Rewrites and Regrets

Day 17:  If you could rewrite one scene from your life, what would you change - or would you keep it exactly as it is?

Excerpt from a 2019 post:  This moment from We are The Millers will forever be what I think of when I say "No regrets!" lol 
..."None?  Not even a single letter!?" 🤣

I'm not a big believer in regrets.  I remember one of the many Myers-Briggs sites I have visited saying that INFJs are the least likely to wish they could go back and change anything because we are able to see purposeful connections and meaning in all of our experiences, and that rang true.  I believe deeply that God has a bigger plan than I could fathom now and He has the power to use my pain for a purpose - for personal growth and for the ultimate good.  And that makes it hard to regret anything, and I'm so thankful for that.  I have put my heart out there in several friendships that ended poorly, and I have taken steps toward many life changes that did not pan out in the end, but it creates resilience when you can look back and see what you've learned and how you've grown from each of those hard events.  The only thing we should ever regret is our sin, and that regret should be temporary because we can seek forgiveness and choose to find healing and change our course."  

~Lindsey from 6 years ago, echoed by Lindsey from today ;-) ❤

In other news, tonight was the YouVersion "Beyond a Billion" event celebrating a billion downloads of the Bible App.  It was the first app I downloaded on my iPhone in 2009, and I'm grateful for Bobby Gruenwald's creative genius and Craig's generosity and leadership with this project.  The first 30 minutes of the event (before they started streaming) were full of painful filler and hype and small talk that nearly led me to miss a really great worship night.  It got MUCH better.  The night included stellar live and in-person worship with CeCe Winans, Lauren Daigle, Matt Redman, Brooke Ligertwood, Kari Jobe, Chris Tomlin, Phil Wickham, and more... along with brief messages from Craig, Bobby, Christine Caine, Louie Giglio, etc.  

The countdown to a billion was marked by loads of confetti at the sold-out Paycom Center! ❤

CeCe, Matt, and Phil... so many great singers tonight!

Today was intense, but in a good way.  More details tomorrow.
Happy Monday!

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Resilient Strength

Day 16:  What has counseling taught you about people’s resilience and inner strength?

I can't write about client stories here, and I don't have the time or energy to get very deep tonight (she says before diving in), but resilience and resurrection go together.  When you feel defeated or beaten or think you have nothing left to give, resilience rises back to the surface.  In both of my jobs and in my own life experiences, again and again, people find the inner strength to rise to the challenge.  To find beauty after brokenness, gratitude in grief, hope and healing after heartbreak.  While inner strength and grit are important, the value of safe relationships and rest stand out to me right now as key elements for building resilience and inner strength.  Peace matters, and it is worth protecting.  Feeling seen and known and valued by God and/or the people in our lives matters deeply for our ability to heal, bounce back, and move forward after setbacks.  And that concludes my short answer to a question I might write a full chapter on someday.

Today, Mom and I made a Tulsa trip to help decorate Chet's KW office! =)

Tate and Parker were the best helpers! =)

And movie watchers (watching Home Alone). ❤

Mom and Chettles make a wonderful and entertaining team!  Mission accomplished on the KW decor, and we got to see the model home Chet's been holding open after an Amber Marie shopping spree! =)

Throwback to seeing Mrs. Doubtfire with the Wilsons the day after we got back from Disney last year! =)  I remember voice-blogging (dictating into a phone note) about our trip on my drive back home after the play. lol

This goes with nothing else in this post, but it's fun to see Rach painting and transforming furniture!

Hope you've had a lovely weekend!

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2026 Dreams

Day 15:  What dreams or goals are stirring in your heart for 2026 and beyond?

This year has included a lot of heavy decisions and high stress, so I hope 2026 = lighter stress, lighter workload, lighter weight, lighter screentime habits, stronger sense of self, and investing more in good relationships!

I'm running low on energy, so I'm keeping this one short.  Today was the OSU vs. K-State game, and the Whitakers joined me for the trip to Stillwater using Dad's club-level tickets!  Fun times!!

That's all for now.

Happy Saturday!!

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Alternate Universe

Day 14:  In an alternate universe, what does your life look like?

• In an alternate universe, I was a CHA cheerleader all through my junior high and high school years, and I really loved it!
• OR I was seriously injured trying to master the tumbling, or humiliated when I tried out and didn't make the squad.
• In an alternate universe, I never endured Bells Palsy.
• OR my smile never healed and came back.
• In an alternate universe, the feelings were mutual, and I'm a very happy wife and stay-at-home mom with three lovely daughters, living in Virginia Beach.
• OR I really miss my family and I'm a little bored and lonely and navigating how to rebuild my own identity after years of merging/disappearing behind the pedestal.
• In an alternate universe, I ran the Nike Women's Marathon, and I'm rocking that Tiffany necklace "medal."
• OR I collapsed midway through on the rough hills of San Francisco. lol
• In an alternate universe, Malori and I are lifelong besties, and it's been uncomplicated and fun and meaningful.
  
• OR trying to maintain that friendship turned me into a version of myself that I don't really like or respect.
• In an alternate universe, counseling was all that I hoped it would be, and I'm building my own successful walk-and-talk therapy business.
• OR I'm trying very hard to build a business, but the stress and liability are taking a toll.
• In an alternate universe, I am a sharply-dressed, realtime-certified Federal court reporter working from home  a couple days a week and making around 200k per year!
• OR I'm drowning in transcripts, stressed about realtime jury voir dire, and hating tracking all of my hours.
• In an alternate universe, I am a single mom with a great supportive community happily raising my 3-year-old biological child after a successful IUI procedure in 2022.
• OR I'm experiencing the high stress and loneliness a lot of single moms experience, questioning all of my decisions and struggling emotionally.
• In an alternate universe, I have joyfully announced that I am pregnant with a beautiful biracial adopted child through embryo adoption - people are celebrating this with me, and baby showers are being planned by friends and family.
• OR I am suffering physically and emotionally, quietly mourning a miscarriage on my own. 
• In an alternate universe, I moved to Broken Arrow in February, and I am over halfway done with my required hours for candidacy, learning a lot and working alongside Marla as an elementary school therapist for CREOKS.
• OR I regret moving, I hated that job, and I feel like I took a step backwards falling back to the Creek County CR role.
• In an alternate universe, I have published several memoir books and gradually become a New York Times best-selling author!
• OR I published my very first book and got harsh critical feedback that felt crushing.
• In an alternate universe, we are still a party of 9 at family dinners, and our family has experienced far less brokenness and trauma.
• OR our lives were drastically altered because Mom and Dad were killed in their car wreck on this day 14 years ago.

Yeah... life could look very, very different.  And it can be interesting to think about the various branches where life might have gone in another direction... there are literally thousands of them in all of our lives, for better or worse.  But remember to frame it with some realism and gratitude.  Adele is right - "Sometimes the road less traveled is the road best left behind."  Truly, through all the twists and turns, God is protective and caring.  He directs and redirects our steps, and we can trust Him to work in all things (tragedy and trauma included) for our good and for His glory!!  ❤

Okay, in other news, here's a quick Photo Friday catch-up:

Jace's basketball team after a very dramatic and exciting last-second win last night!! =)

Kenzie and Rach chatting it up post-game =)

Gideon, TJ, and Jaceman!

Preshface Parker Elizabeth feeling cute at her CFA breakfast with her awesome Dad!

A lot has happened in my life this week - job offers and big decisions and God being very kind and protective.  I'm grateful, and today's verse of the day feels appropriate!!

Happy Friday, friends!

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Qualities

Day 13:  What’s a personal quality you’re proud of that others often notice?

(This question feels oddly phrased.)

Mind - I'm proud of cultivating a growth mindset where I always learn new things, and it's nice when others know me well enough to compliment that

Body - I'm proud of and deeply grateful for my smile (after experiencing facial paralysis with Bells Palsy, the ability to smile means a great deal to me, and I'm happy any time I hear compliments on that)

Soul - I am proud that I prioritize quality relationships and genuinely care about people; hopefully they notice and feel that, as well

Spirit - Pride isn't the right word, but I'm thankful that I'm willing to be brutally honest in confessing sin and repenting and pursuing peace with God 

Overall - Resilience and sincerity

Shifting gears, how great is this video?  I really love seeing their friendship, and I love and miss James Corden!!  He. is. precious!

"Oh, I hope in time we both will find peace of mind.
Sometimes the road less traveled is the road best left behind.
Well, I hope I learn to get over myself,
And stop trying to be somebody else..."

Happy Thursday, friends and fam!

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Brave & Beautiful Life

Day 12 - What song best captures your personality or current season of life - and why?

You can be amazing; you can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug.  You can be the outcast or be the backlash of somebody's lack of love.  Or you can start speaking up.  Nothing's gonna hurt you the way that words do when they settle 'neath your skin, kept on the inside and no sunlight, sometimes the shadow wins.  But I wonder what would happen if you say what you wanna say and let the words fall out.  Honestly, I wanna see you be brave with what you want to say...

Everybody's been there, everybody's been stared down by the enemy.  Falling for the fear and learn to disappear and bow down to the mighty.  But don't run.  Stop holding your tongue.  Maybe there's a way out of the cage where you live.  Maybe one of these days you can let the light in, and show me how big your brave is.  Say what you wanna say, and let the words fall out.  Honestly, I wanna see you be brave!

And since your history of silence won't do you any good - did you think it would?  Let your words be anything but empty.  Why don't you tell them the truth!?

Say what you wanna say, and let the words fall out.
Honestly, I wanna see you be brave!

There's a verrry long list of songs I love and relate to, but I'm going with Brave as the song best representing my personality and current season.

I'm getting better and better at speaking up, telling the truth, and being brave with what I want to say, gradually overcoming my history of silence or reactive sharp words or being the quiet outcast.  No more disappearing, no more falling for fear or giving in to the enemy or feeling caged.  More letting the light in and speaking truth in love!

I deeply love and respect moms and have often imagined myself being a good mom... but the closer I came to it, the more I felt trapped and panicked and gradually realized that single motherhood is really not my dream, then it was a ridiculous struggle for me to say that out loud and change course.  Throughout my entire adult life, writing has helped me sift through my thoughts and become braver with my words over time!  I'm grateful. ❤

Second place goes to the clean version of Eldest Daughter by T-Swift, as I really love the bridge to that song - so much so that I bought this t-shirt with those lyrics on it!  :-)  It's about reclaiming childhood joy and rest and renewing your hope for things you once said were dumb because you were projecting a false strength and you thought that you'd never find that "beautiful, beautiful life that shimmers that innocent light back like when we were young."  That resonates right now too, and I freaking love it. ❤

In other news, Happy Birthday to JoBug today!! ❤

Fun throwback to me getting to ride Tiana's Bayou Adventure (formerly Splash Mountain) twice on this day last year!!  To think, they were going to skip this gem! lol

Finally, here's the fam at Jace's first 7th grade basketball game last night!

(He was in no mood for photos after they lost.)

Looking forward to seeing them again at family dinner tonight!

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Random Extras

Throwing in a few extra thoughts and photos, because I'm really not doing enough blogging this month. lol  Look at this cuteness... Jace Michael in his happy Christmas hat, 9 years ago today! ❤

Another memory that popped up and made me smile... concert-ready Kara, Rach, me, and Megan Elizabeth, circa 2001 maybe?

I'm grateful for friends who see me and support me well.  I feel like I've had a breakthrough this week.  Keep talking through things and untangling what feels messy, however far back you need to go.  What you work through and detangle may just become a source of color and light that brings joy and comfort to others. =)

Six mile walk/jog at the Station this afternoon (after sleeping in and enjoying my day off).  The weather was great, but six miles feels a lot further than it did a few months ago! lol

Mom's house is coming right along! ❤

Me with my 3 degrees and working on a 4th... or Rach with two trades under her belt and contemplating learning a 3rd...

Meanwhile, here's Dad with his high school diploma and very successful self-made business! lol  (Which we're all very thankful for!!!)

Just saying, Kanye may have had a point in the Lil Jimmy skit. lol

A 2017 pic from Kelly's Diving Deeper Women's Lifegroup!

Our Christmas mission project... I miss this group!

The complimentary menu at my dentist's office. lol  Thus far, I've taken them up on the laughing gas, warm blanket, and noise cancelling headphones. =)

I would argue that not all things can be mended, but I still love this quote.

Intentionality matters, and that last sentence resonates with me!

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"Vorld Ravelers" at Disney World, one year ago! ❤

I was cold enough to use my fireplace last night, and the cozy vibes made me happy!!

I'll close this post with a poignant quote:

"Perfectionism doesn't believe in practice shots.  It doesn't believe in improvement.  Perfectionism has never heard that anything worth doing is worth doing badly - and that if we allow ourselves to do something badly, we might, in time, become quite good at it.  Perfectionism measures our beginner's work against the finished work of masters.  Perfectionism thrives on comparison and competition... Perfectionism is a refusal to let yourself move ahead.  We correct our originality into a uniformity that lacks passion and spontaneity.”
~Julia Cameron

Be an original,
let yourself try new things,
and keep a growth mindset!

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