This book was a timely revelation and practically-helpful tool for me on the topic of self-doubt. I listened to most of it during my drive home from seeing Annie and Eddie in Texas. I had talked with Chet earlier that afternoon about how adrift I was feeling without the clear end goal of adoption. He talked from his perspective about seeing all the doors God had opened for me with CCU, and it was a good (slightly jarring) reminder that it hasn't ALL been roadblocks and hurdles on the counseling journey...
It paired really well with the content of this book, and God used all of the above to inspire hope in me that this may not be the dead end I've been imagining. Having some time to really think about my story and how much has shifted over the past two years was also helpful. And in my own defense, there has been A LOT of change and loss to process, and I can see how I got here. Somewhere between the weight loss surgery and recovery, the extra attention and inner/outer pressure to maintain a certain physical appearance whilst navigating hair loss and hormonal changes that would be difficult for any woman, the intense season of marathon training, trying and struggling to view myself as a "finisher" - someone who commits and finishes what she starts, the end of the master's program, the unexpected difficulty of finding a good counseling job, the hard situations and imposter syndrome in some of those early roles, the desire to bow out and disappear, getting into the PhD program, the high expectation and pressure to perform well while not feeling sure I really want to move forward there, facing the physical realities of aging and fibroids and repeated roadblocks head-on, letting go of my long-held adoption dream, quietly grieving that massive loss with precious little acknowledgement while trying to hold onto other dreams that were kind of rooted in that one, realizing how many of my dreams were tied to the idea of being a mom, pursuing the hope of dating whilst zero men are pursuing me, consistently trying to push back against the sense of feeling rejected/unworthy while also being uninspired by the pool of mediocre/passive men, navigating multiple dating apps and driving to another state for a date and staying open to friend set-ups while knowing there will always be others who believe I'm just not trying hard enough, getting raises and cushier job offers in court reporting while everyone keeps asking how my new counseling career is going, ambiguous grief and feeling unheard in certain family situations, and navigating a major friendship conflict and sharply critical/painful conversations there... it has all spiraled me into fairly crippling inner storm of shame and self-doubt, with an amped-up desire to numb out from the gnawing sense that nothing I do is ever quite enough.
Woof. This book really opened my eyes to all of that, and now I believe God will help me rebuild my sense of identity and God-given power and authority! I've always loved the verses that talk about Jesus teaching "with real authority, quite unlike their teachers of religious law." I love and have always been drawn to people who speak with authority, who believe in themselves, lead well, and exude a genuine security and confidence that puts others at ease. God is opening a few new doors, and I have some ideas brewing on what I want to pursue. Whatever else I do with the remainder of my life, I know I want to pursue and live from that inner trust and confidence that is rooted in Christ!!
Big Trust Quotes:
- "You're not questioning just your skills or knowledge, but yourself. Your value, your place, your right to take up space. You doubt your very sense of who you are, and that's why self-doubt sticks. Because we mistake it for who we are rather than something we've learned or internalized.
- Your brain's response to feeling not enough is often to overcompensate. You tell yourself that the next achievement, promotion, or milestone will be the one, the moment you finally feel like you belong. But the finish line keeps moving. You take on more, chase perfection, and tie your worth to your output. No matter how much you achieve, you still end the day thinking: Was it enough?
- The more visible you become, the more pressure you imagine is on you. More eyes, more expectations, more chances to disappoint. So you procrastinate, you hesitate, and you convince yourself you're fine where you are. But you're not; you're just scared... Safety feels better than growth, but staying small isn't safe. It's self-sabotage.
- These patterns (overworking, people-pleasing, shrinking, or finding comfort in others' failures) all stem from the same belief: I'm not enough. Every behavior is an attempt to avoid that discomfort, but until you face it head-on and call it out for the lie it is, you'll stay stuck.
- There will always be others who seem better equipped, more qualified, sharper, shinier, something. The real difference between people who do the hard things and the ones who don't isn't talent, and it isn't usually skill. It's BELIEF. It's the ability to come back to an unshakable trust in your own unique individual strengths even when self-doubt is doing its best to derail you.
- Most of us are far more competent, stronger, wiser, and more capable than we give ourselves credit for. You don't need to pretend you know it all. Trust the part of you that's always been willing to learn and brave enough to ask. When you trust your skills and your ability to figure things out, challenges don't feel insurmountable. When you connect to your inner authority, self-doubt quiets and self-trust begins to take its place.
- Self-trust grows faster in good company. Surround yourself with people who believe in you, even when you don't. These are the folks who hold you accountable, cheer you on, and remind you of who you are when doubt gets loud... one supportive person can make a world of difference! #truestory
- Don't just do this for you. Be the leader who uplifts others, the parent who inspires, the friend who brings light, the human who makes the world better just by being more of who they are. That's what big trust unlocks - not just inner trust, but outer impact!
- No matter where you are in life, YOUR FUTURE IS STILL YOURS TO SHAPE! ...Self-trust isn't built in one grand moment. It's built in every small moment where you decide: I'm not shrinking. I'm not hiding. I'm not doubting - not this time. Now, go re-write your story!"
and He will complete the good things
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