Constant Vigilance

Hey friends!  Thank you to anyone who has sincerely prayed for Mom and/or our family lately.  It has been an INTENSE week with a lot of major highs and lows.  The responsibility I feel as Mom's main caregiver is heavy, and I was reminded at LifeGroup this morning that God is with me, leading me beside still waters and restoring my soul.  In the effort to take better care of myself, I took a walk outside tonight, took multiple friends up on offers to help, and I am finally slowing down for a minute to update here with part two of our six-night OU Hospital stay!

After football practice Monday night (around 8:30), Rachael brought Kyndal, Jace, and TJ for a visit!  Mom was super tired and irritated that she was struggling to hold her eyes open, but still very glad to see them!!

Mother/daughter pic

Rachael popping Jace's back

Glove balloons + Kyndal judging them! lol

Jaceman reminding me not to take pics! lol

One of my main thoughts throughout our hospital stay was the incredible difference it makes to have nurses who care enough to be kind, compassionate, and empathetic!!  We had a few whose apathy and indifference were palpable - I could tell they were annoyed by any question I asked and by the mere fact that I was there with Mom and in their way (smallest hospital room I've ever seen).  Then we had a few who remembered my name, got to know our family, and went so above and beyond with kindness.  Little things MATTER, especially after a big and traumatic event like this.  We are all feeling some stress and overwhelm and dealing with it in different ways, but basic kindness truly goes a long way!!

Questions I wrote out for Hilary, Mom's PA... she talked about them with Mom and was also kind enough to call me that afternoon to discuss all of this, which was greatly appreciated!

I went to work Monday, Tuesday, and Friday this week.  I had a Zoom meeting with Dr. Burkhart set for Wednesday afternoon, and he sent a message needing to reschedule it (rare).  That intensified my strong feeling that I needed to be at the hospital that day, so I called Andrea that morning to have someone else cover for me at work.  She was incredibly supportive and kind and said I should've let them know earlier - very thankful for that - the main reason I didn't was having just taken off for Alaska recently.  Anyway, Mom got pretty sick that morning and needed to get up and down quickly several times, and it was a very good day for me to be there to help her out... that afternoon, she had her second wound-vac dressing change.  Excruciatingly painful, and she describes it as torture - I've been searching hard for better pain management options and mostly coming up short - it's a deep and large open wound, and they have to change the sponge covering it and the tape surrounding it twice a week for up to two months - it was brutal to watch, and I'm sure much worse to experience, and it is surprising and absurd and unfair to me that we are able to numb a tooth for a dental procedure, yet no one can manage to deaden her knee when several raw nerves are exposed - it's rough and honestly our main source of stress right now, so any pain management ideas and Spirit-led prayers are appreciated).

A rare makeup-free pic of Mom and I on what we thought was our last night in the hospital on Tuesday - we said lots of prayers together throughout the week, and I took this pic after one of them!

Even with Mom getting sick that morning (so nervous anticipating the pain that she was nauseous and threw up) - then having her wound dressing changed, they were still planning to discharge her Wednesday afternoon.  She and I walked around the hallway a couple times and she was generally doing well.  All week, she's been complaining of pain in her right shoulder (exacerbated when she uses the walker), and they finally ran X-rays about 30 minutes before we were set to leave.  I had literally packed up everything in our little hospital room (not a small amount of stuff after five nights).  Then the X-rays showed a shoulder dislocation, so they told us we would definitely be there at least one more night.  They came back in later and ran another X-ray, then a third set after that - I was very concerned by the multiple returns for more X-rays.  That all happened before 6:07 PM, and we didn't hear anything official about it until 10:15AM the next day... not okay.  The lack of clear communication and/or a clear person in charge of Mom's case was definitely a recurring frustration.  Gracious, if the Trauma Team and the Wound Care Team and the Ortho Team and the PT Team and the Occupational Therapy Team and the General Surgery Team, etc. could all please coordinate, it would've made our lives much easier!  I had to be much more assertive than usual in my advocating for Mom throughout the week, and between that and the hypervigilant state I go into in situations like this, I am fairly wrung out and exhausted on all levels.  At the same time, praying more regularly and reminding myself to lean into the daily grace of God that is enough day by day.

This = one of our nightly Facetime calls with the Miss K, always a source of joy!  She's been feeling the constant vigilance thing too lately, extra-concerned for Mamaw since seeing her bleeding and carried away via ambulance at the crash scene, and she told us on Wednesday night (8-12) that her birthday wish was for Mom to come home the next day!

We had a dramatic and relatively sleepless night where I found myself thankful that we were there surrounded by medical professionals.  When they asked about her pain level, Mom complained of minor chest pains.  She had a good and thorough nurse that took that very seriously.  So from 2:00-3:30AM, a team of nurses and doctors came in to run an EKG and take X-rays (I always had to leave the room during X-rays, and I got very familiar with the route to the 7th floor vending machines).  They finally confirmed that everything checked out normally, which we were very grateful to hear!  Anyway, around 10AM the next morning, Emily (the new PA) and Dr. Wood let us know that what they initially read as a dislocation was actually a pseudodislocation on her right shoulder - not a thing I knew existed, but it makes the shoulder look dislocated on the X-ray due to major swelling or blood accumulation caused by a traumatic event.  It still causes a tremendous amount of pain, but should heal on its own in a couple weeks without medical interference (thanks to ChatGPT for educating me on any number of things the medical staff failed to communicate clearly about through the week).  Because it was a pseudodislocation, no further procedures were needed, and we were cleared for discharge.  I asked for a consult with their Acute Pain Management team (after ChatGPT suggested their help with the wound care)... so at 10:30AM, they told us someone would come by soon to discuss that with us, and then we would be discharged.

Bill and Jill came by to see us after having lunch at Hideaway downtown.  And by 2PM, we were still waiting on the pain management or any news about discharge.  Emily came in and changed their bigger wound vac out for an at-home wound vac rental.  The tubing did not match, and there was a minor threat of them having to change the entire dressing again.  Hiiiigh alert as they changed all of that out, but they were able to completely replace the tubing without losing suction on the wound vac - thank God!!  The wound care team came to change the dressing on her two arm wounds - one of which was reopened because the nurse before used the wrong type of gauze - it bled quite a bit and made me wonder if I'd jinxed us yet again by packing up before we had official discharge papers.  Mom's nurse finally removed the IV in the back of her hand that had been bothering her all week - hallelujah!

Then, much to the Mini Miss K's delight, we were finally cleared to go home!!

Alas, the drama wasn't quite over.  I had rushed to the hospital on Tuesday night planning to go in to work on Wednesday.  Mom got sick, I called in for coverage, then we had to stay another night because of the misread X-rays, and Andrea told me not to worry about logging in for work on Thursday.  No shower or change of clothes, and no one ever changed the hospital bedding (Mom and I switched back and forth between the recliner chair and hospital bed).  Anyway, I felt gross and in need of a shower.  After parking in the P1 parking garage multiple times throughout the week, for the life of me, I could not remember where I'd parked, and it took me literally 15-20 minutes to find my car... while Mom was sitting in a wheelchair with a slightly moronic new employee who kept her out in the 100+ degree heat instead of watching for me from inside.  No other family members or friends were with us, and the hospital staff couldn't find a cart to help us out with transport (seriously!?), so I had several bags, my purse and backpack, Mom's crystal light, both of our phones, etc.  I was already worried about how Mom would do on the car ride and physically getting into the car and being moved in a wheelchair.  I had padding and a vomit bag and as much as I could think of ready for her, but I could NOT find my car.  It was a far walk with heavy stuff - I had no way to reach them, and I was stressed to the absolute max in that moment.  Should've used the panic button sooner.  Finally found the car, picked Mom up, helped each other freaking calm down, then returned a few calls and texts from people wondering whether we were coming home.

**That all should've been a really happy moment where we felt supported rather than rushed and flustered, and a little extra care from the hospital staff would have gone a very long way that day. At minimum, they might consider adding a Discharge Team to their absurdly long list of discoordinated teams there.**

So many little things like that throughout the week.  There was a moment during the 7PM shift change where a pretty large group of nurses were all gathered in the hallway chatting.  I came out to run upstairs and grab a water bottle from the vending machine.  Jason (one of our favorite early nurses - not assigned to us that night, but had already seen us and checked in on why we were still there and very impressively remembered my name) - he stepped out of the crowd that was full-tilt ignoring me and said, "What do you need, girlfriend!?" then went into their staff room and grabbed two water bottles for me.  It took him about 7 seconds, but the kindness and just feeling seen and cared for mattered in that moment!  Some of the nurses and nurse techs talked about me being a great caretaker for Mom and how important it is to have someone who cares about you that much; others treated me like a nuisance and put in very minimal effort in caring for Mom.  I know burnout is real, so speaking grace over all of it.  I also know most people in hospitals are hyper-alert, and they're feeling it all for better or worse.

Details matter.  Kindness matters.

And remembering where you park matters! ;-)

Well, my quiet moment for blogging was interrupted about 5x for various little things that are far more important than blogging (I'm staying at Mom and Dad's to help out for a while, doing my best to lean into Jesus and calm the hypervigilance whilst continuing to provide excellent care).  It's been a journey, and I will share more on being back home tomorrow!

❤ ❤ ❤