is a low-level, lazy form of betrayal, and staying engaged is a high-level, intentional way to let your people know they matter. Showing up, showing interest and excitement, genuinely caring... it matters every time!
And on that note, Chettles is a proven and trusted "marble jar friend" for me, and I'm thankful for the big and small ways he consistently shows up for his family, friends, neighbors, and coworkers.
Fun fact: These pics are exactly 15 years apart. Joining the ridiculously early morning Today Show crowd in NYC December 2010, then a random pic with the Thunder-Chet sign his neighbor brought tonight! lol
Final subject change: While catching up with Paul and Stephanie, I mentioned that I would likely be moving back to Tulsa sometime in the next couple years. Paul quietly said, "I remember why you moved down there - how is the adoption journey going for you?" It was really kind, and it caught me off guard. I cleared my throat and stammered out a slightly awkward but sincere "Thank you for asking" before briefly explaining that my pursuit of embryo adoption had ended after medical issues complicated things. They truly understand, and we moved on to other topics without much issue, but I was genuinely glad that he asked and showed interest.
So as I sit in my beautifully cozy, quiet home and process this first week of truly fun Christmas parties and good conversations and ramped-up grief emotions and soooo much talk about family and children and new year hopes and dreams, all of the above feels like a very solid reminder for me to keep my heart anchored in Kingdom hope. We have a heart designed for the unending family-style connections and redemptive joy and lasting purpose that will. be. ours. forever. in the Kingdom of Heaven, and all the lovely things we experience here will always be partial and incomplete by comparison. So make the most of all the joy you are given here, but let your heart find rest in the firm and secure Kingdom hope we have through Christ! The best is yet to come, truly.
In the meantime, remember that your presence matters - disengagement is a form of betrayal - show up for the people you care about, for the people who have been there for you!
Okay, friends! I'll keep it lighter and post fun party pics tomorrow!!
❤ ❤ ❤
