Night Will Be No More

"And He who was seated on the throne said,

Behold, I am making all things NEW...

And we will see His face,

And His name will be on our foreheads.

And night will be no more."

Revelation 21:5, 22:5

*Harriss - her last name was misspelled on the program.

"All these people died still believing what God had promised them. They did not receive what was promised, but they saw it all from a distance and welcomed it. They agreed that they were foreigners and nomads here on earth."  ~Hebrews 11:13

I went by myself to Kristen's funeral service on Saturday.  It was beautiful and well done, and I'm glad I decided to make the trip for it.  When it's just me, I feel more freedom to feel my own emotions (as opposed to monitoring others and making sure they're okay), and I cried more than I have cried at any other funeral.  Seeing her frail Grandad there mourning for her.  Their family pastor ringing the bell for her to signify that she'd had her last treatment and was healed from cancer.  And the pastor speaking about Hebrews 11:13 above, talking about her strong hope and prayers for marriage and family + her courage in refusing to compromise and honoring God in her singleness.  All of those moments got me, and I cried.  Hard.  (And that was okay and good and appropriate and cathartic and healing.)

I tend to be weirdly aware of numbers, and I believe God numbers our days with purpose.  Kristen was one month and six days older than me.  My numbered days on earth are likely to surpass hers, but they haven't yet - that shifts on July 25th, and it's a sobering thought to me.  In Ecclesiastes, Solomon writes about it being good for us to mourn and to think about how brief our time here is.  Praying that I will have wisdom to focus on what matters and make the most of whatever time God gives me.

And gracious, I have a lot of deeper thoughts on that Hebrews verse.  I've wrestled pretty hard with everything it means in the lives of so many Christians, including myself.  To faithfully hold onto our hope and faith in the face of opposition, yet never receive the promise in our earthly life... when my thoughts are focused here, that feels purely heartbreaking and brutal and tragic and unfair.  I'm genuinely sad for the physical suffering she endured and the grief and mounting medical bills her parents now face.  And yes, the myriad of emotions surrounding the unanswered prayers for marriage and family felt way too familiar - I felt real grief and anger and confusion rising in me as the pastor talked about that verse and did his best to honor her value.  ...All valid emotions to feel and acknowledge and work through.  The minor themes are real and present for all of us, but they cannot dominate our thinking.  It's the darkness of night that comes before the dawn.  And one day, God will do away with the sin, sorrow, pain, evil, and brokenness that plague us here.

"Furthermore, because we are united with Christ, we have received an inheritance from God, for He chose us in advance, and He makes everything work out according to His plan.  He planned all of this so that we who had already focused our hope on Christ would praise Him and give Him glory."  ~Ephesians 1:11-12

So I am reminding my heart again tonight that God is good, and His love for each of us is steadfast and strong and unfailing.  He wastes nothing and does nothing without purpose, and our limited understanding of His plan does not change that.  The things that stand the test of time are faith, hope, and love - and I'm holding onto them, as Kristen did.  If any of us die without receiving the valuable and worthy things we've desired and hoped and prayed for, God will still be undeniably and unchangingly good.  He is my heart's highest desire, and that. is. essential.  Without sugarcoating the brutal realities she faced here or the grief her parents will absolutely deal with until they die, I simultaneously feel great confidence that Kristen is more alive and fully well today than she ever was here on earth.  She is wholeheartedly present, surrounded by a newly-defined family, basking in the love of God and family and friends, not feeling sad or lonely or short-changed based on anything she didn't receive here.  Heaven is REAL, and Jesus is really there, and He is our inheritance from God - who makes everything work out according to His plan.  I am anchoring my heart there.  To quote Peter, "There is wonderful joy ahead, even though we must endure many trials for a little while."  God is at work even now, preparing a place for us and making all things new.  And someday we will see Jesus face to face, and His name will be on our foreheads.  And night will be no more.

❤ ❤ ❤

Thankful Thursday #227 (Leaders)

"Now to the One who is able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think according to the power that works in us — to You, our gracious Father, be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever.  Amen."  ~Ephesians 3:20-21

Today, I am thankful for: 

The impact of good leaders!! ❤

*This week's GTKY question: Who or what has influenced your understanding of leadership in the counseling profession?  It could be a mentor, a specific theory or model, a book, or any other source of inspiration.  Share how this influence has impacted your perspective on leadership.

My Personal Top 10 List:

1.  Donald Miller -- His life story inspires me, and his book Hero on a Mission has changed my life in profound ways!  Reading that book led me to pursue the marathon, the Masters degree, the PhD, motherhood, becoming an author, and more.  (Basically, it led me to take responsibility and take action, setting meaningful goals and living a more fulfilling and interesting life... and what better gift can any leader impart to others!?).  I'm forever grateful for him!

2.  John Eldredge -- His books entirely changed my viewpoint on the larger story (spiritual warfare, God's goodness, my role in all of it).  Knowing that he was a CCU Counseling graduate prompted me to look into their program 3 years ago.  He is prayerful and very reliant on Jesus in his leadership decisions, and I'm grateful for his example and his impact on my life! 

3.  Beth Moore -- Wow, I had missed her.  Her love for Jesus is pure and genuine, and her summer Bible study has been so good for me - next week is the final session, which feels pretty perfectly timed!  Beth's books and Bible studies have been life changing for me, and her compassionate and caring yet direct and firm leadership are inspiring.  I love that she shares her story to help others and serves as an advocate for victims of sexual sin and abuse of power within the church.

4.  Annie F. Downs -- So grateful for her books and podcasts, along with her life example, which has inspired me in several areas!  She's one of very few Christian single women who are leading in a public way with gentle strength and dignity.  She's enjoying her life and friendships while holding onto her hope for marriage and her faith in God's kindness, and I really love seeing that!!

5.  Craig Groeschel -- I have learned a lot from Craig's Leadership Podcast, and I think he is a strong leader who genuinely loves Jesus and cares about reaching the lost.  The new lifegroup I've joined has reignited my appreciation for Life.Church and the positive impact they are having!

6.  Dr. David Frisbie -- My favorite SNU professor - he was interesting and respectful and called each of us "Dr. Muecke, Dr. Gillis, etc." from the beginning as a sign of respect and to encourage us to consider grad school and start to see ourselves differently!  He wrote several great recommendation letters for me, encouraged my book-writing aspirations, helped me with some personal questions via email, and wrote me the kindest note after a hard presentation.  "Best ever - I do not say that lightly."

7.  Chet Wilson -- The only person on this list that I speak with regularly, and what. a. gift. that has been!  While he is not in a leadership role in my life, his leadership style has had a positive influence on my identity and my understanding of leadership - inspiring me to step up, grow, improve, and become all God created me to be.  Chet is self-aware, fiercely loyal, respectful, an exceptional communicator (direct and kind), and a man of Godly wisdom.  When I'm tempted to do something I would regret, I often hear his voice in my head saying "Lead with integrity."  He leads his family and his business well, and he has a real gift for problem-solving and connecting with people.  He has earned my deep trust and respect, and I hope we continue to strengthen and sharpen each other!

8.  Mel Robbins -- Love "my friend, Mel!" =)  We are not aligned theologically, but I've found a great value in her leadership and her vision-casting energy.  There's a reason she has the #1 podcast in the world, and it is evident to me as I listen to her.  She loves to learn and helps others learn by breaking down academic language into layman's terms, and she is continually complimenting and connecting with her listeners.  My life was changed through her Launch course last summer, and I think it's beautiful and genuine that she ends every podcast with "In case no one else says it today, let me say that I love you, and I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to create a better life!"

9.  Dr. Ryan Burkhart & Dr. Selin Philip -- Dr. Burkhart showed humility, wisdom, and kindness by offering to meet with me when I was considering leaving the MAC program 2 years ago. I really bypassed the chain of command by emailing him directly, and he could have easily passed it off or redirected me.  Our meeting was clarifying and helpful and validating.  I was very encouraged to stick with it when he said: "This is Kingdom work, and the counseling profession needs people like you who care enough to wrestle with these issues."  Dr. Philip speaks slowly and thoughtfully and leads with a gentle, quiet authority and an obvious passion for Christ... and it's been really good for me to see an introvert being herself and thriving in an essential leadership position!

10.  Vanessa Van Edwards -- Communication expert who specializes in practical advice and body language cues; her books, podcasts, and emails have taught me a lot about leading with warmth and competence + focusing on making others feel at ease rather than thinking about my own discomfort in any speaking opportunity!

Honorable Mention:  Andy Stanley (moral authority), Emily Matousek (body kindness and self-trust), Susan Cain (the power of introversion), Brene Brown (vulnerability and resilience), Carol Dweck (embracing the growth mindset where I had been stuck), Levi Lusko (grieving with hope), and Shauna Niequist (writing from the heart).

The rest of my post:  I am just beginning to lean into the new identity of seeing myself as a leader.  So many of the above leaders who've had a powerful influence on my life have done so through books or podcasts or one-on-one conversations.  Knowing the impact the words in a book can have is encouraging to me, as I love to write, and my goal is to grow in that and become an author and maybe a speaker eventually.  I also hope to become a CCU professor and an LPC Supervisor down the road.  I think it's important to be intentional about encouraging others and helping people believe in themselves and cultivate a growth mindset.  We tend to think of large-scale, company-wide leadership, but I think counselors often lead quietly through deeper, one-on-one connections that have a wider ripple effect than they may ever know... and the relational aspect of that feels more natural and appealing to me!

Leadership was a theme during our time together in Colorado, and it’s been on my mind and heart since I came back home.  As an introvert who prefers one-on-one connections to speaking in a large group, I have not typically viewed myself as a leader.  But God is gradually changing that, and I am grateful for the leaders He has placed in my story and the ways He is working in me!

Happy Thursday, family and friends!!

❤ ❤ ❤

Moral Authority and Finishing Well

This started on the Thankful Thursday list, then I quickly realized it deserved its own separate post.  

Lately, God is re-sensitizing my conscience in a few areas where I'd become complacent.  I'm entirely grateful for that shift, but it is CHALLENGING to surrender and submit.

For the life of me, it is HARD to spend 5+ hours reading the textbook and sifting through journal articles and piecing together quotes and APA-7 citations to write a 'simple' discussion board post when I know ChatGPT could churn out a better version in five seconds or less. 

In my deepest heart, I want to honor God and live with integrity, and I want to EARN my LPC and my PhD.

On a more shallow surface level, the work feels overwhelming, and I am incredibly aware that it is entirely possible to use generative AI to "help me" write every post, response, paper, and dissertation chapter.  I could make it sound like me, and many graduate students across the country will do just that and receive an equally-respectable degree.  I'm feeling overwhelmed this week with starting my supervised hours at Integrated Therapy Solutions and all the paperwork and the learning curve goes into starting any new position, so I'm not about to pretend that it's not tempting...

In Visioneering, the audiobook I finished recently, Andy Stanley was very clear that we have to be willing to let go of our dream or vision before we compromise our moral authority and integrity.  It's taken me longer than one would hope to get there, but I had a real chat with God during my walk yesterday... God honors our obedience and rewards those who seek and obey Him... holding faith in that promise will be KEY for me here.

**To be clear, AI itself is not evil - it's a tool that can be used for good or bad, and I've gotten some really good, fun things and cool new ideas out of it.  During my walk-break yesterday, God helped me see that using AI through this doctoral program would be a lot like driving myself through the marathon course.  I would be using a machine to move along the same path in a way that is admittedly MUCH easier and faster, that requires far less training and effort and inner grit, that is undeniably cheating even if it is never "caught."  That inner picture and thinking about what I want my "finish line" to feel like made it all very clear to me.  I don't want to take the easy shortcut and shortchange myself and dishonor God.  And yes, that's all a dramatic train of thought... but it was my first assignment in this new program, and I knew I was setting a precedent yesterday.  Part of me has bought into the belief that I'm incapable of doing it without outside help, and that's not true.  I am out of the groove with academic writing, but I am intelligent and capable and actually desire to keep learning and growing.  They required us to cite 3 peer-reviewed articles along with our Leadership textbook, so it all felt surprisingly HARD yesterday - I spent most of the afternoon and evening working on it, and what I turned in around midnight still felt rough to me.

(I think the biggest difference here is that I imagine everyone else is driving the course by utilizing AI - while I'm feeling very compelled to stay behind and walk it, doing all the work on my own - and that feels hard and lonely and unfair.  I know that's not entirely true and that there are at least a few in the same boat with me.  Either way, other people cannot be my standard.  And Psalm 73 helps redirect my mind and heart when I struggle with these thoughts.)

Now I have to write 4 discussion responses and outline a paper where I will cite 10 journal articles by Sunday night - woof.  Mercifully, next week will actually be a school break week for the 4th of July.  So that gives me time to get myself together and create a legit schedule.  After that, we write a 12-page paper about our Leadership Philosophy (which honestly sounds fun/interesting to me).  I'm going to make a concerted effort to get my candidacy stuff started next week and to set out a clear daily schedule for myself as this program moves forward.  I need to be more disciplined and manage my time well, and I believe it will all be doable as I watch less TV and prioritize sleep and get really organized.  But if I cannot manage to do the work and keep my grades up honestly, then I will either defer or fully let go of the doctorate.  And that outcome will be better and more God-honoring and identity-affirming than receiving a degree I did not earn.  

Yes, an easier path is freely available.  But there is an intangible cost to it, and taking that broad path feels like the equivalent of Esau selling his birthright for a bowl of stew.  My ability to think critically and write creatively and manage my time well will grow as I do the work myself, and I will rebuild integrity and self-trust and my ability to clearly hear from God... so I will come out much stronger for it in the end.  So that's my self pep talk for today! lol

P.S.  Two months ago was the day before the Full - aww, memories.  It was mentally and physically tough, and I walked a lot and took a mini-break in the middle, but I'm very proud that I trained hard and finished it, and I can't even tell you how much that metaphor helps me to see things more clearly here!!!

I love you and believe in you, and I believe God sees your hard work and integrity even if it feels absurdly slow and undervalued in our broken culture.  I am confident that God exists, and that He is a rewarder of those who sincerely seek Him!

❤ ❤ ❤

Let Them

"But joyful are those who have the God of Israel as their helper, whose hope is in the Lord their God, who made heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them. He keeps every promise forever." 

❤ Psalm 146:5-6

Happy Wednesday, and happy 6-months-till-Christmas, friends and fam!!  I'm taking a very quick minute to blog before I leave for work.  This = my 5k walk yesterday afternoon... I covered at the juvenile court, and we were done before 2:30, which gave me some unexpected and very-much-valued free time! =)

Love this quote - CS Lewis for the win!!  I want to be someone who feels things deeply and takes bold action whenever I feel convicted or challenged or prompted to act.

The Peach Truck did not disappoint... so fresh and good!!  But their smallest order was a 12-pound box of peaches, which is more than I could possibly eat before they go bad, even after sharing with Mom and Kristin.  So I made another peachy dessert last night, and I'm freezing most of it in individual containers for later.

This gem is currently available on Tubi, and I was so happy to watch it again! =)

Following up on my Thunder posts, they won - huzzah!!  I kept saying national champions, but apparently, this win made them "World Champions" according to several FB posts I saw.  Either way, go OKC!!

Emily and Chas cheering them on for 13 years!

A poignant picture from the Champions parade downtown yesterday... sadly, I was in a murder prelim at the time.

This made me happy!

Miss K with all the games on family dinner night - she's so fun and creative and colorful!

Jace Michael relaxing while the girls planned Kyndal's bday party! =)

Proud of Jace as he's working out more and trying healthier foods this summer... he didn't love the peaches and refused to try cherries, but he's a fan of watermelon (not pictured) and pineapple, and that's a new and positive development!

Goals!

Speaking of, I had my first Zoom meeting in the Leadership class with Dr. Burkhart last night... it was great, and I think those weekly discussions will be really helpful in viewing myself as a leader and acting accordingly!

Also, I had my first supervision meeting with Krystal yesterday.  Things are really ramping up, so I'm reminding myself to have GRACE!!

The "let them" phrase caught my attention in this verse, thanks to Mel Robbins and that being my theme for this year... I love that God gives us the power to choose, and gracious, I want to listen to Him and surrender to His will and choose life at every turn!!!

"But no, My people wouldn't listen.

Israel did not want Me around.

So I let them follow their blind and stubborn way,

living according to their own desires.

But oh, that My people would listen to Me!

Oh, that Israel would follow me, walking in my paths!

How quickly I would then subdue their enemies!

How soon My hands would be upon their foes!"

~Psalm 81:11-14

That's all for this morning... make it a great day ahead!!

❤ ❤ ❤

Peaches, Princesses, and a Pilgrimage

Hey, friends!  I'm about to head to Mom and Dad's to watch the last half of the NBA World Championship basketball game... GO THUNDER!!  At the moment, I'm eating a Pioneer Woman peach dumpling (YUM) and writing this lovely blog. =)

So without further ado, here's a recap of recent photos and events... starting with this throwback to hanging out with Sarah and Chettles (and Nancy and puppy Shiloh and other LG friends and cute kids and firemen) at the Eugene Field cookout SIXTEEN years ago!!  

The Walmart bakery did a rough job writing on this one, but yay for Rach being a Certified Professional Coder!  Here's hoping she can find a great remote job that starts in early fall!

Jeffrey Edward took a very hot walk from the Wynn to the Bellagio to send an awesomesauce Vegas fountains video last week... it was Celine singing My Heart Will Go On, so that's my favorite place, favorite singer, and favorite movie all at once!!  He's there for another work event this week, planning a Mon Ami trip, and it's all inspiring me to go to Vegas again (when it's a little cooler outside there).

Speaking of inspiring, this is Ali, one of my CCU classmates during last year's internship course...

She recently went on a 10-day, 110-mile oceanside backpacking pilgrimage/hike from Portugal to Spain... Google says "the Camino de Santiago, also known as the Way of St. James, is a network of pilgrimage routes leading to the shrine of the apostle Saint James in the Cathedral of Santiago de Compostela in Galicia, Spain."  She had read something about that being a pilgrimage to honor your ancestors, so she made a video every night talking about their day's journey and highlighting one of her parents/grandparents/great-grandparents with a few facts, memories, and stories about their lives.  She did this for her 50th birthday... they arrived today, and she dedicated the final video to her children and grandchildren.  I've been so inspired watching her videos - I absolutely love it - and now I wanna do this too, so who wants to join me!?   You have 8.75 years to decide. lolol  I'm adding it to my Life List, for real!

Happy 12th Anniversary to Chet Lee and Karli Marie today!!

From their fav third-wheely single fran! lol

I adore and admire them, and I'm grateful for their friendship and loads of fun memories together!

Shifting gears, I got a box of peaches from the Peach Truck on Friday!  Nom nom for us, David!

I spent Friday night washing all of my fake hair, which turned out to be a more intense and time-consuming project than I'd imagined. lolol It's a blond and dirty blond set of clip-in Cashmere extensions (as seen on Shark Tank) + the red Halo Couture extensions.  Now they're all fresh and ready to go! =)

Saturday morning was an 11am Princess Tea Birthday for Katherine Claire!! 

So much cuteness!

Kate wanted donuts instead of cake, and that was a hit and a little easier for serving!

Chet humming the song on Sarah's shirt made me laugh - an old school favorite of his for sure!

The Fulton fam... this turned out really cute!

Karli and Tate were at another birthday party that same morning.  I joined Teresa and Parker and Chet for ice cream at the Sand Springs Braums... literally all of us were planning on twist fro-yo, but their machine was broken.  #lamesauce

Group pic!

I randomly decided on the Tulsa outlet mall for my afternoon 5k walk... huzzah for ApplePay and pretzel nuggets and shade and air-conditioned stores I could pop in and out of!!

After that, Laura Allison and I had dinner at Cava and a 5-hour chat catching up on all of life!!

Today I met Kristin for lunch at Hideaway, then did a neighborhood walk 5k, then the Whitaker fam stopped by and Frankie got rid of the dirt dobber nest inside my garage!  "And then a hero comes along..." lol  I'd love for the family of bunnies to stick around, but I'm very happy the stinging insects are gone now!

The aforementioned peach dumplings... really good!  (Recipe HERE)

And now I'm ready to Thunder Up one last time this season... let's freaking go!! #maximumeffort

(Also, new AE jean shorts - yay!)

Okay, friends!  I love you and believe in you, and I hope the feeling is mutual! =)

❤ ❤ ❤

Thankful Thursday #226!

"Show us Your steadfast love, O Lord, and grant us Your salvation.  I listen carefully to what God the Lord is saying, for He speaks peace to His faithful people.  But let them not return to their foolish ways.  Surely He is ready to save those who honor Him, and His saving presence will remain in our land."  ~Psalm 85:7-9

Today, I am thanking God for:

1.  Rach passing her CPC (Certified Professional Coder) exam yesterday morning!!  She took amazing notes and studied hard for this one, and I was super happy to hear that she passed it on the first try!  

2.  Kristin's friendship and life example, and that her parents know she is in Heaven with Jesus now (she died early this morning).  Praying for her family and close circle as they process all of this.

3.  This meme from Chettles that made me laugh out loud. lol  (Also, I'm genuinely thankful for the way my identity and life dreams have grown and changed over time.)

4.  This truth.

5.  Squirrels - they're adorable and mischievous and funny. lol  But being this close to so many of them would've freaked me out!  (Dad took this pic on his park walk this morning.)

6.  Alicia!!  A California girl turned proud Texan, a graduate of Dallas Theological Seminary, and a fellow PhD student at CCU.  She celebrated her 29th birthday yesterday, so she'll have her PhD by the time she's 33!  I'm just beginning to get to know her, but I really love her vibrant energy and joy!  She has a list of 186 questions on her phone (she continually adds to it as she finds new ones), but during several of our dinners at Residency, each person would choose a number then we'd all go around answering that question - some deep, some funny, some incredibly random.  She had good book recommendations and solid Biblical wisdom during some of our group conversations, and my breakfast coffee convo with her on day one was also really encouraging - she asked me about my adoption hopes and dating history, and we had a good talk about Christian singleness and holding onto hope for marriage while moving forward with other dreams.  We lamented about how much the process of becoming an LPC varies from state to state, then she said, "What's cool is that with this degree we're getting, we'll be in a better position to lead and speak up and create change!"  And that was such an awesome reframe - to look at frustrating problems from the perspective of: How can I be a part of the solution?  Anyway, big fan of her already, and I hope she's having an awesome birth-week!

7.  Afternoon walks... sadly, I've been feeling a bit less safe and more aware of potential danger lately - hoping that subsides because I love being able to take a work-break and go for a walk around Main Street!  My last summer workday 5k included a cool-off stop midway for a small gelato at Apple Tree Chocolate! lol #yum  (My first time using ApplePay - glad to know how it works now.)

8.  Childhood videos... Rach had our old Beta and VHS videos converted to a digital format and played a few for us earlier this week... this was from our 1990 San Antonio trip with the Wallace fam!

9.  The Mini Miss K's creativity and love of games - after fam dinner on Tuesday, she made a "guess the celebrity" game for us on her phone, then screen-mirrored it to the TV! lol

10.  This reminder that life is big and wide and long, and God will open the right doors and close the wrong ones as we move forward!

Bonus:  Things that make me laugh while driving... like this pickup carrying Tiltawhirl cups on my drive to Colorado! lol

Happy Thursday, and Happy Juneteenth - (a Federal holiday, but not a State one, so we still had to work today - lame).  I love you and believe in you, and Jesus does too!!

❤❤❤