Messy Seasons; Clear Identity

Ten years ago (on 6-16-16), Mom had a spinal fusion, a major surgery with an intense recovery period.  Pics = Mom on the phone with Jaceman before going back for surgery, my first AFD book (read cover to cover while staying with Mom in that hospital room), waiting room with Babah and Dad, Bill and Debbie Wallace coming by the hospital to wait with us, and Jace enjoying the CFA lunch I dropped off for the Parrish fam at JoBug's pool! ❤

A Flipagram time capsule with some vivid memories from that season:

Look at 2016 me using a John Mayer song - never been a big fan of him as a person, but that song is a pretty good one.  I'm so thankful for the blog record and for slideshows like this that encapsulate the feeling of certain seasons.

Anyway, I was about to write something self-condemning about how "I was a hot mess" in that season.

Caregiving takes a toll, and it was absolutely a stressful time (including a dreadful night where Mom's blood pressure was critically low and her kidneys were not functioning and the doctors were struggling to bring it back up and I was the only family member present at the hospital, then they released her to go home a couple days before they really should have).  Some of it's a blur now, but I know I cried several times, put too much pressure on myself, felt like I wasn't handling anything well, and ended up seeing a counselor for a bit.  Soooo much grace for myself as I look back!

Brene Brown told a short story that resonated with me.  While picking her daughter up from Kindergarten, the teacher told her this story: Earlier that day, the kids were playing with glue and glitter, and the teacher playfully commented, "Ohhh, you are a mess!" to Brene's daughter... then her daughter politely responded, "I might be making a mess right now, but I am not a mess." ❤

I adore that, and I'm adopting it.

I am wonderfully complex (Psalm 139), made in God's image, loved and worth loving, every day of my life fully seen and recorded in God's book (and on this blog). ;-)

I've been through some very messy seasons (haven't we all?).

And I am not a mess.

(Harder still, 2007 Lindsey was not a mess.  She made some bad choices, but Jesus loved her enough to fight for her heart.  She was a work in progress, gradually growing in Christ through hard seasons and big losses.)

I'm reminding myself that our word choices MATTER.  And I'm not going to speak messiness (pain, chaos, confusion, stress, overwhelm) over my life or identity.  And I won't say it about others either, which I've definitely done without intending any harm at times - I want to be someone who is thoughtful, intentional, and caring with my words.

For now, whenever I feel tempted to give a one-word "MESS!" response, I'm going to replace that with "GRACE!" to remind myself to be kind and have extra grace for myself and others.  We're all human, and life is freaking hard sometimes, and we are allowed to feel it all as we move through it into better seasons ahead.  We all have certain weaknesses and come from different starting points, and it's okay not to be okay all the time.  God is with us and for us, and we have the ability to learn and keep moving forward, with all the grace we need one day at a time!!

Here's me taking a quick walk at The Station after voting this afternoon. 

I saved this lovely pic after reading something about Tower Bridge earlier - a London trip is definitely on my Life List, and I plan to make it happen someday! =)

Whatever messy things you may be feeling or facing today, don't give it power over your identity.

YOU are not a mess.  Remember this truth:

We are God's masterpiece,
created in Christ Jesus
for good works God planned for us long ago!
(Ephesians 2:10)

❤ ❤ ❤