Sunday, May 31, 2026

Audiobook Club

I've made my way through nine audiobooks over the past two months, all of which I really enjoyed!  It was four personal memoirs, three fictional novels, one five-week daily devotional, and one self-help/psychology book.

Quick recaps and thoughts below...

Strangers
(by Belle Burden)
The Big Boo (Patreon Podcast) Book Club pick for May.  Like Lindsay Ferrier, Belle kept good notes throughout her marriage, and she does a great job of articulating her thoughts and emotions surrounding her husband abandoning her and her children, then gaslighting her and playing some petty , emotionally-abusive games in the process of their messy divorce.  She's a solid writer who articulates emotions well, but her mindset reflects some victim thinking and still valuing her ex too highly, so I hope she continues to overcome that and choose strength over smallness or learned helplessness.  *If I decide to push through and get my doctorate, my dissertation will either be on learned helplessness or self-doubt in women, or maybe how they work together, and how we can best overcome them!

Joyful Anyway
(by Kate Bowler)
Very well-written memoir, and the style of book I hope to author soon!  Kate has been through a lot, and she is a deep thinker and a Christian.  (She identifies as an Enneagram 2, but I would have assumed she was a 4.)  This is a collection of stories from her life, including a poignant conversation with a nurse at the hospital that brought me to tears (Kate is a stage 4 cancer survivor, and the nurse was a recent widow and the first person to tell Kate she was sorry for everything she had endured at the hospital - it got deep and real very quickly, and between that account and my memories of Kristen Harriss being stired up recently, it made an impact).  The theme, as you can probably gather from the cover and title, is that although life is really difficult sometimes, we can choose to hold firmly to our God-given joy.  (Having said that, it's the furthest thing from "toxic positivity" or encouraging people to feign happiness while ignoring deeper problems - Kate is not about that nonsense, and neither am I).

Walking With God
(by Beth Moore)
A wonderful devotional book that I listened to a little along over the past few months.  Toward the end, Beth has a chapter on the importance of writing your own story, if only to help you understand and make sense of what God is up to in your life and how He has been with you and for you all along.  It resonated for me and reignited my desire to write (which has felt very muted lately by the knowledge that I won't have a child of my own who might have the desire to learn more about me and read my book someday).  I'm climbing out of the self-pity, though, and realizing that many others might still benefit from what I have to share - myself included.  Beth also shared a chapter where she encourages the reader to interview someone whose walk with God they admire and want to emulate (including some potential questions you might ask them), and I plan to come back to that conversation with several people later!

Theo of Golden
(by Judge Allen Levi)
This book matters more deeply than most fictional stories. Highly recommend!! It is the debut novel by a small-town retired Christian Judge and singer named Allen Levi - fascinating. The story is exceptional, and the audiobook narrator also does a great job! I listened to the last 30 minutes while sitting in my recliner this very morning, then I just sat there and cried for a few minutes - (it's more emotionally/spiritually powerful than it is sad - so good). I bought it on Audible, and I have now ordered a paperback copy signed by the author (because it matters, and I want it on my shelf). It made me think often about Grandad and his tenderheartedness and conversational ability, about the purpose of great art and creativity - even when it goes unappreciated or undervalued, about the value of small acts of kindness, about veterans and homeless people and their untold stories and their desire to be seen and known, about the absurd and senseless damage one angry/violent person can do in a small amount of time, about forgiveness and pausing to really see the faces of the people we tend to dismiss or overlook, about the power of intergenerational friendships to change people... and most importantly, about how to subtly weave the gospel into both my writing and my real life interactions by loving others in a way that connects with and empowers them and inspires curiosity about my faith. Gracious, Judge Levi does an excellent job of weaving in the gospel message in an understated way throughout the book, then more directly toward the end. The one court story he tells was the most powerful chapter for me (chapter 42), and it made so much sense to me to learn that he was a former attorney and small-town Judge. Mostly, he shows the subtle power of living a humble life based on sincere Christian values! ...I hope this one becomes a movie with a solid director who knows what they are doing.

Big Trust
(by Shade Zahrai)
Pivotal for me, and helpful for anyone struggling with self-doubt!  Already wrote more about it HERE. ❤

The Light We Carry
(by Michelle Obama)
Another very well-written memoir!  This was her second book, but I read it first because I appreciated the title and was curious to know more.  It's a collection of stories throughout her life - her close friendships, her Dad's MS, the strong example set by both of her parents, her brother, their childhood, going to Princeton, her marriage, and her experiences with parenting, gardening, racism, personal growth, politics, navigating her public and private roles, going high when others go low, etc.  I would say the first book gives you more day-to-day details on her story, while this follow-up book dives more into how she has grown and all she has learned over the past 50+ years, so it was my favorite of the two!

Becoming
(by Michelle Obama)
Michelle's longer autobiography (a 19-hour audiobook) with more background info on her childhood, dating years, what shaped her values, her college experience, fertility struggles, motherhood, navigating criticism and dehumanization, the political rise of President Obama, her experiences as First Lady, etc.  I always appreciate when people narrate their own books!  (We don't see eye to eye on everything politically or spiritually, but she is a strong woman who commands respect, and this was a well written, vulnerable, and compelling memoir that was good for me to read!)

The Correspondent
(by Virginia Evans)
Also loved this novel from the perspective of a retired older woman who writes letters to various acquaintances, friends, and family members.  The entire book is composed of letters with chronological dates, and you gradually learn the story and the way the characters connect as you move through them.  It's a clever idea that is executed well here, and yet another book that shows the power of intergenerational friendships and small acts of courage and kindness!

Sunrise on the Reaping
(by Suzanne Collins)
The Hunger Games prequel with the story of Haymitch Abernathy competing in the 50th Hunger Games.   Interesting to get an inside look at this character, although parts of this book felt more brutal than the others, which doesn't fully track with the other stories happening years later.  It does give you a clear picture of how he became jaded and where he gets the trauma-based humor and protective strength.  We saw a preview for this movie recently -- (admittedly, all of the Hunger Games movies are set in a bizarre dystopian world) -- and it prompted Mom to say, "WHO would actually wanna go see that!?" lol  I laughed and raised my hand and said, "Meeee!  I'm almost done with the book, and it's been great!" =)
Listening to Joyful Anyway on one of my recent walks.
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Thursday, May 28, 2026

Slideshows!

Posting these here too, just for fun and for easy access later:

Triston Michael, Senior 2026
Song = The Best is Yet to Come by Ben Rector

Kyndal Faith, 6th Grade Graduation
Song = Try Everything by Shakira

Jace Michael, Through the Years
Song = Bad by Michael Jackson (his current fav)

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Family Brinner

We did a breakfast-for-dinner theme last night (pancakes, eggs, bacon, and fresh fruit - yay!) and celebrated Triston's Graduation and Kyndal Faith's Christian Citizenship Award!  This = a fun grad-themed canvas I made for Triston (thanks to the LiveCollage app and Walgreens same-day pickup photo gifts!).  We're laughing about Mom's photo-taking skills, and it's such a real smile from him that makes me happy!! ❤

Closer view of the collage!  The extended fam, the Parrishes, his best friend Reece Barnes, Mrs. King, the speech, Wendy and JoBug, Mrs. Talley, Brooke's side of the fam, and a pic with Reese Kufahl and Kate Smiley (the girls he is closest to in his class).

A fun cookiecake... (his name got messed up when Jace was carrying it in, but I was able to restore it with iPhone's markup feature). lol

Rach bought this book back in 2011 and had every CHA teacher sign it over the past 14 years!  It has some great notes in it, then she added a few Bible verses and photos, so it's a really meaningful gift!

Pic of T and Rach with the book!

Kyndal Faith made up a trivia game for us to play, asking things like her favorite color, movie, song, season, Thunder player, etc. lol

It also included what she wants to be when she grows up, which was definitely the first time I'd heard about the Senator Parrish plan (inspired by their DC trip), but I'm 100% on board for that! =)

Then she and I played a few rounds of Speed while Jace played basketball and Rach made a McDonald's run, then they played a couple rounds of that and another fun card game when Rach got back!

"She tried to cheat, but I still won!!" ~K telling Grandpa all about it
(P.S. Dad's had a tooth pulled and we're all used to it, but I felt like I should explain that here)

Another family dinner to remember - the sun being out longer is my favorite, and I feel like the niece and nephews are all at fun ages with interesting lives and thoughts I love to hear right now.  I made extended slideshows for K-Faith and T-man, which prompted a "Bro, where's MY slideshow!?" from Jace, so I hastily made him one while he was swimming!  We all watched all three of them together on Mom and Dad's huge living room TV, and that was fun times hearing the kids thoughts and commentary!

Here's Mrs. Garner and Tman on his very first day at CHA! ❤

And on his final day at CHA - here's Mrs. Garner with the 8 Senior students who had been there since Pre-K!

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Wednesday, May 27, 2026

Thunder Playoffs!

Around 9am yesterday, Rach texted to ask if I wanted to go to the Thunder game... to quote David Rose, "That's a real quick yes!!"


She was able to order last-minute tickets for us, and we got edge seats in Section 111!  I finished around 3 covering A's lengthy court docket, then got ready and headed to Rachael's to ride with them to the game (it started at 7:30, but we arrived around 5:40 with high hopes for J&K to get autographs and/or meet some of the players).


Under the colorful bridge downtown

Knowing we had lower seats, I suggested Rach make a cool poster so we could get on TV... so they worked hard making these signs, then were immediately told they couldn't bring them into the arena - lamesauce!!

(They have a table set up where you can make signs, but they have to be 11x17 or smaller).

Whilst J was waiting on the spurs players, Kyndal and I went to get her a Thunder hat and try (unsuccessfully) to see some of her favorite players...

Jaceman got three autographs from the Spurs - Carter Bryant, Kelton Johnson, and De'Aron Fox - so yay for that!  (He's a Wemby fan and wore a Spurs shirt - he was afraid he would be bullied, but there were lots of Spurs fans there, including two younger boys right in front of us who were entertaining and fun)!

Me and K-Faith ran into her friend and VB teammate, Olivia!!

I was between Kyndal and an adult guy who was a loud and enthusiastic fan - we very much enjoyed his commentary, however colorful it may have been! lol

Jace had more fun early in the game - the Spurs were ahead most of the first quarter and part of the second, but the Thunder came in strong after that!

The nuns memes and costumes were entertaining!

Go OKC!!  This makes me happy - hopefully we can add a few more banners this year!

Giant Rumble covered in confetti after the win!

We waited around trying to get autographs (or a Tik-Tok dance for K) after the game, so they were able to reclaim their signs with no crowded line as we walked out!  I made us stop for one more pic by this wall!

"McCain is COOKING, bro!"  -Kyndal Faith
He got to start this game and had his best game of the season - she pays attention to sports, and he's her new favorite player this year - and she has the jersey and two posters to prove it! =)

We stopped by Cain's and McDonald's (of course) on our way back to Rachael's... J&K's commentary and sports rivalry was entertaining for me!  ...After a few moments of silence while they were both looking at their phones, Kyndal chimed in, "Bro, I look so good in hats!" and it was the funniest thing!!
So now the Thunder is up 3 to 2, and only need one more win against the Spurs to become the Western Conference champs and move into the finals against NY.  Here's hoping that happens on Thursday!

Mom and Dad preferred to watch from home, but we had a great time being there for it live!!
Yay, Thunder!  Yay, family fun!!
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Monday, May 25, 2026

Not Alone

About the new doors God is opening, I have the opportunity to lead the women's LifeGroup through the summer ahead, which feels exciting and rich with meaning right now.  The group is fittingly called "Heal Out Loud," and there are women grieving the loss of a parent, grieving the loss of a spouse to suicide, navigating single parenthood after abuse and abandonment, navigating major health challenges and/or complex family dynamics, grieving an abruptly broken engagement, sending kids to college, parenting young children with cancer, and more.  Their stories are layered and complex, with real pain and fear and the need for consistent prayer and support, and I want to step into that in a bigger way across the board!  (This pic is from last fall - I'll be sure we take a new one soon.)


Chet has pointed out that this is God fulfilling my desire to counsel and work with adult women... which feels true, just not in the way I'd expected to see it.  I have another friend who is facing the ambiguous grief of a friendship fallout in a long-term best friendship, and I am grateful to at least be "a witness" who can help validate the extreme pain of that loss and help her process the situation and move forward in a healthy way.

So I'm opening my heart again to the idea that motherhood and Christian counsel may not look the way I anticipated, but may still be part of God's calling on my life!  Be fruitful and multiply can mean a lot of different things.  My relationships with my niece and nephews and mini-BFFs and Compassion child matter more than I sometimes believe - I'm playing an important role there, and I'm thankful for it!  I want a God-honoring legacy and deep relationships, and I want to help care for hurting people and point them to Jesus as their healer, and a Bible study or podcast are typically safer environments for being direct about that than a counseling room.

Another thing I'm considering is starting a podcast with the theme of Kingdom Hope.  Largely because I need constant reminders to stay anchored in that myself, and I believe it is vitally important and often overlooked for most Christians.  We forget about everything here being partial and incomplete, so we expect too much from it.  And we forget that everything there will be whole and healed and right, so we place too little value and real hope in it.

In the meantime, I'm using this post to remind myself that I am not alone.  I am certainly not the only one struggling with self-doubt or quiet loss or confusion about the path ahead, which is a good thing to remember to push my focus back outward and take action where I can to help others!  And I am not alone or without support as I move forward in life... I have good friends and family who love me, and several people who could use my support, love, and kindness.  We carry the light of Christ inside us, and it matters!!

So today, I am grateful for exceptional friends who check in here and really see me and care about the details and offer good counsel when I need it!

I'm grateful for fun podcasts that get surprisingly deep and philosophical sometimes!

I'm thankful for walks with Kristin and being Aunt Lindsey and the godmother to her boys!

I'm thankful for the fam and our regular dinners and the character progress I'm seeing in my niece and nephews!

I'm thankful for God-ordained connections with two of the women in my neighborhood (on my same street) and praying those continue to grow and strengthen!

Thankful for being a trusted supportive adult to help Triston navigate moving to Colorado this summer!

And I'm thankful for God's Word and the foundational truths that ground our faith and hope...
Thanks for stopping by for this plethora of new posts!  (I have a seventh post started, but I have two audiobooks to finish up before I can post it.)

Happy Memorial Day - thankful for those who gave their lives defending our freedom!
And I hope you have a wonderful week ahead!!
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The Storm of Self-Doubt

This book was a timely revelation and practically-helpful tool for me on the topic of self-doubt.  I listened to most of it during my drive home from seeing Annie and Eddie in Texas.  I had talked with Chet earlier that afternoon about how adrift I was feeling without the clear end goal of adoption.  He talked from his perspective about seeing all the doors God had opened for me with CCU, and it was a good (slightly jarring) reminder that it hasn't ALL been roadblocks and hurdles on the counseling journey...

It paired really well with the content of this book, and God used all of the above to inspire hope in me that this may not be the dead end I've been imagining.  Having some time to really think about my story and how much has shifted over the past two years was also helpful.  And in my own defense, there has been A LOT of change and loss to process, and I can see how I got here.  Somewhere between the weight loss surgery and recovery, the extra attention and inner/outer pressure to maintain a certain physical appearance whilst navigating hair loss and hormonal changes that would be difficult for any woman, the intense season of marathon training, trying and struggling to view myself as a "finisher" - someone who commits and finishes what she starts, the end of the master's program, the unexpected difficulty of finding a good counseling job, the hard situations and imposter syndrome in some of those early roles, the desire to bow out and disappear, getting into the PhD program, the high expectation and pressure to perform well while not feeling sure I really want to move forward there, facing the physical realities of aging and fibroids and repeated roadblocks head-on, letting go of my long-held adoption dream, quietly grieving that massive loss with precious little acknowledgement while trying to hold onto other dreams that were kind of rooted in that one, realizing how many of my dreams were tied to the idea of being a mom, pursuing the hope of dating whilst zero men are pursuing me, consistently trying to push back against the sense of feeling rejected/unworthy while also being uninspired by the pool of mediocre/passive men, navigating multiple dating apps and driving to another state for a date and staying open to friend set-ups while knowing there will always be others who believe I'm just not trying hard enough, getting raises and cushier job offers in court reporting while everyone keeps asking how my new counseling career is going, ambiguous grief and feeling unheard in certain family situations, and navigating a major friendship conflict and sharply critical/painful conversations there... it has all spiraled me into fairly crippling inner storm of shame and self-doubt, with an amped-up desire to numb out from the gnawing sense that nothing I do is ever quite enough.

Woof.  This book really opened my eyes to all of that, and now I believe God will help me rebuild my sense of identity and God-given power and authority!  I've always loved the verses that talk about Jesus teaching "with real authority, quite unlike their teachers of religious law."  I love and have always been drawn to people who speak with authority, who believe in themselves, lead well, and exude a genuine security and confidence that puts others at ease.  God is opening a few new doors, and I have some ideas brewing on what I want to pursue.  Whatever else I do with the remainder of my life, I know I want to pursue and live from that inner trust and confidence that is rooted in Christ!!

Big Trust Quotes:

  • "You're not questioning just your skills or knowledge, but yourself.  Your value, your place, your right to take up space.  You doubt your very sense of who you are, and that's why self-doubt sticks.  Because we mistake it for who we are rather than something we've learned or internalized.
  • Your brain's response to feeling not enough is often to overcompensate.  You tell yourself that the next achievement, promotion, or milestone will be the one, the moment you finally feel like you belong.  But the finish line keeps moving.  You take on more, chase perfection, and tie your worth to your output.  No matter how much you achieve, you still end the day thinking: Was it enough?
  • The more visible you become, the more pressure you imagine is on you.  More eyes, more expectations, more chances to disappoint.  So you procrastinate, you hesitate, and you convince yourself you're fine where you are.  But you're not; you're just scared...  Safety feels better than growth, but staying small isn't safe.  It's self-sabotage.
  • These patterns (overworking, people-pleasing, shrinking, or finding comfort in others' failures) all stem from the same belief: I'm not enough.  Every behavior is an attempt to avoid that discomfort, but until you face it head-on and call it out for the lie it is, you'll stay stuck.
  • There will always be others who seem better equipped, more qualified, sharper, shinier, something.  The real difference between people who do the hard things and the ones who don't isn't talent, and it isn't usually skill.  It's BELIEF.  It's the ability to come back to an unshakable trust in your own unique individual strengths even when self-doubt is doing its best to derail you.
  • Most of us are far more competent, stronger, wiser, and more capable than we give ourselves credit for. You don't need to pretend you know it all.  Trust the part of you that's always been willing to learn and brave enough to ask.  When you trust your skills and your ability to figure things out, challenges don't feel insurmountable.  When you connect to your inner authority, self-doubt quiets and self-trust begins to take its place.
  • Self-trust grows faster in good company.  Surround yourself with people who believe in you, even when you don't.  These are the folks who hold you accountable, cheer you on, and remind you of who you are when doubt gets loud... one supportive person can make a world of difference! #truestory
  • Don't just do this for you.  Be the leader who uplifts others, the parent who inspires, the friend who brings light, the human who makes the world better just by being more of who they are.  That's what big trust unlocks - not just inner trust, but outer impact!
  • No matter where you are in life, YOUR FUTURE IS STILL YOURS TO SHAPE!  ...Self-trust isn't built in one grand moment.  It's built in every small moment where you decide:  I'm not shrinking.  I'm not hiding.  I'm not doubting - not this time.  Now, go re-write your story!"

God is with me.
God is for me.
He renews my strength 
and guides my steps,
and He will complete the good things
HE has started.
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In Other News...

My word for 2026 is Renewal, so it catches my eye any time I see it.  Yes, please to Jesus being my Shepherd and renewing my strength and guiding me along right paths that bring honor to His name!!

Made me laugh to get the full welcome packet after registering for the Biblical Foundations class this fall!  I've been here for four years now, but thanks for the extra swag! =)

Random pic I saved from FB - maybe it's AI, but I'm choosing to believe it's just adorable pom puppies that bring my heart the most joy!!

Sophie Hudson is writing a book that's a tribute to her Mom and also includes a cookbook with lots of her old recipes - as a longtime podcast listener, I freaking love that journey for her! =)

Grabbed some Gourmet donuts this morning for a friend who's going through a very hard season... this would help cheer anyone up, right!?

Lindsay Jane with Phoenix, Memphis, and Wavy - I don't get to see her much these days, but I'm praying for God's very best for her and her kids!!

My CleanEatz meal delivery kit arrived right before my DoorDashed Mexican food dinner and dessert, and the irony of that made me laugh!

Michael reclaimed the #1 spot back from Devil Wears Prada 2, which is incredibly appropriate, as that movie was over-hyped nonsense, and Michael is fantastic!  Mom and I went to see it again this afternoon! =)

5-22 = my old address, Tman's graduation day, and Elizabeth Jane's birthday, which I still always think of that day!  I'm very unsure about what went wrong there, but I love and miss her and sincerely wish her and her husband all the best!  It's honestly a fairly long list of people I will be thrilled to fully catch up with in Heaven, but we will have the time and the relational capacity and love and understanding and personal wholeness for exactly that - what a GIFT!  Kudos to her for training hard and conquering multiple marathons over the past few years!!

Here's Kate and Tman on the subway in Boston!

And Triston and Reese at a Red Sox game!

K-Faith and Laynie (her classmate, Colin's older sister)

Jace Michael and Gavin (his Senior "Big Brother")

Dad's new car (and mine behind it)!  Rach and I came over to hang out with them and watch the Thunder playoffs game last night... Jaceman called approximately 15x throughout the game to gloat about how well his new fav Spurs player, "Wemby" (Victor Wembanyama) was playing! lol

Cute picture frame at Amber Marie, but not really worth $130!
MacKenzie is proud of her stuff! lol

And that concludes the random pics I wanted to throw in here somewhere. =)
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