I’m currently going through Beth Moore’s summer Bible study, Becoming Who We Are: Losing the Imposter, Finding What’s Real. (She's offering it free on YouTube, starting HERE.) Her top goal is for the women participating in this study "To know so deeply who we are in Christ that we are unshaken no matter who denies, doubts, diminishes, or mocks it." Love that, and the first two videos have been refreshing! I feel like God brought this into my life at just the right time as He’s calling me into a new level of vision and leadership...
Beth says, “Everything about becoming who we are hinges on absorbing how we are loved by God,” backing that up with abundant Scriptural reminders that we were chosen in Him before the creation of the world, remarkably and wondrously made, that every day of our lives was recorded in His book before one came to pass. We are carried by the God who appoints our time in history and the boundaries of where we live. We are created for good works He prepared in advance, and nothing can separate us from His faithful love. ❤
She invited us to reflect on how people behave in relationships when they know they are loved versus when they feel unsure about that. I’ve experienced both sides of that spectrum very personally. When I feel confident in someone's love, I am more whole, secure, peaceful, confident, and able to give and love others well. But in relationships that spark doubt or insecurity, I’ve found myself feeling more broken, emotional, desperate, anxious, and needy (that's based on my attachment style - others might have a more fiercely independent reaction). The rejection I've endured means it usually takes me a whiiiiile to really trust people and be vulnerable with them, and when I finally get there, not everyone has handled it well. I’m so very thankful for the people in my life who have loved me well -- not perfectly, but consistently. Their love and faithfulness have helped deepen my sense of security, grow my trust and discernment, and strengthen my character and personal growth! More importantly, they have been a tangible picture of God's love and His refusal to give up on me - it's why loving others well is so important to Jesus.
My time at CCU was full of leaders I highly respect challenging me and my peers to begin viewing ourselves as leaders and practice stepping into Christian leadership more often in big and small ways. (Like rather than complaining about the counseling board's decisions and lamenting about how messy and divided the regulations are from state to state, plan to join those boards and be an active part of creating change - Alicia and I talked about that at the coffee shop that first morning, and it was a great reframe for me. I always used to roll my eyes as I listened to Judges complaining about the way things were running, knowing they were in a position to actually fix it if they tried -- so I'm gradually moving into more of a leadership role, and I have to shift the way I see myself and be ready to act with courage and character.) Ironically - aka a total God thing - my call with Chet on the way to Colorado was a good precursor to all of that, about embracing new dynamics and viewing it as a compliment when God entrusts me with more responsibility! I love when God sends a lot of things that align to create a really clear message for us - I need that level of confirmation in my life. lol
Being loved well and having a deeper understanding of God's love will always strengthen us in our calling. Jesus KNEW exactly where He came from and who He was - He had a strong sense of protective support and beloved/chosen identity. And He led well and accomplished everything God set out for Him to do because He understood what He was here for (earthly passion and purpose) and where He was going (firmly-anchored eternal hope and love for God)! In this season, I am drawn to the intersection of Godly leadership and understanding God's love. I want to grow in integrity and humility as I gradually and imperfectly start to step up and speak up more often. I also want to practice fully believing and receiving the love of God — to live from a deeply secure and healed place of being LOVED, VALUED, SEEN, and CHOSEN. Beth's study is helping me with that!
"Lord, You are my portion and my cup of blessing;You hold my future.The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;Indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance."~Psalm 16:5-6
"Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine;Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine...Watching and waiting, looking above,Filled with His goodness, lost in His love!"~Blessed Assurance, Fanny Crosby
Oswald Chambers said, "The root of all sin is the suspicion that God is not good.” I had to think about that one for a minute, but I get it. We’ve all wrestled with that suspicion sometimes. The areas where I am weakest and most in need of God's forgiveness, healing, and strength are also the areas where I am most in need of TRUTH from God's Word (a deeper understanding of it). Jim Cress wrote an article for Christian Counseling Today where he talked about a practical tool he uses with clients who are stuck in shame and feeling blocked from receiving God's love... he encourages them to write the character traits (try the top 10) that come to mind when they think about their dad or father figure, one per index card. Then they take time to reflect - knowingly or unknowingly, how many of these painful traits have I projected onto God? They work together to prayerfully replace false or limiting traits with new words that reflect who God truly is and wants to be to them. It's worth every bit of time and intentional effort to heal our relationship with God, and I’d love to offer that as an exercise with faith-based clients in the future.
Okay, shifting gears, yesterday’s verse from the Bible App was a lovely reminder. Thanks in large part to John Eldredge's teachings, the hope of Heaven is very real to me - not just vague and ethereal, but a reward I think about often and look forward to. Thanks to grief group work and my own grief experience, the searing pain of loss is also very real to me - I understand that grieving with eternal hope is still legitimately HARD and ongoing. Kristen had several great visits with friends and family during the week I was in Colorado -- I love that she had that time and was able to read/hear the many memories and words of gratitude and encouragement that are pouring in from all sides at this point! Even though I missed the window to see her again in person, I'm really thankful for our phone call a couple weeks back. It was a gift! We had a good long talk, and I prayed with her before we hung up. Her mom was there in the background and thanked me for sending the card and blanket. Kristen shared about her daily routine and the physical pain she was experiencing and the loneliness of some friends/family distancing themselves from her suffering. She also shared about growing with God and the people who had stepped up in awesome, unexpected ways and seeing subtle places where God was using her story to encourage others - she was full of faith and hope in the midst of wrestling with honest doubt and fear, and she was very kind in asking about my life and things she's seen on Facebook. It was really encouraging for both of us to talk - we planned to make it a regular thing, and I was honestly excited about that and enlisting other friends to reach out.... our talk was interrupted 3x by nurses or doctors coming in to check different vitals or bring medications. She was feeling pretty good that night but had been diagnosed with pneumonia earlier that morning, and neither of us had any idea how quickly things would shift... an infection spread, and the life-saving white blood cell donors were unable to move forward because of the pneumonia diagnosis. The day before their trip back to Oklahoma, she texted: "God is giving me a peace and looking forward to going home." I so appreciate the double meaning there. We've texted a few more times, but our planned phone call the next week never happened, as she was back and forth with fevers after being transported to Oklahoma for palliative care... it's all really sobering, and there are brutally hard realities to the process of dying from cancer. She is sleeping a lot at this point. I believe she knows that she is loved and that her life mattered, and I'm so glad and thankful that she received some tangible reminders of that in her final days!! Praying for peace, comfort, anchoring hope, grief support, and feeling surrounded by God's love for the Harriss family and their close circle today. (This paragraph grew longer than I meant for it to, but it's on my heart a lot lately.)
You are loved, valued, seen, and chosen by God.
The Lord holds your future,
And you have a beautiful inheritance!
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