Monday Musings

Grateful for a sunset prayer walk this weekend.

The fall weather was perfect, and being by the water is always good for my soul.  I put on some classical music and talked to God, doing my best to listen for His voice... I eventually turned the music off altogether hoping to feel more focused.  

Tuning into God's voice feels more difficult than usual in the midst of big decisions.  The memes I've saved lately reflect the inner conflict I've been feeling... decidedly unhelpful when you see them all together. lol

I've had a couple of helpful talks with Mom and Chet lately, and I had a 7:30am Zoom meeting with Dr. Ku today.  Getting his perspective and some extra information was helpful and more encouraging than I had expected.  He compared the fibroid to an iceberg, which is an analogy I understood well, and he said my odds of success are 60% if I have the surgery and then move forward.  I don't have perfect clarity or any sort of guarantee of motherhood, but I feel a peace from God that He will be with me and I will be okay if pregnancy does not happen for me.  On some level, I think that's what I was missing before - imagining myself alone receiving that news as crushing and devastating.  I am reminding myself even now that God's grace is with us moment to moment -- it is not there for our imagined future fears or losses - so our pre-grief can feel sharper and more painful, but in any real and present loss, His grace is sufficient to meet our daily needs.  So I am leaning into that with more faith that He has a good and hopeful plan for my future.  No firm decision yet, but processing all of this with more peace.

I think we all want clarity on God's will - as Erwin McManus put it, "We want a detailed road map, but we are handed a compass."  I want to honor God and do what is best for my future, but I am also very motivated to avoid/escape pain, whereas God is very motivated to transform me through it.

"WE DON’T KNOW what God wants us to pray for.  But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words.  And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers IN HARMONY WITH GOD’S OWN WILL.  And we know that God causes EVERYTHING to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.”  ~Romans 8:26-28

These verses feel helpful right now.  I hear Romans 8:28 on its own so often that I had forgotten this comes right before it - the Holy Spirit is praying for me in harmony with God's will - what a comforting  and powerful thought!  The members of the trinity are working together on my behalf, so I can feel the dark stress cloud lifting even before I make this decision.

Okay, back to fun photos:  An adorable pic of the Lock/Whitaker cousins!

Charlene, Al, and Hilary went to the OSU game on Friday while Kristin and Frankie kept Amelia and Clara!  This picture made me happy!

Here's Perry and Caroline Shankle + Ellie Faye in her cute new pom uniform + Lindsay and her kids on Phoenix's birthday!  (Happy Birthday in Heaven to Sharon today!!) ❤

A beautiful pic of AFD -- her Instagram stories this weekend included a fantastic mini-sermon reminding us of the intensifying spiritual warfare surrounding us, to pray the armor of God and pray for our spiritual leaders!

Fun fact: 13 years ago today, Chettles closed on his first home!!  Lots of fun memories from that day.

Spent most of the weekend lounging in my Let Them hoodie and the Yale PJ pants I bought at Yale in 2005!  They were a little small for me back then, and I'm grateful they fit now.  I had a pretty healthy weekend, and I'm planning to continue that streak this week!

After finishing allllll the homework last night, I watched Tower Heist.  It holds a special place in my heart since it was being filmed while we were in NYC in 2010!  I remember several streets being shut down, and we asked around and someone told us they were filming a movie with Ben Stiller and Eddie Murphy, then this came out in 2011!

Okay, I'm not devoting a full post to it, but Friends in Low Places, Two Pina Coladas, Much Too Young, Callin' Baton Rouge, Standing Outside the Fire, Rodeo, The Thunder Rolls, Beer Run, The Dance, and The River... it's a travesty in my book that so many people will never hear these great songs because Garth is over-protective and won't embrace Apple Music or YouTube.  I have seen him in concert twice now (Tulsa and Vegas), and both were fantastic!

"Now I gotta say that the wind and the waves 

and the moon winkin' down at me*

Eases my mind by leaving behind

The heartaches love often brings.

Now I've got a smile that goes on for miles

With no inclination to roam,

And I gotta say that I thank God I stayed,

'Cause this is feelin' more and more like home!"

*The five-syllable "me" at the end of that first sentence just floors me - it brings me so much joy the way he sings it, and the "smile that goes on for miles" line feels fitting! lol  Also, apparently the real lyric is "I think I've gotta stay," but I've always heard it as "I thank God I stayed," so I'm sticking with my version!  Leave it to me to spiritualize the joy he feels being in a bar. lol  Love Garth.  Really need him to come to the 2000s and hop on Apple Music!

Okay, that's all for this Monday morning.

Thanks for stopping by, and hope you have a wonderful week ahead!

❤ ❤ ❤