You know the game of limbo we played as kids? Sometimes at parties, sometimes at skating rinks... always with a bar that was gradually lowered. The goal was to cross beneath it without touching the bar - your feet and knees did their very best to keep you grounded and pull you forward, while the rest of your body bent backwards and risked a painful collapse. Mmmm, so many metaphors.
Anyway, the real-life adult version is decidedly less fun...
What I thought would be a nice rest day did not go according to plan. I had my OBGYN appointment today - thank you to anyone who saw the early morning blog and prayed.
Long story short: After doing all I could to prepare and help things go smoothly, the planned saline infusion sonogram is not something they actually do at any SSM facility. They referred me to OU Reproductive, who cannot get me in until November. Today involved a lot of frustration and phone tag, and I'm still waiting to hear back from Dallas IVF about the potential cost and whether they could work me in this week. I have legally adopted two embryos, and I feel like God entrusted them to me, and I do not take that lightly. A lot of other areas of my life feel suspended in limbo while I'm waiting to know something definitive (a clear yes or no on the pregnancy hopes), and that has been more challenging than I expected.
I'm reminding myself of how chaotic and terrible it felt to live through the 2020 home remodel at 522... it felt as if it would never end - minor delays felt overwhelming, and it felt catastrophic when the original contractor just gave up and stopped answering texts and calls. But we found someone better to finish things up, and it all came together beautifully in the end.
Three months is not the end of the world. My body will adjust and calm down, and my mind can pivot and adjust to whatever timeline God puts in place here. I will not catastrophize this; I am not a victim.
For whatever reason #spirtualwarfare, a repeated and loud thought when it comes to big life decisions lately has been, "You're on your own here." The fruit of it has been a. lot. of extra pressure and stress/exhaustion.
So that's an agreement I'm going to break very early in this single parent storyline.
God is WITH me.
God is FOR me.
He is faithful and true.
I am not partnerless.
My child will not be Father-less.
I never have to face any decision alone.
God wastes nothing.
His plans are higher than mine.
He guards me with protective strength.
However this journey ends, He will use it for my good and His glory.
I am okay. This is not all on me. I can rest in Him.
I'm gonna end this there and get some rest tonight. ❤
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