Brave & Beautiful Life

Day 12 - What song best captures your personality or current season of life - and why?

You can be amazing; you can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug.  You can be the outcast or be the backlash of somebody's lack of love.  Or you can start speaking up.  Nothing's gonna hurt you the way that words do when they settle 'neath your skin, kept on the inside and no sunlight, sometimes the shadow wins.  But I wonder what would happen if you say what you wanna say and let the words fall out.  Honestly, I wanna see you be brave with what you want to say...

Everybody's been there, everybody's been stared down by the enemy.  Falling for the fear and learn to disappear and bow down to the mighty.  But don't run.  Stop holding your tongue.  Maybe there's a way out of the cage where you live.  Maybe one of these days you can let the light in, and show me how big your brave is.  Say what you wanna say, and let the words fall out.  Honestly, I wanna see you be brave!

And since your history of silence won't do you any good - did you think it would?  Let your words be anything but empty.  Why don't you tell them the truth!?

Say what you wanna say, and let the words fall out.
Honestly, I wanna see you be brave!

There's a verrry long list of songs I love and relate to, but I'm going with Brave as the song best representing my personality and current season.

I'm getting better and better at speaking up, telling the truth, and being brave with what I want to say, gradually overcoming my history of silence or reactive sharp words or being the quiet outcast.  No more disappearing, no more falling for fear or giving in to the enemy or feeling caged.  More letting the light in and speaking truth in love!

I deeply love and respect moms and have often imagined myself being a good mom... but the closer I came to it, the more I felt trapped and panicked and gradually realized that single motherhood is really not my dream, then it was a ridiculous struggle for me to say that out loud and change course.  Throughout my entire adult life, writing has helped me sift through my thoughts and become braver with my words over time!  I'm grateful. ❤

Second place goes to the clean version of Eldest Daughter by T-Swift, as I really love the bridge to that song - so much so that I bought this t-shirt with those lyrics on it!  :-)  It's about reclaiming childhood joy and rest and renewing your hope for things you once said were dumb because you were projecting a false strength and you thought that you'd never find that "beautiful, beautiful life that shimmers that innocent light back like when we were young."  That resonates right now too, and I freaking love it. ❤

In other news, Happy Birthday to JoBug today!! ❤

Fun throwback to me getting to ride Tiana's Bayou Adventure (formerly Splash Mountain) twice on this day last year!!  To think, they were going to skip this gem! lol

Finally, here's the fam at Jace's first 7th grade basketball game last night!

(He was in no mood for photos after they lost.)

Looking forward to seeing them again at family dinner tonight!

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Random Extras

Throwing in a few extra thoughts and photos, because I'm really not doing enough blogging this month. lol  Look at this cuteness... Jace Michael in his happy Christmas hat, 9 years ago today! ❤

Another memory that popped up and made me smile... concert-ready Kara, Rach, me, and Megan Elizabeth, circa 2001 maybe?

I'm grateful for friends who see me and support me well.  I feel like I've had a breakthrough this week.  Keep talking through things and untangling what feels messy, however far back you need to go.  What you work through and detangle may just become a source of color and light that brings joy and comfort to others. =)

Six mile walk/jog at the Station this afternoon (after sleeping in and enjoying my day off).  The weather was great, but six miles feels a lot further than it did a few months ago! lol

Mom's house is coming right along! ❤

Me with my 3 degrees and working on a 4th... or Rach with two trades under her belt and contemplating learning a 3rd...

Meanwhile, here's Dad with his high school diploma and very successful self-made business! lol  (Which we're all very thankful for!!!)

Just saying, Kanye may have had a point in the Lil Jimmy skit. lol

A 2017 pic from Kelly's Diving Deeper Women's Lifegroup!

Our Christmas mission project... I miss this group!

The complimentary menu at my dentist's office. lol  Thus far, I've taken them up on the laughing gas, warm blanket, and noise cancelling headphones. =)

I would argue that not all things can be mended, but I still love this quote.

Intentionality matters, and that last sentence resonates with me!

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"Vorld Ravelers" at Disney World, one year ago! ❤

I was cold enough to use my fireplace last night, and the cozy vibes made me happy!!

I'll close this post with a poignant quote:

"Perfectionism doesn't believe in practice shots.  It doesn't believe in improvement.  Perfectionism has never heard that anything worth doing is worth doing badly - and that if we allow ourselves to do something badly, we might, in time, become quite good at it.  Perfectionism measures our beginner's work against the finished work of masters.  Perfectionism thrives on comparison and competition... Perfectionism is a refusal to let yourself move ahead.  We correct our originality into a uniformity that lacks passion and spontaneity.”
~Julia Cameron

Be an original,
let yourself try new things,
and keep a growth mindset!

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Metaphors and Masterpieces

Day 11:  If your life were a metaphor (e.g., a race, a garden, a song, a book),
what would it be and why?

Pic from my 5k training run this weekend

I'm all about metaphors, and I heard one yesterday that I LOVE:

Jon Tyson was on John Eldredge's podcast (yes, please, to that group hangout!), and he talked about a book called Great by Choice (already purchased as my next audible read).  He shared a story about two very different training approaches for serious mountain climbing... One group did 20 miles a day regardless of the weather.  They were consistent and focused, never allowing the weather or outside circumstances to dictate their gameplan for the day.  The other group was reactive, really pushing themselves and going 30-40 miles on the beautiful days, but setting up camp and waiting it out if there was a blizzard.  The first group reached their goal working together, and in spite of very rough weather, everyone survived and did well.  The second group experienced several deaths and losses, and most failed to reach the summit.  Jon compared that to our walk with God, emphasizing the need to be consistent in our spiritual disciplines rather than reacting to our daily mood or circumstances.  (It could apply to any number of things - consistency over reactivity.)

I'm happy God loves metaphor, too.  He uses a lot of metaphorical language, mostly gardening (Vine and branches, the parable of the good soil; trees planted by rivers of water; oaks of righteousness) and racing (the race marked out for you; throw off everything that hinders; run with endurance).  

His Word also has a lot to say about battle (your enemy prowls around like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour; the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds; put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground).  Importantly, this is not a fiction-based metaphor, but a literal spiritual reality that God wants us to be deeply aware of and on guard for.  Since John Eldredge forever changed my worldview about that in 2007, I have done my best to put hard things into that warfare context, but it's so easy to forget or lose sight of.  Our hearts are truly being targeted by a vicious enemy, and God is fighting to free our hearts (and wants us to join Him in setting others free)!  I've been reminded of that truth even earlier this week, and it is always crazy-helpful to view childhood trauma or any difficult things we face as adults through that context!!!  Everything begins to make more sense.

Since the war context doesn't count as an official metaphor, I will go with marathon training/running as the metaphor for my life - you can look back at any of my Marathon Monday posts for more cheesy musings on that topic.  Life is a marathon, not a sprint.  Consistent pacing and planning is key.  Training in all kinds of weather is helpful.  Inner grit and a solid community will keep you going.  You also need proper fuel and strength.  Take it one step at a time, celebrate the small milestones along the way, and be aware of the course marked out for you.  There are uphill battles and downhill coasting seasons, and that's all normal.  Having a clear prize and end goal in mind is really motivating.  It also helps to remember you have people supporting you and cheering you on (including a very real great cloud of witnesses in Heaven)!! ❤

But wait, there's more!! lol  Painting is another one that often comes to mind since it's a creative activity I enjoy... I've tried several abstract art paintings, then I continually rework and tweak and improve them. So I like thinking of my life as a blank canvas, and God and I are working together to create something beautiful there.  Some of the colors I thought would be most prominent are fading into the background now, while others that I didn't see clearly at first have started to shine and stand out.  I've tried to quit or assumed I did something irreparable a few times, but God carefully covers and corrects my errors (beauty for ashes, and love covering a multitude of sins).  It's all a bit messy and unfinished right now, but already deeply unique and valuable and worthy of love!  God is the master artist, and only He knows the planned design for where it's all headed, so asking for His direction is always the best course of wisdom.  Fortunately, He is still actively at work and enjoying the whole process, and He never gives up on the projects He begins.  And little by little, my life-canvas is growing in beauty and color and depth, being gradually perfected to better reflect the Creator artist. ❤ "For we are God's masterpiece.  He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago."  ~Ephesians 2:10

Yay, metaphors! ;-)  Okay, that's all I've got for you today - which was probably more than you asked for or expected. lol  

Happy 14th Anniversary to Bill & Jill!!

Also, Happy Veteran's Day, and a very sincere thank you to everyone who has served!!

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Discomfort Zone

Day 10:  Describe a time you stepped outside your comfort zone and what you learned.

Outside of "Nom nom for us, David," this is probably the Schitt's Creek line I think about most!

David Rose is high strung -- his nervous system is always buzzing in a way that's oddly endearing to people like me (and Patrick).  In this episode, he's panicking about retaking his driver's test, lamenting that people like Alexis seem to "skate through life" with fewer problems and worries.  As he spirals wanting to make a good impression, Alexis calmly reminds him: "People aren't thinking about you the way you're thinking about you."  Then as he's about to leave, she adds: "David, nobody cares!" 

I feel that.

Over the past three years, I've done loads of things that felt awkward, scary, and outside of my comfort zone -- like navigating solo trips, counseling role-plays, real sessions, big interviews, medical procedures, and tough conversations.  One step at a time, discomfort has pushed me to grow, to lean on God for strength and wisdom, to focus on the other person's comfort more than my own self-consciousness.  It strengthens me to remember 2 Timothy 1:7 (that God gives us power, love, and sound judgment; never fear).  And when my nervous system overreacts, it's liberating to breathe and remind myself, "nobody cares."  Life is messy, and most people are too busy thinking about their current needs or their own awkward moments to stop and scrutinize mine.  We have the option of coasting apathetically, but meaningful goals require us to do hard things.  I love you and believe in you, and I believe in your ability to choose courage over comfort when it matters!! ❤

Story Time

Day 9:  What’s a story from your life most people haven’t heard but reveals something important about who you are?

Not a dramatic story, but in fifth grade, for the first time since young childhood, Miss White (my teacher) decided to read to us after lunch and recess.  We would come back inside and have the option to sit up and listen or lay our head on our desk and close our eyes and listen.  There were no quizzes or tests over what she was reading - it was simply meant for us to settle in and feel calm and enjoy it - and I did!!  She read a few fiction books to us through the course of that year, one chapter per day.  And I really loved imagining it all as I was hearing it.  I remember feeling relaxed and engaged and thinking back then that I wish I could always have someone else read stories to me...

Years later, I am keeping my Audible (and Libby and Hoopla) apps very busy, not to mention all the audio podcasts!  I listen while driving/traveling, while cooking, while folding laundry, while walking and jogging.  I'm an audiobook enthusiast (or an audiobibliophile, if you will), and I give a lot of credit to Miss White for my ability to fully engage my heart and imagination and stay interested as I listen!  So today, I am grateful for good narrators and authors who take the time to read and record their books for myself and all the people like me!! ❤

Time Travel

Day 8:  If you could visit any moment in history—or your own past—for one day, when and where would you go?

Any moment in history? 

I would join the crowd listening to Jesus give the Sermon on the Mount.  There's not really another historical event that could top hearing and seeing Him live here + paying attention to how the crowd reacted to it all.

Any moment in my own life? 

Coming from curiosity, I would love to observe and/or relive my own life on 12-27-1990, 7-23-1996, 9-12-2001, 6-12-2005, 9-28-2007, 12-17-2008, 7-3-2010, 2-17-2017, and 11-14-2024. =) 

For the record, that's the day Mom led me to Christ, the day the "magnificent seven" won Team USA gold at the Atlanta Olympics after an injured Kerri Strug landed the final vault, the day after 9-11 (it would be super interesting to me to re-experience the questions, emotions, and nationwide unity we saw at that point), the day I met JMM at 9121 and knew pretty quickly I wanted to marry him, the day I met Malori, the Christmas party where I met Chettles and Sarah, the VCGO trip on our One Republic beach concert day, my entire 33rd birthday, and my 4-park Disney day!  I'd genuinely love to revisit any or all of those and pay attention to so many little details I likely missed the first time around but would see more clearly now. =)

But since time travel is not a thing (at least until we get to Heaven), I'll continue to write about my favorite memories so I can mentally relive them here... and I'll let this post remind me to be more present and attentive, not leaning on my own wisdom but praying for God to open the right doors and close the wrong ones, and living each day to the fullest right now!!

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Buoyant Themes

Day 7:  What lesson keeps resurfacing - and why might God be repeating it in your life?

1)  Facing hard realities head-on; being willing to repent if needed and/or have difficult conversations with others if needed

2)  Choosing transformation and action over conformity and comfort

They are repetitive because I am stubborn, and surrender is hard.  (Not unique to me.)

Joyce says that you never fail a test with God - He just lets you take the same test over and over until you get it.  That feels true.  

On another note, I heard on a podcast recently that you will always feel a little dissatisfied and/or hungry if your body is not getting the right amount of important nutrients from fruits and vegetables... and my continual "never enough"/dissatisfied feeling makes a lot more sense in that context.  So embracing healthy eating = another lesson that keeps resurfacing!

Anyway, I'm leaving work early now, so happy Friday, friends and family!!

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