Reality at All Costs

One of my favorite quotes on mental health:

"If you're depressed, if you're anxious,

You are not weak.  You're not crazy.

You're not a machine with broken parts.

You're a human being with unmet needs.

We need to talk less about chemical imbalances
and more about the imbalances in the way we live.

This problem goes deeper than biology,
and the solutions need to go deeper, too.

We are the loneliest society in human history.
Your depression is not a malfunction; it's a signal...
Your depression is telling you something.
With the right help, we can understand these problems,
and we can fix these problems together."
~Johann Hari, TED Talk

As a mental health student, client, professional, and leader, one common mental health misconception that I feel called to correct is the idea that people who seek counseling are somehow "crazy" or “trainwrecks” or that their lives must be falling apart.  FALSE.

Carelessly-placed negative labels can be so damaging, and I consistently wish people were more cautious with their words.  God reminds us that our words hold the power of life and death -- to uplift and heal, or to dehumanize or devalue hurting people.  

The stigma I mentioned above is harmful and unfair.  Many adults who seek counseling are emotionally mature people who value personal growth over personal comfort.  Maybe they're working toward a better future or seeking to change harmful patterns learned in a dysfunctional family system.  And yes, some clients are truly in crisis - maybe they are legitimate victims of neglect, abuse, sexual assault, or other trauma, and they need safety and support and healing before they can move from a victim mindset to a thriving survivor mentality.  Not broken or weak, but people (who are created in God's image and deeply loved by Him) with unmet needs.  Changing our habit patterns or learned identity is incredibly difficult work.  It's also deeply valuable, and seeking support through counseling shows healthy self-awareness, humility, strength, and courage!!

Another myth I would love to correct is the idea that any strong negative emotion is a sign of poor mental health.  FALSE.  As M. Scott Peck wrote, “Mental health is the dedication to reality at all costs.”

That means experiencing the full range of emotions and responding in a balanced, healthy way to whatever you are facing in the present moment.  True mental health is not about trying to convince yourself everything is fine when you're hurting.  Sadness, anger, and grief are all part of a mentally healthy life.  We do not have to force positivity or plastic smiles or put a positive spin on everything.  It is about learning to face the joys, sorrows, and confusion we feel with honesty and grace.

Pretending to be happy and okay when we’re not is actually an unhealthy denial of reality.  And a mentally healthy person does not avoid or trivialize their own pain; they acknowledge it, name it, and work through it... sometimes with the help of medication and/or a trusted friend, family member, or counselor!

The only way out is through.

Keep going, friends.

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Gaillardia Girls Night!

After the girls finished filming their Tik-Tok dances, Rachael and Kyndal and Haydenn met me at the Braum's on Macarthur (aww, vivid 2011-2013 memories of Doris Drive), and I rode with them through the Gaillardia neighborhood across the street!

It was Haydenn's 13th birthday, so happy bday to her!  She and Kyndal are entertaining together, and they dressed as "Soulja Boy," as his Crank That song from the early 2000s has become popular again on Tik-Tok. lolol. Seeing their costumes and watching them kinda trip while trying the dance between houses brought me lots of joy!!

Rough lighting on this pic... for me and Haydenn, at least.  There were some people taking their golf cart through the neighborhood, and the lights were shining right on us, but that also made the shadows much more intense! #metaphorforlife

Rach wore her ghost poncho and black eye makeup and lipstick, and I wore my grad robe and Gryffindor scarf to be a Hogwarts student - yay, easy costumes!!  ...Rach jokingly called me Harry Potter at one point, and I corrected that to Hermione (pronounced "her-my-knee").  Then Rach said, "Seriously, that's how you say it??  I always thought it was her-mee-own."  Like, get all the way out.  So yeah, she and her children clearly haven't even seen the movies and have zero business visiting the magic that is Harry Potter World! lol #muggles

Rach and I mostly stayed in the car and chatted and admired the bougie houses and caught up on life whilst the girls were in and out.  It's a super fancy neighborhood, so naturally, several homes hand out full-size candy bars.  Even the security guard at the neighborhood entrance had some candy for all of us! =)  Also, Kyndal Faith got a haircut this week, and it's super cute!

Jace was at the CHA football game in Minco, but he begged Rach to trick-or-treat for him! lol  She felt dumb going up to the door at the first house, so I jokingly suggested she just tell them her son is in the car with a foot injury, then Kyndal said "Do that after I've walked away!  What if they ask to come see him!?"  The thought of that and how Rach would react made me laugh a lot!  For the record, she did not try that, but Kyndal got plenty of candy to share a bit with Jace. =)

We were there from around 7:00-9:15 and the girls canvassed most of the neighborhood.  Kudos to Rach for her great sense of direction, even if her knowledge of Harry Potter is woefully inadequate. lol  Gryffindors, ghosts, and a fun girls night at Gaillardia - that alliteration just writes itself!

Here's Karsten and Asher... their mismatched costume heads and Emily's caption made me laugh!  The sibling rivalry is so real, and it starts early!! lol

Speaking of cute siblings, here's Parker Elizabeth as a presh unicorn, and Tate Haywood as a daring ninja (Jace's costume from yesteryear)!

Her randomly putting her hand up by her face to pose now after the photographer had her do that for her school pic = my very favorite thing! lol  Gah, so much cuteness!!

That concludes my Halloween 2025 recap!

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New Perspective

When I think about key moments that shaped how I see myself and the world, three stand out right now: my recent trip to NYC, a 2010 court reporting seminar, and my first visit to CCU.  Each stretched me in new ways and really helped me grow in confidence, faith, and feeling connected to the world around me!

New York City:  This fall’s trip to NYC was full of firsts, including my first time driving through Dallas traffic!  What once felt intimidating turned out to be empowering.  From navigating airports and hotels and Ubers to exploring NYC and seeing my favorite play on Broadway, everything went smoothly.  God was kind to me, and I came home with great memories, feeling very thankful and more confident and capable.  That trip reminded me that we really can do hard things, and that the world isn’t nearly as scary as it sometimes seems.  It required a bit of courage, and it expanded my sense of safety and community!

Ecstatic to be at the Richard Rodgers Theater with Leslie Odom, Jr. and company!!

2010 Court Reporting Seminar:  This seminar came after a discouraging workday when an attorney’s harsh words caught me off guard and made me cry.  I felt weak and unsure of who I was, and Jane Boucher’s session on personality types was a revelation.  Her simple framework taught me that I’m an Amiable (introverted feeler).  Understanding what that means and how Drivers (extrovert thinkers), Expressives (extrovert feelers), Analyticals (introvert thinkers), and fellow Amiables tend to communicate and interact has forever reshaped the way I view myself and understand relationships - truly valuable insight that continues to guide me today!

(2010-era photo at Orange Leaf with Krista)

Colorado Christian University:  Enrolling at CCU was a leap of faith that took a different kind of bravery and tenacity.  Traveling alone, navigating the Denver airport, hotel, and rental car, stepping into a completely new environment full of strangers, and being required to do in-person counseling role plays that first week -- it all stretched me and stressed. me. out.  But it also expanded my confidence and my worldview in ways I never expected.  The inspiring people I’ve met, the personal growth I’ve experienced, the way my faith and knowledge have deepened, and the glowing sense of connection I feel on the CCU campus have all left a lasting mark!

First time on campus at Residency One, Summer 2022

Courage means moving forward through fear, knowing God is with you and for you.  And as we stay open to His leading, life opens up in beautiful ways!

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