Thirteen!

The one and only Kyndal Faith turned 13 on Friday!  ❤

Above = her FaceTiming to show me the new necklace from her Dad! ❤

Throwback to her day of birth 13 years ago on 8-14-13!!

 Bday cake for K-Faith and friends!

Crystalled basketball and chalkboard by Rachael! ❤

Her party started at Main Event - she invited her "squad" core group of friends, Colin, Ellery, and Storey!

Party decor by Rachael, Kyndal, me, and (because she couldn't help herself) Mom!

Kyndal blew most of these balloons up herself - totally worth it! =)

The fab four!

Kyndal disapproved of the way Rach was arranging the candles, so she took over! lol

May all her wishes (that line up with God's best plan for her) come true!! ❤

Table pic because she worked hard on the decor over here too!

Party #2 with her Rise VB teammates at the YFAC gym, followed by cake at her Dad's house on Saturday!

Kyndal, Aniston, Addie, and Tatum! ❤

Aiden, Kyndal, and Liam (her step-brothers at her Dad's house)

She FaceTimed with Mom and I last night to show us various gifts from her friends... 
"Then I got this $20 bill, and this $10 bill..." (holding them up for us) lolol

Love her!!!  She's the absolute best, and I'm so glad she had two really fun parties with her family and friends!  Crazy that she is already a teenager.  Praying she has a great year ahead!

❤ ❤ ❤

Homecoming!

In the aftermath of our OU Hospital stay, Dad greeted us with Mom's walker as we got to their front door.  She did really well getting in and out of my car, then she went straight to her recliner, immediately reporting that it was "so much better" than her hospital chair.  YAY!

Pic around 9 PM that night after Rach picked Jace up from football practice - Kyndal had been blowing up lots of balloons for her Thunder-themed party the next day! ❤

Mom changed out of her hospital gown and settled in to rest for a bit while I rushed home to shower and grab an overnight bag, then pick up her prescriptions before the Parrishes met us here for dinner (we got Rib Crib; they got Taco Casa - no one was doing any cooking work that night).  Here's our family dinner pic (Jace was at football practice from 6-8).

A cake for the Miss K's birthday eve with the fam!

Dad and Jace chatting about football over dessert

It was very good to be back home, and we both slept much better without the ever-present hospital soundtrack in the background!

Since then, Mom has had visits from the Myricks, Kristie, Mrs. Garner, the Whitakers, and the Wilson fam!  Mrs. Garner praying for her: "Lord, we thank You for the angels that were her seatbelt, and we thank you that she'll be wearing her seatbelt from today forward." lol #Amen

Katie offered to take LifeGroup back this weekend, which was perfect.  Chet Lee returned my call right as I pulled into Katie's driveway.  My time feels so limited, and I was mildly upset that I hadn't been able to talk with him on the 30-minute drive there.  A few seconds into our convo, he asked me if everything was okay, and even I was caught off guard by how quickly and intensely I started crying! lol

Big picture - Mom is doing very well, and we're glad to be home!  That's the general script, and it is true but incomplete.  The closeup view for those who really care is different.  We had a scary moment on Friday where an unknown random arm movement caused her broken rib to move in just such a way that made it very hard for her to breathe.  It was so sudden and jarring, and hearing her take ragged breaths while trying to walk to her chair with only me there for support was hard.  She recovered pretty quickly once she was seated, and we both marveled at what on earth was that!?  Not too long afterward, she initiated a pretty intense "If I die..." kind of conversation (again with just me there).  I'll keep those details private, and I 1000% want to honor her wishes and am ready for deeper conversations like that whenever others want or need to have them!  I also understand the emotional pendulum swing, especially after being in a near-fatal car accident and being in the hospital for a week and hearing varied difficult news about her health status.  Since she's been back here, she moves from feeling pretty strong and overdoing it (trying to help decorate or clean for Kyndal's party) to feeling some hopelessness/anxiousness about the potential for recovery from such a major wound.  Praying with hope and expectation for those emotions to stabilize back out soon (for Mom and for myself), for strength and joy and good support as she continues to recover, and for legitimate pain management help! ❤

So anyway, discussing all of the above, I cried for a bit on the phone call with Chet Lee.  He handled it well and was quiet and kind and supportive -- ((in a later convo, he said, "Well, I've been trained to just stop and listen and give it some space..." I thought that was fantastic and wondered if it came from Bold or something.  I said "Oh, by who?"  And he said "...you!" lolol  I've laughed about that a few times since.  He and Karli made a trip to see us today, and it was great - more on that later tonight!))  Mmkay, so Ashley arrived late for LifeGroup and saw me crying pretty hard in my car, immediately running to open the door and hug me. lol  I went in soon afterward, and ended up talking with them (more calmly) about the whole situation - the pressure of caregiving, the sleep deprivation, the intense high and low emotions, and the added sadness/pressure that comes with realizing Dad's capacity to help here is more limited now.  We listened to Louie Giglio's Don't Give the Enemy a Seat at Your Table sermon, and it held lots of encouraging gems.  It was also just good for me to be there and feel that support - Natalie quietly grabbed my hand when I sat down and she could tell I'd been crying.  And my sharing started others down a similar path, so it was a pretty good and deep talk that morning!

We had a new woman join us who has a cute baby named Esther! ❤

Other than that, we've enjoyed our nightly FaceTime calls from Jace and Kyndal - hearing about his football scrimmages (he officially decided to stay at CHA for his 8th grade year, and we are thankful for God's protection there).

And the Miss K - always entertaining and ready with extra-detailed stories - perhaps she gets that from me! lol

More on her birthday next post!

❤ ❤ ❤

Constant Vigilance

Hey friends!  Thank you to anyone who has sincerely prayed for Mom and/or our family lately.  It has been an INTENSE week with a lot of major highs and lows.  The responsibility I feel as Mom's main caregiver is heavy, and I was reminded at LifeGroup this morning that God is with me, leading me beside still waters and restoring my soul.  In the effort to take better care of myself, I took a walk outside tonight, took multiple friends up on offers to help, and I am finally slowing down for a minute to update here with part two of our six-night OU Hospital stay!

After football practice Monday night (around 8:30), Rachael brought Kyndal, Jace, and TJ for a visit!  Mom was super tired and irritated that she was struggling to hold her eyes open, but still very glad to see them!!

Mother/daughter pic

Rachael popping Jace's back

Glove balloons + Kyndal judging them! lol

Jaceman reminding me not to take pics! lol

One of my main thoughts throughout our hospital stay was the incredible difference it makes to have nurses who care enough to be kind, compassionate, and empathetic!!  We had a few whose apathy and indifference were palpable - I could tell they were annoyed by any question I asked and by the mere fact that I was there with Mom and in their way (smallest hospital room I've ever seen).  Then we had a few who remembered my name, got to know our family, and went so above and beyond with kindness.  Little things MATTER, especially after a big and traumatic event like this.  We are all feeling some stress and overwhelm and dealing with it in different ways, but basic kindness truly goes a long way!!

Questions I wrote out for Hilary, Mom's PA... she talked about them with Mom and was also kind enough to call me that afternoon to discuss all of this, which was greatly appreciated!

I went to work Monday, Tuesday, and Friday this week.  I had a Zoom meeting with Dr. Burkhart set for Wednesday afternoon, and he sent a message needing to reschedule it (rare).  That intensified my strong feeling that I needed to be at the hospital that day, so I called Andrea that morning to have someone else cover for me at work.  She was incredibly supportive and kind and said I should've let them know earlier - very thankful for that - the main reason I didn't was having just taken off for Alaska recently.  Anyway, Mom got pretty sick that morning and needed to get up and down quickly several times, and it was a very good day for me to be there to help her out... that afternoon, she had her second wound-vac dressing change.  Excruciatingly painful, and she describes it as torture - I've been searching hard for better pain management options and mostly coming up short - it's a deep and large open wound, and they have to change the sponge covering it and the tape surrounding it twice a week for up to two months - it was brutal to watch, and I'm sure much worse to experience, and it is surprising and absurd and unfair to me that we are able to numb a tooth for a dental procedure, yet no one can manage to deaden her knee when several raw nerves are exposed - it's rough and honestly our main source of stress right now, so any pain management ideas and Spirit-led prayers are appreciated).

A rare makeup-free pic of Mom and I on what we thought was our last night in the hospital on Tuesday - we said lots of prayers together throughout the week, and I took this pic after one of them!

Even with Mom getting sick that morning (so nervous anticipating the pain that she was nauseous and threw up) - then having her wound dressing changed, they were still planning to discharge her Wednesday afternoon.  She and I walked around the hallway a couple times and she was generally doing well.  All week, she's been complaining of pain in her right shoulder (exacerbated when she uses the walker), and they finally ran X-rays about 30 minutes before we were set to leave.  I had literally packed up everything in our little hospital room (not a small amount of stuff after five nights).  Then the X-rays showed a shoulder dislocation, so they told us we would definitely be there at least one more night.  They came back in later and ran another X-ray, then a third set after that - I was very concerned by the multiple returns for more X-rays.  That all happened before 6:07 PM, and we didn't hear anything official about it until 10:15AM the next day... not okay.  The lack of clear communication and/or a clear person in charge of Mom's case was definitely a recurring frustration.  Gracious, if the Trauma Team and the Wound Care Team and the Ortho Team and the PT Team and the Occupational Therapy Team and the General Surgery Team, etc. could all please coordinate, it would've made our lives much easier!  I had to be much more assertive than usual in my advocating for Mom throughout the week, and between that and the hypervigilant state I go into in situations like this, I am fairly wrung out and exhausted on all levels.  At the same time, praying more regularly and reminding myself to lean into the daily grace of God that is enough day by day.

This = one of our nightly Facetime calls with the Miss K, always a source of joy!  She's been feeling the constant vigilance thing too lately, extra-concerned for Mamaw since seeing her bleeding and carried away via ambulance at the crash scene, and she told us on Wednesday night (8-12) that her birthday wish was for Mom to come home the next day!

We had a dramatic and relatively sleepless night where I found myself thankful that we were there surrounded by medical professionals.  When they asked about her pain level, Mom complained of minor chest pains.  She had a good and thorough nurse that took that very seriously.  So from 2:00-3:30AM, a team of nurses and doctors came in to run an EKG and take X-rays (I always had to leave the room during X-rays, and I got very familiar with the route to the 7th floor vending machines).  They finally confirmed that everything checked out normally, which we were very grateful to hear!  Anyway, around 10AM the next morning, Emily (the new PA) and Dr. Wood let us know that what they initially read as a dislocation was actually a pseudodislocation on her right shoulder - not a thing I knew existed, but it makes the shoulder look dislocated on the X-ray due to major swelling or blood accumulation caused by a traumatic event.  It still causes a tremendous amount of pain, but should heal on its own in a couple weeks without medical interference (thanks to ChatGPT for educating me on any number of things the medical staff failed to communicate clearly about through the week).  Because it was a pseudodislocation, no further procedures were needed, and we were cleared for discharge.  I asked for a consult with their Acute Pain Management team (after ChatGPT suggested their help with the wound care)... so at 10:30AM, they told us someone would come by soon to discuss that with us, and then we would be discharged.

Bill and Jill came by to see us after having lunch at Hideaway downtown.  And by 2PM, we were still waiting on the pain management or any news about discharge.  Emily came in and changed their bigger wound vac out for an at-home wound vac rental.  The tubing did not match, and there was a minor threat of them having to change the entire dressing again.  Hiiiigh alert as they changed all of that out, but they were able to completely replace the tubing without losing suction on the wound vac - thank God!!  The wound care team came to change the dressing on her two arm wounds - one of which was reopened because the nurse before used the wrong type of gauze - it bled quite a bit and made me wonder if I'd jinxed us yet again by packing up before we had official discharge papers.  Mom's nurse finally removed the IV in the back of her hand that had been bothering her all week - hallelujah!

Then, much to the Mini Miss K's delight, we were finally cleared to go home!!

Alas, the drama wasn't quite over.  I had rushed to the hospital on Tuesday night planning to go in to work on Wednesday.  Mom got sick, I called in for coverage, then we had to stay another night because of the misread X-rays, and Andrea told me not to worry about logging in for work on Thursday.  No shower or change of clothes, and no one ever changed the hospital bedding (Mom and I switched back and forth between the recliner chair and hospital bed).  Anyway, I felt gross and in need of a shower.  After parking in the P1 parking garage multiple times throughout the week, for the life of me, I could not remember where I'd parked, and it took me literally 15-20 minutes to find my car... while Mom was sitting in a wheelchair with a slightly moronic new employee who kept her out in the 100+ degree heat instead of watching for me from inside.  No other family members or friends were with us, and the hospital staff couldn't find a cart to help us out with transport (seriously!?), so I had several bags, my purse and backpack, Mom's crystal light, both of our phones, etc.  I was already worried about how Mom would do on the car ride and physically getting into the car and being moved in a wheelchair.  I had padding and a vomit bag and as much as I could think of ready for her, but I could NOT find my car.  It was a far walk with heavy stuff - I had no way to reach them, and I was stressed to the absolute max in that moment.  Should've used the panic button sooner.  Finally found the car, picked Mom up, helped each other freaking calm down, then returned a few calls and texts from people wondering whether we were coming home.

**That all should've been a really happy moment where we felt supported rather than rushed and flustered, and a little extra care from the hospital staff would have gone a very long way that day. At minimum, they might consider adding a Discharge Team to their absurdly long list of discoordinated teams there.**

So many little things like that throughout the week.  There was a moment during the 7PM shift change where a pretty large group of nurses were all gathered in the hallway chatting.  I came out to run upstairs and grab a water bottle from the vending machine.  Jason (one of our favorite early nurses - not assigned to us that night, but had already seen us and checked in on why we were still there and very impressively remembered my name) - he stepped out of the crowd that was full-tilt ignoring me and said, "What do you need, girlfriend!?" then went into their staff room and grabbed two water bottles for me.  It took him about 7 seconds, but the kindness and just feeling seen and cared for mattered in that moment!  Some of the nurses and nurse techs talked about me being a great caretaker for Mom and how important it is to have someone who cares about you that much; others treated me like a nuisance and put in very minimal effort in caring for Mom.  I know burnout is real, so speaking grace over all of it.  I also know most people in hospitals are hyper-alert, and they're feeling it all for better or worse.

Details matter.  Kindness matters.

And remembering where you park matters! ;-)

Well, my quiet moment for blogging was interrupted about 5x for various little things that are far more important than blogging (I'm staying at Mom and Dad's to help out for a while, doing my best to lean into Jesus and calm the hypervigilance whilst continuing to provide excellent care).  It's been a journey, and I will share more on being back home tomorrow!

❤ ❤ ❤

Wreck & Recovery Weekend Recap

In this particular case, let's start from today and then move back to the beginning.

This = Mom this morning at precisely 7:07AM (happy coincidence/God nod) just before I left the hospital to come home for work (my first remote-court workday since 7-23, thanks to the cruise and desk week!  God worked it out to be a shorter day than I'd expected, and no protest hearings for this week, which is AMAZINGLY good news for me with all that's happening outside of work!)  Okay, back to the pic - Mom's tray is all set up for her biscuits and gravy breakfast (ordered and on the way at the time), complete with her crystal light, cell phone, water, Carmex, Kleenex, and nurse call button in easy grabbing distance!!  I wanted her to be set up for success when I had to leave. ❤

Mmkay, back to the beginning.  On Friday afternoon, Kyndal Faith had her first CHA volleyball scrimmage at CCS in Norman... Heidi, who was in the CHA class of 2003 between me and Rach, is her coach for this year - fun!

Her 7th grade team has several great players, and the Mini Miss Kyndal Faith had 3 great hits in a row - she was thrilled, and we were all very proud and happy for her!!

CCS Lions - love this verse, and seeing this outside their gym made me happy.

UPDATE - (I was never at the scene, and everyone who was remembers things a little differently, but Dad got the official police report today, so I’ve updated the details here.). It was pouring rain as we left the gym, but it calmed down a bit by the time of the accident.  Mom was headed home on Douglas, going north.  There's typically a southbound traffic jam for people leaving work at Tinker Air Force Base on Douglas at that hour.  It was a bit of a blur to Mom (understandably), but a man driving a black SUV took his eyes off the road, then hit his brakes hard when he realized the car ahead of him was stopped.  The rainy weather and abrupt braking caused him to hydroplane and cut across traffic into the driver’s side doors of Mom’s car - they both ended up in the tall grass off the side of the road.

Ironically, this was her second high-impact crash in a Lexus SUV that resulted in a major cut to her knee (she evened things out, as it cut the left knee this time and the right in 2011).  She was alone in the car (just her and Jesus and the angels protecting her), but every airbag in the car deployed - front to back, driver and passenger side!!  Between the crash adrenaline and breaking one rib, she was struggling for breath in the beginning, and the airbag smoke and smell made her panic thinking the car might be on fire.  (I was heading to my house and never made it to the actual crash scene - just straight to the hospital.)  The LexusConnect SOS thing detected the airbags, and a woman came on over the speaker asking Mom if she was okay and helping keep her calm.  They alerted Rachael and dispatched the police and paramedics to the scene - thankful for all of that!  Also thankful that Rachael (driving Jace and Kyndal home) was just a few miles behind Mom and able to get to the scene pretty quickly - (Kyndal encouraged her to answer a call from an unknown number, and that was Lexus with Mom calling to say she'd been in the wreck)!  I'm glad they were there and able to get some details and photos we wouldn't otherwise have.

Rach, reaching in to comfort her when they arrived:  "Mom, I'm here!"

Mom:  "Where's Jace and Kyndal!?" lolol

Kyndal called Dad and Triston whilst Jaceman called me and Bill and Jill.  Reminiscent of 2011, the Lemieuxs arrived very quickly, and we were grateful to see them whilst we all waited as they ran x-rays and scans before we could see Mom!  They told us that no one under 18 could enter the Trauma Ward, so Rach decided to take J&K home.  (Side note: The kind nurse who walked me and Jill back said that's the rule because of the various high-level catastrophes and graphic things people might see walking through that area - which indeed was the case a little later - which made that rule make far more sense to me than any concerns over their behavior in Mom's room at their current ages!)

Mom was shivering and struggling to get warm (the fun combo of low blood pressure and shock), but otherwise in good spirits while talking with me and Jill.  ❤

At the scene, Mom walked from her car to the ambulance.  Rach thought it was a cut on her leg that would require some stiches and she might go home that night.  When Jill and I got back after the scans, they informed us that she had a small fracture on her neck/spine (C7 transverse process), along with one broken rib and a complex laceration on her leg that would require surgical debridement (very similar to her 2011 situation).  

Triston arrived just after Rach left, and he came back and talked with Mom and I for a bit.  Dad had been on a Dallas trip with his siblings that day, but he still made it to the hospital before nightfall and was there for a while in the ER with me and Mom.  Tman and Bill and Jill left soon after Dad arrived, then Dad went home when he learned I was planning to stay the night there - not sure if planning is even the right word - it was just never a question in my mind.  They gave Mom a blood transfusion before heading back for surgery because her BP had dropped to 76/47 - she immediately looked and felt so much better with that.  It was definitely a memorable ER experience.  They were very focused on the massive cut on her leg, but there was also an unbandaged cut on her hand that was actively bleeding.  Between holding her bleeding hand and helping move blankets around for her (the leg was bleeding through everything just then) - I had to wash blood off my hands at least 8x.  A kind nurse walked us back to the holding area, then we FaceTimed Rach and J&K for a bit just before Mom went back for the debridement surgery!

❤

They took my phone number down and showed me to the waiting room.  It had been a chaotic night, and it didn't occur to me to ask (or to them to mention) how long the surgery would take.  I assumed 30-45 minutes and that I'd see her within the next couple hours.

Wrong.

I was in the eerily empty waiting room by myself from 10:30-1:05am.  I called their front desk twice because no one had even given me an update and I had no way to reach anyone.  Of course, all they could tell me was she was "in the OR."  On my way back from the bathroom, I saw the Consultation Room off to the side where they take families receiving catastrophic news, and my mind was definitely playing out some worst-case scenarios.  I called Rach because I knew they were still up, and we kept each other company for a bit.  Finally, someone called to tell me Mom was in ICU recovery and would be on her way to a regular room soon - thank God!  It took a while because her cut was bigger and had more dead skin to remove than they'd expected, and her doctor had ordered an ortho consult to check for any major knee injuries (very thankful to hear that was clear).

Very thankful for God's protection here and the airbags that saved Mom's life!!  Having said that, Mom has thin skin and the airbags come out hard - it's not a great combo!  The wounds on her arm and leg and the cut on her hand are all airbag injuries... kinda crazy!

She's at OU Medical Center this time.  I'm running on low sleep after three overnight hospital stays, and I'm grateful for a short court morning where I had a chance to blog before our afternoon hearing (then I'll be headed back to Mom's room).  I saw an actual live red roach in the hospital's Sooner Cafe downstairs last night, and I believe my dramatic reaction was warranted!  (Not okay at a hospital, ever.)  Mom is in the smallest hospital room we've ever stayed in, but we're making it work.  In spite of those minor drawbacks and a couple of minor issues, I've been VERY grateful for God's timing and that I'm here and able to be with her a lot, and Mom has been in exceptionally good spirits, in spite of low-key hating the neck collar. lol  (**They said if she wears that C-collar for 4-6 weeks, the C7 fracture should heal on its own and not require surgery, which was really  fantastic news).  The OU Health Center Nursing staff has been phenomenal - truly remarkable and fantastic!  We had the same night-shift nurse 3 nights in a row, Onyi - top notch - we're very thankful for her above-and-beyond patient-centered care!!  Pic = Onyi and Jason (her day shift nurse who was also great and fun!)

I won't post the graphic photos of the initial cut here - you can tell by the bottom of this one that the knee injury is LARGE - currently covered and draining with an attached wound-vac.

Bill and Jill and Triston all came again on Saturday, along with JoBug.  We had a surprise visit from the Wallace fam yesterday morning - (Mom and I have loved the no-bake cookies from Debbie)!

Me grabbing a hallway pic with Dad and the Parrishes before they left yesterday afternoon!

This out of nowhere moment was comic relief:

The fam all going back and forth rehashing the details of Mom's car wreck...

Kyndal Faith (sitting in the corner by the mirror):  "Bro, I low-key just noticed how long my hair has gotten!!" lolol  I adore her.

Me gallivanting through the hospital during a long-awaited FaceTime call to catch up with Chet and Sarah last night!  Miss Paige Evelyn was also there! lol

And here's Mom last night using Kyndal Faith's electric blanket to stay warm -- the redhead temperature sensitivity thing is *real!* 

We had a couple fun long FaceTime calls with the Miss K, who is very concerned for Mamaw!  

All things considered, Mom is doing as well as could possibly be expected, and they're saying she may get to go home tomorrow (prayers appreciated for a smooth transition and continued recovery - it'll be a long road ahead, but the at-home setup would obviously be highly preferable!

❤ ❤ ❤