The Reason I'm Telling You This...

Trying out Ally's method of writing directly to the reader about what I want them to learn from my story (in my future memoir-style book).

Another unrelated pic, but what a fun girls' trip memory! =)

The reason I'm telling you this is:

• To encourage you and point you to HOPE in Christ.
• I want you to know you are not alone in your pain.
• I want you to know you are not a permanent victim, but a survivor and conqueror.
• Pain will not get the last word; God really does bring beauty for ashes.
• Your heart matters.  Your voice matters.  Your story matters.  Step up.
• God has given you power and love and a sound mind.  Don't let our spiritual enemy convince you that you are weak, indifferent, or emotionally unstable!
• You. are. not. stuck.  Real and lasting change is possible.
• You sincerely have the power to disentangle yourself from the relationships, beliefs, and behaviors that are hurting you.  And I'd love to help you with that.
• God is INTENTIONAL.  He wastes nothing, and no person in your story was placed there accidentally (including those who have hurt you).
• Like manna, God's grace is enough for us day by day.  Like manna, we must take action to receive and enjoy it.
• Whatever you have to manipulate to get is rarely yours to keep. (-Beth Moore)
• Life is messy, and we are all works in progress.  I want to strengthen you and encourage you not to give up!
• You were created to be set apart and lead with integrity.  Do not compromise or sell yourself short.  Don't let anyone convince you that character doesn't matter.
• Security and insecurity are both contagious.  Be intentional about who you surround yourself with!
• We can learn and grow from our mistakes to become healthy people who are good at relationships, no matter how messy our past relationships have been!!
• God cares about (and is sovereign over) the details of your life.
• To remind you your interpretation and response to the painful things you've endured will shape the rest of your life.
• I want you to expand your vision for what your life can become!
• I love you and believe in you, and I'm confident in your ability to work with God and build a meaningful life!

That's a good start, and it does help to look at my stories from that lens!

❤❤❤

Villains & Morals

"Even the greatest villain in your personal story has the right to evolve and become someone new... Remember, they are a hero in their own story even though they acted like a villain in yours.  Perhaps you were the villain in someone else's story.  You likely have been.  How would you like that story to be told?   Would you like the author to treat the telling of that story as their golden opportunity to air your dirty laundry and get revenge?  Or would you rather they focus on what matters most - how your actions affected them?  

It's my experience that writing our story helps us fall deeper in love with life itself, including the villains who helped us change.  Writing demystifies the villains in our lives and helps us to see that they were actually vehicles for our own evolution.

From a narrative perspective, villains enter the story with one purpose and one purpose only:  To facilitate and expedite the transformation of the hero.  Not every story has a villain, but the ones that do have an added benefit... The greater the tension, the greater the arc - so if there's a villain in your story, congratulations.  Share all the details about this person that help the reader understand how this frustrating character helped you to evolve.  And then focus the narrative more on who you became because of how you were treated and less on how the villain acted.  Don't include details for the sake of revenge or even self-proclaimed justice; those will only weaken the narrative.  The tension villains provide is a great gift if you allow it to be -- tension is the X-factor that facilitates your growth, the resistance that produces your strength, and the very thing you needed in order to change!"

~Allison Fallon, Write Your Story 
Chapter 12, Writing About Those Who Hurt You

This post needed a photo.  Here's me 1.5 years ago, entering a transformative new decade! ❤

"Not all morals are created equal.  Not all of them are helpful or supportive... The good news is you can always write or rewrite a new moral, even to a very old story.  The morals I came up with back then were things like, "Men are such jerks" or "No one can be trusted" or "The world is an unsafe place."  When you choose a moral, it becomes a filter for all future experiences.  Instead of "Why is this happening to me?" I started asking myself, "Why am I telling this to a reader?"  At the end of each little writing vignette, I would write the words: "The reason I'm telling you this is because..."  then I'd picture my imaginary reader and write the next few sentences to her...

I'm convinced, although there's no definitive way to prove this, that the only reason I have the life I have today -- a very happy marriage, two happy and healthy children -- is because I changed the moral I was writing in that story.  If I had continued forward with the "men are such jerks" moral after my divorce, I never would have even noticed my now husband, who is one of the kindest, gentlest, most sincere people I know.  My brain would've glossed right over him or made up a story about how he must be faking it.  The kinder he was to me, the more I would have dismissed it, thrown it out, pushed it away.  This is how neural pathways work.  There's no way for you to write a story in your life that veers from your morals too much.  What might become possible when you write a better moral to your story??"

-Allison Fallon, Write Your Story
Chapter 10: The Reason I'm Telling You This (The Moral)

So gooood!!  Re-listening to this book for my story-based presentation, and I LOVE and appreciate her perspective on the above topics.  This book gives you a great framework for writing a memoir, and it makes me wish I had more time for writing in this season.  In the meantime, I can build a gradual outline and rethink the underlying 'morals' guiding my story!  (Which may be my next post here.) ❤

Seen and Valued

Yesterday was CHA's first day back at school!  Triston's first day as a Senior, Jace's first day of Junior High, and Kyndal's first day of 6th grade... that's a pivotal school year for all of them, honestly!!

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Praying God blesses them with good friendships, stronger faith, and a growth mindset through the year ahead!

I'm covering the phones at our office -- it's been a pretty good, quiet day.  Yesterday was more of a restful break than Tuesday, and I'm very grateful for that!  I am feeling a bit more confident and seeing real progress with several of my clients lately, and I'm super grateful for that, as well!!

This is from the FB welcome post by ITS... yay!

So last night, I watched a 3-part Netflix documentary about The Biggest Loser... so interesting!  Lots of memories and thoughts and personal/emotional ties to their stories.  Danny (the Season 8 winner who was born in Midwest City then moved to the Tulsa area and trained with my same Fitness Together trainers in 2009) - he talked about his rapid weight loss, weight regain, lessons learned, and future hopes.

I think the thing that struck me most was something I'd already been thinking about, thanks to the Mel Robbins podcast with Jim Doty.  They talked about the things we desire in childhood (to be thin and beautiful, to be rich, to be famous, to be a wife/mom, to be a teacher, to be a pro athlete or star, etc.) -- and how those desires stem from feeling invisible/unseen/unloved in certain areas, and believing based on our life experience that the people who have those things ($$, success, beauty, thinness, children, etc.) are SEEN and LOVED.  The God-given desire to feel connected and have people care about us - it was profound and just deeply true.

A repeated theme in this documentary was that overweight people felt invisible and saw weight loss as the best path to being seen and valued.  So they were willing to make enormous sacrifices and sometimes compromises to get there.  Check, that resonates.  (For me and millions of others.)

I don't have a way to tie that all up neatly right now, but it's very worth thinking about and examining your own desires and where you have felt unseen in life.  And praying sincerely for God to fill the things we might be seeking in the wrong places and/or through the wrong avenues.

Anyway, here's a reminder I needed this morning.

That's all I've got for now.

I love you and believe in you,

and I hope you feel seen and valued riiiiight where you are today!

❤ ❤ ❤

In Limbo (But Not Alone)

You know the game of limbo we played as kids?  Sometimes at parties, sometimes at skating rinks... always with a bar that was gradually lowered.  The goal was to cross beneath it without touching the bar - your feet and knees did their very best to keep you grounded and pull you forward, while the rest of your body bent backwards and risked a painful collapse.  Mmmm, so many metaphors.  

Anyway, the real-life adult version is decidedly less fun...

What I thought would be a nice rest day did not go according to plan.  I had my OBGYN appointment today - thank you to anyone who saw the early morning blog and prayed.  

Long story short:  After doing all I could to prepare and help things go smoothly, the planned saline infusion sonogram is not something they actually do at any SSM facility.  They referred me to OU Reproductive, who cannot get me in until November.  Today involved a lot of frustration and phone tag, and I'm still waiting to hear back from Dallas IVF about the potential cost and whether they could work me in this week.  I have legally adopted two embryos, and I feel like God entrusted them to me, and I do not take that lightly.  A lot of other areas of my life feel suspended in limbo while I'm waiting to know something definitive (a clear yes or no on the pregnancy hopes), and that has been more challenging than I expected.

I'm reminding myself of how chaotic and terrible it felt to live through the 2020 home remodel at 522... it felt as if it would never end - minor delays felt overwhelming, and it felt catastrophic when the original contractor just gave up and stopped answering texts and calls.  But we found someone better to finish things up, and it all came together beautifully in the end.  

Three months is not the end of the world.  My body will adjust and calm down, and my mind can pivot and adjust to whatever timeline God puts in place here.  I will not catastrophize this; I am not a victim.

For whatever reason #spirtualwarfare, a repeated and loud thought when it comes to big life decisions lately has been, "You're on your own here."  The fruit of it has been a. lot. of extra pressure and stress/exhaustion.

So that's an agreement I'm going to break very early in this single parent storyline. 

God is WITH me.

God is FOR me.

He is faithful and true.

I am not partnerless.

My child will not be Father-less.

I never have to face any decision alone.

God wastes nothing.

His plans are higher than mine.

He guards me with protective strength.

However this journey ends, He will use it for my good and His glory.

I am okay.  This is not all on me.  I can rest in Him.

I'm gonna end this there and get some rest tonight. ❤

Keep Going!

Happy Tuesday!  I'm off work today and tomorrow, then covering our office phones all day Thursday + Friday afternoon.  It's a legit break week from school, and I only have 2-3 virtual clients this week!!  I took a nap after work today and plan to get extra rest tomorrow too - I need it, and I'm very grateful for God orchestrating all of the above!!

I also have my ultrasound to determine whether I'll need surgery this morning.  Not positive how soon I'll know the results, but prayers are appreciated for peace and faith either way.

And now, I'm diving into a photo catch-up post, including several memes and random pictures I've saved over the past few weeks! =)

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Brothers pics, three years apart.  (2013 - 2017 - 2021 - 2025)

Dentist Neil and fam celebrating his bday yesterday + Pastor Craig and Amy

Surprisingly, I haven't Googled or watched this entire podcast yet, but the clips I'm seeing all. over. my. FB. feed have been fun, and I'm glad they're happy together!

Laughed out loud at this one. =)

Jeff Moore with all the "Keep going" memes - I'm a fan!

Lol this is the sense of humor I would imagine worms would have. =)

Aww, memories of 1990s McDonald's playgrounds!!

Not Jeff Moore, but the keep going message is still appreciated!

Just me, randomly looking at wedding cakes and saving ones I like. lol  Whyyy??  Who knows.  For the record, I would do the middle one with red, pinks, yellow, orange, and white roses + the Laurannae bride's cake for the cake & icing!  And a better cake topper. lol  And the groom's cake would be the Lauranna chocolate cake with cookies and cream icing and loads of chocolate covered strawberries.  And there would be a fun cookie table room like they talk about on Annie & Eddie's podcast.  (And I have like 1,000 other ideas on the food and dresses and decor and music and slideshows and venue.)  Just missing an awesome groom. lolol  Details.

YES to this one.  Speaking of, I'm likely making this blog private soon.  I so don't want to, but feel like I need to in this season of counseling work.

Lindsay's birthday this month + the Shoemaker fam as the kids start with their new school in Texas!

Not positive where I heard this, but the quote itself stuck with me:  "If you tend toward obsession in any area, abstinence is usually better than moderation."  I keep thinking about that one.

Fultons on their August vacation to Fort Walton Beach + Hannah with her Cottage Flower business!

Another meme I've thought about a lot.  I'm doing my best to batch similar tasks - really focusing on court reporting work, then counseling progress notes and treatment plans, then homework... without switching back and forth 1000 times.  

Last week was the first week back for Evergreen - yay Wilsons and Fosters (and future Muecke child)! lol

The audiobook I'm listening to lately talks about how our food and workout choices are always tending toward a pattern of decay (hibernation-style stagnancy and indulgence) or healthy growth (building stamina, energy, muscles, etc.).  I think the same is true for our relationships.

Chet sent me a poster for The Holiday 2... Googled it.  It was fake.  Why do people do that!?  Then I got curious about how old the cute British daughters would be... 27, and a very different look now.  So I'm good with sticking to the original movie, which was near perfection!  Not everything needs a sequel!!

Narrowing down what I really want; feeling more engaged and purposeful!

Run with endurance - pay attention to what God has set before you.  Strip off what weighs you down and continually trips you up.  Heaven is cheering for you! 

That's all for now.  Have a fantastic Tuesday!

I love you and believe in you. 

Keep going!!

❤ ❤ ❤

Birthdays & Breaking Agreements

The Mini Miss K's 12th birthday was on Thursday!  I was able to move my Thursday clients to Wednesday night (yay!), and we had Mom's spaghetti (Kyndal's fav) for her birthday family dinner.  Here's me and the birthday girl ~ I just love her so much!!  I've realized how much I love to celebrate the people who love to celebrate themselves! lol  I always have and always will appreciate people who get excited about making a big deal of their birthday and embrace the belief that their life deserves to be richly celebrated!!  I'm on that list.  And Kyndal making us a detailed Google slideshow of her bday wishlist and spending the last couple months planning her party during family dinners puts her firmly in that category. lol #embracelife #youareworthcelebrating

She was looking so cute in her new leopard pants and pink shirt and birthday button. ❤

Mamaw with T&C!

Carter joined us for Kyndal's bday, so it was good to get caught up on his life and hear all of them catching up on the latest CHA-circle news.

MWC Sams did a slightly better job on this cake, but still not too impressed!

The Parrish boys!  J's inability to hold the serious face makes me happy. =)

The Miss K and everyone else!

And finally, a happy through-the-years slideshow!!

I really love that song and feel nostalgic whenever I hear it, thanks to S.C.  And I always call her "preshface" on the blog, so it feels appropriate! lol

Anyway, now that all the August events are over, all my best excuses for continually eating unhealthy foods are also gone.  And as my own presentation reminded me, I'm. not. stuck. and I'm. not. a. helpless. victim. in any area - I have the power to make better choices that build new habits and create real change, and I'm taking that seriously.  I don't love the trajectory I've been on lately with stress-eating and negative agreements (thinking patterns that are more aligned with the enemy's plan for my life than God's), and it's 100% up to me to fix that.  I'm gonna throw it out here that my new goal is to actually reach the 155 goal weight Dr. Matt set for me last summer.  Health is definitely not all about the scale numbers, but I was too quick to decide that number would be impossible for me.  It isn't the impossible dream, and it would actually put me at a healthy BMI and probably a size 10, which would be awesome and not extreme or absurd.  And I don't want to sell myself short by leaning into the old/familiar identity and limiting beliefs, so I'm leaning into new possibilities!  Here's to being intentional about breaking terrible agreements, setting new goals, agreeing with God's plan for me, embracing a new way of seeing myself, and staying the freaking course.  For the record, while we're on this topic, I'd like to be at 177 or below pre-pregnancy, then use wisdom and stay under 200 if God allows me to get pregnant... and then eventually (think 2027) push myself to reach 155 and try to maintain within 10 pounds of that + get 45 minutes of good exercise six days a week for the foreseeable future.  Okay then, great talk! lol  I am buckling down on healthy eating and training for my Route 66 Marathon Relay starting tomorrow! #getexcited #teamchettles

Hope you have a lovely Sunday ahead.

I love you and believe in you!
And I believe in our ability to course correct,

and I'm confident God is with us and for us in whatever we may face today!

❤ ❤ ❤

Leadership Identity

I have officially submitted my final presentation for Dr. Burkhart's class - huzzah for a break week ahead!

I will miss seeing him and hearing from him regularly, and I will miss this subject (Leadership, Ethics, and Advocacy).

This 7-week summer class has been incredible in encouraging/shaping my leadership identity.  It's perfect that they put it at the beginning of this program.  I feel very grateful for what I've learned and for the influence his leadership and belief in me has had (and will continue to have) on my life!  

Here is the handout I attached with my presentation... 

And here's the presentation video itself.

And last but not least, here's a compilation of some of the video feedback and thoughts from Dr. Burkhart this semester - this is how he grades everything, and it brings me so much joy!  It's the most fun when someone you deeply respect and admire turns out to be a fan of you, as well. =)

So truly grateful for every word of that.  I am not oblivious to the fact that this is God rewarding my commitment to academic integrity - it mattered, and this strengthens that decision moving forward.  The above praise and encouragement has pushed me to see my life's potential differently and to give it 110% effort throughout this class.  I'm not sure on the exact timeline, but I do believe I will finish the PhD at some point, if for no other reason than to strengthen my leadership identity capital.  Leading well matters, and I'm excited to be moving forward and feeling better about my chances of joining the CCU faculty down the road.  ;-)

That's all for now, friends.
I love you and believe in you!

❤ ❤ ❤