The Path of Life

Rejoice always.
Pray continually.
Give thanks in all circumstances;
for this is God's will for you
in Christ Jesus.
~1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

❤

I am praying for God-given peace and clarity on “the path of life.”

I am fearful of pushing my own agenda;
If God is not in it, I do not want it.

Lately, I haven’t felt quite okay or like myself.  I am overextended, overwhelmed, resisting depression, and numbing with food.  I had a moment of clarity while watching Gladys walk down the aisle, silently hoping someone would stop her and feeling trapped by the momentum of her own decisions.  I could relate to that feeling, but I realized it is up to me -- I am not stuck, and I have full freedom of choice in every area of life.

A friend who lost her fiancé to suicide reminded me that “everything is figure-outable.”  Soon after her video, I saw that quote again -- this time from a cute cowboy mouse on Facebook.  It's a good reminder that nothing is set in stone, and God gives wisdom to those who seek Him.

(The mirror selfie is just me feeling cute in my new pink shirt. lol)

My recent sonogram suggests that another surgery would be needed if I pursue pregnancy and embryo adoption.  This pattern of high vulnerability, high expense, and deferred hope has left me feeling numb.  I meet with my doctor again on Monday to discuss next steps, but more importantly, I will be seeking God’s guidance here.  I don't believe I have ever felt the "not my will but Yours" prayer more sincerely.  I feel a reverent level of fear about pushing for my will and pressing toward single parenthood without God's blessing and favor.

I also know that letting go of the motherhood dream would create a real void in my sense of purpose, one that only God could heal and redirect.  It would be yet another quiet loss that most people would never notice, but it would profoundly impact my self-perception and daily thought patterns.  That hope has been the driving force in most of my major decisions through the past decade, so I would need God's help to face that ambiguous grief, reframe my identity, and embrace His best for me -- whatever that looks like moving forward.

Right now, I feel disconnected, hesitant, and uncertain about all of it -- pursuing adoption, a counseling career, the doctoral path, and/or a future move.  Some of this may be spiritual warfare, but it has all reached a point where I cannot ignore it or keep going at this pace.  I need to be intentional in my prayers, and I need to take action and make some big decisions in the near future.

This was another great and timely reminder for me...

My deepest desires remain the same:

To be strong & healthy in mind, body, soul, and spirit
To live in alignment with God’s heart
To lead others with peace and purpose
To leave a meaningful legacy

The method and plan may shift, but those goals will stand firm.  I may have unintentionally veered off course latey, so I will be praying for God to clarify the path of life and the race He has marked out for me.

Not seeking advice for now, but Spirit-led prayers are appreciated.

❤ ❤ ❤

Photo Friday!

Happy Friday, friends and fam!  I hope it's been a good week!  I decided to throw in a quick blog update in these final moments tonight.  God's kindness has continued to shine in a way that makes me feel grateful, as our Wednesday-Friday jury trial settled, so I had some extra time to devote to homework and counseling paperwork and transcripts!

In addition to that, Chettles asked on Sunday if I "had to" be back at work on Tuesday... and since we had nothing set, I promptly decided to take it as a recovery day from my trip. lol  (Which honestly was needed and helpful, but I'll cover that in the next post.)

After unpacking on Monday night, I made a Tulsa trip to join Chet and Karli and Teresa for the 11am showing of Downton Abbey: The Grand Finale!  Thanks to Chet and Karli for the movie ticket, and it was great getting to see all of them again, as it had been over a month, which is a rarity that I do not care to repeat.

Our pic by the movie poster that you can barely see. =)

This was after our lunch at Mission BBQ... I was happy that Teresa and Karli both randomly wore pink that day too! =)

The movie was pretty great... lots of memories with this series (starting with K-Lamb and TLT back in the day), and I'm happy that they ended it well!

I love a comeback story and I love strong female characters... most improved character goes to Lady Edith!

Panera dinner before movie #1 in 2019 + Pic outside the theater after movie #2 in 2022!  It makes me happy that I've seen all of them with the Wilsons!

Truth:

The Doubletree by the DFW airport gets a 7 out of 10 rating from me - I appreciated the complimentary cookies and shuttle ride to the airport, but the hotel itself was pretty meh.  The Embassy Suites in Frisco (pic below) gets a 9 out of 10, as I very much enjoyed my stay there!  (Only Vegas or NYC hotels can merit a 10 out of 10 in my book for a fantastic view. lol)

Surreal that I was watching Leslie perform live in NYC less than a week ago!!

The marketing genius of T-Swift continues.  She's doing a movie "release party" for one weekend only for her new album dropping October 3rd.  I hopped over to the Regal app to claim my seat 30 minutes after she made that announcement, and the theater was already half full. lol  Kristin sent me the Sugar Llamas ad, and I will gladly enjoy some Swiftie-style mini donuts! =)

Top right = the FB ad that caught my attention while they knew I was in Dallas.  Didn't take me long to decide to go... not quite as good as the one in Branson, but I enjoyed it and learned a couple new things (Like that "RMS" Titanic = Royal Mail Ship because in addition to holding over 2000 passengers, they were carrying loads of cargo across the ocean.)

Kristin with Hope and Miles at Evergreen's Pastries with Parents breakfast! ❤

My current workplace, the Cleveland County Courthouse!  I'm honestly very grateful to be there!!

Our deputies and the metal detector (I get to pass by it since I'm a courthouse employee).  This was a photo posted by the county on FB.

This = my phone notes from Mel's podcast today.  It was a very well-timed reminder for me!

Let them be confused, and let me be clear...

More on that coming right up.

I love you and believe in you, and I believe God is with you and for you today!

❤ ❤ ❤

Nostalgic New York

And now, as promised, my NYC collages.  It still comes in 2nd to Vegas, but New York has really grown on me!! Looking back, I am grateful for lots of good memories here from very different seasons of my life…

1998 Fam Vacation ~ After Rachael’s 6th Grade class trip to Washington D.C., we made a family road trip that included a stop in NYC… visiting Rupert’s Deli (famous on David Letterman then) and Time’s Square + taking a starlight ferry cruise to see the Statue of Liberty were the highlights!!  

2005 Side Trip with Joshua Michael and Holly Dei ~ While visiting Holly at Yale University, we took the train from New Haven to Grand Central Station and spent a day in NYC!  Highlights were seeing Mamma Mia on Broadway, singing while running to catch the train back, and going to the top of the Empire State Building! 

2010 Christmas Trip with Chet Lee and Malori Riah ~ technically late November, but the big tree was up!  Malori got sick and the city felt very aggressive and overstimulating to me that year, but highlights were seeing the famous Christmas tree, Chet meeting Holly, and my first visit to Central Park!  And the Broadway play with the lion headbands. lol

2017 Post-Niagara Falls Trip with Mom & Dad + Bill & Jill ~ Redemption for the Big Apple! Touring the five boroughs with Tom Orzo was fantastic and really helped me see it all in a new light - loved everything about that day! Other highlights were Junior’s dinner, Central Park, our lunch cruise, Levain Bakery, and our Uber driver named Seamus!

2025 New Years Trip with Triston Michael ~ Taking my oldest nephew to see several fun places there… highlights included seeing Wicked on Broadway, Serendipity 3, the Christmas tree again, and finally touring the 9/11 Memorial Museum… highly recommend!!

And finally, September 13, 2025 ~ a solo adventure because it was on my “Life List” to see Hamilton on Broadway, and what better time than while Leslie Odom Jr. is back for the 10-year anniversary run!?  Highlights were having box seats to see a truly phenomenal Hamilton cast, trying Anita Gelato - yum, randomly buying a fun painting of my fav spot in Central Park, and grabbing Junior’s cheesecake to go!

I have some ideas for trip #7 eventually, but first, I'm hoping for another trip to Disney, Vegas, and possibly Hawaii! =)

In other news, yesterday was Katelyn Marie's 40th birthday, so HBD to her!! ❤

Make it a great week ahead!

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Ready to Face Whatever's Awaiting Me in NYC

"Look around, look around at how lucky we are to be alive right now!!"

"Plannin' for the future, see him now as he stands 

On the bow of a ship, headed for a new land:

In New York, you can be a new man!"

"Lookin' at the rolling fields, 

I can't believe that we are free!

Ready to face whatever's awaiting me in NYC!"

"These New York City streets get colder; I shoulder

Every burden, every disadvantage I have learned to manage...
When you're livin' on your knees, you RISE UP!"

"Like I said, you're free to go, but look around, look around:

The Revolution's happening in New York!"

"History is happening in Manhattan, and we just happen to be

In the greatest city in the world...

THE GREATEST CITY IN THE WORRRLD!"

"After the war, I went back to New York.

A-After the war, I went back to New York!"

"I am the one thing in life I can control.

I am inimitable; I am an original.

I'm not falling behind or running late.

I'm not standing still; I am lying in wait..."

"I just got home, and now I'm headed up to New York...

Headed to New York, headed to New York!"

"Can I show you what I'm proudest of?

I established the private orphanage in New York City."

"I'm the oldest and the wittiest,

and the gossip in New York City is insidious...."

"He's very attractive in the north, New Yorkers like his chances!"

Okaaay, now for the real trip recap, complete with loads of examples of God's kindness, which I'll count as I go...

Judge randomly gave Doris and I the afternoon off on Friday (1), so I was able to pack and head out in time to beat the 5 o'clock traffic.  I made the drive straight from Moore to the Doubletree by the DFW airport with no issues or major traffic problems (2).  Every reservation I made went smoothly, and they gave me 2 water bottles and 2 DoubleTree cookies as I checked in (3).  I was reminded via FB that Ed Sheeran's new album came out that day (4), which I listened to whilst riding a real Peloton bike for the very first time in the hotel's fitness center (5).  FUN!!  Ed is seriously the best... he did a live show in NYC on the 13th to celebrate the album release, so I'm happy we were there at the same time. lol  Anyway, I spent the remainder of that Friday night in Dallas enjoying my Chipotle dinner whilst watching Pitch Perfect and Harry Potter in my hotel room.  All in all, a very good day!

Didn't sleep well due to trip anxiety (I'm always afraid I won't wake up when the alarm is set at 4am), but I woke up in time to look cute before taking their free shuttle (6) to the airport at 5am.  I've always enjoyed airports, and they are especially delightful when you are traveling with only a purse and wearing slip-on tennis shoes (7).  Garth was my soundtrack at the DFW airport (he gets his own post soon bc I freaking love him), then I read and slept on the non-turbulent, very on-time flight to NYC (8).  (Months ago, the original flight time was delayed by 2 hours, so I knew I would be cutting it scary close - arriving at the airport just under one hour before the play began - and I could not afford another delay.). Thank you, Lord, that it was not a problem!

Lyft was cheaper, so I used them for my two 40-minute car rides... my first driver was deaf and the second spoke Spanish and was on the phone with a friend the whole time.  Everything was smooth and on time, and I felt safe and relaxed and not pressured to make conversation on those trips, so I'm grateful God worked all the details of that out (9).  I talked to Mom and texted with Chet on the drive (10), and we drove through some cute NYC-area neighborhoods that reminded me of The Intern and/or You've Got Mail. (11)

I arrived at 12:42 for the 1pm show... I'll take it (12)!!  This trip kinda snuck up on me, and it all felt surreal until I saw the theater and felt the full JOY of this moment! #letsfreakinggo #noragrets

The line for the restrooms were too long to bother, but there was a surprisingly short line at the merch table, so I grabbed a new zip-up HamilTEN hoodie - YAY (13)!  Then I headed up this cute little winding staircase to my box seat... it's a box for 3 people, and I assumed I would be seated with a couple, but it was a mom and daughter who were fully invested and animated and singing along to all of it, so I had a lot of fun sitting with them (14).

Start to finish, the play was everything I could've hoped for!  The crowd cheered for a solid 2 minutes when Leslie Odom Jr. stepped out to start it all off... and again after Wait for It and The Room Where It Happens.  The guy playing Hamilton (Trey Curtis, pictured left) was phenomenal - the best and strongest lead I have seen.  Same for Tamar Greene (center) who played George Washington, and of course, Leslie (right) who played Aaron Burr!  A truly excellent cast, as you would expect on Broadway, and a fantastic atmosphere in the Richard Rodgers theater - it lived up to my high expectations (15)!!  All the NYC-specific lyrics make it feel extra-special to be there!

After the play, I stood in the line hoping for a cameo for about 15 minutes, then decided I couldn't waste any more time there.  I noticed another line that had formed outside of the new-to-me Anita Gelato place, so I promptly headed over there and enjoyed some salted caramel and cookieman gelato!  It's typically impossible to find a table in any crowded NYC restaurant, but someone left just as I got my food (16), so I was able to sit down and savor it whilst reminiscing as I looked across the street at the Minskoff Theater! lol

The new hoodie I bought didn't smell great, so I popped into Sephora and remedied that by sampling their perfumes. lol  This = randomly seeing several brides gathered together... Tiffany said it's Fashion week, so it was probably related to that.  Fun!

My good friend, Travis! =)

Pink trees will always catch my eye, and when it's my favorite spot in Central Park (Bow Bridge), I had to grab it! =)

I did some Times Square shopping around, including the M&M store for cute new socks and PJ pants, and Junior's bakery for an early dinner and an oreo cheesecake to go - (to be honest, it was disappointing, and I'd go with another flavor next time)!

I found a cute little table outside and watched the crowds of Times Square whilst eating my mac and cheese and pondering how much my heart toward this city has changed through the years.  Where I would've once seen only danger and aggressive crowds, I now see so much beauty and courage.  You find what you look for, I guess, and I'm thankful my eyes and ears are more tuned to catch the goodness around me than they were back in 1998 or 2010 when I just wanted to go home.  NYC and Vegas are both overstimulating to many introverts, but I've grown to love them - I don't want to move there or anything, but it feels like I am able to find the quiet center in it all, to spot random acts of kindness and connection and zone into the faint background noise of Alicia Keys singing New York and hear that soundtrack above any chaos... and I'm grateful for that (17)!

After dining al fresco and buying my fun painting from a random street artist, I ordered the Uber to head back to the airport!  While there, I recharged my phone and edited some NYC through-the-years collages which I'll share in my next post.  Again, my flight was on time and smooth, and the pilot announced that he made record time leaving NYC, so we arrived back in Dallas 20 minutes early (18).  I slept soooo much better last night and got to sleep in till 10:45ish (19).  Then I grabbed a ShakeShack cheeseburger, checked out the Titanic Exhibit thanks to a well-placed FB ad (20), stopped by Jeni's Ice Cream and then the Stonebriar Mall for old times sake, checked into my amazing Embassy Suites room in Frisco, met with my CCU discussion group via Zoom, texted with the Shoemakers, grabbed Maggianos to-go for dinner, talked to Mom, and spent the rest of the day finishing up loads of homework just in time (21)... and now, I'm blogging whilst finishing my Maggiano's cheesecake (which made up for the Juniors one) (22) and halfway-watching Modern Family!  I rarely finish a meal in one sitting at this point... it's the desserts that I'll need to rein in when I get back home, but yay for being in vacation mode here!

My other new purchases = the HamilTEN hoodie (obvi), a cute Texas t-shirt from the DFW airport, and my NYC M&M pajama pants!!  Some fun items to commemorate this solo adventure to Dallas and NYC!  I'm proud of myself for booking this trip, for driving through Dallas repeatedly and feeling more confident and less fearful about that, 

That's all for tonight.  For the record, I'm still in the Dallas area because I have an appointment with Dallas IVF tomorrow afternoon to finally get the saline infusion sonogram that will determine whether I need another surgery.  Whatever happens tomorrow, I wanted to capture the best parts of this trip before that appointment!  I'm feeling very aware of and grateful for God's kindness right now, for my friends and family, for good food and good music and good movies and good memories, and for my ability to genuinely have fun and enjoy my own company... or better stated, the ever-present, protective, powerful, and kind company of Jesus!

"Look around, look around at how lucky we are to be alive right now!"

❤ ❤ ❤

To Give, Revive, and Restore

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy;
I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly."

~Jesus, John 10:10

• Satan's mission = To steal and kill and destroy.  
• Our mission is the opposite.

• The opposite of stealing = giving; being generous in offering our time, energy, finances, and connection.
• The opposite of killing = to revive, resurrect, and breathe new life into something or someone.
• The opposite of destruction = creation and restoration; to build up, strengthen, preserve, protect, and repair good things.

A couple months back, John Eldredge warned that the enemy would be rolling out a new wave of death and despair.  He said there would be a surge or an increase in actual physical death, but above that, the death of dreams - the  temptation to lose heart, to despair... to give up, let things go, and quietly walk away from our God-given missions and callings.

I forgot about that until his video this morning reminded me.....

It appears we are in the middle of it now.

So this is me reminding you to take heart, to stay close to God, and to be prayerful in your personal decisions - especially if you feel pulled to give up in some area!

What's happening around us right now is much bigger than clashing political parties.  There is a clash of Kingdoms, a spiritual war where our common enemy is ramping up the intensity in his global mission to steal, kill, and destroy all that is good and hopeful.  In major and minor ways, he is increasing the darkness, chaos, confusion, and despair.  And rather than cooperating with that by giving up or retreating from the fight (the pull toward that is stronger than usual right now)... our God-given role is to ENGAGE, to push forward, to shine, to be intentional in what God is uniquely calling us to do.

Where our spiritual enemy seeks to bring division, God's people are called to bring UNITY.

Wherever he is bringing death, we pray for and bring LIFE!!

He brings despair... we bring HOPE.

He brings chaos... we bring ORDER.

He brings anxiety... we pursue PEACE.

He pulls us toward sadness... we lean into JOY.

He dehumanizes... we lead with LOVE.

He brings darkness... we shine the LIGHT.

He assaults us with fear... we choose proactive FAITH.

He destroys... we RESTORE.

It's more natural for me to think big-picture when it comes to God's Kingdom, but this stuff applies to our personal lives, as well.  I have felt quietly overwhelmed and verrrry pulled to give up on everything lately... motherhood, PhD, LPC, etc.  To walk away from it all and start fresh.  Portions of that may be coming from God, but I need to be very prayerful in these decisions and recognize the layers of spiritual warfare surrounding all of it.  

We all do.

Be vigilant, friends.  Your decisions matter, and as John reminded me this morning, "There is no neutral ground."

Lord Jesus, we are under attack, and we are all tired.  You are the Lord of life, and we need Your help and strength to revive us.  Today, I bring the blood of Jesus Christ and the river of life through my mind, body, soul, and spirit to cleanse me from the demonic sting of death, from all traumatizing imagery, and from the aggressive pull toward fear and disengagement.  Death has no mastery over me, for I am united with Christ, rooted and grounded in His love.  Jesus, strengthen me for what lies ahead and show me where and how you want me to bring life, hope, and restoration.  In big and small ways, I pray that You would strengthen Your people who are called by Your name.  Show us what matters most, and remind us of the part we are called to play.  I specifically pray against the spirit of apathy and learned helplessness and passivity, the pull to disengage and disconnect and believe we are small and powerless.  Help us to understand and claim the power and authority You have given us, to walk in it with increasing strength and integrity.  I pray that we would be bold, active, and united in advancing Your Kingdom!  We have the victory in You, but we have to take action and enforce it.  In the authority of Jesus' name, Amen.

❤ ❤ ❤