Reality at All Costs

One of my favorite quotes on mental health:

"If you're depressed, if you're anxious,

You are not weak.  You're not crazy.

You're not a machine with broken parts.

You're a human being with unmet needs.

We need to talk less about chemical imbalances
and more about the imbalances in the way we live.

This problem goes deeper than biology,
and the solutions need to go deeper, too.

We are the loneliest society in human history.
Your depression is not a malfunction; it's a signal...
Your depression is telling you something.
With the right help, we can understand these problems,
and we can fix these problems together."
~Johann Hari, TED Talk

As a mental health student, client, professional, and leader, one common mental health misconception that I feel called to correct is the idea that people who seek counseling are somehow "crazy" or “trainwrecks” or that their lives must be falling apart.  FALSE.

Carelessly-placed negative labels can be so damaging, and I consistently wish people were more cautious with their words.  God reminds us that our words hold the power of life and death -- to uplift and heal, or to dehumanize or devalue hurting people.  

The stigma I mentioned above is harmful and unfair.  Many adults who seek counseling are emotionally mature people who value personal growth over personal comfort.  Maybe they're working toward a better future or seeking to change harmful patterns learned in a dysfunctional family system.  And yes, some clients are truly in crisis - maybe they are legitimate victims of neglect, abuse, sexual assault, or other trauma, and they need safety and support and healing before they can move from a victim mindset to a thriving survivor mentality.  Not broken or weak, but people (who are created in God's image and deeply loved by Him) with unmet needs.  Changing our habit patterns or learned identity is incredibly difficult work.  It's also deeply valuable, and seeking support through counseling shows healthy self-awareness, humility, strength, and courage!!

Another myth I would love to correct is the idea that any strong negative emotion is a sign of poor mental health.  FALSE.  As M. Scott Peck wrote, “Mental health is the dedication to reality at all costs.”

That means experiencing the full range of emotions and responding in a balanced, healthy way to whatever you are facing in the present moment.  True mental health is not about trying to convince yourself everything is fine when you're hurting.  Sadness, anger, and grief are all part of a mentally healthy life.  We do not have to force positivity or plastic smiles or put a positive spin on everything.  It is about learning to face the joys, sorrows, and confusion we feel with honesty and grace.

Pretending to be happy and okay when we’re not is actually an unhealthy denial of reality.  And a mentally healthy person does not avoid or trivialize their own pain; they acknowledge it, name it, and work through it... sometimes with the help of medication and/or a trusted friend, family member, or counselor!

The only way out is through.

Keep going, friends.

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Gaillardia Girls Night!

After the girls finished filming their Tik-Tok dances, Rachael and Kyndal and Haydenn met me at the Braum's on Macarthur (aww, vivid 2011-2013 memories of Doris Drive), and I rode with them through the Gaillardia neighborhood across the street!

It was Haydenn's 13th birthday, so happy bday to her!  She and Kyndal are entertaining together, and they dressed as "Soulja Boy," as his Crank That song from the early 2000s has become popular again on Tik-Tok. lolol. Seeing their costumes and watching them kinda trip while trying the dance between houses brought me lots of joy!!

Rough lighting on this pic... for me and Haydenn, at least.  There were some people taking their golf cart through the neighborhood, and the lights were shining right on us, but that also made the shadows much more intense! #metaphorforlife

Rach wore her ghost poncho and black eye makeup and lipstick, and I wore my grad robe and Gryffindor scarf to be a Hogwarts student - yay, easy costumes!!  ...Rach jokingly called me Harry Potter at one point, and I corrected that to Hermione (pronounced "her-my-knee").  Then Rach said, "Seriously, that's how you say it??  I always thought it was her-mee-own."  Like, get all the way out.  So yeah, she and her children clearly haven't even seen the movies and have zero business visiting the magic that is Harry Potter World! lol #muggles

Rach and I mostly stayed in the car and chatted and admired the bougie houses and caught up on life whilst the girls were in and out.  It's a super fancy neighborhood, so naturally, several homes hand out full-size candy bars.  Even the security guard at the neighborhood entrance had some candy for all of us! =)  Also, Kyndal Faith got a haircut this week, and it's super cute!

Jace was at the CHA football game in Minco, but he begged Rach to trick-or-treat for him! lol  She felt dumb going up to the door at the first house, so I jokingly suggested she just tell them her son is in the car with a foot injury, then Kyndal said "Do that after I've walked away!  What if they ask to come see him!?"  The thought of that and how Rach would react made me laugh a lot!  For the record, she did not try that, but Kyndal got plenty of candy to share a bit with Jace. =)

We were there from around 7:00-9:15 and the girls canvassed most of the neighborhood.  Kudos to Rach for her great sense of direction, even if her knowledge of Harry Potter is woefully inadequate. lol  Gryffindors, ghosts, and a fun girls night at Gaillardia - that alliteration just writes itself!

Here's Karsten and Asher... their mismatched costume heads and Emily's caption made me laugh!  The sibling rivalry is so real, and it starts early!! lol

Speaking of cute siblings, here's Parker Elizabeth as a presh unicorn, and Tate Haywood as a daring ninja (Jace's costume from yesteryear)!

Her randomly putting her hand up by her face to pose now after the photographer had her do that for her school pic = my very favorite thing! lol  Gah, so much cuteness!!

That concludes my Halloween 2025 recap!

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New Perspective

When I think about key moments that shaped how I see myself and the world, three stand out right now: my recent trip to NYC, a 2010 court reporting seminar, and my first visit to CCU.  Each stretched me in new ways and really helped me grow in confidence, faith, and feeling connected to the world around me!

New York City:  This fall’s trip to NYC was full of firsts, including my first time driving through Dallas traffic!  What once felt intimidating turned out to be empowering.  From navigating airports and hotels and Ubers to exploring NYC and seeing my favorite play on Broadway, everything went smoothly.  God was kind to me, and I came home with great memories, feeling very thankful and more confident and capable.  That trip reminded me that we really can do hard things, and that the world isn’t nearly as scary as it sometimes seems.  It required a bit of courage, and it expanded my sense of safety and community!

Ecstatic to be at the Richard Rodgers Theater with Leslie Odom, Jr. and company!!

2010 Court Reporting Seminar:  This seminar came after a discouraging workday when an attorney’s harsh words caught me off guard and made me cry.  I felt weak and unsure of who I was, and Jane Boucher’s session on personality types was a revelation.  Her simple framework taught me that I’m an Amiable (introverted feeler).  Understanding what that means and how Drivers (extrovert thinkers), Expressives (extrovert feelers), Analyticals (introvert thinkers), and fellow Amiables tend to communicate and interact has forever reshaped the way I view myself and understand relationships - truly valuable insight that continues to guide me today!

(2010-era photo at Orange Leaf with Krista)

Colorado Christian University:  Enrolling at CCU was a leap of faith that took a different kind of bravery and tenacity.  Traveling alone, navigating the Denver airport, hotel, and rental car, stepping into a completely new environment full of strangers, and being required to do in-person counseling role plays that first week -- it all stretched me and stressed. me. out.  But it also expanded my confidence and my worldview in ways I never expected.  The inspiring people I’ve met, the personal growth I’ve experienced, the way my faith and knowledge have deepened, and the glowing sense of connection I feel on the CCU campus have all left a lasting mark!

First time on campus at Residency One, Summer 2022

Courage means moving forward through fear, knowing God is with you and for you.  And as we stay open to His leading, life opens up in beautiful ways!

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November Blog Challenge

1.  Write about a moment that changed the way you see yourself or the world.

2.  What is one misconception about mental health you feel called to correct?

3.  Describe a small, seemingly ordinary moment in your life that turned out to be a defining scene in your story.

4.  You’re stranded on an island and can bring three items—what are they and why?

5.  Write about a season when your faith or worldview guided you through something challenging?

6.  What has court reporting taught you about people and human nature?

7.  What lesson keeps resurfacing - and why might God be repeating it in your life?

8.  If you could visit any moment in history—or your own past—for one day, when and where would you go?

9.  What’s a story from your life most people haven’t heard but reveals something important about who you are?

10.  Describe a time you stepped outside your comfort zone and what you learned.

11.  If your life were a metaphor (e.g., a race, a garden, a song, a book), what would it be and why?

12.  What song best captures your personality or current season of life, and why?

13.  What’s a personal quality you’re proud of that others often notice?

14.  In an alternate universe, what does your life look like?

15.  What dreams or goals are stirring in your heart for 2026 and beyond?

16.  What has counseling taught you about people’s resilience and inner strength?

17.  If you could rewrite one scene from your life, what would you change - or would you keep it exactly as it is?

18.  You can invite three people (living or dead) to dinner. Who are they, and what would you serve?

19.  What is one truth or principle God is teaching you right now?

20.  What are five small things that never fail to make you smile or brighten your day?

21.  If your life were made into a movie, what is the title and genre, and who would play you?

22.  Who are three people who have had the greatest impact on your character?

23.  What is one quote or verse that has deeply shaped how you live or think?

24.  Which TV or film character’s journey reminds you of your walk with God, and why?

25.  If you could wake up with one superpower (serious or silly), what would it be and how would you use it?

26.  What movie or show do you return to again and again, and what comfort or truth does it offer you each time?

27.  Write a prayer of thanks for this year’s blessings, challenges, and lessons.

28.  What’s something you’re surprisingly good at that most people wouldn’t guess about you?

29.  What activity, place, or experience makes you feel most like yourself?

30.  Reflect on this year’s spiritual theme — what word or lesson has shaped your journey?

*Writing prompts courtesy of my close personal friend, ChatGPT. lol

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Photo Friday!

Happy Friday, my friends!  Happy Birthday to Holly Dei, Happy Halloween to those who celebrate the cuter side of it, and Happy last day of October!  Huzzah!!!

Okay, so first off, I was sad to hear that Blossom Bariatrics is closing soon (November will be their final month for surgeries, then they will stay open into early 2026 to care for those patients).  They listed rising costs, the growing impact of weight loss medications, and an oversaturation of bariatric clinics among the factors behind that decision.  Several past clients are now posting gratitude notes and success-story photos, and it's been uplifting and inspiring to see those!

The depression/shame cloud is lifting.  I am still working toward my goal weight and feeling ever-more determined to reach it, but I've come a long way since summer 2024, and I am very grateful to Dr. Apel (pictured above) and the team at Blossom in Vegas for the life-changing jump start on this continuing health journey!!  They were the only clinic I found that offered the fast-tracked surgery date and the safe-sleeve process, and that was vital for me in signing up! ❤

In other news, I feel like I had a real breakthrough with school this week...

I'm in a qualitative research group where our project is interviewing CCU professors about their experience teaching with a trauma-informed approach.  I got to interview two of my former professors - both women with great answers and powerful life stories.  I realized looking back that both of them taught me during Spring 2023 when I nearly left the master's program.  It was a gift to connect with them again, and one of them gave me some great advice on choosing a dissertation topic...

Me:  We've been talking about it, like, what do we want to be known for?

Dr. R:  Nooooo.  No, that's too much pressure!  You want to be known as "Doctor."  You can figure the rest of it out and do (slower) in-depth research on things you're more passionate about later. lol

She encouraged me to think about the populations I have access to for research surveys (Tinker military, tornado survivors, attorneys, court reporters, CHA students, etc.) and to seriously consider quantitative research, noting that it makes reporting the results much more clear, quick, and simple!  That convo inspired me to work harder in my quantitative class, and on our most challenging week so far, I felt like I understood the concepts and completed everything on my own in better time than I'd expected.  Anyway, life opens up when you do.  And when you honor God, He honors you.  So I'm very grateful for all of that, and looking forward to my meeting with Dr. Burkhart next Monday!!

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A couple pics from family dinner and game night this Wednesday!

This = Kyndal Faith and I being totally gridlocked in a very strategic game of checkers! lol

Didn't know that could happen, but here it is.  We started over, and she won fair and square.

Earlier that day was the CHA Patriotic program!  It's my favorite of CHA's programs (as it's the only one that changes regularly), and it was Kyndal's final one (she's in 6th grade, and it's elementary only).  They did a family dinner play where she was the daughter.  She told us she got permission to write her lines on an index card on her plate, so I grabbed a photo of that after the program! lol  She also asked the teachers if they could remove the candles so they wouldn't block people's view of them - when we realized it was the very thin taper candles, we all got cracked up by that!  Maybe she was thinking of the scrapbook photos and not wanting anything in the way.  She's the very best!! lol

I cried (like, real tears rolling down both sides of my face) during the armed forces tribute.  They sing the songs of each military branch, and the parents and grandparents who served stand up when their branch's song is sung.  That one hit me extra hard this year, and I was not doing well. lol

Failed to get a photo, but Kristin and I met for a fun lunch at La Madeleine yesterday!  (Frankie is out of state at a 2-week training for his new job, so we did lunch instead of walking together this week!)

I watched the Swiped movie with Lily James about the founder of Bumble (an ex-Tinder employee who hated the way that company treated women).  That inspired me to try Bumble again.  One of my first match suggestions was a married couple clearly looking for a third partner.  I was quick to screenshot it when I realized it said, "Things we have in common: Christian."  Threesome on Saturday, church on Sunday - that's pretty much the absurdity level of the world we're living in, though. lol

Anyway, I'll let you know if something more promising comes along on Bumble.

Something random I've spent a stupid amount of time on lately is watching people's reactions to Taylor Swift songs - Terry & Kaniyia's reels are my favorites - so entertaining for Swifties!!

Now I'm off to throw on my graduation gown (yay) and warm Gryffindor scarf (thanks, Kristin), then meet Rach and Kyndal for a girls' night of trick-or-treating at Gaillardia! =)  (Jaceman is at a football game with TJ & friends.)  It feels like the end of the year always moves more quickly, but I'm very happy to be moving into November, and psyched to find out the gender of future baby Wilson tomorrow!  I'll be doing a 30-day writing challenge here, just for fun and to mix up the topics a little.  Hope you have a fun night and a peaceful weekend ahead!

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Embrace the Partial

I think about this song often.

In a slightly comical way with my mindset toward food.

In a less comical way about my own marriage potential.

And lately, just quietly wondering about what will truly bring me fulfillment in life...

I'm reminded of this verse, which I've loved for a very long time:

"Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity.  All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely."
~1 Corinthians 13:12

I LOVE the reminder that God sees me and loves me and knows me completely, especially since I feel genuine confused about what I want and what's best for me half the time. lol  I also love the reminder that earthly life feels "partial and incomplete" for EVERYONE - I'm not alone or unique in that inner void, and there is not some vital thing I can do or attain that will truly and finally "fix it."  The nature of sin is ever-increasing, so anything we turn to in idolatry or addiction patterns will never ever be "enough."  Marriage will never be enough to complete us.  Motherhood will never be enough to fulfill us.  A fantastic job will not be enough.  Great health, strength, beauty, degrees, vacations, money, security, political power - all fleeting and never enough to last and completely fulfill us.  Even our experience of God's presence, close friendships, and church community will never be enough here.  "ALLLLLL THAT I KNOW NOW is partial and incomplete."  All of it.  John Eldredge has helped me to view those things -- the best things I experience here -- as a glimpse or a preview of what life will be like in Heaven.  That perspective helps me so much right now.

"The temptation when you're in it with disappointment, loss, and unrealized dreams is to shut part of your heart down and pack it away.  We give up on relationship because it is partial.  We give up on friendship because it is partial.  We give up on work or on our calling because it is partial."  ~John Eldredge

Nothing less can satisfy us.

I have been working so hard to pursue big dreams over the past 3-4 years, and in the deepest part of me, I feel a growing disappointment and disenchantment with all of it this year.  And what I've really needed was the above reminder that it is all intended to be partial, even at its best.  Single motherhood would never have been perfect.  Married motherhood isn't either.  Even in the best and most God-honoring marriages.  Weight loss doesn't make life or health perfect.  Court reporting will always fall a bit short of being fulfilling for me.  Counseling work will usually fall short of the genuine connections and pay range I desire.  I can choose what I want to prioritize moving forward, but I would do well to remember that every human being alive is dealing with something that makes their life imperfect, partial, and incomplete.  And that's okay and normal and expected - that's the part I really need to hold on to!!

I fully believe that action is better than being stagnant, and we can (and should) experience a lot of love and gratitude and joy and wonder here!  However, there is no meaningful goal -- not one -- that will make our lives feel whole and complete.  And that's oddly comforting to me in this pivotal moment, because it takes the intense pressure off of me.  It means I am not failing at life, and God is not failing me.  I'm feeling the deep ache of wanting what is only available for me in Heaven, the sting of "the partial."  And I'm reminding myself to re-anchor my soul in the hope of knowing Jesus and spending eternity with Him, not in any earthly hope that I can muster up and push for here.

I appreciate this chart, but believing we can find lasting "bliss" if we only find the perfect job role for ourselves is false hope.  We should make the effort to find work we enjoy and live lives that matter and help others, but nothing will always be perfect.  The hero's journey does not end in bliss, but in setting new goals and keeping a right perspective.  Life is messy, and perfection will not arrive for any of us unless or until we meet Jesus face to face, which is a big relief to my perfectionistic mind and longing heart.  It's not on me.  Perfect relational connections, perfect health and beauty, and fulfilling work are all coming later.  For now, we can "embrace the partial" and make the most of the time, energy, and wonderful people God gives us to love here!!

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Shifting gears, please be praying for my Aunt Marilyn, who had a stroke last Tuesday.  Her speech and facial movement are improving, and she is being moved to a rehab facility today.  This = the Texas Muecke fam last Thanksgiving, with Marilyn and Gus on the right!

She's next to me after our Red Robin lunch here:

And keep my Aunt JoBug (LaJo) in your prayers also - she had a bacterial infection/virus that caused some A-Fib issues and resulted in her heart being shocked back into the sinus rhythm last Friday.

Things that feel very true right now:

Life is fragile, and sometimes it's really scary and hard.

People are resilient, and love is healing.

Everything we know and experience here is partial and incomplete.

There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind!!

My PeiWei fortune cookie promise... I have lots of dreams and a lot to look forward to, but it all feels a bit vague and distant right now.  I'm in a mild grief and transition season, so that's okay.  There are better things ahead, here on earth and in Heaven!

"So prepare your minds for action and exercise self-control. Put all your hope in the gracious salvation that will come to you when Jesus Christ is revealed to the world."  ~1 Peter 1:13

I love you and believe in you,

and I pray that this Kingdom hope reminder was helpful today!

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Photo Friday Fun!

Happy Friday, friends and fam!!  I hope you've had a lovely day, and hope it's a relaxing, rainy weekend ahead (at least for those in Oklahoma)!

Current mindset:

Yay, royal fam!  Because where else would I throw in these photos?

So grateful for Emily's insight and for the genuine connection/trust that lets me be more open and real with her than any past counselor!

After tonight's taco salad fam dinner (yum!) and playing a few rounds of Heads Up, here's Jaceman trying Mom's new ladder to help with Christmas decor!  And on the right is Rach's favorite football stance. lol

Tomorrow = 10 years in Heaven for Aspyn Jane, so Lindsay and Wavy took cupcakes to thank the police and firemen for their help that day, and they raised over $1000 for Aspyn Arrows baby monitor donations!! ❤  I know the grief is very real.  The resilience is too!

Sophie and Melanie and Travis hanging out at their live show in San Antonio! =)  Caroline's first book released last week, so she was there doing a book signing, as well.  Love it all!!

Mel Robbins' 143 Studios team celebrating her birthday (all wearing blonde wigs and black-framed glasses with a black shirt, her signature look). lolol

Yay for all my podcast franz! lol  I hope to join them in that world down the road!!

I'm keeping it low key at my place this year, but 'tis the season for early Christmas decorating at Mom's!  Check out the creativity and attention to detail on this bow and garland!!

The outdoor wreaths with twinkling lights + the JOYful kitchen during tonight's dinner!

Truth.

Carter Lee is #1 on the leaderboard for the Junior Rodeo World Championship in Steer Wrestling!  While my knowledge of that world is very limited, I'm proud of him for putting in the hard work to reach that goal!!

My sparkly/colorful headband collection makes me happy, and now I need to throw in a few more cute baseball caps, as Vivian prefers them for comfort and ease. lol

That's all for now - keeping it light and fluffy today.

Happy Friday!!

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