Night Will Be No More

"And He who was seated on the throne said,

Behold, I am making all things NEW...

And we will see His face,

And His name will be on our foreheads.

And night will be no more."

Revelation 21:5, 22:5

*Harriss - her last name was misspelled on the program.

"All these people died still believing what God had promised them. They did not receive what was promised, but they saw it all from a distance and welcomed it. They agreed that they were foreigners and nomads here on earth."  ~Hebrews 11:13

I went by myself to Kristen's funeral service on Saturday.  It was beautiful and well done, and I'm glad I decided to make the trip for it.  When it's just me, I feel more freedom to feel my own emotions (as opposed to monitoring others and making sure they're okay), and I cried more than I have cried at any other funeral.  Seeing her frail Grandad there mourning for her.  Their family pastor ringing the bell for her to signify that she'd had her last treatment and was healed from cancer.  And the pastor speaking about Hebrews 11:13 above, talking about her strong hope and prayers for marriage and family + her courage in refusing to compromise and honoring God in her singleness.  All of those moments got me, and I cried.  Hard.  (And that was okay and good and appropriate and cathartic and healing.)

I tend to be weirdly aware of numbers, and I believe God numbers our days with purpose.  Kristen was one month and six days older than me.  My numbered days on earth are likely to surpass hers, but they haven't yet - that shifts on July 25th, and it's a sobering thought to me.  In Ecclesiastes, Solomon writes about it being good for us to mourn and to think about how brief our time here is.  Praying that I will have wisdom to focus on what matters and make the most of whatever time God gives me.

And gracious, I have a lot of deeper thoughts on that Hebrews verse.  I've wrestled pretty hard with everything it means in the lives of so many Christians, including myself.  To faithfully hold onto our hope and faith in the face of opposition, yet never receive the promise in our earthly life... when my thoughts are focused here, that feels purely heartbreaking and brutal and tragic and unfair.  I'm genuinely sad for the physical suffering she endured and the grief and mounting medical bills her parents now face.  And yes, the myriad of emotions surrounding the unanswered prayers for marriage and family felt way too familiar - I felt real grief and anger and confusion rising in me as the pastor talked about that verse and did his best to honor her value.  ...All valid emotions to feel and acknowledge and work through.  The minor themes are real and present for all of us, but they cannot dominate our thinking.  It's the darkness of night that comes before the dawn.  And one day, God will do away with the sin, sorrow, pain, evil, and brokenness that plague us here.

"Furthermore, because we are united with Christ, we have received an inheritance from God, for He chose us in advance, and He makes everything work out according to His plan.  He planned all of this so that we who had already focused our hope on Christ would praise Him and give Him glory."  ~Ephesians 1:11-12

So I am reminding my heart again tonight that God is good, and His love for each of us is steadfast and strong and unfailing.  He wastes nothing and does nothing without purpose, and our limited understanding of His plan does not change that.  The things that stand the test of time are faith, hope, and love - and I'm holding onto them, as Kristen did.  If any of us die without receiving the valuable and worthy things we've desired and hoped and prayed for, God will still be undeniably and unchangingly good.  He is my heart's highest desire, and that. is. essential.  Without sugarcoating the brutal realities she faced here or the grief her parents will absolutely deal with until they die, I simultaneously feel great confidence that Kristen is more alive and fully well today than she ever was here on earth.  She is wholeheartedly present, surrounded by a newly-defined family, basking in the love of God and family and friends, not feeling sad or lonely or short-changed based on anything she didn't receive here.  Heaven is REAL, and Jesus is really there, and He is our inheritance from God - who makes everything work out according to His plan.  I am anchoring my heart there.  To quote Peter, "There is wonderful joy ahead, even though we must endure many trials for a little while."  God is at work even now, preparing a place for us and making all things new.  And someday we will see Jesus face to face, and His name will be on our foreheads.  And night will be no more.

❤ ❤ ❤