Thankful Thursday #226!

"Show us Your steadfast love, O Lord, and grant us Your salvation.  I listen carefully to what God the Lord is saying, for He speaks peace to His faithful people.  But let them not return to their foolish ways.  Surely He is ready to save those who honor Him, and His saving presence will remain in our land."  ~Psalm 85:7-9

Today, I am thanking God for:

1.  Rach passing her CPC (Certified Professional Coder) exam yesterday morning!!  She took amazing notes and studied hard for this one, and I was super happy to hear that she passed it on the first try!  

2.  Kristin's friendship and life example, and that her parents know she is in Heaven with Jesus now (she died early this morning).  Praying for her family and close circle as they process all of this.

3.  This meme from Chettles that made me laugh out loud. lol  (Also, I'm genuinely thankful for the way my identity and life dreams have grown and changed over time.)

4.  This truth.

5.  Squirrels - they're adorable and mischievous and funny. lol  But being this close to so many of them would've freaked me out!  (Dad took this pic on his park walk this morning.)

6.  Alicia!!  A California girl turned proud Texan, a graduate of Dallas Theological Seminary, and a fellow PhD student at CCU.  She celebrated her 29th birthday yesterday, so she'll have her PhD by the time she's 33!  I'm just beginning to get to know her, but I really love her vibrant energy and joy!  She has a list of 186 questions on her phone (she continually adds to it as she finds new ones), but during several of our dinners at Residency, each person would choose a number then we'd all go around answering that question - some deep, some funny, some incredibly random.  She had good book recommendations and solid Biblical wisdom during some of our group conversations, and my breakfast coffee convo with her on day one was also really encouraging - she asked me about my adoption hopes and dating history, and we had a good talk about Christian singleness and holding onto hope for marriage while moving forward with other dreams.  We lamented about how much the process of becoming an LPC varies from state to state, then she said, "What's cool is that with this degree we're getting, we'll be in a better position to lead and speak up and create change!"  And that was such an awesome reframe - to look at frustrating problems from the perspective of: How can I be a part of the solution?  Anyway, big fan of her already, and I hope she's having an awesome birth-week!

7.  Afternoon walks... sadly, I've been feeling a bit less safe and more aware of potential danger lately - hoping that subsides because I love being able to take a work-break and go for a walk around Main Street!  My last summer workday 5k included a cool-off stop midway for a small gelato at Apple Tree Chocolate! lol #yum  (My first time using ApplePay - glad to know how it works now.)

8.  Childhood videos... Rach had our old Beta and VHS videos converted to a digital format and played a few for us earlier this week... this was from our 1990 San Antonio trip with the Wallace fam!

9.  The Mini Miss K's creativity and love of games - after fam dinner on Tuesday, she made a "guess the celebrity" game for us on her phone, then screen-mirrored it to the TV! lol

10.  This reminder that life is big and wide and long, and God will open the right doors and close the wrong ones as we move forward!

Bonus:  Things that make me laugh while driving... like this pickup carrying Tiltawhirl cups on my drive to Colorado! lol

Happy Thursday, and Happy Juneteenth - (a Federal holiday, but not a State one, so we still had to work today - lame).  I love you and believe in you, and Jesus does too!!

❤❤❤

Christ-Regulated Attachment

 Three years ago, I read a fantastic book on Attachment theory (recap HERE).

For various reasons (some that I understand well and some that are likely subconscious), I developed an Anxious Attachment style... I can see it clearly in several relationships and past interactions, and I've worked hard over the past few years to become more Securely attached.  What helps me in that more than anything is being in healthy relationships with people who create a sense of safety and security.  Friends or family members who understand my story pretty well and intentionally reach out to reassure me if things feel off because I'm wrestling with insecurity/relational anxiety.  What triggers nearly-intolerable anxiety levels in me is relationships with people who are more avoidant/detached, who deliberately distance themselves when any relationship begins to feel too close, who lash out with vitriol and anger when I seek clarification or reassurance.  Knowing that about myself has been immensely helpful in choosing and prioritizing safe relationships.

In this week's session of Beth's summer Bible study, she talked about how our spiritual enemy tends to derail our relationships through detachment or entanglement.  And how the cure for that is to press into "Christ-regulated attachment," finding security and emotional stability in Jesus as we learn to have healthier relationships with others.

I loved that illustration!  It simplifies it all and aligns perfectly with Attachment Theory psychology - therapy and theology always align well at their core.  The closer we are to Jesus, the more likely we are to live from a place of secure attachment, knowing and trusting that we are loved and worthy of love.  And yes, the enemy will try to get us to pendulum swing from one extreme to the other, from feeling entangled in unhealthy dynamics - insecure and anxious and needy with low confidence... to detaching from people and being avoidant and overconfident in our ability to do life alone.

On the Detachment <--------> Entanglement spectrum, I typically lean toward Entanglement (over-striving to keep harmony; feeling emotionally wrung out and stressed over any disconnection or relational conflict).  That means I often naturally click with people who fall on the opposite side of that spectrum, and the clash of unmet needs was intense and catastrophic at times.  However, over time, I've moved closer and closer to the central mark of security in Christ, stepping away from entanglement toward deeper stability and loving others well... and part of that is due to having friends who are on the same page, stepping away from hyper-independence/detachment and into intentional love and care.

Every bit of progress we make matters.

And stepping closer to Jesus is key.

“So not only do people with a secure attachment style fare better in relationships, they also create a buffering effect, somehow managing to raise their insecure partner’s relationship satisfaction and functioning to their own high level. This is a very important finding. It means that if you're with someone secure, they nurture you into a more secure stance.”  ~Attached

The more mature and secure we become, the more we can help our friends/family members avoid the extreme ends of this spectrum.  It's a hopeful thought!  "Christ-regulated attachment" is really the perfect way to describe what every Christian should be seeking.  None of us will do things perfectly in any relationship, and we don't need to make other flawed people our standard.  Jesus is with us and for us to help regulate our messy emotions and attachment styles, case by case.  He knows the unique needs of each person and loves everyone perfectly, and growing closer to Him will naturally serve to make us more secure people with more genuine and balanced love for others!!

❤ ❤ ❤

Thunder Up, Part 2!!

Dad decided to spring for 4 tickets for last night's Thunder game (Jace and Mom were uninterested or they'd have been welcome to join us)!  Ticketmaster did their best to make it difficult, but eventually Rach succeeded in ordering four tickets at the edge of the row!  ...They had half white and half blue t-shirts for this game, and we were happy to be in a blue section!

We parked at Harkins again - not a bad walk from there!

This guy was playing Rockin' Robin, a song that makes me happy as it makes me think of You've Got Mail!

Miss K is a big fan of Jalen Williams (#8)... apparently there are two players with that same name - crazy!  Anyway, I told her to pose with him when I noticed the sign above her, and she went all out! lol

So fun!!  Congrats to the Thunder for being in the Finals for the first time (I think)... one more win and we're national champions - go Oklahoma!!

False - thank God. lol  The game was nearly 3 hours long in total, and while we did plenty of enthusiastic cheering, I'm grateful we did not stand up the entire time!

The blue light effect was kinda fun!

After me shrugging the first ten times Kyndal asked me to explain what just happened, she learned to ask Grandpa! lol  (She'd made fun of Rach for cheering so intensely, so Rach and Dad switched seats! lol)

Sitting by Kyndal Faith and hearing her commentary was super fun!  We enjoyed watching some of the crazier fans near us - and she was focused and kept me up to speed on what was happening in the game. lol

Yay for this pic, and yay for free refills on the popcorn!

Me and the Miss K (with her Dippin Dots)!

Rach being extra just to annoy Kyndal every so often. lol

It was a loud, passionate, perfectly-energized crowd, and so fun being there for their 3rd win against the Pacers!!  Thanks again, Dad!

This summer has been delightfully light where court reporting work is concerned... I took a 30-minute hearing at the juvenile center this morning, then got to hang out at home for a bit before heading to the courthouse (where we have nothing set, but I'll take a 5k walk and try to finish up my supervision paperwork).  For now, I'm blogging from home... my new Macbook cover arrived today, and I love it! ❤

I guess that's all for now.
Happy Tuesday!

❤ ❤ ❤

Weekend Update!

Happy Sunday, and Happy Father's Day to my Dad and to all the great dads I know, love, respect, and value (including but not limited to the five friends pictured below)!! ❤

I completed my video reflection for Residency this afternoon... so that means 1 credit hour down, 59 to go!! lol  I am still in the surreal first mile of this new PhD "marathon," but the start line energy and community are strong, and I'm visualizing the finish line already! ;-)

Okay, catching up on photos now... Thursday, the Fulton fam came to OKC for Sarah to get her badge for clinical rounds at the VA hospitals.  I joined them for lunch at The Collective, a food hall downtown (a first for all of us, and the food was pretty good - I had BBQ and they had fried tacos and split a Hawaiian plate)!

In spite of the brief rain, we all enjoyed the outdoor courtyard with big umbrellas over the tables... here's Kate's dancing it up to Imagine Dragons whilst I chatted with Steve and Sarah (and took pictures, clearly)! =)

Sadly, Sarah fell and had an ankle injury on Tuesday of this past week, which means she was unable to start her clinicals at the planned time in Tahlequah.  She has a follow-up surgery consult this coming Thursday, so praying for good news and answers for her there!  In the meantime, at least Kate is enjoying the scooter! lol

A good reminder for everyone who feels like they're in limbo or making painfully-slow progress...

Yay, Pom energy!! lol

Rach had dental surgery on 3 teeth this Thursday, so I sent her a couple dentist gifs. =)

She's recovering well for the most part, although we're both mildly disturbed by the idea of the cadaver-bone graft... definitely some entertaining commentary there.  Here's the ladies' side of the table at Bricktown Brewery on Friday the 13th for Mom and Dad's 44th Anniversary!!

Terrible lighting on both of these, but here's the guys - Bill, Dad, and Jace Michael!

Bill and Jill just returned from an Arizona trip where she got some great pictures while they were hiking; Mom has been busy decorating and cleaning Neal's apartment with Aisa's help while he's been in Houston over the past week; Jace is focused on his fish and watching Transformers and keeping up with his summer workouts; Miss K is in the summer volleyball league and busy planning an epic birthday party and photo shoot; Rach is recovering and enjoying the summer off (they all got season passes to Frontier City and Hurricane Harbor, formerly known as White Water) and studying for her medical coding test this coming Wednesday; and Dad is walking outside and working at SF and looking into getting tickets for one of the final Thunder games ahead!  Yay for sunshine illuminating us for this summery group pic!!  (And sad that, once again, Dad is hidden where you can't fully see him in the photo.)

We met again on Saturday for an early Father's Day dinner at BJs... this = the front of Rach's Father's Day card! lol

She also brought cookies for everyone - I had part of mine whilst watching How to Train Your Dragon after dinner! =)

I did a double-take when I saw this on Instagram - Ashley's oldest son, Corbett, got married last month!  Craziness... I've followed her blog since they were all toddlers.  Love their family and love that Chris officiated this wedding - congrats to the Campbells! ❤

My new lifegroup had our second meeting yesterday.  God keeps showing up in new ways lately!  Two new women joined us - one is in the midst of a hard medical season needing extra prayer and friend support, and the other is a trauma therapist who moved here from Texas and is interviewing with Integrated Therapy Solutions this week!!  I'm enjoying those new connections and learning new things with Jesus and being outside more this summer... on that note, I've decided to give myself one day off each week on my daily 5k goal, which puts me right on track as we start this third week of June, so YAY!! ❤

I plan to complete my supervision paperwork and get started with my candidacy hours in the week ahead!!  Now I'm off to watch Abbott Elementary, and that concludes my life update for today!  

I love you and believe the best is yet to come, and I'm confident that God will complete the good things He has begun in us and through us and for us!

❤ ❤ ❤

Therapy Takeaways

“Shame derives its power from being unspeakable.  That’s why it loves perfectionists—it’s so easy to keep us quiet.  If we cultivate enough awareness about shame to name it and speak to it, we’ve basically cut it off at the knees.  Shame hates having words wrapped around it.  If we speak shame, it begins to wither.  Just the way exposure to light was deadly for the gremlins, language and story bring light to shame and destroy it.”  ~Brene Brown, Daring Greatly

Or as Mister Rogers says, "Anything mentionable is manageable."

My year of therapy work with Emily was largely about seeing myself in a new light—creating a safe place to say the hard things and begin untangling from shame.  I think I’m just starting to feel the ripple effects of that work.

Yesterday was our last regularly-scheduled session, and we're moving to an as-needed basis now.  We've had virtual sessions every other week throughout the past year.  It's the longest I've worked with any counselor, and thus the most deeply I've trusted any counselor and the most progress I've made in any one-year period of life.  (She's a PsyD technically working as a life coach, but she's very well trained, and we dove into past, present, and future topics, so I view her as a counselor/therapist.)

Among other things, we've explored:

• Separating physical hunger cues from visual/mental/emotional food cravings
• Post-surgery hormone fluctuations and early emotional panic and overwhelm
• Shame and trauma around weight, food, and past labels
• Healthy ways to handle new attention and potential unsolicited feedback
• How to discuss nutrition and surgery with others on my terms
• Body image issues and concerns that feel shallow to me but still matter
• The restrict/binge cycle and what holistic health really looks like
• Doubting myself as a clinician, especially while working with younger kids at Restore
• Marathon training; the toxic parts of diet culture and how that has affected me
• Reframing my mindset and language to center on "taking good care of myself"
• Online dating, the burned haystack dating method, necessary boundaries
• Paying attention to my intuition, paying less attention to what everyone else wants, rebuilding self-trust!!
• Tracing where I lost self-trust; discussing the effects of toxic positivity
• Marriage and motherhood, embryo adoption, grieving past efforts that have failed there
• The doctoral program, writing a memoir book, and other meaningful life goals
• Unconventional paths to success; being willing to reassess and redefine it
• Setting good boundaries, dealing with relational conflict
• Navigating a major change in a close friendship
• The value of friendships where I truly feel safe
• Anxiety around travel, politics, relationships, and feeling uninteresting
• Changing family dynamics, ambiguous grief, future transitions
• Letting go of the idea that I have to stay in counseling forever, even if I don't enjoy it
• Freeing myself from ignorant and hurtful comments that caused shame and self-doubt
• Past and present grief, the fullness of my past rejection stories, Bells Palsy, and my heart for families dealing with medical challenges
• Speaking out loud the major shame comments that stuck in my mind (and decreasing their power over me)
• What I learned from the Mel Robbins Launch course and Let Them theory
• My core values, growing spiritually, growing as a leader, crazy church group stories and how that affects my view of IFS, challenging myself to join a new small group
• Book recommendations, potential dissertation topics, and APA vs. CACREP PhDs
• Considering the advice my 90-year-old self would give me
• Making decisions with the lens of what I would regret walking away from

Gracious, a lot happens in any given year, and the past year was particularly pivotal and transformational in my life!  I am beyond grateful for Emily's validation, gentleness, empathy, support, example, and wisdom!  Feeling seen and heard matters, and even if we only discussed some of the above one time, it's made a difference for me.  Our session yesterday was fantastic -- I shared my news about the doctoral residency trip and details of the embryo adoption match -- we celebrated all of that together and processed the new ways God is working in my heart and life.  Then we briefly discussed her dissertation topic (on finding meaning and purpose after you reach the acceptance stage of deep grief, based on Victor Frankl's book and logotherapy, which is what inspired Donald Miller's Hero on a Mission, so we talked about that too!)...  Then we went 30 minutes over time going over our original therapy goals (5) and discussing takeaways and areas where we see growth and improvement.  She said she is cheering me on and praying for me, and reminded me that I should let myself celebrate and feel joy and trust that I can handle it if things do not work out the way I'm hoping.  I'm going to collect my thoughts and write an email thanking her for helping me through the past year.  We've built a solid foundation now, and I will absolutely call her and set up a session when the next season calls for extra support or discernment.

Emily (left) with Amy and Lynda from Oak Haven

All our sessions have been virtual, but I hope to get a photo with Emily next time I have an opportunity!  Either way, I'm grateful for all the ways our therapeutic relationship has added value to my life... not the least of which was providing a solid example for me as I prepare to begin working with clients again soon!! ❤

Kudos and Clarity

A fun but cold summer swim with Jace and Kyndal last night - she's surfing on his back, in case that wasn't obvious! ;-)  The pool heater is messed up, so it took me forever to fully get in. lol  (Mom and Jace were working at Neal's apartment all afternoon, so we grabbed Firehouse Subs for our family dinner, then I joined J&K for a swim after a good chat with Dad and Rachael!)  

Kyndal "turning into a smurf" from the OKC-Thunder-blue icing on the cupcakes Dad got us! lol

Truth... communication is key!

Kudos to Carter Lee, who is doing well in all his rodeo endeavors lately!

Kudos to Mark Anthony and Chet Lee, who rode 68.8 miles last weekend in the Tulsa Tough bike race!!  Very impressive!  Chettles prayed hard for rain and lightning to cancel the race, but God gave him super-fun memories with his good friend instead! lol  For real, though, I'm getting sad that the Shoemaker fam will be moving soon!

Some bike gifs from one of my fav SC episodes. =)

Kudos to Lindsay Jane, who is living it up on an amazing trip to Monte-Carlo!!  Also, her fitness dedication is inspiring, and I applaud her for all the effort she's put into it!

Kudos to Lindsay Ferrier for leaving an abusive marriage and sharing her story (HERE).  She's a great writer, and I've learned a lot from her courage over the past year!

This feels true.

And kudos to me for doing well on my June/July goals so far!  I'm loving reading one chapter in a physical Bible every day - I've done so much listening lately that it's nice to connect with reading the real words on a page!  Daily vegetables - a natural given for so many people, but setting that goal has legitimately changed my meal choices several times to make sure I'm working in some vegetables, like making a small salad every time I went through the CCU food court!  And a daily 5k walk or run - I missed 3 days during the very rainy beginning of my Colorado trip, but I'm going to make up those 9 miles over the rest of the month.  The pic below was from June 1st.  Looking forward to walking and catching up with Kristin tonight!!)

There's a lot happening lately, but I'm excited that there is a real timeline in place that will naturally answer some of my questions and narrow my options moving forward.  I so welcome that coming clarity!  As of last week, I have officially started the PhD program.  And as of yesterday, I am awaiting clinic approval on my third (and final) embryo adoption match!  I'm in a good position, and I've done my part on all counts.  So I am praying for God's will and trusting Him to move things forward in the best direction for my future and for His glory!! ❤  Also working on finding a good LPC-Supervisor to get started on my candidacy hours and track my school time as indirect hours, but that feels like a side project at this point!

Also doing my best to stay healthy and make good choices in the meantime.

Seeing movies with other counselors is a treat... so far, it's been Inside Out 2 last summer and Thunderbolts last week, both of which included clear illustrations of mental health struggles and led to great conversations afterward!

That's all for today.  Even with all that's going on, I'm about to leave work a little early after a full day of blogging. lol  Huzzah!

❤ ❤ ❤